


Angry Bird

by uena



Category: B.A.P
Genre: A Solid Portion Of Established Bliss, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Cheejicake we LOVE Cheejicake, Convenient Weather Phenomena, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Meddling, Slow Burn, Yoo Youngjae is an Oblivious Walnut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-04-24 15:13:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 81,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14358102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uena/pseuds/uena
Summary: Youngjae hasn't thought about Himchan in years - at least that's what he'd claim if asked, and since nobody ever asks, Youngjae doesn't have to lie. But then Himchan shows up at the coffee shop Youngjae works at, and suddenly Youngjae has to lie all the time, getting more and more annoyed by the fact that nobody ever believes him ... including Himchan, apparently. It's very stressful.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [princeyoungjaes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeyoungjaes/gifts).



> Okay, listen up folks, here are the facts:
> 
> I am a German Woman, writing about Korean Boys in English. I am pretty much bound to get some things a little wrong, and since watching a whole lot of Korean dramas doesn't make me all that confident about my grasp on the culture I shall not even attempt to land anywhere near authentic.
> 
> Thus this fic takes place in the magical realm known as "Somewhere in Europe", where people in their twenties are sufficiently affluent to open up coffee shops, and never ever have to worry about taxes and shit. (Let's say it's one of the neighbouring states of Genovia, shall we.)
> 
> This is also the first time in over a year that I've done some proper writing, so please, be merciful.

Youngjae is bored.

The early morning rush at the coffee shop is over, everything that needed cleaning up is indeed cleaned up, and thanks to Jongup’s efforts there’s not even any dust in the shelves displaying the different sized mugs.

Thus Youngjae’s draped over the counter, head resting on his palm, sighing dramatically. So. Bored.

Which is when the door opens and a customer steps in, wearing a suit and sunglasses, protecting his eyes from the spring sun. He’s tall and decidedly overdressed, looking far too expensive for the little shop’s homey atmosphere. He takes his sunglasses off, sauntering up to the counter, and Youngjae snaps to attention.

Fuck, but he knows that face. He’s known it forEVER, almost his whole life, and he’s been increasingly annoyed by it for at least half of that time.

It’s quite obvious that the face recognizes him too - despite the fact that they haven’t seen each other for about three years now. Nevertheless it stares and then breaks out into a smile, presenting Youngjae with an outrageous dimple beneath the left eye. “Jaebaby!”

God, but Youngjae loathes this man. “Himchan,” he says, voice bordering on rude and then straight up skipping into impertinent territory, “get the fuck out.”

Behind him in the kitchen area Daehyun makes a noise of scandalized horror - a noise he can only make because he never has to directly deal with the customers - and Youngjae can _feel_ Jongup pop up at the service hatch to watch.

Himchan, because he always does when Youngjae is outrageous, giggles. “Naw, I _missed_ you, babycakes. Make me a latte, will you.”

Youngjae grumbles but moves to fulfill the request, looks over his shoulder at Himchan once he’s in front of the espresso machine. “Size?”

“Large, please,” Himchan says.

He’s still smiling, and Youngjae is still annoyed. He thought moving away from home and thus the next door family would finally free him from Kim Himchan and his particular brand of bullying.

Figures he would follow him across the continent and come straight to the coffee shop Youngjae opened with his two best friends … just to look delectable in a suit and remind Youngjae that there will always, ALWAYS be assholes disturbing his peace when he’s busy minding his own business.

“You look good,” Himchan tells him at this point. “Is this a part-time job for you or -”

“I own this place,” Youngjae hisses.

Himchan looks impressed, and then smiles yet again. “I hope someone else does the baking?”

Ruin one batch of Christmas cookies and trust Himchan to never let you forget about it.

“Dae does that,” Youngjae says, acid gnawing at the words. “I do coffee.” He punctuates that statement by activating the milk frother, and it comes to life like a dragon from the netherworld, shrieking and gargling. It is a very satisfying noise, given the circumstances.

Once the latte is done Youngjae hands it to Himchan in a to-go cup, hoping he will take the hint. Of course he doesn’t. Himchan never was very perceptive. Or maybe he just doesn’t care about anyone’s wishes but his own.

Therefore he keeps standing in front of the counter, looking about himself with bright eyes, as if he’s never seen the inside of a coffee shop before.

“I like this place,” he proclaims eventually. “It’s cozy.”

“That was the plan, yes,” Youngjae deadpans. “Anything else?”

“A cookie,” Himchan says, very nearly dimpling again. “Please.”

“Chocolate or hazelnuts?”

“Both.”

“Glutton.”

Himchan smiles yet again. “Hardly.”

It’s not like Youngjae ever forgot how impossible Himchan is to talk to - what with that ever present smile, the stupid dimple, and his habit to look at Youngjae like he’s the butt of some yet untold joke - but GOD, five minutes in his presence and Youngjae already wants to kill someone, possibly himself.

Since that kind of thing is generally frowned upon, Youngjae hands Himchan his cookies on a cute little plate and gestures towards the wealth of empty seating arrangements. “Take your pick.”

Himchan tilts his head. “Come sit with me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m busy.”

“This place is empty.”

“I have to clean the espresso machine,” Youngjae lies.

Himchan actually looks disappointed. “Oh.”

Something tugs at Youngjae’s gut. Maybe because the smile is suddenly gone and this victory feels rather different from how Youngjae thought it might.

“Would you mind putting the cookies in a bag then?” Himchan asks, making that gut-tugging feeling worse by sounding vaguely guilty and awkward. “I don’t want to sit around by myself.”

“Sure,” Youngjae replies, his voice far softer than intended. “Give me a sec.”

He gets a little paper bag from under the counter, takes the plate back from Himchan and transfers the cookies, hands the bag to Himchan. “Enjoy.”

Just like that the smile is back. “Thank you. I will.” With that he turns and walks away - spins around to grin at Youngjae once he’s outside.

It makes Youngjae want to throw something.

 

“Dude!” Jongup sounds straight up delighted. “I’ve never seen you be so rude with anyone.”

He’s come out of the kitchen to sit his ass on the counter and be a nuisance while Youngjae unnecessarily cleans the espresso machine.

“Yes, well, what can I say - he’s special,” Youngjae snarls.

“I can tell,” Jongup murmurs. “What did that poor man ever do to you? He seemed nice enough.”

“Well, he’s not,” Youngjae states. “He’s an ass.”

“He used to babysit him,” Daehyun reveals, exiting the kitchen with a fresh batch of cookies. “As far as I can tell he traumatized our ‘Jaebaby’ here by first acting like the bestest big brother there could ever be, just to turn around and get all mean and evil.”

“Shut up!” Youngjae hisses at him. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“Hey, I’m basically quoting you here,” Dae points out, transferring the cookies from baking tray to cooling rack. “It’s not my fault you never gave me any details.”

“And I’ll never give you any,” Youngjae says firmly. “Can we please talk about something else now.”

“There is nothing else to talk about,” Jongup decides. “I want to know more about this Himchan person. Do you think he’ll be back?”

“Oh, definitely,” Youngjae sighs. “He’d never miss the opportunity.”


	2. Chapter 2

It turns out that Youngjae knows Himchan very well indeed. He’s back the very next day, once more just after the morning rush. This time he’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt instead of a suit, which makes Jongup first stare and then squint at him before he breaks out into one of his more adorable smiles - the kind that makes him look a little cross-eyed.

Youngjae doesn’t like it, especially since Himchan appears to be instantly charmed and smiles right back.

Horrible.

It’s almost enough to make Youngjae miss the person entering the shop in Himchan’s wake, but then again he’s neither blind nor does he tend to overlook magnificence incarnate.

“Told you this was a nice place,” Himchan says to Magnificence Incarnate, who nods and sends a wealth of shiny black hair bobbing.

“Yes, I like it.”

His voice is deep. Very deep. And he too is wearing jeans and a t-shirt - a t-shirt that teases tattooed collarbones and is so very white that it makes his skin look as if it’s _glowing_.

Youngjae doesn’t like that either, if only because Himchan isn’t allowed to know such a beautiful person.

Himchan, obviously not a mind reader, smiles when he spots Youngjae in the cookie corner. “Hello, sweetums - get over here, I want to introduce you to my friend.”

If he could, Youngjae would spit burning acid at him, but he can’t, so he follows Himchan’s instruction instead, lurches over and allows himself to smile at Himchan’s handsome friend. “Hello.”

“This is Yongguk,” Himchan informs him, “Yongguk, this is Youngjae.”

They shake hands, and then Yongguk wanders off and sits at one of the tables. Youngjae blinks after him.

“He’s the quiet kind,” Himchan informs him sheepishly. “Give it time.”

 _WHY_ , Youngjae wants to ask. Instead he reaches into the very depths of his soul for some professionalism. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Himchan says, smile instant and blinding. “Latte, two of them, large.”

Youngjae nods and takes two enormous mugs off the shelf behind the counter. “Anything sweet to go with it?”

Himchan’s smile does something weird at that point, and Youngjae pauses in his movements, stares at him. “What?”

Jongup materializes next to him, clears his throat and shoves him towards the espresso machine. “Just make the damn coffee.” He then turns to Himchan and does the cross-eyed smile again. “We have cookies with white chocolate and lemon today.”

“I would like two of those,” Himchan says, smiling back.

Not that Youngjae is still looking at him. He just _knows_.

“I’m Youngjae’s friend,” Jongup volunteers at that point, almost making Youngjae drop one of the mugs. “We opened this place together.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Himchan says, sounding so honestly delighted that Youngjae very nearly turns around to stare at him. “I’m very pleased to meet you.”

They exchange names and Youngjae starts to vibrate with impotent frustration. This is horrible. Jongup and Himchan knowing each other means that they can exchange information. Directly.

Information about how adorable Youngjae was at the tender age of four, and all the entertaining embarrassments he came up with to amuse his oh-so-cool older friend and babysitter.

Up to this day it mystifies Youngjae how his parents could ever think it would be a good idea to have an eight year old babysit a four year old, but somehow they both came out of that experiment alive.

What’s even worse, Youngjae adored Himchan as a child. Himchan was pretty much his favourite thing in the whole wide world. Youngjae would like to go back in time and give his younger self some vital information. It could prevent a whole lot of heartbreak. But then again … maybe not.

Youngjae sighs and makes the second of the two ordered lattes, then carries them over to the table Yongguk picked earlier. It’s a window seat, looking out into the yard of the old building instead of the street, overflowing with potted flowers.

Yongguk smiles at Youngjae when he puts the coffee down, murmurs his thanks and then tilts his head. “I really like it here.”

Youngjae has no idea why, but he's far too close to blushing. “Thank you.”

He’s rather aware that Jongup and Himchan are still talking to each other over by the counter, but thank god he’s got an excuse to butt in now. “Hey, stop hogging the staff, your coffee is ready!”

Himchan turns his head and looks at him, eyes bright and happy, and Youngjae lifts his nose. “Ignoring your friends is rude, Himchan.”

“Heh, yes, I know you’re sensitive about that,” Himchan grins, and LORD, Youngjae is ripe for murder.

Daehyun must sense as much, for he comes out of the kitchen with a batch of fresh muffins. Or maybe he just wants to be closer to the action. Yeah, it’s probably that.

His entrance makes Himchan’s head swivel around, and once more Jongup straight up reveals information Youngjae had rather kept private. “That’s Daehyun, this place belongs to him, too.”

Youngjae groans. At his left elbow, Yongguk starts to grin.

Jongup introduces Daehyun to Himchan, and they shake hands as well, Himchan complimenting Daehyun on his cookies, thereby weaseling his way into Daehyun’s affections.

Youngjae has no idea what he did to deserve this. He must have been some sort of evil overlord in a previous life - betrayed all his loved ones and got them arrested, that kind of thing.

Eventually Himchan appears to remember that he did not come to this coffee shop to give Youngjae prematurely grey hair. True, it takes Daehyun returning to the kitchen for him to make it over to Yongguk’s table, while Jongup takes up position behind the counter, but at that point Youngjae is grateful for anything he can get.

He watches Himchan put the plate with the cookies on the table and sit his ass down opposite of Yongguk, watches him turn his head and smile up at him. “Feel free to join us.”

“No thank you,” Youngjae says quickly, “I have to clean the -”

“I can do that,” Jongup interrupts him. Apparently he wants to die. Youngjae shoots him an evil glare Jongup simply ignores.

Himchan makes use of Youngjae being distracted by reaching out and putting his fingers around Youngjae’s wrist - gives it a gentle squeeze. “Please, don’t be like this. We haven’t seen each other in forever - I want to know how you’ve been.”

His hand is warm and so is his voice, and Youngjae can’t say no to him. He never could - which is part of the reason he resents him so much. So he pulls his wrist out of Himchan’s grasp and sits down, encounters a searching glance from Yongguk.

“Don’t feel obligated to sit with us if you’re busy.”

His earnest tone makes it pretty much impossible for Youngjae to flee; he’s doubly bound to his chair now.

“Naw, he just likes to play hard to get,” Himchan says, aggravating Youngjae with one of his more blinding smiles.

“Just drink your coffee,” Youngjae grumbles, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Himchan makes an amused noise and does as he’s told, licks milk foam off his lips. Youngjae pointedly looks out the window so he doesn’t have to see it, and catches a young man staring, frowns thunderously. Some people, seriously.

“So,” Himchan says, pulling Youngjae’s gaze back to him, “things are going well?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says firmly. “Business is good.”

Himchan looks satisfied. “I hope the same is true for everything else?”

“He’s single!” Jongup yells from behind the counter before Youngjae can say anything. Yongguk quietly laughs into his coffee while Himchan giggles, and Youngjae contemplates Jongup’s murder for the second time within five minutes.

“Good to know,” Himchan murmurs, which is an odd thing to say, as far as Youngjae is concerned. Himchan never had any interest in Youngjae’s love life - hell, he stopped having an interest in Youngjae altogether around the time Youngjae turned twelve.

The door to the shop opens, and a young family of four steps inside, freeing Youngjae from his bindings and allowing him to get up from his chair far sooner than he expected. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Himchan smiles up at him. “Talk to you later, yes?”

“Sure,” Youngjae lies. He has no intention of coming anywhere near Himchan again. His wrist is still feeling as if it was branded. He prepares two coffees to go for the moms of the family, gets the children one cookie each, and cannot help but watch Himchan and Yongguk over by the window table.

They are both sitting with their profiles to him, and it occurs to Youngjae that for all the time he’s known him, he’s never seen Himchan with one of his friends in more than passing. They look comfortable with each other, familiar even, and when Yongguk gets up to take his leave Himchan gets up as well, envelopes him in a hug.

Youngjae remembers how it feels to be hugged by Himchan. Because when Himchan hugs you, you stay hugged - for hours. Himchan’s hugs are warm and comfortable, safe. Even back when he was a kid, Himchan could make Youngjae feel sheltered.

Losing that was the worst.

Yongguk waves his goodbye and Youngjae snaps back to the present, clears his throat and grabs a rag to furiously wipe down the counter.

 

“You okay?” Dae sounds vaguely worried, and Youngjae sighs, leans against the kitchen fridge. Working hours are over, the shop is clean, and all that’s left to do is lock up and go home.

Youngjae doesn’t want to go home. His flat is nice enough, but after a day like today, he doesn’t want to be alone. It would give him too much time and room to think - to sink into the past.

“Not really,” he mutters, then immediately deflects Daehyun’s startled glance with a wave of his hand. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it.”

“What the fuck did he do to you,” Dae asks, removing Youngjae from his current position to check the fridge for the number of eggs left.

“He’s just a dick,” Youngjae grumbles. “Not worth the bother.”

When he turns his head Jongup is looking at him, gaze surprisingly sharp for someone so short-sighted. “You sure about that?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says firmly. “Trust me - I’ve known him all my life.”

Jongup’s face morphs into a neutral expression. “Okay. Then how about we talk about getting a part time worker for the morning rush? I’m tired of getting yelled at by impatient assholes.”

“So you want the part timer to get yelled at instead?” Dae asks.

Jongup nods. “Precisely.”

“Put up a notice then,” Youngjae shrugs. “I’m off guys, have a great one!”

He waves and flees before his friends get any ideas about making him unburden himself after all. Because there is nothing to unburden. All Himchan really did when they were kids was … widen his horizons. Get some friends his own age.

Quite natural, really. Youngjae is probably weird for still being so hung-up about it.


	3. Chapter 3

The problem with running your own business - a business that caters to the public and has you firmly installed behind the counter - is that there’s really nowhere you could hide from unwanted customers.

It’s another golden spring day, morning just blending into noon, and once more Himchan has made his way to the coffee shop to smile at Youngjae and ruffle his feathers. He likes to lean against the counter while Youngjae prepares him his coffee, relaxed and suave and altogether impossible to deal with - or even look at.

“Don’t you have other places you could get your coffee?” Youngjae drawls, grabbing one of the big mugs from the shelf behind the counter. “Places that might poison you by accident?”

Himchan grins and leans a little further over the counter, flutters his lashes. “Why would I go anywhere else when this is the only place that offers me your delightful face in combination with my coffee?”

Youngjae blushes. He actually, fucking, blushes. He can feel it coming up from all the way down his chest, tingling and weirdly pleasant. Pleasant! It should be anything BUT pleasant. “Shut up!”

Himchan giggles. “God, you’re cute.”

How Youngjae refrains from throwing the fucking mug at his head is beyond him. How Himchan is still grinning, still looking at him as if this interaction was the highlight of his day, is beyond him.

“Just pick a cookie and leave,” Youngjae grunts, and Himchan straightens, turns his head to take in today’s selection. “Do you have anything with peanut butter?”

They do not. Youngjae is pleased by that circumstance. “Nope.”

“Then give me one of the chocolate caramels, please. Those look great.”

Youngjae does as asked and hands Himchan the mug of latte while he’s at it. “There you go.”

“Thank you, sweetness.”

“I swear to god, I’m going to kill you,” Youngjae states. “Now get out.”

“But you gave me a proper mug,” Himchan points out. “Do you expect me to steal from you?”

Youngjae stares at the mug in Himchan’s hand. “Huh.”

Himchan chuckles in his general direction and then points to a table. “I’ll sit over there. Just in case you want to come over and have a chat.”

“Never,” Youngjae says tersely.

Himchan winks at him and walks away, and Youngjae heroically refrains from sinking his teeth into the countertop.

“He really has your number,” Jongup comments from the sidelines. “This is vastly entertaining.”

“You’re a dick,” Youngjae mutters. He would yell, but Himchan isn’t the only customer present. Therefore Youngjae is blessedly busy while Himchan drinks his coffee, and manages to look over at his table no more than six times.

One of those times he catches Himchan taking a picture of the notice Jongup put up that morning, but since he’s reasonably sure that Himchan himself has no intention to curse them with his presence any more than he already does, Youngjae decides to ignore it.

What he cannot and will not ignore is Jongup walking over to Himchan, greeting him like an old friend, and allowing Himchan to reach up and squeeze his arm.

Youngjae is aghast. He always knew Jongup to be enthusiastically traitorous, but this takes the cake.

“What are you doing?” he hisses when Jongup returns to his place behind the counter.

“Testing a theory,” Jongup replies. “Looks like I’m right.”

Youngjae stares at him. “What theory?”

“That’s a secret.”

“You just want to fuck with me.”

“That too, yes.”

Jongup grins and vanishes into the kitchen to replenish the cookie corner, and Youngjae looks over at Himchan again, flustered and fuming. Himchan catches him staring and smiles, and Youngjae barely refrains from crouching down to hide behind the counter.

This is unacceptable. As soon as they get that part timer, he’s going to take a week off. Possibly a month. A year even.


	4. Chapter 4

When Youngjae shows up to unlock the doors to the shop the next morning, a beanpole is in the way.

“Hi,” the beanpole says, “I’m here for the job.”

At second glance the beanpole turns out to be a young man. Very young. Impossibly young. Impossibly tall. He’s wearing jeans and a leather jacket to protect himself from the early morning spring air, and Youngjae wishes he too could look that effortlessly stylish. Whenever he tries to wear leather Daehyun laughs until he takes it off again.

“How old are you?” Youngjae demands to know, because he cannot possibly ask this kid how tall he is, albeit this being the numeral his brain is struggling with a lot more.

“I’m twenty-one,” the beanpole says. Then he smiles.

How someone this tall manages to be this cute is beyond Youngjae. “Come in,” he says, slain on the spot. “You can help me open up.”

Thus Junhong - or Zelo, as he likes to be called (Youngjae wisely refrained from asking why) - is already wearing an apron and learning how to handle the repertoire of machines it takes to satisfy the customers when Jongup and Daehyun show up a little later.

“You may rejoice,” Youngjae informs Jongup as he stares up at Zelo, obviously feeling somewhat inferior next to him, “he has come to be yelled at in your place.”

“I have?” Zelo asks, then shrugs. “Okay.”

“I doubt anyone is going to yell at him,” Daehyun says. “Too cute.”

“Too tall,” Jongup adds, a tad grumpily.

Youngjae is feeling deliciously avenged for a second there. Then Zelo grins, Jongup melts, and it was all for nothing.

Oh well. They can still use his help.

 

Zelo turns out to be great with customers. For one his height intimidates and confuses most people, and his babyface takes care of those who refuse to be intimidated or confused. They forgive his first-day fumblings and mistakes with a grace rarely encountered in a business frequented by the eternally sleep-deprived.

Jongup, always a fast learner, shows no hesitation or mercy when it comes to sacrificing Zelo to every single customer who has ever gotten on his nerves. There are _many_ of those.

Zelo handles them all, maybe not perfectly, but certainly with sufficient charm, and when the rush is over and Himchan strolls in at his usual hour Youngjae figures it will do their sacrificial lamb no additional harm to take his order, too.

“All yours,” Youngjae whispers into his ear - or rather the general vicinity of his ear - preparing to leg it and hide in the kitchen.

Only then Zelo looks up, looks at Himchan and _smiles_ , and Youngjae does not leg it anywhere, what with being rooted to the ground and all. “Hyung!”

Himchan clearly knows him, breaks out into his brightest smile, eye-dimple and everything. “I see you got the job!”

“Yes!” Zelo says, proudly presenting his apron. “Thank you so much for letting me know!” He rounds the counter, far too quickly on those long legs of his, and then Youngjae has to witness him leaning down and all but dissolving in one of Himchan’s glorious hugs.

“Didn’t expect that,” Jongup says next to Youngjae, appearing right out of the ground like the most annoying mushroom in existence. “Should have, really.”

“Yes,” Youngjae says dryly. Zelo was far too perfect. And he’s _still_ hugging Himchan. Youngjae clears his throat. “This is a place of business.”

Himchan gives Zelo a mighty squeeze and lets go of him. “I would like a latte, please.”

“Yes, hyung.”

“Forget it, I’m making it,” Youngjae says, barely refraining from hissing.

Himchan beams at him. “Thank you.”

“Zelo, come with me, I want to show you how to order stuff,” Jongup says, firmly leading Zelo away by the arm, while Youngjae all but breaks the espresso machine.

Himchan leans against the counter, apparently blind and deaf to Youngjae’s mood. “Is he doing good?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says grudgingly. “Very.”

“I’m glad.”

There’s a bout of silence, followed by the eldritch dragon noises of the milk foamer, then Youngjae simply cannot take it anymore. “How do you know him?”

“Oh, he’s one of Yongguk’s friends.”

That makes it better, for some reason, makes the weird pressure on Youngjae’s chest ease up. “Are they very close?”

“Like brothers,” Himchan says. He’s looking at Youngjae a little strange now. There’s a lot of fondness in his gaze, but something else, too. Something that makes Youngjae go warm. He clears his throat and hands Himchan his latte in the usual oversized mug, watches him wrap his fingers around the handle.

“He’s a good kid,” Himchan says, looking into Youngjae’s eyes. “I’m glad you gave him the job.”

“We’ll take good care of him,” Youngjae promises. He has no idea why. Nor has he the slightest inkling when this situation took a turn for the sincere. They’re just making coffee here, for crying out loud, not training an army to defeat the Huns.

Nevertheless Himchan smiles at him, apparently grateful for this promise, and Youngjae starts to feel … expectant. Of what he’s not sure, but it’s a nice kind of anticipation, entirely devoid of dread.

Weird.

Himchan remains hovering in front of the counter instead of taking off with his coffee, and Youngjae remembers that their usual transaction isn’t quite over yet.

“We have peanut butter cookies today.”

Himchan looks adequately gratified, and Youngjae refrains from sharing the fact that Daehyun made those cookies especially for Himchan because JONGUP TOLD HIM TO. Whatever Jongup is hatching is clearly evil and needs to be tossed out of the tree directly after breaking out of its egg. Youngjae cannot believe that he’s managed to infect Daehyun of all people with his treachery. He always used to be so loyal.

Youngjae hands Himchan a cookie, watches him eat it - STILL standing in front of the counter - and only realizes that his focus is somewhat off when Himchan licks his lips. “These are good. My compliments to the chef.”

Youngjae blushes. “I’ll tell him.”

Himchan winks at him and takes a sip of his coffee, and Youngjae would really like him to go away now. Having the counter between them is nice and all, but it’s just not _enough_. Youngjae liked it better when it was most of the continent.

He’s saved by a wave of customers entering the shop, which finally causes Himchan to step away and install himself at one of the window tables. He places himself facing the counter, keeps glancing at Youngjae, and somehow manages not to look like a creep in the process.

Zelo, returned from the kitchen (and whatever Jongup chose to do to him out of sight), helps Youngjae with the coffee orders, friendly and efficient - just to lean over once they’re done and direct a pair of startlingly candid eyes at Youngjae. “You’re the one Himchan hyung used to babysit?”

Youngjae wants to deny it, just to ward off any further questions, but somehow he cannot bring himself to lie to the beanpole. “Yes, that’s me.”

Zelo beams. “Aw, no wonder he’s so happy recently.”

“Yes,” Youngjae grunts. No wonder. It must have been so boring for Himchan without Youngjae around to annoy. He’s so lucky to have found his way to this coffee shop.

Youngjae sighs, sells a paper bag full of cookies and sighs some more. And then the wave of customers spills back out into the spring sun, and Himchan gets up from his table, brings his empty mug up to the counter. “This was a very good coffee.”

“Yes, well, what can I say,” Youngjae drawls, “it’s my job.”

Himchan smiles at him. “You’re very good at it.”

“Of course I am,” Youngjae huffs, flustered despite his best effort.

“Let me know if you ever need anything.”

“Eh, we have Zelo now, I think we’re good.”

“Not quite what I meant, but I’m glad to hear it.” Himchan smiles and turns away, leaving Youngjae alone with his confusion. “See you tomorrow, snuggles.”

Oh, but Youngjae HATES HIM.


	5. Chapter 5

Spring really goes to work during the next few days, and Himchan makes the best of it. He comes to the coffee shop every single day, clad in jeans and increasingly ridiculous t-shirts.

Youngjae wouldn’t mind so much if his arrival didn’t come accompanied by a hug for Zelo every single time. And no, he’s not jealous. He’s bitter. It’s different.

Today Himchan has decided to put on a t-shirt that proclaims him to be the World’s Biggest Teddy Bear, and even that cannot distract from the fact that his jeans consist of more holes than fabric. He has achieved a quota that would make Jongup jealous, and that’s saying something.

“You look ridiculous,” Youngjae informs him, already turning to make him his latte, “and those jeans are indecent.”

“I was informed my thighs look juicy in them,” Himchan counters. “Just so you know.” What Youngjae wants to know is who informed Himchan of that indisputable fact, but he’d rather kill himself than ask. “You look cute today,” Himchan goes on to say. “I like that cardy.”

It is a nice cardy, soft and oversized, and Youngjae likes it too - still no excuse for Himchan to call him cute. He lifts his nose in the air. “I am not cute.”

“Oh please,” Himchan says. “I want to sit out in the courtyard. Why are there no chairs?”

“Because it’s tiny and full of potted plants, and Daehyun will kill you if you disturb his arrangement.”

Himchan honest to god pouts. “But it looks so inviting.”

“That’s the point.”

“That’s _teasing_.”

“Well, I’m good at that.”

Himchan’s expression flickers, and then he scrunches up his nose and the dimple comes out, and WHY DID YOUNGJAE HAVE TO SAY THAT.

“You really are, sugarplum.”

“That’s it, I refuse to serve you, get out.”

Himchan giggles, as if Youngjae wasn’t terminally serious, and Jongup appears on the scene, smiling, to do his evil deed of the day. “Oh hi, Himchan.”

Whereupon they hug. Youngjae can’t say how it happens, despite the fact that he cannot make himself look away. One moment Jongup is standing in front of Himchan, quite inoffensively. Then he moves _closer_. Himchan looks surprised by this development, just for a second, then simply shrugs it off. He lifts his arms, allowing Jongup to dive in and bask in the glory of his embrace. And Jongup isn’t even a hugger. This is preposterous.

Youngjae stares at them, and he starts to feel cold, despite his nice cardy. He averts his eyes, turns away to make Himchan his coffee. The milk foamer sounds a little sad as it fills the air with shrill gargling noises.

“I like those jeans,” Youngjae hears Jongup say. “Where did you get them?”

Youngjae puts the mug of coffee on the counter and turns away before he has to witness Jongup actually fingering the tears in Himchan’s horrible jeans, or whatever else they might come up with to torture him. “I need some fresh air.”

He walks into the kitchen and through it, ignoring Daehyun’s inquisitive noises … pushes through the back exit out into a cobbled back street, sprouting weeds. It’s mostly lying in shadow at this time of the day, the spring sun merely brushing the opposite wall. There’s no-one around except for some birds and a very annoying bee, buzzing loud enough to drown out the sounds of traffic in the distance, and Youngjae performs a neat little turn, leans against a cool spot of wall right next to the door, closes his eyes.

Fuck. He’s feeling miserable when he really shouldn’t. Jongup has always enjoyed pushing his buttons, and he doesn’t mean anything by it - is actually surprisingly sensitive behind his devil may care aura. Youngjae _knows_ this. He’s not even angry. He’s just … frustrated. So. Very. Frustrated.

The kitchen door opens right next to him, and Youngjae sighs from the depths of his soul. It was probably inevitable that someone came out to check on him - his exit was rather dramatic after all. Still he doesn’t expect the voice asking him if he’s okay.

“You’re a bit pale,” Himchan tells him, sounding far too worried. “Do you need me to do anything?”

Youngjae hasn’t opened his eyes yet, but he can tell that Himchan is close, because Himchan is warm, and he smells like home. It has been so very long since Himchan last hugged him, but Youngjae still remembers.

“Youngjae?” Himchan says, again far too worried, and Youngjae just … turns. He turns towards Himchan, turns into the embrace he knows is waiting for him.

Himchan’s arms come up with heart-wrenching implicitness, and then he’s holding Youngjae, safe and warm. Youngjae keeps his eyes closed, because if he cannot see it happening, it isn’t real. He’s feeling conflicted enough about this as it is - he doesn’t need the visual input.

Himchan doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask any questions, he just holds Youngjae. He strokes his hands over Youngjae’s back, allows Youngjae to press his face to his neck without complaining, and when Youngjae takes a deep, shuddering breath, Himchan’s right hands strokes up to his nape, gives it a gentle squeeze.

God, but this feels good. It’s a piece of Youngjae’s childhood, a last bastion of innocence and naiveté, and at the same time just plain old … nice. The way it always has been.

Youngjae pushes out of Himchan’s embrace, finally opens his eyes. “I need to get back to work.”

Himchan just looks at him, and Youngjae looks back. It should be impossible for Himchan to glean any information at all from the eye-contact, because Youngjae will be damned if he has the slightest idea how he feels about this.

“Go ahead,” Himchan says eventually, indicating the door.

Youngjae clears his throat. “You’re not coming?”

“No, I need to get going myself.” He gives Youngjae a little smile, far softer than any he’s shown him since he’s sauntered back into his life. “I hope you’ll feel better soon, Youngjae.”

With that he turns and leaves, walking in the middle of the cobbled road, the spring sun playing over the teddy bear on his back. It occurs to Youngjae that he’s never even asked Himchan what he’s doing nowadays, and for the first time he’s feeling a bit bad about that.

 

“Himchan hyung?” Zelo says absent-mindedly, spreading a more or less even layer of icing on a hapless collection of cookies while Daehyun looks on with a professional but tolerant eye.

Youngjae is leaning against the fridge, watching him, vaguely wondering when Zelo was upgraded to kitchen staff. Daehyun must really like him an awful lot to trust him with the piping bag.

“He’s a civil rights lawyer, like Yongguk hyung,“ Zelo answers eventually, awfully close to sticking out his tongue in concentration. “That’s how they met.”

Daehyun makes impressed noises and steals a cookie, shoves it whole into his mouth. “Cool.”

It belatedly reminds Youngjae of his parents informing him of Himchan being accepted to law school - so different from their own offspring and his coffee shop ambitions - and he grumbles. “Typical.”

But at least it explains the suit Himchan wore on the first day they met. It wouldn’t really surprise Youngjae to learn that Himchan wears his collection of outrageous shirts in meetings with his clients, but _probably_ not.

Zelo looks at Youngjae from the corner of his eye. “You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t want to know.”

“Okay.” Zelo looks decidedly neutral about Youngjae’s lack of interest in their mutual hyung, and Youngjae is glad. He really likes the kid; he doesn’t want this to become an issue. “I’m glad he could make you feel better earlier.”

Now Zelo looks downright devious, and Youngjae realizes that he’s allowed him far too much time in Jongup’s company. SUCH a bad influence.

Thus Youngjae leaves the kitchen to lay his complaints at the right door, just to find Jongup busy behind the counter, serving a little queue. He hurries to help, makes coffee and sells cookies, and accepts Jongup’s elbow ramming into his person as a form of punishment.

“What were you doing in there?”

“Daehyun is teaching Zelo how to ice cookies.”

“What the hell for?”

“I don’t know!”

They both sigh, because heaven knows that Daehyun doesn’t like to be alone for any stretch of time, and will probably continue to hog Zelo despite the fact that he doesn’t really need help in the kitchen.

“We should get him a puppy,” Jongup mutters.

“A dog? In the kitchen?” Youngjae drawls. “I don’t think so.”

Jongup suddenly turns, faces him head-on. “What was going on with you earlier?”

Youngjae can’t help it, he blushes. “Nothing. Just feeling a bit under the weather.”

“Sure.” Jongup squints at him. “Do you hate it that much when he comes in?”

Yes and No, and It’s Complicated, and That’s not Really it, are all things Youngjae doesn’t say. “That wasn’t the issue.”

Jongup’s gaze is suddenly very sharp. “What was it then?”

Youngjae clears his throat, starts to wipe down the counter, finds a dried drop of spilled coffee to work away at. “Nothing.”

“I see,” Jongup says, sounding entirely too satisfied.

And then there are customers, and they don’t talk about it again until closing time, and Youngjae goes home, knowing he’s screwed. Not because of Jongup. He can handle Jongup. No. It’s Himchan … it’s always Himchan.

Youngjae can _still_ feel that hug.


	6. Chapter 6

Youngjae is nervous all morning on the following day. He knows Himchan will come back to the shop today, because he always does, and after yesterday’s hug he may expect … something. From Youngjae.

That something likely being more hugs. Never mind that Youngjae still hasn’t gotten the childhood hugs out of his system, the endless cuddling and snuggling and generally being all over Himchan whenever he was around, which was ALL THE TIME.

Yesterday’s hug, while good, didn’t even come close to those memories, was over far too quickly. Thank god. Youngjae refuses to let himself be drawn in again. He felt so lost when Himchan turned away from him the last time, so _hurt_. Never again.

So of course his pulse quickens as soon as Himchan appears outside the shop, his stomach does a funny little flip when he comes in, and his face does something utterly outrageous when Himchan smiles at him - it smiles back.

“Naw, you’re putting the spring sun to shame, my muffin.”

And just like that Youngjae’s face is doing what it’s supposed to do, which is frown. Heavily. “Shut up.”

“You’re a delight,” Himchan informs him, walking up to the counter in a manner Youngjae would describe as lazily predatory if he absolutely had to. He’s wearing a pink Hello Kitty t-shirt. “I trust you’re feeling better today?”

He sounds earnestly concerned, and Youngjae sighs. “Yes, Himchan. I’m fine.”

“You know, sometimes I’m missing the days when you used to call me hyung, but I think I actually like this better. I would like an iced coffee, please.”

Youngjae pauses in the act of reaching for one of the larger mugs and looks at Himchan over his shoulder. “What, no latte?”

“No, I’m craving something cold and sweet today.”

There’s a horrible pause after that statement, and Youngjae glares at Himchan, daring him to say anything, anything at ALL -

“Like you.”

Youngjae groans. Then the door to the kitchen opens, and Zelo steps out, carrying a baking tray of still warm cookies. “Hyung!”

Himchan smiles at him and steps closer to inspect the cookies. “What have you got there?”

“Daehyun made shortbread.”

“Oh god, I want a whole bag.”

“You’ll have to wait for it to cool down a bit though.”

“Not a problem. Yongguk knows not to expect me back too soon when I come here.”

“You should bring him,” Zelo says, transferring the cookies onto the cooling rack Jongup INSISTED to be put in the shop area. (One, to make it smell delicious, and two, to prevent Daehyun from eating the entire batch in one go.) “He doesn’t get out of the office enough.”

Himchan sighs. “Trust me, I know. I’m making him sit out on the terrace as often as I can though. I think he likes that.”

Youngjae listens to them talk about Yongguk as if he was some kind of benevolent cave troll and then vanishes into the kitchen, comes back with a little bag of rocky road cookies, hands them to Himchan. “Here. Give those to Yongguk and tell him he can only have more if he comes here and gets them himself.”

Himchan blinks at him, then grins. “You’re very confident in those cookies, yes?”

“They’re like crack,” Youngjae says. “Don’t you dare eat them yourself.”

“I would never,” Himchan says, amusement heavy in his voice. “You’re very sweet for trying to lure Yongguk out, thank you.”

Youngjae doesn’t know what to say to that, mostly because Himchan’s expression is downright tender, and this situation is far from what Youngjae would deem ideal. But at least Zelo and Himchan didn’t hug. Big plus.

He makes Himchan his iced coffee, doesn’t try to stop Zelo when he gives him both extra ice cream AND extra whipped cream and looks on in defeated apathy when Jongup shows up and crowns the whole thing with shortbread crumble.

“I love you guys,” Himchan says happily, admiring the result. “A whole damn lot.”

He carefully transfers his treat to one of the tables, sits down, and all but kisses Jongup when he brings him a spoon. Youngjae sighs. At this rate he’ll never be rid of him.

“It’s like your sole purpose in life is to make him come back,” he grumbles at Jongup when he returns to the counter.

Jongup shrugs. “Right now it kind of is.”

“Why? What did I ever do to you?”

“Nothing but good, my friend. Consider this my way of paying you back.”

“It’s nice having him here,” Zelo joins their whispered conversation, reminding Youngjae that he really needs to be more careful with him around. “He makes the place feel like home.”

Jongup snorts. “Yes, I imagine it does - although our Jaebaby here would know best.”

Youngjae glares at him. “It’s been twelve years!”

“And yet you’re nowhere near over it,” Jongup deadpans.

Youngjae feels severely tempted to slap him, and Zelo takes up position between them as if he _knows_. How the kid is already this firmly integrated in their dynamic baffles the mind.

Youngjae also wonders what Himchan has told him - hell, what he’s told Yongguk. Because Zelo sure acts as if he knows far too much, and Youngjae has no idea how to feel about that. He looks over at Himchan, just to see him lick a dollop of cream off his spoon, and damn it all to hell, Himchan actually has an audience outside the shop AGAIN.

The NERVE of some people.

Youngjae grunts and marches over to Himchan’s table, glaring at the two women standing next to the window, and then he sits his ass down with his back to them, more or less blocking Himchan from view.

“Well, this is new,” Himchan says, obviously and infinitely pleased. “What has come over you?”

Youngjae crosses his arms in front of his chest. “My legs are tired.”

Himchan giggles. “You are aware that most customers come back with such wonderful regularity because you’re pretty much running a Coffee Prince here, yes?”

“That, and the coffee is great,” Youngjae growls. “So what? You’re not part of the staff, you’re not here to provide a service.”

“But maybe I want to,” Himchan purrs, licking cream off his spoon again. Good Lord in HEAVEN, Youngjae couldn’t blush any harder if he tried.

“Shut up!”

Himchan laughs, but _gently_ , making Youngjae feel all kinds of weird. It’s just so very _Himchan_ \- flirting with Youngjae just to see him squirm. Bastard.

“I don’t know why I bother,” Youngjae huffs, and Himchan tilts his head, mouth curving ever so softly. “It’s because you care, darling.”

His earnest tone takes Youngjae’s breath away, both in outrage and something else entirely, and when he moves to stand up and flee the scene, Himchan reaches out and curls his fingers around his wrist, keeping him in place with almost nonexistent pressure.

“Stay, just a moment longer ... please.”

So Youngjae stays seated, his belly feeling all hot and knotted up as he watches Himchan spoon up his iced coffee, and has absolutely no idea what to say. Nevertheless the silence between them is far from uncomfortable, which should be _impossible_.

“I care too, you know,” Himchan says eventually, pushing his empty coffee receptacle away. “A lot.”

Youngjae scoffs. “Oh please.”

Himchan smiles at him. “What do you think I’m coming here for?”

“To torture me, obviously.”

“Yes,” Himchan grins, “that too. But only because you like it so much.”

Again Youngjae’s face betrays him and smiles. “You’re horrible.”

Himchan reaches out and pokes his index finger into Youngjae’s cheek. “Always have been.” He leaves his hand up, fingertip just brushing Youngjae’s skin, and it feels … nice. Familiar. Endlessly tempting.

“Don’t touch me,” Youngjae grunts.

So Himchan drops his hand, expression soft and unreadable, far from disappointed. “Whatever you want, Jaebaby.”


	7. Chapter 7

Just when Youngjae has accepted the inevitability of Himchan’s daily return to the coffee shop, Himchan adds insult to injury by not showing up.

His usual arrival window comes and goes, yielding no Himchan whatsoever, and Youngjae … feels a certain type of way about that. He wonders if it’s by design - if Himchan is aware that he’s made Youngjae get used to his presence again, that he’s expected now, that this deviation from the norm is unpleasant ... If only because it makes Youngjae anticipate something Other than the daily purchase of coffee. Whatever the fuck that might be.

“Don’t make that face,” Jongup tells him around lunchtime. “He might yet show up.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Youngjae lies. “And if I did I would tell you that I’m HAPPY he hasn’t come.”

Jongup makes an unimpressed face, obviously about to say something outrageous, but Zelo forestalls him, “Why?”

He sounds so honestly confused and innocent that it takes Youngjae several seconds to recover. “I just don’t like him,” he mumbles eventually.

Zelo looks at him for an endless moment, then he turns his head, looks at Jongup instead. “Wow, you were so right.”

Jongup nods. “Told you.”

“Told him what?” Youngjae shrieks. “What nonsense are you teaching the child?”

“Common sense,” Jongup deadpans. Then the door to the shop opens, and he smiles in welcome, makes Youngjae’s head whip around.

It’s not Himchan. It’s Yongguk, looking impossibly pretty - hair all wavy and shiny; white shirt the kind of soft, floaty fabric that hugs the shoulders and then drapes elegantly everywhere else; jeans ripped and exposing his ankles.

Youngjae can’t help himself, he likes looking at Yongguk. Seeing him without Himchan nevertheless feels weird. Because crane his neck as he might, Himchan is still nowhere to be seen.

“He can’t come today,” Yongguk informs Youngjae as soon as he’s reached the counter. “We have a new case that took him out of the office.”

Yongguk’s voice is once again very deep, and he sounds very apologetic, and Youngjae has no idea how to reply to this. The usual snark just wouldn’t be appropriate - not with Yongguk.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says, voice a little hoarse. He swears he can hear Jongup snicker somewhere to his right.

Yongguk smiles at him. “Now I would like to purchase some cookies, please.”

“Daehyun didn’t make rocky road today, hyung,” Zelo says, sounding appropriately stricken. “But if you want them, there are snickerdoodles. Lots of them.”

Yongguk tilts his head in contemplation, and Youngjae very nearly holds his breath, waiting for his verdict. He has no idea if he’s this reverential because of the way Himchan and Zelo talked about Yongguk the other day, or if this is due to some natural aura the man calls his own. Whatever the reason, Youngjae would never ever want to get on Yongguk’s bad side, or even just slightly inconvenience him.

In fact, he has to get Dae to make more rocky road cookies, ASAP.

“I will take a bag of snickerdoodles, please,” Yongguk says after a thoughtful pause, “and a latte to go.”

Zelo pouts at him.

“I need to get back to the office,” Yongguk tells him, quite gently. “I have an appointment later.”

Zelo gets his pout under control, and then Daehyun exits the kitchen, bag of snickerdoodles in the one hand, the other brandishing a rather larger bag, containing a wild mix of cookies. “Here are your snickerdoodles - and these are for Himchan. From our Youngjae, with love.”

Youngjae gapes at him, completely blindsided by this unexpected attack. “Are you high?”

Dae grins at him and then bumps conspiratory elbows with Jongup, while Yongguk’s face morphs into an expression of quiet contentment. “Thank you. He will be very pleased.”

Zelo, busy making the desired coffee, looks at Yongguk over his shoulder. “Do you want to take one for Himchan hyung as well?”

Yongguk grins. “This one is for him.”

He leaves a few minutes later, cookies and coffee in his possession, and once he’s gone and the door firmly closed behind him, Youngjae walks over to the nearest chair and sits down rather heavily. “Why did you DO that - he’s going to think that I have some sort of weird crush on Himchan!”

Because not only did Daehyun give Yongguk those cookies, Jongup also refused to take any kind of money from him.

“Well, you do,” Jongup says dryly, making Youngjae attempt to pull his hair out with both hands. “An unhealthy one, granted - but we don’t judge. Much.”

“You guys suck!” Youngjae whines. “And you couldn’t be more wrong!”

Daehyun grunts in amusement and goes back into the kitchen, and Youngjae kicks his feet in impotent rage. Himchan is going to be INSUFFERABLE. Even more so than usual.


	8. Chapter 8

The day is expected to get hot and humid, and Youngjae is wearing shorts. He doesn’t usually do that, because he has a thing about showing skin, but making coffee all day is a potentially sweaty business, and leg ventilation helps.

Thus the shorts.

Since he’s behind the counter most of the time anyway it doesn’t really matter, and he took care to put on a respectable shirt, rolled up at the elbows.

“Dressing up for your crush?” Jongup asks, seeing his outfit when he comes in for work, and Youngjae, having had about enough of Jongup and his nonsense, slaps him squarely across the chest.

“With all those holes in your jeans your legs are _always_ on display! You’re wearing a freaking tank top with arm holes almost down to your HIPS!”

“Yes, but that’s _me_ ,” Jongup points out. “ _You’re_ a dignified lady who doesn’t unveil her precious body for just anyone.”

Youngjae promptly slaps him again, and Jongup laughs. Dae, arriving at the shop at that moment, takes one look at Youngjae’s legs and whistles. “Nice booty shorts!”

Youngjae wants to go home. Nevertheless he stays, helps his horrible friends get the shop ready for the customers, and then follows Dae into the kitchen to eat half a dozen of the cookies that didn’t sell on the previous day.

Dae watches him stuff his face for a second, then he gets his ingredients ready, takes eggs and butter out of the fridge to get them to room temperature. “I’m sure he’ll show up today.”

Youngjae nearly suffocates on cookie crumbs. “What?”

“Himchan,” Daehyun clarifies - as if he needed to. “So stop your stress eating.”

“I’m not stress eating! And if I WAS, it would be because Jongup and you SUCK BALLS, and I don’t want Himchan to come around anyway!”

“Now you’re just being mean,” Dae pouts. “Also a rotten liar.”

Youngjae huffs and puffs and leaves the kitchen, trying his best to ignore Jongup’s grin of the delighted eavesdropper. They serve a few early birds, and then Zelo arrives, just before the usual flood of uncaffeinated customers.

They’re quite busy for an hour or so, then it all calms down - turns so very quiet that actual birdsong penetrates through the wide open doors.

Which is when Himchan comes in. For the first time in forever Youngjae doesn’t see him coming, being busy getting the different sizes of paper bags under the counter into something resembling order. Thus Himchan is suddenly RIGHT THERE, grinning. “Hello, fluffles.”

Youngjae nearly hits his EVERYTHING standing up straight, unreasonably flustered. “Urgh, it’s you.”

“Yes,” Himchan confirms, obviously delighting in Youngjae’s equally obvious agitation. “Thank you ever so much for the cookies - I almost cried when Yongguk gave them to me.”

“Those weren’t from me,” Youngjae clarifies, although he hasn’t much hope that Himchan will actually listen and/or believe him.

Himchan, ever contrary, surprises him. “Of course they weren’t,” he says, sounding weirdly understanding and indulgent, and Youngjae wants him to GO AWAY.

“Latte?” he asks, because actually doing his job might help with achieving his dreams here, and Himchan nods.

“Yes, large please.”

Inexplicably, neither Zelo nor Jongup are anywhere to be seen, so Youngjae hopes that this encounter will remain without witnesses for once. He’s sick and tired of having an audience to his struggles. He steps away from the counter and towards the espresso machine, and behind him Himchan makes a Noise. It is part choke and part groan and in its entirety rather alarming.

Youngjae turns back around to make sure Himchan isn’t actually dying, and he finds him a little flushed, but otherwise fine. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Himchan says, his voice low and rough, and Youngjae hastily turns back towards the espresso machine, because say about Himchan what you will, his voice is … nice. Really nice. He makes the espresso for Himchan’s latte, sensing a void of silent staring behind himself, wishing he could cover up his legs somehow. The shorts really were a stupid idea. Maybe Jongup would be willing to trade pants with him.

“I take it you still don’t like to be hot?” Himchan asks, just before Youngjae moves to awaken the milk foamer, so he has to wait for the shrieking and gargling to end before Youngjae can answer him.

“I am not talking about my shorts with you, Himchan.”

“I’m just asking because your legs are really pretty.”

“Shut up, Himchan.”

“Sorry.”

He sounds honestly contrite, and when Youngjae hands him his coffee he immediately retreats from the counter and goes to sit at one of the tables, facing one of the windows for the first time in forever.

Youngjae is stunned. Having Himchan in his space without actually _having Himchan in his space_ feels wrong … and Youngjae knows why. Because this is how it started, once upon a time. Himchan drifted away from him, bit by bit, until they somehow ceased to be friends.

It makes Youngjae feel sick to remember it. He stares at Himchan for a long moment, and when he finally looks away it feels hauntingly similar to that uncomfortable sensation of momentary weightlessness when an elevator gets ready for the drop.

Youngjae wants to do something, anything, to stop feeling like this. Talking to Himchan seems to be a sensible option, but Youngjae never was very sensible where Himchan was concerned. It was always blind instinct mixed with stubbornness.

So he hesitates, and then procrastinates, and then Himchan gets up and walks out, waving his goodbye without really looking at Youngjae. It’s the first time he hasn’t brought his mug back to the counter.

“What the fuck,” Jongup says quietly. He’s come out of the kitchen, and now he’s standing right next to Youngjae, staring at the door Himchan just vanished through. “That felt far more dramatic than it had any right to.”

“Yes,” Youngjae says. “See, this is why I wanted to keep him at arm’s length.”

Jongup rolls his eyes. “You two are a match made in heaven. “

He whistles - actually, fucking WHISTLES - and Zelo appears, Dae hot on his heels. “What happened?”

“I want Himchan’s phone number,” Jongup says. “He was really weird just now.”

Youngjae makes an angry noise and marches away, seeks refuge in the alley behind the kitchen again. It’s probably a stupid idea to leave the other three to their own, meddling devices, but Youngjae is tired of fighting his lonely battle.

They won’t listen, that much is certain, and maybe them contacting Himchan will actually yield results.

 

“We’re going out tonight!” Jongup proclaims at the end of the day. “Karaoke and take-out - who’s in?”

Daehyun immediately yanks his arm in the air, and Zelo looks very interested indeed, but a little uncertain as well. “Me too?”

“Of course you too!” Jongup says gently. “You’re part of the team.”

Zelo looks touchingly gratified, and although this sudden plan is highly suspect to Youngjae, he cannot find it in himself to decline. Youngjae did not ask him at all of course, but he was informed by Daehyun that Jongup has not texted Himchan - yet. So an outing like this should be safe. Probably. “Sounds great.”

Jongup smiles at him, honestly and utterly pleased. “I will get you drunk, my friend.”

Youngjae smiles back. “Sounds even better.”

They set out into the early spring evening, still warm, but already smelling of night. The coffee shop is located in a relatively quiet part of town, so they have to walk for a bit to get to the fun district, and Youngjae enjoys the fresh air, takes a few deep breaths.

He’s walking beside Jongup, who’s wearing a thin cardigan over his tank-top now, looks at his profile for a brief moment. “Do I need to be worried?”

Jongup grins. “Not tonight.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” He links his arm with Youngjae’s, pulls him closer. “I really just want to make you feel better.”

Behind them Daehyun makes kissy noises, and Zelo laughs, carefree and infectious, and Youngjae wouldn’t actually mind planting kisses on all of them right now.

They arrive at their usual karaoke bar, and since it’s comparatively early on a friday night they have no trouble getting their favourite room. Zelo is introduced to the proprietor, an elderly lady who has to go on her tiptoes to pinch his cheek and demands to see his ID before selling him alcohol.

“I don’t care how tall you are,” she says comfortably. “You have a proper baby-face, and if I know anything about the scoundrels you came in here with, it’s that they have no respect for the law.”

She then proceeds to flirt with Daehyun, who flirts right back, helps her carry a collection of bottles to the karaoke room, and makes her promise to let the delivery guy in without harassing him this time. “This is not a restaurant,” she says sternly, “but you boys are my favourites, so how could I say no.”

She leaves them alone then, firmly closing the door behind herself, and the next few hours are a blur of alcohol and music, briefly interrupted by the arrival of food, received by and paid for by Jongup.

Youngjae is by then beyond pleasantly tipsy, but he doesn’t complain when forced to eat, manages to clear his head, if only a little.

It has turned out that Zelo is more of a rapper than a singer, which is a welcome addition to their three-man vocal group, and Youngjae giggles into his soju when Daehyun starts to serenade the kid and makes him blush.

Since they have to work on the next day it’s not even that late when they leave, but Youngjae is nevertheless properly drunk, hanging off Jongup’s shoulder, thanking him for a lovely evening.

“See, I know what you need,” Jongup tells him with an affectionate smile. “If only you’d listen more often.”

He carefully guides Youngjae down the sidewalk, freeing him of the necessity to watch his steps - until he stops, rather abruptly, uttering a soft curse. He turns them around, makes Youngjae face the wall, and Youngjae blinks, mildly befuddled.

“What are we doing?”

“I don’t think he’s seen us,” Daehyun says in the vicinity of Youngjae’s right ear, so of course Youngjae cranes his neck to check who they’re hiding from.

It’s Himchan, strolling along the sidewalk on the other side of the street. He’s wearing a suit again, jacket draped over his arm and shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Youngjae freezes and then startles his companions by making an eager noise and embarking on a hasty journey across the street. He’s too quick for them to catch, too focussed to even hear their complaints. Luck is on his side, offers a brief reprieve in traffic, allowing him to make it to the opposite sidewalk. His prey is almost out of earshot by the time he catches his breath - almost. “Himchan!”

Himchan stops and turns, obviously confused, and when his eyes alight on Youngjae, his face goes through a complicated sequence of expressions. It has settled on wary by the time Youngjae reaches him, and then morphs into surprise very fast indeed.

Because Youngjae is drunk, and drunk Youngjae has neither filter nor inhibition when it comes to his hyung - never had the chance to develop either. He gleefully faceplants into Himchan’s chest. “Heeey.”

“Hey,” Himchan says, voice all soft and gentle, with a hint of helpless astonishment, and Youngjae takes a deep breath, snuggles into him until Himchan’s arms come up to hold him, as nature intended. “Where have you come from all of a sudden?”

“Karaoke,” Youngjae says, pressing closer. Himchan is warm and he smells nice, and Youngjae has to catch up to about twelve years of cuddling. He’s not about to let go.

“I see,” Himchan says quietly. And indeed he does, because Jongup, Zelo, and Daehyun have caught up with Youngjae by now.

“He’s drunk,” Jongup states, as if it wasn’t obvious, and Himchan chuckles, makes Youngjae cling to him a little harder, because it just feels so very nice.

“Yes, I can tell.” His hand comes up to stroke Youngjae’s head, and Youngjae purrs. “One of you guys should take him home.”

“Want you to take me home,” Youngjae proclaims, grabbing the back of Himchan’s shirt with both hands. “You can put me to bed, too.”

“Jesus fuck,” Daehyun says somewhere behind Youngjae, audibly impressed. “Someone’s going to be mortified tomorrow morning.”

But Himchan is still stroking Youngjae’s head, so Youngjae doesn’t care.

“I’ll do it,” Jongup says quietly. “Come on, Youngjae.”

“No, I want Himchan.”

“You don’t really mean that,” Himchan says quietly. He sounds a little sad, and Youngjae can’t have that.

“But I do!” he insists. “I always want you.”

Dae utters a tortured sequence of syllables that sound vaguely like “Oh God, Youngjae,” while Zelo laughs, albeit with a hint of embarrassment thrown in.

“Just do it, hyung. I don’t think he’ll let go of you any time soon.”

“Yes, he’s always been stubborn,” Himchan says fondly, giving Youngjae a wonderful little squeeze. “Alright then, sweet cheeks - tell me where you live.”


	9. Chapter 9

Youngjae wakes up and regrets it immediately. His head is pounding, his mouth is beyond dry, bordering on dusty, and his eyes, when he tries to open them, feel as if they were glued shut.

Then he remembers. ALL THE THINGS HE SAID LAST NIGHT. TO HIMCHAN. OUT LOUD.

Which leads to him sitting up, far too quickly, which in turn leads to him clutching his head and groaning - just to clamp both hands over his mouth and perform a quick, frantic scan of his bedroom, because -

Himchan.

Himchan brought him home; Himchan put him to bed. He made him brush his teeth and stuffed him into his pajamas, tucked him in. The memories are all there, far too clear … of how Youngjae clung to him, all the way home, how Himchan held him, hugged him … carried him if necessary.

Himchan did all of that, without complaining, and when Youngjae asked him to stay the night he promised that he would. So of course he’s still there, right next to the bed, leaning against the bedside table, fast asleep in his now rather rumpled suit.

The sight of him nearly gives Youngjae an aneurysm, most of all because he has no-one but himself to blame. He basically dragged Himchan back to his place - and that after Jongup tried to hide his drunk ass from him, bless his soul.

Oh god, what is he going to do. He went full toddler on Himchan last night, which is embarrassing ON SO MANY LEVELS.

Youngjae lowers his hands while his thoughts tumble each other, scrambling to find a solution or maybe just a reprieve from the mortification, and he’s still looking at Himchan - for the first time really looking, actually taking in what’s right in front of him.

Thanks to Himchan neglecting to close the blinds last night the small room is flooded in early morning light, and that light is now illuminating the clutter on Youngjae’s dresser, the dust motes dancing in the air … Himchan’s face.

Himchan looks a little different than usual in sleep, his expression almost cold instead of kind … ridiculously handsome. There are signs of exhaustion around his eyes, but it doesn’t matter, doesn’t change the fact that he’s attractive, that he looks great in his suit, even after sleeping in it.

Youngjae swallows dryly and wonders if Himchan will believe any excuses he might come up with as to why he was so clingy last night. He groans and drops sideways, closes his eyes. After a moment he takes a deep breath, glad that he’s at least not nauseous.

So much went wrong last night - starting with them running into Himchan in the first place, and ending with Youngjae all but begging Himchan to share the bed with him. Because they always did that, didn’t they? It was the only way Himchan could induce toddler Youngjae to actually stay under the covers after putting him to bed.

Last night Himchan refused, thank goodness. Instead he petted Youngjae’s hair until he fell asleep.

Youngjae takes another deep breath, trying to ignore how his whole system lights up at the memory. It’s stupid, but it makes him happy, even now.

He’s screwed.

Himchan decides that this is a good moment to groan and get to his feet, nearly giving Youngjae a heart-attack in the process. How he manages to keep still and pretend to be asleep Youngjae has no idea, but he hears Himchan stretch and groan once more, feels him loom over him for an endless moment … and then Himchan walks away.

Part of Youngjae is relieved - almost delighted - by the idea that Himchan might actually be leaving; the rest of him is not. Not at all. So he sits up once more, indignation loaded and ready. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom,” Himchan says, voice rough and sleepy, and Youngjae debates slapping himself in the face with a live fish.

Himchan returns to him a few minutes later, and it seems that he’s washed up. He actually manages to look fresh, and his shirt could really do with a few more closed buttons.

Youngjae swallows dryly. They look at each other for an awfully long moment, and then Youngjae realizes that he really, really needs to go, and promptly flees the room.

Himchan is still there when he returns, sitting on the edge of the bed, and somehow that visual stops Youngjae in his tracks, right in the door frame.

Himchan turns his head at his arrival, and this time he smiles at him, eyes understanding. “Want me to go?”

Youngjae really wishes he had an answer to that question.

Himchan clears his throat and gets up, hesitates when Youngjae doesn’t move away from the door frame. He looks at Youngjae, and Youngjae stares back, and eventually Himchan offers him another smile. “Embarrassed?”

“Horribly,” Youngjae grunts.

Himchan giggles, and somehow that makes it so much easier, makes Youngjae grimace and groan. “Shut up!”

“You were so _cute_ ,” Himchan coos, looking all sleep-ruffled and inviting in the morning light, and GOD Youngjae wants to hug him again.

“Thank you for taking me home last night,” he says, because apart from everything else Himchan was really fucking sweet when he should have tossed Youngjae’s drunk ass into the next best manhole.

“Always,” Himchan says, and that is that. “Now either you give me breakfast, or I have to leave, because I’m fucking starving.”

“You know what, I’ll even make you coffee,” Youngjae says. Because there are such things as karma and cosmic balance, and he has to make up for being a horrible twerp in his previous life anyway. “Come on.”

He leads Himchan to the kitchen, still in his pajamas, and gets a can of coffee going, while Himchan looks around with interest. He sits his ass down on one of the two chairs available when Youngjae tells him to, doesn’t comment on the mess, and eventually accepts both a bowl of cereal and a mug of coffee from his host. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Youngjae’s phone buzzes with a message from Jongup at that point, asking if he’s okay, and Youngjae quickly texts back, lets Jongup know that he’s alive and well and more or less ready to come in for work.

When he looks back up Himchan is watching him, eyes dark and thoughtful, and Youngjae can feel a blush creep up and around from the back of his neck. “What?”

“I missed you.”

“Oh god, shut up.”

“But it’s true!”

“So what? You were the one who -”

“Yes, I know; and I’m sorry.”

Youngjae’s mouth clamps shut, because Himchan sounds and looks almost desperately earnest, and Youngjae’s poor little brain cannot deal with this after all the alcohol sloshing around in his system last night.

“You better be,” he mutters, staring down at the table before grabbing a spoon and starting in on his cereal.

When he dares to check Himchan is eating as well, shoulders relaxed, looking wholly at home in Youngjae’s tiny kitchen, and something in Youngjae breaks open and lets some air and light inside. “You could have slept in the bed, you know” he hears himself say, doesn’t regret it as much as he probably should.

“No,” Himchan says without looking up. “I really couldn’t have.”

Youngjae lifts both brows. “O-kay.”

He’s a bit confused now, because as much as Himchan may have changed in the twelve years since they stopped being friends, Youngjae didn’t get the impression that he was particularly shy about touching other dudes nowadays. Far from it.

But whatever his reasons, Youngjae is in no position to pry, seeing as he has to down at least two liters of water before leaving the house, which he should do pretty soon, due to co-owning a business that caters to the weekend crowd and all that.

So Youngjae inhales his cereal, finishes his coffee, and then he grabs a water bottle and _drinks_ … for quite a while, never coming up for air.

When he finally does Himchan has stopped eating and is staring at him, looking a bit stunned. As if he’s never seen another man drink water before.

“You okay?” Youngjae asks, because Himchan’s expression is giving him goosebumps - and Himchan snaps upright on his chair, clears his throat.

“Ah! Eh … yeah. Just … zoning out.”

He gives Youngjae a little smile, and Youngjae shrugs it off, blames it on too little sleep. “Okay then. I can’t believe that I’m actually sorry to say this - but can you see yourself out once you’re finished? I have to take a shower and head to the shop and -”

Himchan smiles a little wider. “No problem. Go take your shower.”

So Youngjae leaves him alone in the kitchen, and when he returns, some fifteen minutes later, Himchan is gone, and his kitchen is a little bit cleaner. Youngjae stops and stares, not quite sure how to react to this.

He has no time to think about it anyway, so he hurries out, far from pleased with the ridiculously warm morning air. The bus a few streets from his flat is just on time, and he rides it to his destination, taking his cardy off along the way, while his freshly washed hair dries in the breeze.

 

The shop is open and has been for a while when Youngjae arrives, and he flushes guiltily when he recognizes Zelo behind the counter. The beanpole isn’t supposed to come in on the weekend.

“I am so sorry,” Youngjae murmurs as he takes up position beside him, and Zelo grins, unphased and friendly as always.

“It’s okay. Did Himchan hyung get you home alright?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, going through the motions of the perfect hand-drip coffee for one of their regulars. “He took good care of me.”

A void of silence opens up behind him in reaction to that statement, and then he hears Jongup clear his throat. “I’m glad I worried over nothing.”

“Well, he could have turned out to be a serial killer,” Youngjae drawls while Jongup re-stacks the cookie corner. “You were very negligent in your friendship duties last night.”

“And yet here you are, safe and sound,” Jongup replies, giving Youngjae’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Thank goodness.” He turns away then, walks into the kitchen. “We can relax Dae, he looks positively radiant!”

“Thank fuck!” Dae replies, audible to every single customer, including their offspring. Youngjae can’t help but laugh, explosive and unexpectedly delighted. His friends may be weirdos, but they’re HIS weirdos.

Jongup returns, takes up his position at the counter after bumping shoulders with Youngjae, and then everything is business as usual. They don’t get to talk much while taking care of the Saturday morning crowd - it’s in fact busy enough to make brooding blissfully impossible, and when lunchtime rolls around Youngjae is so very hungry that he can barely keep himself from gnawing on the counter.

Of course he didn’t bring a snack from home today, there just wasn’t any time. Thus Youngjae ventures into the kitchen to check what Daehyun may have to offer, and encounters a searching stare as soon as he passes the door frame.

“You really do look good,” Daehyun says eventually, sounding equal parts pleased and relieved.

Youngjae is a bit surprised that no-one has made fun of him for his drunken shenanigans yet. Jongup and Daehyun really must have worried about his reaction to them abandoning him to Himchan’s mercy last night. He probably should have told them at some point that Himchan - apart from anything else he may be - is a massive sweetheart who couldn’t hurt a fly. Somehow that never came up.

There’s a resounding knock on the kitchen door, and Youngjae freezes in place, turns his head to direct an inquiring glance at Daehyun. No-one ever comes to the back door. Daehyun, who is aware of this, puts on an expression of fake alarm, and pretends to faint. “We’re doomed!”

Youngjae snorts and moves to open the door, blinks against the bright midday sun - blinks against Himchan’s bright smile. “Heya.”

“What?” Youngjae says, because - What? “This is the wrong side of the building.”

“Yes, I know, I didn’t want to schlepp all this through the shop,” Himchan says, neatly stepping around Youngjae and into the kitchen, a collection of plastic bags dangling from both hands. He has exchanged his wrinkled suit for jeans and a t-shirt, looking clean and fresh as the morning, and smelling even better.

“You … what?” Youngjae says, still befuddled, closing the door behind him. “What is all this?”

“Lunch,” Himchan explains, seizing the next best free counter space to put down his bags. “To make up for the breakfast you gave me.”

Daehyun makes an interested noise - Youngjae cannot tell if it’s directed at the breakfast comment or the prospect of free lunch - and helps Himchan to unpack, while Youngjae tries to assemble his thoughts to make sense of this.

“But it was only cereal and coffee!”

“Yes,” Himchan admits. “But you offered me your bed, too.”

“You didn’t sleep in it!”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

“Oh god, I hope not,” Youngjae mutters. His stomach reminds him that it would like to be filled, no matter how illogical this is, and he gives in, shoves his way between Himchan and Daehyun to see what Himchan brought them.

It’s mostly sandwiches - whole wheat - and different salad options in individual plastic containers. Youngjae is fully prepared to complain about this wealth of healthy food when Himchan whips out the spicy chicken noodles - at which point Youngjae squeals in delight and repeatedly slaps Himchan’s shoulder, rather forcefully. “Oh yes!”

Himchan absorbs his violence as if he was made of so much rubber and smiles indulgently. “I’m glad you still like those.”

“They’re mine!” Youngjae grunts, grabbing the whole container for himself before hunting through the kitchen drawers for a fork.

Jongup and Zelo come in to look what all the commotion is about, and greet Himchan with all signs of pleasure - even more so when they discover that he brought them food. They proclaim that they locked the shop for lunch break, and then Jongup nearly fights Youngjae for his noodles for want of other fast food options.

Himchan solemnly promises to be less health-oriented in the future. “You boys all look so fit, I thought you ate nothing but greens.”

Daehyun nearly chokes on his second sandwich, and Jongup’s face morphs into an expression of utter, defeated incredulity. “No.”

“It’s really nice of you to bring us all this, hyung,” Zelo says, evidently the only one among them with manners. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Himchan replies, glancing at Youngjae, wolfing down his noodles. “I thought things might be a little less organized than usual after your night out yesterday.”

“Yes, thank you,” Youngjae says, enunciating around a fork of chicken in his mouth. “This is _perfect_!”

Himchan smiles at him. “I’m glad.”

“So,” Jongup says, scanning the salad options as if a cheeseburger might suddenly spring up if he only looks hard enough. “Youngjae says you took good care of him last night?”

Youngjae coughs, and Himchan looks at him from the corner of his eye, exhibiting actual hints of discomfort. “Eh, I did my best.”

It must be the perversity of his nature that induces Youngjae to shield him from Jongup’s attention. “He was perfect okay - carried me up the stairs and everything.”

Himchan blushes. “Well, you refused to walk.”

“Of course I did - you were right there!” Youngjae snaps. “Eat a sandwich!”

That gets him a smile, and Himchan obeys, has just begun to chew when his phone rings. He pulls it out and immediately accepts the call, mumbles around the bread in his mouth. “Hello Yongguk, what -”

Yongguk’s deep voice rumbles through the line, and Himchan looks around at the assembled group. “Yongguk’s outside. Can he come in?”

Zelo pretty much runs out of the kitchen - then comes back to drag Jongup with him, who actually has a key. They return with Yongguk, looking a little shy but otherwise happy enough. “I am sorry to interrupt your break time.”

Youngjae, still munching his noodles, grins at him. “The more, the merrier.”

That statement causes Yongguk to direct a questioning glance at Himchan, who grins and shrugs. “He’s easy when it comes to spicy chicken noodles.”

Youngjae firmly plants his elbow in Himchan’s side. “Shut up!”

Yongguk chuckles, then looks directly at Daehyun. “I actually came to get some rocky road cookies today.”

“Good thing I put a bag to the side for you then,” Dae preens - and Youngjae scoffs, puts his arm around Himchan’s shoulders to lean against him. “You’re sure that bag isn’t for yourself?”

Dae glares at him and then lifts both eyebrows, waggles them for good measure. “I’m not the one who keeps lying to himself and everyone else, Jaebaby.”

Youngjae, becoming aware of what he’s doing, snaps to attention. He firmly detaches himself from Himchan, tries to ignore that he has his fond face on again and looks far too happy. Even Yongguk, who should not have any interest in this development, looks decidedly pleased.

Youngjae would really like to know what the fuck Himchan has told him about … everything. “Do you want a sandwich?” he offers, desperate to sound nonchalant. “Himchan brought far too many.”

Yongguk smiles and accepts one of the sandwiches, then looks around the kitchen. “Do you usually spend your break in here?”

“Yes, we don’t really have a break room,” Youngjae sighs. “And sitting in the shop can get uncomfortable, with every passing person able to look in.”

“I can imagine,” Yongguk says. “Have you thought about expanding upstairs? I have noticed that the first floor is empty.”

“We can’t afford the additional rent,” Daehyun says gloomily. “It would be perfect, but right now it’s just not possible - would need too many renovations, too.”

Yongguk makes a contemplative noise and Youngjae very nearly leans against Himchan _again_. He throws the empty noodle container away to give himself something to do, and ends up leaning against the fridge, both hands in the pockets of his jeans.

He feels drawn to Himchan, is the thing. It shouldn’t come as a surprise after the last night and all the childhood memories it brought back, but cuddling up to Himchan at night while drunk, and cuddling up to Himchan in bright daylight, for the whole world and Yongguk to see, are two completely different things.

Youngjae should know better, he really should.

“Did Gahm finally contact you about the Maing case?” Himchan asks at that point, and Yongguk nods, looks a little harassed.

“It’s not good.”

Himchan sighs. “Of course.” For a brief moment genuine distress glides over his features, and before Youngjae can help himself he feels an altogether unfamiliar emotion well up.

“Will you be alright?” he asks, concern colouring his voice. Somewhere in the outskirts of his vision Jongup and Daehyun exchange a meaningful glance. Youngjae doesn’t even care. Himchan cleaned up his kitchen this morning - he deserves some sympathy.

The question is nevertheless a surprise to Himchan, and Yongguk is the one who eventually answers it. “I don’t know yet. It’s a complicated case.”

He doesn’t divulge anything else, and Youngjae, still looking at Himchan, allows himself some additional sympathy. “I hope you win.”

“Thank you,” Himchan says, looking back at him, and Youngjae waits for his flight instinct to set in, only it never comes. This is so bad.

It’s silent for a moment, and then Daehyun clears his throat. “Yongguk, did Himchan already tell you how very cute our Youngjae was last night? Because he was _adorable_.”

He then proceeds to sacrifice Youngjae’s dignity to the gods of delayed ridicule, and Youngjae can do nothing but watch and listen, and plan the perfect murder.

Himchan, suspiciously quiet during the subsequent recital - including some improv theater and a horribly accurate recapitulation of Youngjae’s drunken statements - directs another look at Youngjae, and once more Youngjae can’t help but look back. They smile at each other, ever so briefly, and then Yongguk laughs, a sound so charming in its suddenness that it warms the whole kitchen. “Himchan must have liked that.”

“Yes, well,” Himchan says, finally breaking eye-contact with Youngjae to smile at the ground and blush. “It was a bit surreal.”

Youngjae knows what he means, he really does.


	10. Chapter 10

After the week of almost brazenly perfect spring they’ve had, the weather gods decide that enough is enough and send some extremely overdue rain around.

Temperatures drop almost far enough to make heating necessary again, and when Himchan comes into the coffee shop on Monday, he’s wearing a hoodie that matches the overall mood. The stark blackness of his apparel only serves to accentuate the unhealthy aspect of Himchan’s complexion, and Youngjae thinks he can’t have slept very well last night … and maybe the previous one as well. The shadows under his eyes almost look like bruises.

Nevertheless Himchan smiles at him when he reaches the counter, runs his hand through the wet fringe that wasn’t properly protected by his hood. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Youngjae says, trying to ignore how bad he looks. It’s none of his business. He’s here to make coffee - nothing more and nothing less. “The usual?”

There’s a moment of hesitation as if Himchan would actually want to try something new, but is too exhausted to make the effort of picking something out.

“The hot chocolate mocha is very good for this kind of weather,” Youngjae suggests gently. “You like chocolate.”

“I do,” Himchan agrees with the ghost of a smile. “I’ll try that one, thank you.”

So Youngjae sets to work while the rain comes down in strings outside, turning the coffee shop into a shelter of warmth and comfort. He gives Himchan whipped cream without asking, and then proceeds to pick two cookies from today’s selection, one with a nice crunch of caramel thrown in, both of them generously topped with chocolate.

“I must look truly pitiful,” Himchan comments, watching Youngjae put it all together, and Youngjae lifts his nose, sniffs.

“You look like shit, actually.”

There’s a dangerous pause, and then Himchan scrunches up his face and laughs - just the way Youngjae remembers it - all spasmodic and shaky, as if he’s about to faint from lack of air.

It makes Youngjae _feel things_ , and he doesn’t like that at all. It was so much easier to keep up his nice comfy cocoon of perpetual anger while Himchan was all perfect, suave flirt. Seeing him like this, face pale but irresistible in laughter, his slightly crooked teeth on display for everyone to see … it’s cute.

Youngjae isn’t supposed to find Himchan cute, he’s supposed to RESENT HIM.

The fit of laughter passes, and Himchan takes a deep breath, grins at Youngjae. “I needed that. Thank you.”

“Always ready to insult you,” Youngjae deadpans, gesturing to the window tables. “Take your pick.” Again Himchan hesitates, and Youngjae finds himself picking up the mug of hot chocolate mocha as well as the little plate of cookies. “Come on.”

He rounds the counter and walks Himchan over to a table looking out into the yard. It’s a little flooded right now, rain gutters struggling to do their job, but it still looks pretty. Himchan follows him without complaint, and Youngjae puts mug and plate down on the table, gestures for Himchan to sit.

“You’re starting to freak me out,” Himchan says, sinking onto a chair, and Youngjae grunts, plops down on the opposite one.

“I’m starting to freak myself out.” He’s just glad that they’re alone in the shop. Even Jongup and Zelo are in the kitchen, lending Daehyun some company during the lull at this time of day that was only intensified by the bad weather. “If someone asks I’ll blame it on a brief fit of insanity.”

“Just a brief one?” Himchan asks, doing his best to find his usual register of flirtatious playfulness, but not quite hitting the mark. He sounds too earnest, too tired. “That’s too bad.”

“You just said this is freaking you out,” Youngjae reminds him, and now Himchan looks into his eyes, basically _leaking_ solemnity.

“Maybe I like it.”

“No,” Youngjae says dryly. “What you would _like_ for me to do is to sit in your lap and get all snuggly.”

Himchan blinks at him. “Are you trying to kill me with that kind of imagery?”

“Drink your coffee,” Youngjae advises him. “It should help you to feel more alive.” Himchan huffs, visibly amused, and Youngjae watches him take a sip, lick cream off his lips. “Good?”

“Very,” Himchan says. “Thank you for being so sweet.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Good, Youngjae wants to say, but doesn’t. Because Himchan still looks drawn and tired, and Youngjae can’t bring himself to be mean to him. Meaner. Blast it.

“Will you be okay?” he asks instead, and WHAT THE HELL, he’s not supposed to get invested.

Himchan shrugs, doing a very bad job of allaying Youngjae’s concerns. “It’s just the case.”

Youngjae doesn’t ask, because he knows that Himchan wouldn’t tell him any details, but he’s glad that it’s nothing personal. He watches Himchan take another sip of coffee, and leans back in his chair, crosses his arms in front of his chest.

Himchan doesn’t look all that wet, he realizes, despite the fact that he didn’t bring an umbrella. By rights he should be drenched. “Is your office close by?” Youngjae asks, because that’s really the only explanation.

“Yes, it’s just a few minutes away,” Himchan says softly, cradling the mug between his fingers, warming his hands. “Kind of crazy how I never came to this place before, isn’t it?”

He sounds equal parts pleased and apprehensive, as if expecting Youngjae to express his frustration with his frequent visits, and Youngjae clears his throat. “Why did you come in that day?”

Himchan shows him the ghost of a grin. “The coffee maker at the office broke.”

“Must have been fate then,” Youngjae shrugs. Because this is sure starting to feel inevitable.

 

“Is Himchan ok? He looked pale.” Jongup has come out of the kitchen precisely three seconds after Himchan went back to his office, and Youngjae doesn’t believe in coincidences.

“Were you waiting in there for him to leave?”

“Of course I was. Do you expect me to disturb your tête-à-tête?”

Youngjae groans and wipes down the counter. “He’s fine.”

“He doesn’t look fine - I mean he does, painfully so, but still. Pale.”

Youngjae stops in his movements to stare at Jongup. “You think Himchan’s hot?”

Jongup blinks at him. “Dude. I’m short-sighted, not BLIND.”

Why this pronouncement unbalances Youngjae so much he has no idea, but here he is. SHOOK.

“No worries though,” Jongup adds after a contemplative pause. “My appreciation is purely aesthetic.” Youngjae stares at him again, and Jongup shrugs, scrunches up his nose. “Yeah ok, you got me - He’s nice, too. The perfect package.”

With that he goes back to the kitchen, because there are still no new customers around, and judging from the smell Daehyun is busy making Jongup’s favourite cookies.

Thus Youngjae is free to explore his emotions regarding Jongup’s appreciation of Himchan’s general everything. He doesn’t like it, that much is certain, he’s just not sure why.

Well, for one Jongup is his friend and Youngjae’s friends are supposed to have better taste. Makes sense.

Now if only Youngjae could stop obsessing about it, that would be truly stellar.


	11. Chapter 11

Tuesday’s rain is much like Monday’s was, just a little less heavy. It’s as if it has remembered that it’s spring and not autumn - strives to be playful instead of depressing.

Nevertheless Youngjae is vaguely depressed, looking out the window front of the shop and onto the sidewalk, where there’s not a single customer in sight. Even their usual morning crowd was thinner, deterred by the rain like so many sugar cubes. Weaklings.

Youngjae sighs. They should probably give Zelo the week off or something. It’s not like there’s actually anything for him to do - nothing for him to learn anymore, either.

He has mastered the coffee equipment incredibly fast, knows how to order supplies although that will never ever become his responsibility, and if Dae gets sick he could even whip up some cookies, take over the kitchen.

Despite all that there’s just no need for him with so few customers around, and given the fact that he’s a busy college student he probably has better things to do than to entertain Daehyun so he doesn’t start to sulk.

Youngjae sighs and drapes himself over the counter, thinks about making himself a latte and having a go at the maple shortbread Daehyun made this morning. He abandons that idea when the door to the shop opens, straightens to check who’s come in.

Himchan is wearing a pink hoodie today, and Youngjae brightens at the sight of him, can’t help but smile. “Good day.”

“Oh god, what has happened?” Himchan asks, looking for all intents and purposes as if he wants to climb the counter and pat Youngjae down for signs of trauma. “Did they hit you over the head?”

“Very funny,” Youngjae grumbles, fighting to lose that damn smile and baffled by his inability to do so. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You were thinking that I am looking infinitely more pretty right now than I did yesterday,” Himchan says, putting his hands together at the wrists below his chin for the infamous flower pose, and Youngjae stares at him, dumbfounded by this blatant display of silliness.

“I think they hit us both over the head,” he finally gets out, “and your trauma is worse than mine BY FAR.”

Himchan giggles, and Youngjae, as horrified as he is by the circumstance, rejoices at the sound. “Stop making that noise and tell me what coffee you want.”

“Same as yesterday,” Himchan tells him, eyes twinkling in delight, “but without the whipped cream.”

“Not a chance - the whipped cream is what makes it perfect,” Youngjae rules. “Take it or leave it.”

“Fine, but when I inevitably get fat, you have to take responsibility.”

Youngjae snorts and turns from the counter to make him a hot chocolate mocha. “It’s not my fault you come here every day.”

“Yes, you ridiculous kitten, it absolutely is.”

“Am I forcing the cookies down your throat?” Youngjae snaps, trying not to blush for being called a kitten, albeit a ridiculous one. “I think not!”

“Okay, we can blame Daehyun for that, satisfied?”

“What, does HE force them down your throat?”

“He might as well!”

Fighting that visual takes a lot of energy, and Youngjae decides to make himself a latte after all. He certainly needs it after envisioning Daehyun kneeling over Himchan’s lap, offering him a cookie WITH HIS MOUTH. _Where did that even come from_. He blames Jongup.

“We have maple shortbread today,” Youngjae says, voice a little unsteady. “Want some?”

“Kitten, you know I do.”

Youngjae sighs. “Okay.”

When he turns back around Himchan is studying him intently. “Was that too much?”

Youngjae just looks at him. “Which part?”

“That’s what I’m asking you - I want to know how to get under your skin.”

Oh, but you DO, is what Youngjae doesn’t say. He keeps in fact resolutely mute, until Himchan tilts his head in concentration, like a puppy aiming for better reception.

“But you’d tell me if I ever went too far yes? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

And there it is. The reason why Youngjae should have run for the hills the very second Himchan first set foot into the shop: Himchan is lovely. Himchan is sweet, and thoughtful, and apologizes when he’s in the wrong. His sense of humour may be a little weird, but that’s okay, because Youngjae’s is, too.

As angry and hurt as Youngjae was by what Himchan did … it happened twelve years ago. Himchan was _sixteen_. The four years between them certainly warped Youngjae’s perception of him, but Himchan was still a kid himself, even when he always took care of Youngjae.

“You’re not making me uncomfortable,” Youngjae hears himself say, pushing the mug of hot chocolate mocha across the counter, crown of whipped cream impossibly high. “I don’t think you could.”

Because they may have changed, and they’re certainly not boys anymore, but they’re still _them_. Nothing can ever change that.

Himchan looks at him, expression soft and happy, and Youngjae hastily gets the milk frother going to negate any need for further conversation. God, but that was embarrassing.

Naturally Himchan waits for him to finish his latte preparations, and once that’s accomplished they walk over to the same table they sat at yesterday, put a plate of cookies between them.

“So what happened to make you look so much better?” Youngjae asks, sinking down into his chair. “Because you really do.”

Himchan beams at him, evidently flattered, and shrugs his shoulders. “We made some unexpected progress with the case. Also, Yongguk let me hug him until I felt better.”

Youngjae doesn’t know what he expected. “Of course he did.”

“He’s sweet like that,” Himchan says happily. “You’d never think it, looking at him, but he’s actually a huge softie.”

“You guys wouldn’t be friends if he wasn’t,” Youngjae points out. “And I expect the hug helped him, too.”

Himchan blinks, as if he didn’t expect so much sense from Youngjae. “Yes, probably.”

“I’m not jealous,” Youngjae says quickly.

“Of course not - why would you be?” Himchan settles deeper into his own chair, evidently at home and utterly comfortable. “The mere notion is ridiculous.”

Youngjae thinks that, too, but hearing Himchan say it is nevertheless a little hurtful. So he pouts, ever so slightly, and shoves some shortbread into his mouth. “No need to be so definite about it.”

Himchan blinks at him, as if he has trouble understanding Youngjae around that cookie, and then he breaks into a smile, eye dimple more prominent than ever. “You’re being extra fluffy today, aren’t you?”

Youngjae promptly reaches up to pat his hair down. “It’s the humidity!”

“That’s not what I mean,” Himchan says, grin morphing into an expression of arrested attention. “You were really worried about me, weren’t you?”

“Well, yes,” Youngjae admits. “I don’t _hate_ you, you know.”

“Oh, I should hope so, considering that I like you very much indeed.”

Youngjae blushes and rolls his eyes to make up for it. “Will you ever stop flirting?”

“Since you said it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, I probably won’t, no.” Himchan smiles, gentle and earnest, makes Youngjae squirm in his chair. “It makes me too happy.”

 

“I should write this shit down,” Jongup says, once more exiting the kitchen right in the wake of Himchan’s parting. “Turn it into a bodice ripper. I’d be fucking rich.”

“You’re a horrible eavesdropper,” Youngjae growls at him. “I hope you’re ashamed of yourself.”

“Not my fault that you keep forgetting the service hatch,” Jongup shrugs, clearing the table of the two mugs and empty plate of cookies that bore witness to Youngjae’s extremely close and confusing encounter with Himchan. “But I’m glad you two are finally getting somewhere.”

Youngjae knows he’s serious, so he fails quite epically at getting properly annoyed. “And where do you figure that is?”

“Out of denial land, for one,” Jongup says dryly. “It’s about time, too. Also: I’m glad he looked so much better today. That pink hoodie suits him.”

“Jesus, does Dae keep a pair of binoculars in the kitchen?”

“No, I made Zelo spy on you,” Jongup says placidly. “He’s even more invested in this than I am.”

“Not true!” comes Zelo’s voice from the kitchen, and Youngjae starts to wonder about the acoustics in the shop. No wonder Daehyun always seems to be aware of what is going on in the café area - he must be feeling like some sort of all-knowing oracle half of the time.

“Whatever,” Youngjae grunts. “Be happy that you’re finally getting your way and stop butting in.”

“As if,” Jongup says. “And I haven’t gotten my way yet - you guys barely got on the road!”

Youngjae heaves a desperate sigh and decides not to waste time arguing about this anymore. It’s just not worth it.


	12. Chapter 12

Temperatures rise again on the following day, but it keeps raining. If there’s one thing Youngjae hates it’s a humidity level high enough to warrant water wings while making coffee. He almost regrets not putting on the damn shorts this morning. Almost.

It gets progressively worse throughout the day, and Youngjae knows, he just _knows_ , that this will end in a thunderstorm. Youngjae does not like thunderstorms. It’s not as bad as it used to be when he was a kid - doesn’t make him whimper and hide beneath the next best shelter anymore - be that his bed, the kitchen table, or an over-large dog, but … yeah. Still bad.

He stares out the shop and into the pouring rain, wondering when it will hit. The weather forecast spoke of the early evening hours, but that doesn’t mean Youngjae can’t shudder and anticipate.

“You okay?” Jongup asks him between customers - because these have come in like clockwork today, as if there’s nothing more attractive than sweaty coffee shop boys. Daehyun refused to put any icing or glaze on today’s cookies, and that’s saying something.

“Just waiting for the storm to hit,” Youngjae says, attempting to sound nonchalant.

“I can take you home later if you want to,” Jongup offers immediately, bless his soul.

Youngjae scoffs. “Oh please. I’m not a child anymore.”

“Okay,” Jongup shrugs, not indicating whether he’s convinced or not. “Whatever you say.”

Yeah. Probably not convinced.

The door to the shop opens, letting the prattling sound of pouring rain inside, as well as a gust of uncomfortably clammy air - and Himchan, somewhat soggy, but smiling nevertheless.

The sight of him actually manages to distract Youngjae from his preoccupation, and he stands up a little straighter, smiles back. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Himchan says, shaking water out of his hair. He’s wearing a t-shirt again, inoffensively white for once. Inoffensive … apart from the fact that the rain has made it see-through and makes it stick to Himchan’s chest as if it was painted on.

Youngjae swallows nervously, clears his throat. “I hope you have another t-shirt at the office.”

“Eh?” Himchan says, and then chuckles, looking down himself. “Ah. Yes, I do - a proper dress shirt, too: pressed and everything.”

“How relieving,” Jongup butts in, for once not vanishing into the kitchen. “What can we do for you today?”

“Iced coffee,” Himchan says promptly.

Youngjae approves of this sensible choice, mostly because they have a pitcher of chilled coffee in the kitchen, and he doesn’t have to bother with anything resulting in steam.

“I’ll get it,” Jongup says, leaving them alone after all, and Youngjae tries not to stare at Himchan’s chest. The sky decides that this would be the perfect opportunity for some gentle rumbling, so Youngjae flinches instead of staring, bangs his knee against the counter.

Himchan looks up, listening for additional clamour, and then back down at Youngjae, when none comes forward. “That’s not too bad.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’s here yet,” Youngjae points out, and Himchan nods, tilts his head.

“Will you be okay?”

“Yes, Himchan,” Youngjae drawls, “I’m not six anymore.”

Himchan doesn’t mention that, as far as he knows, Youngjae’s fear of thunderstorms lasted well into his twelfth year, and Youngjae is rather grateful for that. This is not the moment to rehash the past - no, it is the moment Jongup returns from the kitchen, iced coffee at the ready.

It looks quite as outrageous as the last time Himchan ordered one, crown of cream and cookie crumbs and everything, and Youngjae’s mouth morphs into a prissy little beak of teasing. “Weren’t you worried about getting fat?”

“What?” Jongup says, handing Himchan the coffee. “Don’t be ridiculous - he looks great!”

Youngjae’s day needed only that. “No flirting please.”

“I’m not flirting,” Jongup says dryly. “I’m stating facts.” He then proceeds to lean on the counter to better smile at Himchan. “Enjoy your coffee.”

“Thank you, I will,” Himchan says, evidently pleased with the turn this conversation took. He looks around, realizes that his usual table is occupied - as are most of the others, in fact. He blinks. “People are weird.”

“What, for coming here?” Youngjae sniffs. “This place is great, just so you know.”

“Oh I’m aware of your shop’s manifold attractions,” Himchan murmurs. “But is this really the weather for coffee?”

“Well, you’re here,” Youngjae points out. “Drinking coffee.”

“First of all, this is ice cream,” Himchan chuckles. “And then we both know I’m not here for the coffee, no matter how good it is.”

“ _Naw_ ,” Jongup says, somehow managing to stretch his sound of approval over three syllables. “I’m in the kitchen if anyone wants me.”

A second later he’s gone, and Himchan raises his eyebrow at Youngjae, still holding his iced coffee aloft. “He’s very special, isn’t he?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Youngjae mutters. “You want a spoon for that monstrosity?”

Himchan does, so Youngjae gives him one, looks after him when he walks away to sit at one of the few empty tables. He’s aware of a very real desire to follow and sit with him, and Youngjae takes a deep, fed up breath. There’s no way this day could get any worse.

 

It gets worse.

Youngjae, because he’s an idiot, insisted that Daehyun and Jongup go home first. It made sense to him at the time, since they have to travel a little bit further to their respective homes than he does … and then Youngjae wanted to prove to them how very much he’s not afraid of thunderstorms.

So here he is, all alone in the shop when the gloom sets in. It’s not quite dark yet, so he can just make out the absolutely wonderful yellow tint in the air. It has stopped raining quite a while ago, and to make up for it the wind has picked up, is tearing at the fresh young leaves on the trees planted at intervals by the side of the street.

It has all the markings of something epic, and Youngjae wishes he was home already. Because he can’t go out with the weather like this, ridiculous as it is. He’d have to walk a few streets to the bus stop, would have to ride the bus, and then walk yet again all the gloomy lonely way to his flat.

The thunder could set in at any point during this journey, and Youngjae would rather die than have a stranger on the bus witness him freaking out. So he bites his nails, wondering what the fuck to do. There’s really not much, apart from spending the night at the shop. God, he’s so pathetic.

Jongup and Daehyun would know as soon as they come in tomorrow; he _has_ to go home. Having made that decision Youngjae locks up the shop, secures the windows, turns off all the lights … and remains frozen beside the light switch.

Jesus fuck, it looks like armageddon outside - and the storm hasn’t even hit yet. But already the clouds are pulling up into mountains of menacing darkness, almost purple in some places, and the wind is playing tug of war with everything not completely immovable. Youngjae watches it tear at the sign of the tea shop across the street, swinging it back and forth on its hinges, and wonders if it will survive the abuse.

There’s a sudden bang against the customer entrance door, and Youngjae shrieks, then slaps both hands over his mouth, instantly mortified. Because there’s a person standing outside, not the storm demon he imagined. Their face lies in shadow, and their hair is severely blown by the wind, but Youngjae would know that silhouette anywhere. Thus he stalks forward on shaky legs, unlocks the door. “What are you doing here?”

The wind whips the words from his mouth, tries to do the same with the door, so Himchan pushes him back inside, pulls the door shut behind them. “Jongup texted me. He said you’re here alone.”

“He did?” Youngjae asks, tears biting at the back of his eyes. He’s always been quick to cry, and right now he’s feeling grateful enough for some gross sobbing.

“Yeah,” Himchan says gently, “he did.” He’s standing a little closer to Youngjae than the personal space bubble would dictate - is hovering protectively. “Let me take you home, okay?”

“Okay,” Youngjae whispers. Outside the wind howls a challenge, and Youngjae can barely stop himself from grabbing Himchan’s hand. So Himchan does that for him, resolutely pulls him closer. “You got all your stuff?”

Youngjae nods, and then they’re off - barely stop to lock the shop behind them. The way to the bus stop passes in a blur of gloom and wind, and as little shelter as the bus stop offers, it is still more than welcome to Youngjae. He makes himself let go of Himchan’s hand, just to remain as close to him as physically possible without them actually morphing into one body.

Himchan is solid where Youngjae is not, his frame promising dependability and steadiness, and when the bus arrives, Himchan lets Youngjae go in first, shields him from the wind with his body. Youngjae pays for both their fares, and then they walk towards the back of the bus, sit next to each other on an empty bench. Outside the first tentative rolls of thunder make themselves heard, and Youngjae bites his lip, presses a little closer to Himchan, aligns their thighs from hip to knee.

It has always been the noise that got to Youngjae, even when there’s no particular reason he could pin it on. Logic has nothing to do with this - it’s primal.

Thanks to the bus being far from empty Youngjae can busy himself with people watching during the ride home. It’s distracting enough to lull him into a false sense of security, which promptly shatters when they get off. A violent gust of wind grabs Youngjae as soon as he steps onto the curb, and he yelps, instinctively turns towards Himchan when he puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Himchan looks back at him, a little smile in the corners of his mouth, and Youngjae allows him to push him a few steps further so Himchan can join him on the sidewalk. “Almost there, darling.”

His voice is low and soothing, and Youngjae holds on to his elbow all the way home. He breathes a sigh of relief once inside the house, and then another one when closing the door to his flat behind them.

Then he tackles Himchan to the door, hugs him fiercely. “Thank you!”

“Jesus!” Himchan says, lifting both arms to hug him back. “Warn a guy, will you.” He gives Youngjae a little squeeze, and Youngjae presses into him, eyes closed, relishing the familiarity of it. God, but Himchan smells good. “Will you be okay now?” Himchan asks, and Youngjae pulls back, stares up at him.

“You’re not thinking about going home in this weather?”

Himchan blinks. “I can hardly ask you to -”

“To what? Offer you hospitality after you went all shiny knight on me and walked me home?”

“Shiny knight?” Himchan echoes, audibly amused, and Youngjae huffs.

“You know what I mean. So no - I won’t be alright. You have to stay.”

“Ah, you leave me no choice,” Himchan smiles, lifts his hand to pluck some order into Youngjae’s windblown fringe, infinitely gentle. “What’s for dinner then?”

Youngjae might not have thought this through. “Erm … not much, I’m afraid. I’m not good when it comes to shopping. Or cooking.”

Himchan grins. “Okay. Then let me see what I can do.” He takes off his shoes and strolls off, apparently already familiar with the layout of the flat after his previous visit.

When Youngjae catches up with him he’s taking stock of the contents of the fridge and ice box, looking far from impressed. Youngjae squirms. “Yes, I know.”

“How aren’t you suffering from scorbut yet?” Himchan drawls, getting a pack of eggs out of the fridge and placing it beside the stove. “This is disgraceful.” He turns his head, smiles at Youngjae. “Fried egg toast with cheese?”

It’s what he made for Youngjae when he used to babysit him, and the mere mention of it makes Youngjae salivate something bad. “God yes!”

Himchan winks at him and sets to work, and Youngjae hovers, watches him grate the cheese and prepare the egg mixture while the wind pushes and pulls at the kitchen window. It’s cozy instead of scary, with the kitchen light providing some desperately needed illumination.

“I’d forgotten about this,” Youngjae murmurs, and Himchan turns his head, looks at him a little wistfully.

“Never made it for yourself?”

“No,” Youngjae says, voice flat. It would have hurt too much.

Watching Himchan now, Youngjae is reminded of how it was to stand beside him at the stove as a child, propped up on a little stepladder to bring him up to the counter. He never understood why his parents had to explain to other people how they could leave their son alone with Himchan, never experienced the wild, loud side those people kept talking about.

“He’s different around Youngjae,” his parents used to argue. “He says he has to take proper care of him.”

And he did; he always did.

“Do you want tea?” Youngjae asks, his voice a little wobbly, and Himchan nods, his eyes on the oil in the frying pan, patiently waiting for it to reach the right temperature. “Yes please.”

So Youngjae makes tea, while Himchan prepares the food, and when they sit down to eat Youngjae is proud of them both. “Look at that - a proper dinner.”

“If this is your idea of proper dinner I feel sorry for the state of your intestines.”

Youngjae grimaces. “Can we not talk about intestines right now?”

“Fine, but at some point I’m taking you shopping for vegetables.”

Youngjae sighs, deeply and heartfelt. “If you absolutely have to.”

“If you’re good I might even cook them for you.”

“Now that is something I can get behind!”

Himchan looks delighted to hear him say so, and it occurs to Youngjae that he really is touchingly invested in restoring them to their old glory. Youngjae looks at him across the table, fork suspended in mid-air, hit by a sudden wave of affection for his hyung. “Well, shit.”

Himchan looks up, eyebrows raised in question, and Youngjae points an accusatory fork at him, bit of droopy cheese wobbling balefully. “Now you’ve gone and done it - I like you again.”

Himchan’s face almost splits in two with how hard he’s smiling. “Is that right?”

“Yes, so don’t you dare skip out on me again - I’d kill you!”

“Oh, there’s no danger of that,” Himchan murmurs, returning his attention to his plate of food. “Don’t you worry.”

“Oh really?” Youngjae sniffs, finally stuffing his fork into his mouth. “How come?”

“I’m not sixteen anymore,” Himchan explains, voice a little rough around the edges.

Youngjae harrumphs, but doesn’t question him any further, and they finish their meal in silence, take the remaining tea to Youngjae’s tiny living-room.

“You always said you wanted to be a pirate,” Himchan comments, looking around at the mess. “Seems like you succeeded.”

He plops down on the one immediately accessible spot on the sofa, and then there’s a flash of lightning outside the window, followed by an eardrum destroying crash, and the next thing Youngjae knows is that he’s in Himchan’s lap, clinging to him. “Fuck!”

Himchan puts his arms around him, his right hand coming up to the back of Youngjae’s head, and Youngjae presses his face to his neck, adequately ashamed. “Sorry.”

“It’s quite alright,” Himchan murmurs, rubbing his left hand up and down on Youngjae’s back, makes Youngjae realize he’s actually trembling. “That was very loud.”

Youngjae pulls up his shoulders. “It really was.” He stays where he is for a moment longer, and sure enough, there’s another flash followed by another bang, and he clings to Himchan a little harder. “It’s right on top of us.”

“Yes,” Himchan says, gently shoving at the collection of blankets and cushions on the couch until there’s enough space for at least half a person next to him. Youngjae obediently moves to occupy that space, although he doesn’t really want to, and is properly grateful when Himchan immediately puts his arm around him.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Youngjae hears himself say, and Himchan squeezes his shoulder, ruffles his hair.

“Me too.”

Youngjae drags one of the blankets over them, and just like that he’s already halfway into Himchan’s lap again. Himchan accepts it with a little sigh, and when another thunderclap makes its dramatic arrival, he buries his hand in Youngjae’s hair, holds him extra tight. “I’m worried about what you do when no-one’s around for this,” he murmurs.

“Hide under the bed,” Youngjae snarks, albeit weakly. “Don’t you dare tell anyone.”

“Never have, never will,” Himchan promises him solemnly.

The centre of the storm moves away soon enough, and once it’s merely rumbling in the distance and no longer right on top of them, Youngjae is starting to feel a little better. He still remains glued to Himchan’s side, because Himchan is sturdy and warm and an endless source of comfort.

“How about turning on the TV?” Himchan asks eventually. “I think it’s quiet enough now.”

So they watch a show of the timeless Someone Is Dead And Someone Else Did It format, which manages to distract Youngjae a little from what’s going on outside his flat. Only when the show is over and Himchan turns off the TV does it become evident just how hard it has started to rain, hopefully hailing the end of the thunderstorm. Himchan looks at him in the yellow light provided by the lamp beside the couch. “Still want me to stay?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says emphatically. “It’s raining buckets outside! … And the thunder might come back.” He says that last part very softly, almost too softly to be heard, and Himchan smiles understandingly, ruffles his hair.

“Ok then. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No.”

“Youngjae …”

“... It might come back,” Youngjae says again, staring down at his knees.

And then Himchan pulls him in, brushes a kiss to his forehead. “I just can’t say no to you.”

For a second Youngjae forgets how to breathe. Himchan moves back into his original position, and Youngjae finds that he’s closed his eyes, is warm through and through. It takes him a moment to muster his bluster. “And don’t you forget it.”

 

Himchan is standing on the one side of the bed, and Youngjae is standing on the other, and somehow, this feels weird. Not uncomfortable weird, just … weird.

Youngjae has given Himchan one of his pajamas, and, because he wanted to be funny, he gave him a shorty. Now, he was aware of the juiciness of Himchan’s thighs - three-eyed frogs on Jupiter are aware of the juiciness of Himchan’s thighs - but seeing them without their protective jeans-casing is on a whole different level of awareness.

Youngjae feels like he could go on a spiritual dream journey and not reach this level of awareness.

“You’re sure you don’t want me to sleep on the couch?” Himchan says at this point, possibly aware of Youngjae’s awareness. “Because I can totally sleep on the couch.”

The weather gods, with impeccable timing, decide to roll a little rumble across the heavens somewhere in the distance, and Youngjae gets over himself and Himchan’s juicy thighs. “Just get into bed, will you.”

Himchan obeys, because he doesn’t know how to say No to Youngjae, and they find themselves side by side beneath the covers, just like when they were kids. Except they’re not anymore. That much became abundantly clear when Youngjae brought the shorty into the bathroom while Himchan was taking a shower and some accidental peeping occured.

Youngjae took a shower too, because after the kind of day he had he definitely needed one, but he doesn’t think Himchan peeped back on him. Why would he, really. Youngjae sighs and turns off the lights, wriggles a little deeper into the covers. He’s exhausted, wonderfully sleepy, and all he wants to do is turn on his side, burrow into Himchan, and fall asleep. He’s just tired enough to not immediately berate himself for the idea.

Himchan would let him, wouldn’t he? He didn’t mind the cuddling earlier either - didn’t even protest when Youngjae clung to him. But that was when they were right in the middle of the thunderstorm, which gave Youngjae every excuse he could possibly need.

Now the blasted thing has moved on, merely rumbles instead of banging, and Youngjae -

There’s a crash, rather closer than all that gentle rumbling, and Youngjae squeals and slithers right on top of Himchan - who oofs, and puts his arms around him out of what is probably pure reflex. “This storm has more attitude than you do.”

Okay, Youngjae thinks, that’s that out of the way with. Fabulous. Except now, under the sheets and in their respective pajamas, Himchan feels even warmer than he did earlier. Which isn’t really a problem … just kind of noteworthy, apparently.

Youngjae very carefully slides off him, and then he just … lies there, his head resting on Himchan’s shoulder, arm stretched out across his chest.

“Youngjae -” Himchan starts, whereupon Youngjae gets clingy, and Himchan sighs. “Okay.”

So they stay like that, and Youngjae soon falls asleep, all safe and secure in the knowledge that no matter what the weather might come up with during the night, Himchan will be there to thwart it.


	13. Chapter 13

When Youngjae arrives at work the morning after his stormy night with Himchan, Jongup is already there. But instead of opening up and getting the shop in order for the customers, he’s standing in front of the locked doors, _waiting_. He’s also wearing his glasses instead of making do without them and squinting at everything that moves, and Youngjae realizes that this is going to be a very special day.

Maybe even more special than the previous one. With Jongup you never know.

“Tell me everything,” he says when Youngjae has reached him, not particularly surprising.

 _As if_. Details, maybe. But not everything. The overall effects of Himchan in a shorty pyjama is a secret Youngjae will take to the grave, to name just one example of Things Never to be Told. No one else must ever know how it feels waking up pressed against him wearing one, how incredibly _warm_ he is. The memory is still messing with Youngjae, and that after several hours and an extremely cold shower.

“Good morning,” Youngjae says pointedly, stepping past Jongup and unlocking the shop. “Thank you for texting him yesterday.” Because there’s refusing to obey insolent commands first thing through the door, and then there’s being an ungrateful prick.

“What happened?” Jongup asks doggedly, following Youngjae into the shop. “Did he show up? Did he take you home?”

Youngjae sighs. “Yes and yes.” He turns his head, looks straight into Jongup’s eyes. “He spent the night, too. Satisfied?”

“I don’t know - are you?” Jongup asks, not even a hint of lewdness in his voice, but honestly curious. “Was it weird?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says decisively. Apart from everything else, waking up with Himchan this morning was … not quite the same as waking up alone. “But not uncomfortable. We know each other too well.”

And they do. When Himchan opened his eyes this morning Youngjae was still pressed to him head to toe. He just couldn’t make himself move away. It felt too nice, too familiar. But did Himchan freak out? Did he comment on it? _He did not_.

Sure, he looked a little weird for a moment - probably didn’t remember where he was right away - but then he smiled at Youngjae, all sleepy and soft. It was _devastating_. Youngjae has no idea how he didn’t strangle him on the spot.

Jongup looks at Youngjae for a long moment, as if he’s trying to read his mind, and then Dae comes in, slightly out of breath, what with being a bit late and all that. “What are you standing around here for?” He comes closer, and then subjects Youngjae to another intense stare. “You okay after last night?”

Youngjae loves them both, he really does. “Yes, I’m fine. I wasn’t alone.”

“He was with Himchan,” Jongup supplies, and Daehyun’s reaction is everything one could wish for.

“Oooh!” he makes, stretching the word for all it’s worth. “So what, are you friends again now?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, earning himself two blinding smiles he doesn’t quite know what to do with. “Can we get to work now?” he grumbles, turning away. “It’s as if you have no private life, seriously.”

“But yours is so much more entertaining!” Daehyun laughs, vanishing into the kitchen to do his thing, while Jongup reaches out to squeeze Youngjae’s shoulder.

“I’m just glad you weren’t alone last night. That was one intense storm.” With that he turns away and leaves Youngjae to his sudden onset of mushy friendship feelings.

 

They open up and get through the morning rush with Zelo’s apt assistance, and once the beanpole has left for his newly founded study group, Youngjae settles down for Himchan’s inevitable arrival.

He comes in a little later than is his wont, and Youngjae can’t help but notice that he’s put more effort than usual into his appearance. He’s not wearing slacks, but his jeans are very nice and entirely devoid of rips or tears, his rosé coloured shirt is very crisp indeed, and Himchan’s hair, usually left to do what it will, has been styled away from his forehead in elegant waves.

Youngjae stares, and so do several other people, and when Himchan arrives at the counter Jongup looks entirely too appreciative. “Great entrance,” he says. “Ten out of ten points.”

Himchan grins at him. “I really like your glasses.” Jongup thanks him and skedaddles, and Himchan transfers his attention to Youngjae, who is still staring.

“I had an appointment,” Himchan says in an apologetic manner. “I told you this morning.”

“Didn’t prepare me for the supermodel entrance,” Youngjae says in a failing voice. “I expect you won?”

Himchan grins. “It wasn’t that kind of appointment.” He eyes Youngjae’s oversized sweater and his grin softens to a smile. “You look very nice, too.”

“Thank you,” Youngjae murmurs, aware that his ears are getting red. Damn model Himchan and his smooth ways. “What do you want to drink?”

“I’m feeling like caramel cappuccino today,” Himchan says, and Youngjae sets to work, not even asking for the size, because Himchan always wants large anyway. Youngjae is trying not to read anything into it, but he _did_ see Himchan naked last night.

“When are you free for our vegetable date?” Himchan asks, and suddenly Dae starts to sing in the kitchen, rather loudly. “I feel the matter is urgent.”

Youngjae, trying to ignore the sounds of his two best friends shoving each other back and forth while Dae continues to belt his favourite ballad, takes a gulping breath. “Err, I’m free tonight?”

Himchan beams at him, either completely deaf to what’s going on in the kitchen or drawing his own conclusions and preferring to remain blissfully ignorant. “Sounds perfect. Want me to cook for you?”

Youngjae wants that very much indeed. He hasn’t had a proper meal in ages, due to both laziness and lack of talent; so he nods, rather enthusiastically. “Yes, please!”

Himchan dimples at him, and Youngjae has a sudden vision of how _he_ woke up this morning. Because he did so long before Himchan, and with his head on Himchan’s shoulder no less, as rested and relaxed as he possibly could be. (Seriously, he felt _invigorated_. It was magic.) Himchan, still sound asleep, had put his arm around Youngjae and was holding him close, and while his expression wasn’t precisely _warm_ , there was something about the way the corners of his mouth were curling that made him look happy.

Youngjae clears his throat, banishing the vision to the back of his mind where it proceeds to illuminate the whole landscape. “Cookie?”

“Yes. Surprise me.”

So Youngjae gets him a macadamia nut cookie with white chocolate, and Himchan thanks him, indicates their usual table with a tilt of his head. “Join me?”

Since Dae is still singing in the kitchen, Youngjae takes it upon himself to check in on both him and Jongup and inform the latter that he has to man the counter for a bit.

“Sure,” Jongup says, breathless from his ongoing wrestling match with Daehyun. “Be right out!”

“What are they doing in there?” Himchan asks casually while they walk over to the table, braving the topic after all, and Youngjae sighs, sinks into a chair.

“Being of two opinions regarding my privacy,” he explains in a dry voice. “It seems Dae is on my side for once.”

“I think they’re both on your side,” Himchan suggests. “They just have different approaches in their pursuit of what they think is best for you.”

Youngjae blinks at him. “You’re all in cahoots, aren’t you?”

“No,” Himchan says emphatically. “We’re really not.” He sounds rather too serious, and Youngjae blinks at him, startled. “I wouldn’t conspire behind your back,” Himchan adds, voice much softer. “It would defeat the purpose of regaining your friendship, wouldn’t it?”

“You should tell _them_ that,” Youngjae drawls, feeling weirdly tingly thanks to Himchan’s speech. “I feel like they could profit from your wisdom.”

Himchan grins at him. “But they’re not conspiring, Youngjae - you know precisely what they’re doing, don’t you?”

Youngjae has to admit that he’s got him there, but certainly not out loud.

 

Himchan is waiting outside the shop when they close, just as he said he would, and Youngjae has to suffer Daehyun grinning and Jongup winking at them both as they go their merry ways.

“I really like your friends,” Himchan comments, while Youngjae locks the shop. “They’re cute.”

“You can have them,” Youngjae huffs, turning towards him. “Okay. I’m ready - where do you plan on procuring those mystical ‘vegetables’ you were talking about?”

Himchan grins at him and his air-quotes. “I’m reasonably sure they have some in the supermarket close to your place. Come on.”

They take the bus again, this time under an entirely unthreatening sky, and once they reach the supermarket, Himchan immediately assumes control over the shopping cart.

He assembles the dreaded vegetables, ground meat, pre-shredded cheese and a few other things, and Youngjae looks on in interest as he drifts behind him, sensing where this is going. “I don’t have a lasagna dish.”

Himchan shoots him a baleful glare. “You’re a disgraceful pumpkin.”

Youngjae sticks out his tongue at him, and Himchan gently taps him on the nose with the packet of cheese, then veers off in the direction of the cashiers. They pay for their shoppings, proceed to the store across the street for a lasagna dish, and then they lug it all home.

Considering the fact that Youngjae has no adult-friendship experience with Himchan to speak of, it really shouldn’t feel as familiar as it does, but here they are. All his struggling to keep Himchan out of his life was for naught. He’s honestly contemplating to get Himchan a pair of guest slippers of his own, and that’s just plain exasperating.

Youngjae gives himself a mental slap and watches Himchan wash the lasagna dish, pale pink shirt rolled up to his elbows. Himchan looks at home in his kitchen, looks as if he belongs, and Youngjae dutifully takes the lasagna dish from him to dry it off, no talking required. GOD, it’s more domestic than Youngjae has ever felt since he’s moved out of his parents’ house.

“This is really weird, isn’t it?” he asks, watching Himchan wash the vegetables, and Himchan turns his head to look at him while his hands resume their task.

“Only because it’s not really weird at all.” He shrugs and smiles, and Youngjae smiles back.

“Yeah.”

But the thing is - THE THING IS - Youngjae has never felt like this before. Sure, there’s the old trust and comfort he feels around Himchan buried in his bones, but then there’s also a strange sense of excitement. Youngjae is feeling bubbly when all Himchan is doing is preparing him a meal, and yes, LASAGNA, but still.

“This should last you for at least another day,” Himchan says at that point, putting a wok on the stove and starting to cut some onions, and Youngjae is momentarily diverted.

“Really? Cool!”

Himchan smiles at him again, and Youngjae steps closer, positions himself just behind Himchan’s left shoulder for a better vantage point. “Walk me through the steps?”

Whereupon Himchan attempts to teach Youngjae how to make vegetable infused lasagna, which turns out to not be all that difficult. It does take time to get everything prepared though, and when the dish is finally in the oven almost an hour has passed.

“Which is why I always make enough for at least two days,” Himchan explains. “It’s better on the second day, too.”

They migrate to the living room for the time the lasagna has to stay in the oven, and Youngjae hastens to clear the couch, shakes up the pillows and folds the blankets while Himchan watches in fond amusement. The sight of the tidied up piece of furniture reminds Youngjae of how he sought refuge in Himchan’s lap _just yesterday_ , and wow, maybe he should’ve thought twice about their vegetable date before agreeing to it.

Not that this is a DATE. This is, for all intents and purposes, a continuation of their childhood relationship. Does Youngjae really want a guy four years his senior in his life, who knows all his embarrassing secrets, teases him whenever possible, takes care of him and cuddles him and will even go so far as to hold him all night in case of thunderstorms?

HELL YES.

Huh. Okay then.

“Stop grinning and sit down,” Youngjae snarks, pushing Himchan onto the sofa. “As if your place was any cleaner.”

“How would you know? You’ve never been to my place,” Himchan snorts. He grabs Youngjae’s wrist to pull him into the space right beside him, and Youngjae goes down, bounces on the sofa cushion.

“Yes,” he agrees, a little breathlessly, frees his wrist from Himchan’s grip. “So why are we doing this here, when we could instead use your kitchen, and the amazing collection of lasagna dishes you undoubtedly own?”

“Because the whole point of this expedition was to get some vegetables into your apartment, so it learns what they look like and won’t freak out should they ever show up unannounced.”

“You just want to hide your place from me,” Youngjae teases, and Himchan shifts on the couch so he can better look at him.

“Yes, you’re right,” he drawls. “My wife doesn’t allow me to bring anyone home.” Youngjae gawks in pretend shock, and Himchan starts to laugh. “What - can’t I be married?”

“As if anyone would take you!”

“Hey, you’re the one who said I look like a supermodel today.”

“Yes, but it’s the inner beauty that counts.” Himchan huffs and pokes Youngjae’s middle, almost hitting his belly button, and Youngjae squeaks and pokes him right back. “Stop that! You know I’m right!”

Himchan stops with the poking then, and his expression turns ridiculously sappy. “I already told you that I missed you, right?”

“Yes,” Youngjae replies, no idea what to do with the way Himchan is looking at him. “You did.”

Himchan sighs. “Good. Don’t you forget it.”

Youngjae doesn’t think he will. He clears his throat, aware of the blush heating up his cheeks. It’s probably normal to feel like this after twelve years of missing someone, but he’s still a little embarrassed by the sheer elation he’s feeling.

Having Himchan back is making him really freaking happy, and it’s kind of relieving that he’s not the only one who appears to be affected. Himchan is, too.

Himchan smiles and reaches out to ruffle Youngjae’s hair, and Youngjae gives into his first impulse and grabs his arm, rests his head on Himchan’s shoulder. His fancy shirt feels very soft under Youngjae’s cheek, and he closes his eyes, sighs. “This is nice.”

“Yes,” Himchan agrees softly. “It really is.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Wait a second, back that shit up a little.” Jongup looks honestly confused, and Youngjae glances at him over the rim of his water glass, takes a sip. They’re in the shop kitchen, the whole lot of them, enjoying their lunch break, and Youngjae has just finished his dutiful account of his previous evening with Himchan.

Apparently that’s a thing he has to do now.

“What?” he asks. “Which part has you all scrunched up?”

“You’re telling me that’s all that happened?” Jongup asks, and Youngjae blinks at him, slightly befuddled.

“What do you mean? What did you expect to happen?”

Jongup looks at Daehyun then, and Dae shrugs, apparently not nearly as bothered and confused as Jongup. Sometimes Youngjae just doesn’t understand Jongup at all.

“I want to try the lasagna Himchan hyung made,” Zelo says at that point. “Please.”

Youngjae brought a generous slice of his treasure to work, so he offers Zelo his plate, lets him carve off an edge and derives no small pleasure from the look of utter delight on Zelo’s face as he chews. “This is great.”

“I know,” Youngjae gloats, barely refraining from hugging the plate to his chest. “Himchan is a genius.”

Zelo grins and nods in agreement, and Youngjae isn’t particularly surprised when Daehyun suddenly looms up next to him, a greedy gleam in his eyes. “Let me try, too.”

Youngjae narrows his eyes at him. “Just one bite though.”

Somewhere in the background Jongup snorts. “Yeah, sure.”

Daehyun ignores him. “Certainly.”

So he gets to try the glorious lasagna as well, and in turn Youngjae gets to witness a truly astounding range of sex noises from his best friend, accompanied by dramatic grabs to his own chest, and culminating in a climactic knee-fall in the middle of the kitchen.

Jongup giggles all the way through it, and advances on Youngjae, fork at the ready. “Now I have to try it, too.”

Youngjae silently offers him the plate, watches him fork off his bite and eat it with all signs of pleasure. “Good, right?”

Jongup nods. “Really good. You’re one lucky guy.”

Youngjae grins and nods. “I know!”

Jongup’s throat produces a noise that sounds equal parts amused and disbelieving. “If you say so. Why didn’t he come in yet, by the way? Another appointment?”

“Yes. He said he’d be in late today - around three in the afternoon.”

“Mh-hm,” Jongup makes. “It’s good of him to let you know beforehand, so you don’t start acting like a chipmunk who’s lost his nut.”

Youngjae denies ever having behaved in such a way, and Dae grunts into his container of chicken wings, but otherwise stays out of the conversation.

“It’s still nice,” Zelo butts in, possibly trying to keep the peace. “I like how reliable he is.”

Youngjae can’t find any fault with this statement, so he continues to eat his lasagna, relishing every bite. Himchan absolutely has to make this for him again.

 

Himchan is wearing a pale yellow t-shirt that says I Love Tweety when he comes in that day. Jongup casts one look at it and grunts. “Oh good. At least _he’s_ aware.”

That statement leaves Youngjae one-hundred percent mystified, but he lets it slide in favour of rounding the counter and greeting Himchan with a hug. “Hey.”

“Hey cupcake,” Himchan says, and then his arms come up, close around Youngjae and pull him closer, and Youngjae melts against him. “Good day?”

“Yes,” Youngjae murmurs, “I had your lasagna for lunch; it was really good - again.”

“Told you,” Himchan smiles, letting go of him, just to reach out and tousle his hair.

“I let the others have a bite, and they’re properly in awe of your cooking skills,” Youngjae reveals. His peripheral vision tells him that some of the customers in attendance are looking at them, and he blushes, grabs Himchan’s wrist and pulls his hand out of his hair. “Stop that.”

Himchan twinkles at him and squeezes his hand before letting go, and behind them Jongup audibly clears his throat. “Hi Himchan.” It’s enough to make Himchan step out of Youngjae’s personal bubble and up to the counter, and Youngjae grudgingly resumes his place beside Jongup, casts him a baleful glare, which is summarily ignored. “What can we do for you today?”

Himchan looks up at the menu for a moment, just to go for the usual anyway. “A latte, please.”

Youngjae obediently moves to make him one, while Jongup puts his hands on the counter and leans forward. “You’re a really good cook.”

“Thank you,” Himchan says, audibly pleased, and Youngjae turns his head just in time to see him smile at Jongup.

“Is that a talent only Youngjae gets to benefit from, or is there a way for me to profit as well?”

For a second Himchan looks a bit befuddled by the question, but then he grins, _winks_. “What do you like to eat then?”

Youngjae is ready to spit fire. “Don’t you _dare_.”

Jongup snickers, and Himchan directs a fond smile at Youngjae. “How about I make something for the both of you?”

The suggestion is somewhat mollifying, but Youngjae still can’t like it. “He doesn’t deserve your cooking,” he decrees. “He keeps bullying me.”

“I can’t believe Jongup would do such a thing,” Himchan muses, causing Youngjae’s indignation to flare up something fierce.

“You don’t even know him!”

“But he looks so innocent.”

“What?! He does _not_. What about his squinty eyes?”

“Those are adorable,” Himchan rules.

Youngjae thinks this must be what getting mad feels like. “No cooking!” he orders. “Not for Jongup! Only for me!”

Himchan starts to giggle at that point, apparently overcome by the intensity of Youngjae’s indignation, and Jongup turns to look at Youngjae, both hands still on the counter. “Shut up and make him his latte.”

“See!” Youngjae cries out, pointing an accusatory finger at Jongup. “Bullying!” But he does do as he’s told, wishing he had eyes on the back of his head when he realizes that Jongup has turned to Himchan once more and is _talking_ to him - too softly for Youngjae to hear what is said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he can make out Himchan’s reply. “There’s really no reason for him to be jealous.”

Youngjae quickly activates the milk frother, embarrassed. Once the high pitched gargling dies down and the latte is finished his blush has mostly vanished, and he can hand Himchan his mug without any signs of agitation.

“Thank you,” Himchan says. “What are the cookie options today?”

“Vanilla blueberry with lemon glaze.”

“Oh god,” Himchan says. “I want three of those.”

Thus Youngjae arranges him three vanilla blueberry cookies with lemon glaze on a little plate, and then he carries that plate over to an empty table, chin defiantly raised when he sees Jongup smirk.

Himchan follows, sits down, and lifts up his face at him, smile aggravatingly teasing. “How are you getting cuter?”

“It’s my boundless rage,” Youngae grunts. “Now shut up and eat your cookies.” He plops onto the chair opposite from Himchan and puts his elbows on the table, rests his chin in his hands.

He watches Himchan reach out and pick a cookie, can’t help but smile when he takes a bite and lets out a noise of bliss.

“These are _good_.”

“Yes, I know.”

Himchan stuffs the rest of the cookie into his mouth, closes his eyes and stills, looking for all intents and purposes as if he was receiving a holy communion. Youngjae stares at him, his thoughts momentarily derailed by the sheer loveliness of Himchan’s features. It’s not that he wasn’t aware, on some level, how attractive Himchan is, but this -

Himchan’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, and Youngjae swallows dryly, forces himself to look away.

Himchan sighs and opens his eyes. “I might have to kidnap Daehyun at some point.” He reaches out for his coffee mug, cradles it between his hands and smiles at Youngjae, who is lying more or less slumped over the table by now. “Tired?”

Youngjae turns his gaze back on him, not quite sure what’s making him feel restless and exhausted all at once. “Yeah, a bit. We had a busy morning.”

“From what Zelo tells me you’re always having a busy morning,” Himchan says, voice coloured with traces of concern. “Don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

Youngjae stretches a little further over the table, steals one of the cookies, all the while looking into Himchan’s eyes. “Want to help me relax?”

Himchan blinks and colours, eyes going a little round. “I beg your pardon?”

“Cook for me again?” Youngjae wheedles, voice intentionally straying into infantile territory. “You’re so much better at it than I am.” He manages to make Himchan smile, knows he’s already won, but adds some cutesy pouting anyway. “ _Please_.”

“Of course,” Himchan says softly, looks up in surprise when Jongup suddenly appears next to his chair, just to silently replace the cookie Youngjae stole from him and disappear without a word.

Youngjae clears his throat, sits up straight. “Do you have to leave for your office again, or do you just want to stick around until we close up?”

The question seems to please Himchan, but he shakes his head. “I still have work to do. I’ll just come back later.”

Youngjae pouts. “Okay.”

“Naw, come on,” Himchan grins. “You wouldn’t want me to sit around here for hours and take up valuable space, would you?”

“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Youngjae says with asperity. “I wouldn’t mind one bit.”

Which is nothing but the truth, strange as it may sound.

Himchan nevertheless looks pretty much slain by the statement, and Youngjae clears his throat once more, fiddles with the hem of his sweater. “We’re doing it at your place today, right?” Again Himchan goes a little round-eyed, so Youngjae feels the need to specify. “The cooking, I mean.” He grins. “I want to meet your wife.”

Himchan huffs and smiles, nods in agreement. “Yes, we can do that.”


	15. Chapter 15

Himchan’s flat is almost as close to the coffee shop as Youngjae’s is - just in the opposite direction. Himchan collects Youngjae from work and they take the bus, merely have to walk for two minutes to reach his home from the stop.

“This is marvellously convenient,” Youngjae rules, looking up at the imposing building while Himchan unlocks the door. “You’re sure you’ve got everything we need?”

“Yes,” Himchan says firmly. “No shopping required.” He lets them into the house and Youngjae follows him towards the elevator. It’s an old building, but well-kept, the elevator obviously added recently. It takes them up to the topmost floor, and when they step into the hallway the faded floral wallpaper makes it feel like stepping back in time.

Youngjae doesn’t dwell on it, because he’s far too intent on getting into the flat and seeing how Himchan lives. Thus he hovers impatiently while Himchan unlocks the door, basically pushes him inside once that’s accomplished.

The entrance door leads to the butt-end of a slim hallway, serving as cloak room and shoe docking station. It’s looking straight at another door some four meters away behind which - so Himchan informs Youngjae - is the bathroom. Nothing riveting. But there’s an arched opening to the left about halfway to the bathroom, and Youngjae has high hopes for it, only waits for Himchan to hand him a pair of guest slippers to go investigate.

He walks into what’s basically a living room kitchen combination. The ceiling is high and the windows are facing east, looking out over the city, still wrapped in early evening light. The overall impression is neither fancy nor expensive, but _comfortable_ , which is something Youngjae can absolutely get behind.

He lets his eyes skip over the sturdy leather couch and the decent-sized TV, takes in the marvellously clean and organized kitchen, and decides that this place is lovely. “I like it,” he tells Himchan, who has made his way over to the kitchen counter and is preparing tea.

Himchan looks at him over his shoulder and smiles. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Youngjae walks past the cooking isle that’s dividing the kitchen from the living room area and joins him in front of the counter. He sniffs at the blend of tea he’s picked out, and watches him add a blob of honey to the loose leaves. “What are you cooking today?”

“Already hungry, eh?” Himchan says, filling up the water boiler and letting it do its thing. “I want to cut up some potatoes and carrots, put them in the oven and have them with sour cream and pickled fish.”

Youngjae blinks at him. “Don’t you think you’re taking this healthy food thing too far?”

The question makes Himchan giggle. “Don’t worry, you’re going to like it.” He proceeds to pull open one of the kitchen drawers, unearths an actual sack of potatoes.

Youngjae stares and resigns himself to the fact that Himchan is a closeted hobbit. “Okay. Want me to help you peel those?”

Himchan does, so they stand side by side for a while, peeling both potatoes and carrots, which is not quite Youngjae’s idea of evening entertainment, yet manages, _somehow_ , to be nice.

Once the vegetables have been cut into the size Himchan deems correct, he spreads them evenly on a baking tray, covers them with herbs and spices, a sensible amount of salt as well as some olive oil and leaves them to the oven.

They then take their tea over to the couch, and Youngjae sinks into the squishy leather with a content sigh, leans back and closes his eyes. “I can’t believe you do this regularly - and voluntarily no less.”

“Unlike you I mostly sit on my butt while I do my job,” Himchan says softly, lifts his arm to put it around Youngjae’s shoulders, gives him a gentle squeeze. “Next time I’ll do the cutting stuff alone.”

“No, I want to help you,” Youngjae objects, leans into him with a little sigh. “I’m just not used to it.”

They’re silent for a moment, and then Youngjae clears his throat, glances at Himchan from the corner of his eye. “Is your case going well?”

Himchan scrunches up his nose. “Some days are better than others, but overall I think we’re making good progress.” He turns his head a little, looks back at Youngjae. “I just really like the clients, you know? I want to help them.”

He goes on to explain that while Yongguk is the legal mastermind of their operation, Himchan is the one who does most of the leg-work - the one who meets with people, who talks and negotiates and takes care of the human aspect.

“It’s what works best for us,” he says, “but it gets draining, sometimes.”

Youngjae understands that very well, but his curiosity is not yet sated. “Are you working for a big firm? How many colleagues do you have? Are they nice?”

Himchan chuckles and answers all his questions, all the while playing with a few strands of Youngjae’s hair. It’s soothing to the point that it makes Youngjae close his eyes and snuggle as close to Himchan as he possibly can.

“You should visit me at the office some time,” Himchan suggests eventually, his thumb brushing up and down the back of Youngjae’s neck, just below the hairline. “Deliver a coffee or something, so you can see it all for yourself.”

“We don’t make deliveries,” Youngjae says snobbily. “But for you I might just make an exception.”

Himchan gives him another squeeze. “Thank you ever so much.”

Youngjae can feel Himchan’s breath against his cheek, and for some reason that makes him anticipate a kiss - makes him feel slightly off kilter when none comes forward. What the fuck. He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath, realizes that the contents of the oven have started to give off an appetizing smell. “How much longer till the food is ready?”

“About ten more minutes,” Himchan replies. “Do you want bread, too?”

Youngjae decides that he does, so Himchan gets up to get some focaccia out of the fridge, puts it on a grate and slides that into the oven above the vegetables.

Youngjae watches him over the back of the couch, highly appreciative of Himchan’s domestic talents. “You’re really great at this,” he says, resting his chin on his folded hands. “But then you always have been.”

Himchan closes the oven and turns to smile at him. “That’s because I like it.”

“You’re taking very good care of me, too,” Youngjae drawls, and Himchan’s smile turns tender.

“That’s because I like _you_.”

Youngjae blushes and doesn’t really care. “Are we eating over here? Should I set the table or something?”

“Not necessary - it’s easier to just shovel everything onto plates directly from the oven. But you can pick a movie if you want to.”

Himchan indicates the shelves beside the tv-wall, and Youngjae promptly gets up to inspect their contents. What he finds is a wide range of everything from musical movies to such gems as Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure - and when he looks to the right he finds a collection of framed pictures on the wall he didn’t previously pay any attention to.

It’s mostly family pictures, Youngjae realizes, because he recognizes almost everyone: Himchan’s parents and his older sister, uncles and aunts, that kind of thing. Why Youngjae has to do a double-take when he finds himself among the familiar faces he has no idea. Probably because he’s not family, no matter how close they were when they were kids.

He stares at the picture, trying to place the moment it captured - Himchan asleep in the corner of his parents’ living room couch, and Youngjae in his lap, equally asleep, all curled up and with his chin tugged over Himchan’s shoulder.

It’s a sweet picture, and Youngjae doesn’t wonder at Himchan for putting it up … it must be a great conversation piece. Oh damn. Youngjae wonders how many visitors Himchan gets on a regular basis, how many people have seen this.

“How old was I in this?” he asks, turning his head in Himchan’s direction, and he catches him looking at him, expression pensive.

“You were five,” Himchan says softly. “It was taken on Yeji’s eleventh birthday.”

Youngjae hums thoughtfully and takes another look at the picture. “Have you always had this up?”

“Yes,” Himchan says, voice a little rough. “I told you I missed you.”

“You did,” Youngjae agrees quietly. The more often he gets to hear it, the more damage it appears to do to his defences - and those weren’t all that strong to begin with.

 

The food turns out to be _awesome_. Youngjae lays waste to three whole helpings and eats the bread practically by himself while dinosaurs chase Doctor Grant and the kids all over the place on the TV. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that that kind of wanton behavior results in a food coma, but Youngjae had hoped the fact that there were vegetables involved would help.

“You’re an evil wizard,” he groans, stretched out on the couch and with his head on a cushion - a cushion that’s lying comfortably elevated in Himchan’s lap. “An evil potato wizard.”

Himchan giggles and pets his head, makes Youngjae want to roll on his side and press his face to Himchan’s belly, possibly to bite him. Luckily for Himchan Youngjae is too full for that kind of maneuver, so he remains on his back, stares up at the ceiling (and, coincidentally, Himchan’s nostrils). “I want to spend the night.”

The hand on his head flexes momentarily, and then it relaxes again, resumes its petting. “Okay.”

“I’m too lazy to make the trip home,” Youngjae explains, as if it wasn’t obvious. “You have to give me one of your pj’s.”

“Okay,” Himchan says again, his voice sounding a bit weird. Probably too much sour cream.

“Don’t you dare give me a shorty,” Youngjae says, poking his right index finger upward in the general direction of Himchan’s face. “I’ll kill you.”

Himchan’s throat produces a vaguely hysterical sound. “I may be many things,” he says, catching Youngjae’s hand and holding it, “but I am not insane.”

Youngjae is satisfied with that reply.

 

The pj’s Himchan gives to Youngjae are dark blue and say AH BAH on the top, have frolicking sheep on the bottoms. Youngjae changes into them in the bathroom after washing up and brushing his teeth - with a toothbrush helpfully provided by Himchan, who really is all kinds of attentive and wonderful.

Once Youngjae is all fresh and ready for bed he advances on the bedroom, situated behind the TV area of the main room. He knocks on the door, gives Himchan about half a second to object to his progress, and pushes on - just to freeze in the doorframe, AGHAST.

“What the FUCK is that thing?”

It’s impossibly yellow. It has a glossy, quilted-optic astrocity of a headboard, with BUTTONS. It is, for all intents and purposes, Himchan’s bed.

Himchan, already under the covers, clad in an inoffensive pair of pyjamas of the palest blue, looks at Youngjae over the rim of his reading glasses. “Are you having a stroke?”

That might as well be the case. Youngjae lifts an accusing finger, points. “Were you drunk when you bought that? How can you sleep in it? It looks like it glows in the dark.”

“Well, it doesn’t,” Himchan grins. “But you’re welcome to sleep on the couch if it offends you so much.”

There’s a hopeful note in his voice, and Youngjae sniffs, always ready to be contrary. “You wish.” He steps into the room and closes the door behind himself, eyes the horrible bed for a second. After some consideration he jumps on it, half expecting the thing to blip to a different dimension before he lands. It doesn’t. It remains solid, only the mattress bouncing a little in the aftermath of his attack.

Himchan looks at him over his reading glasses yet again, apparently a little tired of Youngjae’s antics. “Are you regressing?”

Youngjae wrestles under the covers and slides up right next to him, immediately sleepy and snuggly. “What are you reading?”

“Some notes on the case.”

Youngjae promptly moves away from him again. “I didn’t peek, I promise.”

That gets a chuckle out of Himchan, and he reaches out, pats Youngjae’s knee over the covers. “It’s okay. Want me to turn off the lights?”

“Naw, I have a chat-date with my parents anyway; take your time.” He rolls on his belly and places his phone on the pillow, checks if his parents are already online. They are, and the next half hour is pleasantly spent by Youngjae with updating his forebears on the fascinating changes his life has undergone in recent weeks.

He had deliberately withheld Himchan’s return to his orbit from them, because heaven knows how much they love the guy, and he simply didn’t want to invite their long-distance meddling. Now that he’s actually come to enjoy having Himchan back in his life there’s no reason to keep them in the dark any longer. And boy, are they HAPPY.

Nevertheless Youngjae is very tired after a long, busy day crowned by rather too much good food, and he dozes off - wakes to Himchan gently pulling his head up so he can remove his phone from underneath Youngjae’s cheek. “‘M awake,” Youngjae murmurs, just to faceplant into the pillow when Himchan lets go of him.

Himchan giggles and puts the phone on the nightstand, gently rolls Youngjae on his back, strokes a few strands of wild fringe out of his eyes. “Just go to sleep, baby.”

Youngjae makes an affirmative noise and wriggles on his side, irresistibly drawn to Himchan’s warmth. “You too?”

“Just a moment,” Himchan says, retrieving Youngjae’s phone. “I’ll tell your parents you’re off for today, alright?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae murmurs, allows his lids to droop and snakes his arm around Himchan’s middle. “Love them.”

“I’ll let them know,” Himchan promises, and then Youngjae is already asleep.

 

Early morning light is just creeping into the room when Youngjae wakes up. He’s lying on his side, knees pulled almost all the way to his chest, and he needs a moment to get his bearings, to figure out what’s different. He’s in a strange room and in a strange bed, but that’s quite alright; because he’s warm, and comfortable, and the sheets smell really nice.

He stretches a little, presses into the body lying behind him … stills. Ah, right. He’s in Himchan’s bed. It certainly explains the arm lying around his middle, explains the steady heat along Youngjae’s back. Himchan is spooning him. The realization gives Youngjae a strange buzz, like an electric current running from the top of his head all the way down to his toes. He smiles, still a little sleepy, rubs his palm over his face.

He’s feeling just as rested and content as he did the last time he shared a bed with Himchan. Generally Youngjae is a light sleeper; he’s prone to waking up in the middle of the night or being kept awake by an overactive brain, but none of these issues seem to raise their heads with Himchan around.

Youngjae sighs, wondering how late it may be. It doesn’t really matter since the alarm clock on his phone is set and ready to go, so he doesn’t bother to check. Instead he turns, carefully, doesn’t want to wake Himchan in case it’s still too early. He manages to maneuver onto his back without disturbing Himchan’s rest, doesn’t even dislodge the arm slung around his middle.

All Himchan does when Youngjae changes position is to make a little noise and pull him closer, more firmly against his body. It makes Youngjae bite his lip and go warm all over, and he takes a peek at Himchan from the corner of his eye, nearly gets an aneurysm when he realizes that Himchan is smiling in his sleep.

Gosh, but he’s handsome.

Youngjae isn’t precisely jealous of Himchan’s looks - he’s quite content with his own genetic make-up, thank you very much - but sometimes it’s a little difficult to look at him. It’s not quite as bad anymore as it was when Youngjae was in his teens, but in moments like these Himchan actually manages to make his heart race, makes Youngjae want to reach out and touch.

Ridiculous. It’s just Himchan after all.

Youngjae sighs once more and turns on his side, facing Himchan. Again Himchan pulls him closer, and Youngjae ends up with his nose only millimeters away from Himchan’s neck, holds his breath and closes his eyes. Jesus, but this feels nice.

He relaxes into the embrace without actually meaning to, shivers when Himchan’s hand comes up to gently clasp his nape. It’s just too lovely to be held like this - held by someone Youngjae knows he can trust, by someone he’s known all his life.

Eventually Himchan stirs, and Youngjae feels him going rigid for a second - then he immediately starts to pull back, brings some distance between them, as if he’s afraid Youngjae might actually dislike having him so close.

“Sorry,” he murmurs when he sees that Youngjae is awake, runs his hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Youngjae imagines to trace actual signs of discomfort in his face and decides to just be honest. “No worries,” he grins. “I like it.”

Himchan blinks and stares at him. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae shrugs, slithering closer to Himchan so he can wrap both arms around his middle. “I didn’t change _that much_.”

“It seems you didn’t change at all,” Himchan murmurs. His voice is husky, and when his hand comes up to stroke the back of Youngjae’s neck it feels very hot. “I expect you do this with Daehyun and Jongup, too?”

Youngjae snorts. “Hell no. I mean, we hug, sure, and sometimes we cuddle a bit on the couch or something - but shit like this I’d only do with you.” He feels Himchan hold his breath and gives him a little squeeze, presses his face to Himchan’s chest. “You’re special.”

Himchan holds him very tight then, and Youngjae gets that electric sensation again, shudders in pleasure. Waking up with Himchan is really the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A great many thanks to [Moonyeyedwalrus ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonyeyedwalrus/pseuds/Moonyeyedwalrus)for inspring this chapter!


	16. Chapter 16

“How late is it?” Youngjae asks, still firmly entrenched in Himchan’s arms. “Do we have to get up yet?”

Not that he wants to. He’s warm, and comfortable, and Himchan shows no sign of wanting to get rid of him. As far as Youngjae is concerned they can stay like this forever.

“Depends on how lavish you want your breakfast - and if you want to go home to change before work,” Himchan murmurs.

Youngjae can feel his breath skim over the top of his head and he pulls up his shoulders, stretches luxuriously. “I want it extremely lavish, and yes, I need to go home. Dae and Jongup would never let me hear the end of it if I showed up in yesterday’s clothes.” He peeks up at Himchan’s face and gets a boop on the nose for his efforts.

“Then we’d better get up.” Just like that Himchan lets go of him and slides out of bed, and Youngjae, feeling robbed, blinks after him. “I’m going to take a quick shower - then I’ll make you breakfast, okay?” Himchan strips out of his pyjama top as he speaks, drops it onto the bed, and Youngjae stares.

He just can’t help it.

Rationally, he knew that Himchan was … solid. They’re almost the same height, and Youngjae himself has a nice pair of shoulders on him, but apart from that he’s more on the skinny side of things. Himchan is not. There are his glorious thighs of course, but it’s not like they’re an anomaly on an otherwise lanky body. Himchan is sturdy all over - not fat, or even hunky, he’s simply drawn with a broader brush than Youngjae.

Now here he stands, shirtless, in front of the bed, looking at Youngjae and expecting an answer to a question Youngjae hasn’t really paid attention to. “Huh?”

Himchan smiles. “Just stay in bed for a while longer. Looks like you need it.” With that he turns and leaves the room, and Sweet Baby Jesus, his _back_. Youngjae groans and sinks into the bedding, drags the comforter into his arms and hugs it to his chest.

Is it weird of him to focus on Himchan’s body so much? Does he do that with Jongup and Daehyun, too? He’s certainly aware that Jongup is almost supernaturally perfect as far as looks go, and that Dae’s face attracts a surprising number of people to the shop, just so they can get a glance at his mouth during the rare moments he shows up in the café area.

But looking at either of them never makes Youngjae experience the need to touch and … just be close. With Himchan he wants that all the time. He always has.

Oh well. It’s probably because Himchan basically raised him. Nothing to worry about.

 

Himchan returns from the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, and damn, that’s a good look on him. A very good look. Youngjae peeks at him from between the covers and bites his lip, suddenly feeling a bit hot. Himchan slips into a pair of faded jeans and puts on an intensely pink t-shirt without so much as glancing in the direction of the bed, and Youngjae watches, unable to take his eyes off him.

Eventually Youngjae realizes that the pink shirt has sequined stars on it, shimmering like mother-of-pearl, and he sits up, allows the comforter to pool around his hips. “Where are you even _getting_ those?”

Himchan looks down his chest, then back up and straight into Youngjae’s eyes. “I make them.”

Youngjae cannot for the life of him tell if he’s serious or not.

Himchan grins at him, clearly aware. “Get up. I’ll go and make breakfast.”

He leaves the room, not bothering to close the door, and Youngjae groans his way out of bed, makes straight for the bathroom. When he joins Himchan in the kitchen there’s orange juice and tea on the table, a selection of fruit to choose from, and Himchan is just pulling some rolls out of the oven.

“See, this way we’re both getting fat,” Youngjae observes, leaning over the table to get at the grapes and pop one into his mouth. “Win/win.”

Himchan gingerly puts the hot rolls into an actual bread basket and puts it on the table. “If you say so.”

He pours Youngjae and himself some tea, and they sit down to eat. Breakfast is a quiet, relaxed affair, both of them content to enjoy each others’ company in silence while outside the windows the morning sun already does its best to illuminate the city. Once finished they leave the flat together and take the bus, with Himchan getting off at the stop closest to both the coffee shop and his office, and Youngjae staying on to go home and get a change of fresh clothes.

He doesn’t even mind that he’ll have to make the trip back in the opposite direction soon, is enjoying this morning far too much. He slept really well, breakfast was lovely, and to top it all off the weather is nice, too - sky clear and blue with a light breeze in the mix.

A perfect day.

 

Despite his little detour Youngjae arrives at the shop roughly around the same time he always does. Nevertheless Jongup and Daehyun beat him to the unlocking ceremony today - Jongup is already behind the counter when Youngjae comes in, and he can see Daehyun through the service hatch to the kitchen. Instead of bombarding him with questions about his evening with Himchan, Jongup merely raises a hand in greeting and continues to arrange the clean mugs into the shelf in a manner he deems the most practical. He and Youngjae disagree on that point sometimes, but at least it’s not against his religion to stack the damn things, as seems to be the case with Zelo.

Tall people, seriously.

Youngjae gets that Jongup’s somewhat busy, but the sudden lack of interest nevertheless freaks him out a little. He stops dead for a moment and then makes a beeline for the kitchen, pounces on Daehyun. “Did something happen?”

Daehyun blinks at him. “To whom?”

“To Jonguppie!”

“No. Why?”

“He hasn’t enraged me yet.”

Daehyun takes a deep breath and sighs. “Yeah, well. I asked him not to.”

This comes so completely out of left field that Youngjae, who has no interest in baseball anyway, drops the bat in stupefaction. “Come again?”

Daehyun turns away from him to rummage through the fridge and unearth a jar of lemon curd. “He’d gotten a bit pushy, hadn’t he?”

Youngjae blinks in a rather rapid fashion. “He had?” Pushy? Jongup? Not really. Annoying, certainly. Overly nosy. But pushy?

“Yeah,” Dae says, putting the jar on the counter and selecting a box of eggs from the fridge before closing it, “I mean it’s your relationship, right? It’s none of our business if the two of you decide to take it slow. If Himchan can deal with it, so can Jongup.”

Youngjae snorts at that point, because Daehyun makes it sound as if there’s some sort of romance going on between Himchan and himself, when there clearly is not. But in a way he gets it. He’s been friends with Daehyun and Jongup for YEARS, so of course they’d treat a new contender for Youngjae’s friendship with this kind of consideration - even more so because of their history. Makes total sense.

Youngjae slaps Daehyun on the shoulder to thank him for his intervention, then returns to Jongup and helps him get the shop ready, vaguely unnerved by Jongup’s ongoing silence. He takes it for about ten minutes, and then he’s had enough. Jongup is far from verbose in any given situation, but this silence is different, presses on the lungs.

“Did Dae yell at you, or what?”

Jongup grunts and pulls up his left shoulder, noncommittal, and Youngjae realizes that he’s actually feeling _guilty_. Jesus. He slides up to Jongup and presses their elbows together, clears his throat. “How is it, that when I get pissy at you you don’t care at all, but as soon as Dae says something you immediately repent?”

Jongup turns his head to look at him, and fuck, Youngjae can’t deal with that level of sad puppy eyes. “Cut it out, will you? You didn’t pressure me into anything - I have no idea why Dae would think that in the first place.”

Jongup reaches out then, gently squeezes Youngjae’s upper arm. “Okay.”

Youngjae barely refrains from petting his head. “Please be yourself, okay?” he grunts. “I can take it, I promise.”

That gets him a raised eyebrow and an aborted snort, but nothing more. In the end Jongup nods and gives Youngjae another squeeze, once more infinitely gentle. Which just goes to prove Youngjae’s overall point. The boy is a marshmallow. There’s no way he’d willingly hurt him, and some accidental bullshit Youngjae can deal with.

 

By the time Zelo comes in normalcy has been achieved. Jongup is back to being his quiet, efficient and occasionally snarky self - with sudden bouts of affection in Youngjae’s general direction, which is far from constituting a problem.

As far as Youngjae is concerned Daehyun can yell at Jongup more often. He’s adorable when labouring under a guilty conscience.

They deal with the morning wave of customers together, and once all the caffeinated people have spilled back out through the door, Youngjae starts to get a little excited. He keeps looking at the door, keeps checking the window front for activity, unaccountably disappointed whenever someone comes in. Which is bullshit.

They _need_ customers, what is wrong with him.

Eventually Zelo, who is sitting at one of the tables with a coffee and his lecture notes, turns his head towards him, face awash with youthful curiosity. “Did Himchan hyung say he’d be in earlier today?”

Next to Youngjae, Jongup snorts in amusement, then clears his throat, pretends the unladylike noise didn’t happen.

Youngjae stands up a little taller. “Erm. No. Why?”

“Because you keep looking outside,” Zelo explains innocently. “I thought you were waiting for him.”

Youngjae opens his eyes very wide. Oh darn. The addiction is coming back. It’s like he’s five all over again, all frustrated with the slow passage of time and the fact that Himchan is old enough to go to school while he himself is not. Horrible times.

When Youngjae surfaces from the daze of his realization he finds Jongup looking at him, head tilted in fascination. “Well? Are you? Waiting for him?”

Youngjae most definitely is, but he shrugs, tries to play it cool. “So what?”

Jongup sighs. “God, this is going to take forever, isn’t it?”

Youngjae looks at the clock mounted above the exit. It certainly looks like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last bit? That's me breaking the fourth wall. This is in fact taking so very and unexpectedly long that I'm going to need some buffering time - or whatever you want to call it. Thus posting will commence next Monday (that'll be the 14th), and in the meantime I will hopefully manage to wrestle this beast into obedience. Either that or hit Youngjae over the head with something sturdy. Possibly Himchan.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go again! Thank you guys for your patience. I had a productive week with the boys (when I wasn't busy complaining over the heat), and it turns out that Youngjae is almost as eager as I am to finally get to the price. Excitement!

Aeons pass; whole galaxies are born and sink into oblivion, but eventually Himchan appears on the street outside the coffee shop. He’s still wearing his bedazzled t-shirt, the stars on his chest twinkling in the sunlight as he makes his way to the door, and Youngjae is aware of a quite intense sensation of delight bubbling up his own, non-bedazzled chest as he watches him approach the counter.

Ah yes. He’s most definitely regressing to his five-year-old self. Next he’ll get obsessed with the Power Rangers franchise; it’s just a matter of time. But there’s an order to such things, and first he has to hug Himchan. Because he’s right there, and he’s smiling at him, and the stars want it that way.

Himchan’s eyes follow him as he marches around the counter, smiling and intent, shining with the kind of focus that always makes Youngjae feel a little tingly. He looks so genuinely happy that it tugs at Youngjae’s heart, irresistibly ropes him into Himchan’s arms.

“Hello, sweetness,” Himchan murmurs into Youngjae’s ear once he has him firmly installed in his embrace. “I trust your day was nothing but good since we parted this morning?”

Somewhere behind the counter Jongup makes a strangled sound, and Youngjae remembers that he exists, clears his throat. “Yes. Even Jongup behaved himself.” There’s a certain emphasis on the words, and Youngjae can more guess than see Jongup raise his hand in greeting to Himchan before he teleports into the kitchen.

Himchan gently releases Youngjae from his arms. “You didn’t tell them that you spent the night?”

He sounds equal parts amused and reproachful, and Youngjae flails helplessly. “They’re annoying!”

The result of this statement is an explosive exclamation of disbelief in the kitchen, followed by Daehyun’s clear, maddened voice “ _You’re_ annoying! I’m hereby giving Jongup permission to be as much of a troll as he possibly can!”

Youngjae gasps in betrayed outrage, and Himchan giggles and waves at Zelo who has witnessed the entire exchange in well-mannered and probably judging silence.

Whatever his feelings, Zelo smiles and waves back at Himchan, because - apart from Yongguk - he’s clearly the most sane among his acquaintance, and such relationships need to be nurtured. “Hello, hyung. Do you want a latte?”

Himchan does, so Zelo makes him one, while Youngjae updates him on today’s cookie options. Once Himchan has selected his trifecta of chocolate, extra chocolate with caramel, and hazelnut chocolate Youngjae walks him over to a free table, goes so far as to pull out a chair for him. That earns him a raised eyebrow and a grin, so Youngjae makes sure to kick one of the chairlegs before he sinks into the free seat right next to Himchan.

“Your split personality is adorable,” Himchan says fondly, and Youngjae lifts his nose.

“You know who has a split personality? Jongup.”

“Is that right?” Himchan murmurs, his hand hovering above the cookie platter, apparently undecided about which chocolaty creation he wants to devour first. “What has he done now?”

Youngjae tells him. He also includes his little moment with Dae in the kitchen, and Himchan, with a cookie halfway to his mouth, freezes. “What?”

“What?” Youngjae echoes. “You don’t think it’s cute?”

He blinks at Himchan in mild bemusement, and Himchan blinks back, puts the cookie down and sits up straight. “Run that by me again?”

Zelo delivers Himchan’s coffee at that point, so Youngjae waits for them to get it over with their belated hug, and for Zelo to return behind the counter.

“Which part didn’t you understand?” he asks. “Because let me tell you: I’m still not quite sure what Jongup was feeling guilty for anyway.” Youngjae giggles and shakes his head in amusement. “I mean he was acting like he’d tried to pressure me into sex or something.”

“Wow,” Himchan says, blinking rapidly. “I’d had my suspicions about you, but this is actually worse than I thought.”

“About me?” Youngjae asks. “Why? What did I do?”

Himchan leans over the table, puts his elbows down and rests his chin on his hands, looks deep into Youngjae’s eyes. “Tell me, little red apple cheeks, have you ever been with a man?”

Himchan can count himself lucky that Youngjae isn’t eating or drinking anything at the moment, because if he WAS, he’d spit that shit all over him.

“THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

“So that’s a no then.”

Youngjae is severely tempted to kick him under the table. “Shut up!” He crosses his arms in front of his chest and pouts aggressively, and Himchan, apparently satisfied with that result, sits back up and remembers that he was about to eat a cookie.

His eyes do not leave Youngjae for even a second, and once he has finished chewing and had a sip of coffee, he clears his throat. “Would it be very bold of me to ask you about former partners?”

Youngjae pulls up his shoulders. “Why do you want to know?”

Himchan inclines his head, and his gaze turns soft. “Is this a sensitive topic?”

“No!” Youngjae growls. “I’ve had partners.” Himchan opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, and then his features flicker and he snaps it back shut. Youngjae sighs. “They mostly sucked, okay? Not the people - the people were lovely. I’m just not very good at romantic relationships or whatever.” Himchan looks skeptical, and Youngjae sinks a little deeper into his chair, pulls his shoulders a little higher still, mutters into his non-existing beard. “I’m not a virgin.”

Himchan looks at him for a long moment. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“I’m not upset!”

“Well, it’d be okay if you were.”

He sounds earnest, and his eyes are kind, and Youngjae relaxes. “It’s just that my parents keep bothering me to find someone, and it gets … exhausting.”

“I see,” Himchan says gently. “You won’t hear any more about it from me, I promise.”

Youngjae looks at him, at the way he’s sitting in his chair, all loose-limbed and _open_ , and he doesn’t think that anyone’s ever been as effortlessly honest with him as Himchan. No matter what, Himchan is always just himself around him, and the beautiful thing is that the same is true for Youngjae as well.

He never feels the need to put on an act for Himchan, is never afraid to be recklessly true to himself. Himchan just knows him too long and too well, there’s no need to bother with kid-gloves. Not only has Himchan proven that he can take it, no, he _likes_ it when Youngjae drops his customer service persona, positively delights in his more questionable outbursts.

Having him as a friend is _comforting_.

“Thank you,” Youngjae says softly, and Himchan winks at him, takes another sip of his coffee.

“Want me to cook for you again?”

Youngjae snaps to attention, like a puppy eager for a treat. “You would?”

“Of course I would,” Himchan drawls, gestures to Youngjae’s general everything. “Look at you all radiant and beautiful after just two days of my loving care - I obviously have to keep it up to make sure you don’t fall into a decline. Or get skorbut. Whatever comes first.”

Youngjae giggles. “Okay then. My place again?”

Himchan nods. “Sounds good to me.”


	18. Chapter 18

Seven days pass; a week of Himchan coming to the coffee shop, dependable as the sunrise, flirting and teasing and hugging his way through his interactions with Youngjae, and making him feel all kinds of wonderful.

Sometimes he offers to cook for Youngjae, and sometimes Youngjae has to ask, but it always results in Himchan spending his evening at Youngjae’s place. Not once do they go to Himchan’s flat again.

It’s not that it bothers Youngjae, per se, but he wonders about it sometimes. Himchan’s flat is really, really nice, and between the two of them he definitely has the better kitchen; so Youngjae doesn’t understand why Himchan insists on this one-sided arrangement. It’s not like Youngjae misbehaved when he slept over or anything.

Apart from some minor misgivings regarding that situation, Youngjae doesn’t think he’s ever been so happy ... or so well fed. He likes shopping with Himchan, enjoys even the cooking lessons - enjoys every freaking second he gets to spend with him. It’s precisely as it was when Youngjae was a kid, and sometimes that circumstance gives him pause.

Surely something should be different now - not only because so many years have passed, but mostly because Youngjae was nothing but angry with Himchan for the entirety of that time. It’s not even like he’s forgotten what happened; thinking about it still makes him sad, ridiculously so.

Sometimes he looks at Himchan, a little dejected and confused, and Himchan will drop whatever he’s doing and pull him into his arms, instantly alleviating all of Youngjae’s doubts.

Sometimes Himchan looks at him and his eyes go a little dark, and Youngjae wonders what he’s thinking about in those moments, if he’s even seeing _him_ and not somebody else entirely. When that happens Youngjae is the one to initiate a hug, to remind Himchan who he’s with and draw him back into the present.

 

“You know, I’m beginning to understand why Himchan ditched you back in the day,” Jongup says apropos of nothing one hideously humid Tuesday morning. Outside the sky is grey and moody, and despite the doors to the shop being wide open, there’s not a single alleviating breeze to be had. “You’re a horrible cock-tease.”

Youngjae gapes at him, offended as fuck. “Excuse me?!”

But Jongup refuses to elaborate, and then a customer comes in, forcing Youngjae to transfer his attention. Once he’s done serving the desired coffee Jongup has vanished into the kitchen. Since it’s bad form to leave the counter unattended Youngjae can’t follow him and deliver the asskicking Jongup undoubtedly deserves.

When Zelo comes in a few minutes later he takes one look at Youngjae’s stormy expression and his own face morphs into a mask of concern. “Did you fight with Himchan hyung?”

“No,” Youngjae snaps. “Jongup has finally lost his mind.”

That seems to reassure Zelo for some reason, and he smiles, gently pats Youngjae’s shoulder. “Okay.”

“What do you mean - okay?”

Zelo shrugs. “The two of you always seem to be fighting, only you never really are.”

Youngjae growls. “He’s driving me nuts!”

“You love me!” Jongup yells from the kitchen.

“No, I really don’t!” Youngjae yells back.

Zelo grins at him. “See - you’re fine.”

Youngjae groans and collapses onto the counter, which is when Himchan steps into the shop, followed by Yongguk. The sight of them is sufficiently invigorating to make Youngjae snap into an upright position and break out into one of his brightest smiles. “Hi!”

He all but skips around the counter and straight into Himchan’s arms, collects his daily hug. Himchan holds him tight for a delicious moment, calls him his _little bun bun_.

When he eventually lets go Yongguk is looking at them, his expression somewhere between intrigued and charmed. His attention makes Youngjae blush, and he very nearly bows to him, clears his throat. “Hello.”

Yongguk smiles at him. “Hello, Youngjae.” He then turns to greet Zelo, who appears to be all kinds of pleased and wants to know what has brought him into the shop.

“Because you rarely ever come,” Zelo pouts, like the giant baby he is, and Yongguk’s smile turns a little wider.

“I’ve come because we have something to celebrate and want to invite you - all four of you.”

That declaration pulls Daehyun and Jongup out of the kitchen with wonderful promptness - only the fact that the counter is between them saving Jongup from the violence Youngjae still owes him.

“Did you win your case?” Zelo asks eagerly, and Yongguk nods, his smile by now impossibly wide and taking over the second storey.

Youngjae squeals in delight and hits Himchan’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me the ruling was today?”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” Himchan says softly, but Youngjae is already hugging him again, endlessly pleased.

He’s visited Himchan at the office in the past week - delivered the promised coffee and got to know his co-workers - and while they talked about the case a few times it was always in the vaguest of terms. Youngjae understands that Himchan isn’t comfortable with sharing any details about his clients, so he didn’t ask when Himchan showed signs of unease; instead he tried his best to be either distracting or supportive, attempted to wrest most of the kitchen work from Himchan and offered him to sleep over more than once, so he wouldn’t have to make the trip home. Himchan never stayed though, no matter what Youngjae said.

“So what’s the plan then?” Youngjae asks Yongguk, basically hanging from Himchan’s neck. “Are we going out? Getting drunk? What?”

“Zelo tells me you guys know a good karaoke bar,” Yongguk says. “He made it sound very nice.”

Youngjae produces a noise of delight and starts to bob up and down, which results in Himchan putting his hands on his hips, fingers splayed wide to hold him steady. “I thought you might like that.”

“Yes,” Jongup pipes up, sounding somewhat wry. “But aren’t you the one who’s supposed to? - Like it, I mean.”

“Oh, I love karaoke,” Himchan tells him cheerfully, giving Youngjae’s hips a little squeeze. “And I’m happy when Youngjae is.”

Youngjae promptly sticks his tongue out at Jongup, and Jongup pulls him a face, visibly struggling to hold back a grin. Youngjae almost forgives him for the comment from earlier. Almost. “So when are we going?”

“We thought next Saturday would make the most sense, so you guys won’t have to worry about work the next morning,” Himchan says, smiling at their antics.

“Alright, then I’ll give Lady Proprietress a call, make sure she reserves the room for us,” Daehyun grins, already pulling out his phone. “What time do you wanna start?”

They agree on seven o’clock, and Daehyun makes his call, turns away from the group when the inevitable flirting commences.

Youngjae snorts in amusement and returns his attention to Himchan, finds Himchan looking at him, his eyes downright tender. “I’m so glad you won,” Youngjae whispers, can’t help that his voice dips into dangerously sappy territory. His arms are still around Himchan’s neck anyway, so he gives him another hug, lingers.

“You’re a sweetheart,” Himchan murmurs in his ear, hugs him back. It’s warm and infinitely nice, and the moment stretches, like one does on a lazy sunday morning in bed. Himchan’s hands glide all the way down Youngjae’s back, always so warm, and when he finally releases him he does so slowly, as if he doesn’t really want to let go.

“I’m assuming we got the room?” Youngjae asks, not so much stepping away from Himchan as rearranging his position to put only one arm around his shoulders as he looks at the others.

Daehyun grins at him, restoring his phone to his jeans pocket, nods. “Of course we did.”

“Very good,” Yongguk says, obviously pleased. “May I order something now?”

“Anything you want,” Jongup says promptly. “On the house.”

Youngjae has nothing to say against that; he just doesn’t understand why Jongup must needs make it sound so ceremonious. It’s not like he is in any way profiting from anything Yongguk has done or might yet do. “Do you want a cookie, too?” he asks Yongguk, “Oh, and we have some bags of rocky road for you to take home.”

“That, yes,” Yongguk says immediately, as animated as Youngjae has ever seen him, “and a latte, please.”

Since Jongup and Zelo appear to have that undertaking well in hand Youngjae walks Yongguk and Himchan over to a free table by the courtyard window, where Himchan immediately complains that Youngjae neglected to let him select a cookie as well.

“You want the banana bread breakfast cookies anyway.”

Himchan pulls a manic face of gluttony. “Indeed I do.”

“I’ll bring you a whole plate full,” Youngjae promises with a grin, and walks away to make good on his words, lays waste to the cookie corner.

When he comes back Himchan watches him approach, one elbow on the table and his head resting on his palm, expression highly appreciative. “You know, some of my best dreams start like this.”

Youngjae blushes scarlet. He doesn’t even KNOW WHY. It just feels like he should.

Himchan winks at him, and Yongguk chuckles. “Do you always talk to him like that?”

“Only on special days.”

Youngjae barely refrains from hitting him over the head with the cookie platter. “Shut up!”

Himchan giggles and Youngjae puts the plate on the table, has to resist the insane impulse to slide right into Himchan’s lap. “He does not talk to me like that,” he informs Yongguk in a haughty voice. “Not even on special days.”

“You’re very cruel,” Himchan mourns.

“Winning that case must have rendered you momentarily insane,” Youngjae says pointedly. “Now stop this nonsense.”

Himchan droops and makes dramatic puppy eyes at him, and Youngjae infers that Yongguk’s presence has the most interesting effect on his behavior. He’s entirely too cute like this, and Youngjae refuses to deal with it any longer. “I have to work!”

He stalks away, and Yongguk laughs - a sound so utterly beautiful that Youngjae has no idea how he makes it to the counter without falling over.

“You doing okay over there?” Jongup asks him, sliding a mug of latte in his direction, and Youngjae looks down at the receptacle as if it’s offending him.

“What do you expect me to do with that?”

“Deliver it to Yongguk,” Jongup deadpans. “Do your _job_.”

Youngjae realizes that he’s wasted a lot of energy being angry at Himchan for all those years. He really should have invested it better - be angry at Jongup instead. So much more _potential_.

“You suck.”

“You don’t - which is the problem right there.”

Youngjae fails quite spectacularly at understanding what the fuck that’s supposed to mean, and goes to deliver the coffee with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Is Jongup bullying you again?” Himchan asks, actually managing to project earnestness as long as Youngjae ignores the prominent twinkle in his eyes.

“Yes,” he says flatly. “He’s the bane of my existence.”

Himchan smiles and indicates the chair next to him, performs an inviting flourish with his hand. “You could join us.”

Youngjae cannot physically stop himself from returning that smile. “I really do need to work.”

Himchan sighs. “Okay then.”

Thus Youngjae returns to the counter, glares at Jongup and delivers another latte, this time for Himchan, who thanks him profusely and causes Yongguk to chuckle. Youngjae really hopes that Yongguk will accompany Himchan to the shop more often in the future. Himchan is adorable with him around.


	19. Chapter 19

Saturday arrives with a wave of early summer heat, and Youngjae decides to fuck it and puts on a pair of shorts. He prefers the psychological torture of being stared at to the physical one of baking inside his own clothes; everyone else will just have to deal. Thus his t-shirt is of the floppy and oversized kind, just the way he likes it. When he steps out of the house and into the morning sun, already strong enough to noticeably heat up the sidewalk, he considers himself very well dressed indeed.

Jongup doesn’t comment on his attire when he comes in for work, and neither does Daehyun. Youngjae finds that odd, but decides not to question it. He has to take enough life commentary from them as it is, there’s really no need to provoke any more of it.

Due to it being a Saturday Zelo does not come in, but will meet them at the karaoke place in the evening. Himchan on the other hand arrives at the shop around the time he always does, and when Youngjae rounds the counter to greet him there’s a curious moment during which Himchan appears to freeze in his tracks and his previously happy grin flickers ominously.

But it passes, and he gives Youngjae his hug without saying anything. Anything at all.

“Oh come on,” Youngjae huffs, delivering a parting squish to Himchan’s torso. “You said my legs were nice!”

Himchan makes a noise like a strangled rooster, clears his throat. “Oh yes. They are.”

Youngjae narrows his eyes at him. “Sometimes you’re really weird.”

Himchan looks back at him with the steadfast pupil of a man doing his best to keep his gaze above the waistline. “Please say you like that.”

“I do, actually,” Youngjae shrugs. He smiles at Himchan. “Latte or iced coffee?”

“A latte please,” Himchan says, his voice a little faint. Youngjae can feel his eyes follow him as he returns behind the counter, cannot for the life of him figure out why he likes it so much. Must be all those years he had to make do without Himchan’s attention.

He gets a mug from the shelf and starts his coffee preparations, glances at Jongup when he comes out of the kitchen. “Oh hi, Himchan.”

Himchan returns his greetings, and they talk about the weather for a bit, whereupon Himchan comments favourably upon Jongup’s trusted combo of shredded jeans and tank-top.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jongup leers. “I think our Jaebaby here is the true fashion icon today.” Youngjae stubbornly pretends not to have heard anything, so Jongup continues, his voice just a _little bit_ louder than before. “Don’t you think so too, Himchan?”

There’s a pause during which Youngjae deliberately refrains from activating the milk frother, and then Himchan carefully clears his throat. “To me he always is anyway.”

Youngjae nearly breaks his finger hitting the milk-froth button in his haste to end the following silence. He’s feeling hot suddenly - the kind of hot that has nothing to do with the weather. Not even his shorts can save him.

Must be because Himchan is embarrassing as fuck.

Jongup is snickering when Youngjae turns around, finished mug of latte in his hand, and he reaches out to pluck a few strands of Youngjae’s hair into something resembling order. “You look a little flustered.”

Youngjae glares at him. He hands Himchan his mug and encounters a fond smile, finds himself unable to hold up the glare. “Enjoy.”

“Thank you,” Himchan says, voice oddly rough. “I will.”

“Unbelievable,” Jongup mutters and vanishes back into the kitchen. If Youngjae had a grenade in his possession right now, he’d throw it after him, collateral Daehyun be damned.

“I’m really looking forward to tonight,” Himchan says at that point, distracting Youngjae from his murderous tendencies. “It’s been ages since I was last out with friends.”

Youngjae leans on the counter to smile up at him. “We’ll make it extra fun, I promise.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Himchan says, his lips curling around an amused little grin. “Being around you guys is always great.”

“What, even Jongup?” Youngjae snarks, not quite ready to share Himchan’s approval with anyone just now, especially not Jongup.

Himchan giggles. “Yes, even Jongup. You’re cute when he ruffles your feathers.”

“I’m not cute,” Youngjae says automatically. But he can’t help to be pleased, enjoys Himchan’s endorsement far too much. He also can’t help but like the fact that Himchan approves of his friends, even when one of them is Jongup.

He thinks it’s great that they all seem to fit, somehow, including Zelo and Yongguk. With the kind of age disparity they’ve got going on it could have been difficult to get along, yet here they are.

Youngjae smiles to himself and Himchan reaches out, all the way across the counter, gently tabs him on the nose. “See - cute.”

Youngjae waits for the indignation to set in, but it never comes.

 

By the time evening rolls around Youngjae has about had enough of the heat. He went home and took a shower, got dressed in a new t-shirt and shorts combo, but when he arrives at the karaoke place he’s once more uncomfortably warm. Still he’s delighted when it turns out that Himchan is already standing outside the building, waiting for him.

Himchan, apparently not quite as affected by the heat as Youngjae, is wearing proper jeans and a t-shirt that says Dance Machine below a sparkling rainbow outline of a prancing unicorn.

Youngjae, somewhat distracted by that work of art, comes to an unsteady stop in front of him, but not even dancing gay unicorns can prevent him from collecting what is rightfully his: a hug. He’s just glad that Himchan doesn’t mind to give him more than one per day. At this point Youngjae thinks he’d start crying if he had to restrict his consumption rate.

“I think we’re a bit early,” he says, still up and personal with the unicorn. “Did you get here okay?”

“Yes,” Himchan drawls into his ear. “Obviously.” He gives Youngjae the little squeeze that has become a customary accompaniment of their encounters and lets go of him - just in time for Daehyun and Jongup to show up together.

“Love the t-shirt,” Daehyun says, goes ahead and gets his Himchan hug, too. Youngjae doesn’t even mind. Daehyun deserves one at this point. Zelo and Yongguk arrive not shortly after, and they all go in together, introduce the newcomers to Lady Proprietress and have her marvel at the likelihood of six friends all being this unaccountably attractive.

Daehyun prepares her for the arrival of some sort of food delivery personnel later in the evening, then they take possession of their room. It’s already generously stocked with alcohol, thanks to Daehyun’s call on Tuesday, bottles neatly lined up on one of the two tables.

“This is a lovely place,” Himchan proclaims, sinking onto the couch that’s running around the entire length of three of the four walls. “Lady Proprietress has done a great job.”

And she has. Youngjae never thought about it much, but the square little room always feels welcoming and comfortable - like a home away from home. Maybe because the colour scheme manages to be tastefully colourful instead of dizzying, and the couch is properly sprung.

Himchan sits down to test precisely that, and Youngjae quickly slides into the space to his left before anyone else gets any ideas. He grabs a bottle of soju off the table and unscrews the lid, gesticulates it in Himchan’s general direction. “Do you want this with beer?”

Himchan, previously distracted by Jongup sitting down on his right and pointing out the most popular song options on a sheet of laminated paper, turns a sapient eye on him. “Is this the reason I got to see you so delightfully drunk the last time you guys were here? Soju bombs immediately upon your arrival?”

“Yes,” Jongup butts in. “But to be fair, we were deliberately trying to get him drunk at the time.”

Himchan turns his head around, blinks at him. “Why?”

Jongup opens his mouth, and Youngjae, fearing an honest answer from the king of traitors, quickly interferes. “Doesn’t matter now. Beer or no beer?”

“No beer,” Himchan decides. “I like it pure.”

Thus Youngjae pours him a shot and hands it to him, gets to witness Himchan chucking it like water.

Youngjae gapes at him. “Wow.”

Himchan winks and sets the glass down, licks his lips. “Don’t even try to get me drunk, my pretty doe-eyed one.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Youngjae says, stunned. “I’m far too afraid of the horrible nicknames you might come up with.”

Himchan giggles and ruffles his hair, and Youngjae has to refill his glass so he can toast Yongguk to the successful conclusion of their case. Youngjae watches them hug afterwards, all smiley and soft, and something strange and hot creeps into his chest and makes itself at home there. It almost makes him forget to drink to their success, and he quickly pours himself some beer, raises his glass just in time. He takes a few long, hasty pulls, and when he puts the glass back down on the table the resulting noise sounds too loud to his own ears.

Himchan turns to him and smiles, and Youngjae smiles back, feels the heat spread from his chest and into the rest of his body. God, this is weird. He wants to crawl into Himchan’s lap and hide against his chest, wants to be _close_.

“Should we pick the first song then?” Daehyun asks, not particularly surprising, and Youngjae quickly grabs a microphone, eager to distract himself.

They battle it out dramatically, give that ballad everything they’ve got, and when they’re done Jongup hands them both a shot. Youngjae sinks back into his spot on the couch next to Himchan, takes a careful sip, while Jongup and Zelo take over the microphones.

“You’re good,” Himchan says into his ear, and Youngjae flushes with pleasure, leans into him and finishes his shot in one go.

Himchan is looking at him when he lowers his arm, and Youngjae doesn’t quite know what to do with his expression. There’s apprehension in his gaze, but it gets overshadowed by something else, something raw and intense that makes the heat nesting in Youngjae’s chest pulse and spike.

Youngjae shudders and lifts his hand, presses down on the spot between his collar bones. It doesn’t feel like it wants to go away any time soon - feels like it wants to grow tendrils and stick around for good instead.

“Don’t worry,” he hears himself say. “I won’t get as drunk as the last time.” That gets him a smile, and the apprehension in Himchan’s eyes retreats, but the raw intensity remains. Youngjae swallows dryly. “Do you want to have a go next?”

Himchan smiles and nods, and they pick out a song together, are ready to go when Jongup and Zelo are finished. The sound machine plays the first few notes, and Himchan raises the microphone to his lips, attractively focussed. It’s then that Youngjae realizes that he’s never heard him sing since they progressed from Sesame Street.

Turns out that he wasn’t prepared for it - not even a little.

Himchan’s voice, already low-pitched and a little raspy in normal conversation, takes on a goosebumps inducing quality when he sings. Youngjae gets so wrapped up in the sound of it that he nearly misses his turn, and he can’t stop himself from staring at Himchan for the entirety of the song.

Youngjae himself is a smooth, strong baritone, and they match well, hit that sweet spot of perfect harmony a few times, and make Daehyun whistle in enthusiastic approval.

By the end of the song Himchan is basically glowing with the pleasure of a job well done, and when he lifts his arm for Youngjae to dive in, Youngjae immediately glues himself to his side, presses his smile to Himchan’s neck. “That was awesome!”

Himchan gives him a good, tight squeeze, brushes his lips to Youngjae’s forehead. There’s a second of shock while Youngjae processes what just happened, and then he presses even closer to Himchan, flushed and a little breathless.

“Naww, look at them being cute,” Dae coos in the background, and then the next song starts and Himchan gently pulls Youngjae back to their spot on the couch.

Youngjae doesn’t know if it’s the low lighting in the room, or because he had soju on an empty stomach, but he’s feeling a little unsteady suddenly, a little giddy. He turns his head to look at Himchan, and finds him looking back, the intensity from earlier still present, just … darker.

“You look a little dangerous like this,” Youngjae blurts, and it comes out as a hoarse whisper, makes him clear his throat and lick his lips.

Himchan blinks at him and sits up straighter, shakes his head as if he means to dislodge the darkness that way. “Sorry.”

Youngjae has no idea why he’d apologize for something like that - until he remembers that Himchan used to be ridiculously protective of him when he was little. It got to the point that he wouldn’t allow Youngjae to see him when _someone else_ had made him angry, for fear of upsetting Youngjae’s fragile sensibilities or whatever. So Youngjae lifts his hand and deals an impatient little slap to Himchan’s chest. “I’m not a baby anymore - I won’t get frightened just because you look at me a little dangerously.”

“No?” Himchan asks, and just like that the darkness is back in his eyes, hungry and enticing.

It makes Youngjae’s breath catch, makes it impossible for him to look away. The heat in his chest thrives under its influence, sends Youngjae’s pulse spiking and a shiver down his back, and Youngjae bites his lip, is far too close to getting goosebumps. “Stop it.”

Himchan’s demeanor immediately changes to one of weary fondness, and his smile looks nothing if not reassuring. “See, I was right to hide it.”

Youngjae has no idea what to say, feels too stunned to protest. If he’s being completely honest he’s missing that expression now that it’s gone. Argh, this is so weird. How do you tell someone that you enjoy them looking at you as if they want to ravage you? Other people simply do not have these problems, Youngjae’s sure of it.

It’s confusing, to say the least, so he turns towards the table with the beverages, intent on fixing himself a soju bomb. He doesn’t want to get drunk, he just wants something to distract him - doesn’t complain when Zelo takes the soju bottle away from him and mixes the drink for him. “Thank you.”

Zelo grins at him and fixes four more drinks for his remaining hyungs, personally delivers each and every glass. His reward is an extended cuddle session between Daehyun and Jongup while Himchan and Yongguk rock the fucking house.

Youngjae is in _awe_. He had no idea Yongguk was this good, could make such magnificent use of his voice. It’s really no wonder he chose karaoke to celebrate their success. Himchan is a worthy partner, and he keeps smiling at Yongguk as he sings, obviously aware of their amazing chemistry.

Youngjae watches them with shining eyes, and when Jongup hands him a drink he downs it immediately, doesn’t even taste the alcohol. God, they’re beautiful together.

Youngjae sighs, and when Himchan returns to him he puts his arm around his shoulders, snuggles close. “That was great.”

Himchan takes his glass away. “Didn’t you promise me not to get drunk?”

Yongguk takes one look at them, and then he leaves the room, whatever for Youngjae has no idea, can’t bring himself to really care. He clings to Himchan, already halfway into his lap. “Can we do this more often? It’s fun.”

Himchan’s expression turns soft, and he puts both arms around Youngjae’s middle, gently holds him steady. “Whatever you want, baby.”

Youngjae hums happily and presses his face to Himchan’s shoulder, closes his eyes. “I like it when you call me that.”

Himchan releases a harsh breath and holds him tight enough to leave bruises. “Oh god, you’re driving me crazy.”

He sounds a little tortured, and Youngjae remorselessly pokes his side. “That’s what you get for abandoning me twelve years ago.”

That decree gets a raspy, hysterical laugh out of Himchan, and he kisses Youngjae’s forehead again, carefully releases him from his arms. “Fair enough.”

Youngjae pouts, not quite ready to leave that embrace; but before he knows what’s happening to him, Dae has pulled him to his feet and roped him into another passionate ballad performance. Standing up makes Youngjae realize just how tipsy he really is, and he gets through the song with more passion than grace, is relieved when he can sit back down.

Next to him Himchan takes a shot, and Youngjae watches him drink, decides that he doesn’t want any more alcohol right now, no matter how tasty Himchan makes it look. He can’t avert his eyes, watches Himchan’s adams apple work as he swallows, bites his lip. Himchan catches him staring when he surfaces from his drink, and still Youngjae doesn’t look away.

The room is feeling very hot suddenly, and he pulls his shirt away from his neck, fans himself. Himchan smiles when he sees, reaches out and plucks at the bottom hem of Youngjae’s shorts. “Still not enough?”

Youngjae groans. “I think I could be naked at this point, and it wouldn’t make a difference.”

Himchan shudders dramatically. “You live to make me suffer.” His hand clasps Youngjae’s knee as he speaks, and he slowly slides it upwards to Youngjae’s thigh, gently tightens his grip as he goes. “You don’t feel all that hot though.”

The touch sends a bolt of electricity through Youngjae’s entire system. His eyes fall shut and he stills, buzzing with pleasure. It shouldn’t be possible, considering that he’s already too warm, but the heat of Himchan’s palm against his skin feels all kinds of good.

He feels Himchan’s thumb fan out a little wider and brush towards the inside of his thigh, and his legs fall open, all by themselves. The heat in his chest gently slides down into his belly, forms a knot of quivering tension.

It’s then that Yongguk returns to the room, and Youngjae opens his eyes, watches him approach and go down into a crouch in front of them. “I ordered Chinese.”

Himchan takes his hand off Youngjae’s thigh, clears his throat. “That’s a brilliant idea, thank you.”

“What, already?” Dae butts in from the sidelines. “But it’s still so early!”

“Maybe, but Youngjae could do with some food,” Yongguk says steadfastly. “It will take them a while to deliver anyway - I ordered a lot.”

Dae beams at him and proceeds to drag Zelo into a duett, and Himchan directs a searching look at Youngjae. “Want to go outside for some fresh air?”

Youngjae nods, and Himchan takes his hand, pulls him off the couch and into a standing position. He doesn’t let go as they walk, laces his fingers with Youngjae’s as he pushes through the three doors that separate them from the outside world.

It’s already dark, the air balmy and fresh, and the sidewalk is busy with the evening crowd, dressed in all styles from sophisticated to flashy. There are sounds of traffic in the distance, sounds of life all around them, and Youngjae lifts his face to the sky, while Himchan walks him around the corner of the building where it’s quieter, takes a deep breath. “Jesus, I feel drunk.” Himchan lets go of his hand then, and Youngjae promptly tilts towards him, like one on strings. He lifts his arms and puts them around Himchan’s neck, uses him as a prop to keep himself upright. “Sorry about this.”

“About what, precisely?” Himchan drawls. “Being an outrageous brat?”

Youngjae giggles and takes a step closer, leans his forehead against Himchan’s chest. “You love me.”

“Yes,” Himchan says softly, keeping quite still. “I do.”

Youngjae smiles and lifts his head, presses up to Himchan with his whole body. “I knew it!”

Himchan holds him, all warm and gentle, and Youngjae drowns in the sensation, starts to feel tingly and sensitive all over. “Can I sleep at your place again tonight?”

There’s a second of silence, and then Himchan holds him a little tighter. “Of course.”

Youngjae sighs in pleasure and _shimmies_ , delighting in the friction between them. “Nh, I like how sturdy you are.”

Himchan curses, ever so softly, and Youngjae looks up, looks into his eyes. “That was a compliment!”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Himchan murmurs. He’s looking a little flushed, and his eyes are very dark, and Youngjae wonders if he’s a little drunk, too.

“I thought you could hold your drink better than this,” he muses, lifts his finger and pokes it at Himchan’s cheek, all hot and soft beneath his fingertip. “You’re supposed to be the reliable adult in this situation.”

“Trust me, I’m trying to be,” Himchan says quietly.

His voice is low and raspy, and Youngjae draws his finger to the side, brushes it over Himchan’s lips … follows the line of his cupid’s bow, marvels at its perfection. “What, am I making it hard on you?”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

Youngjae lifts his nose, oddly proud. “I bet I’m the only one who can do that.”

“Yes, you delightful little devil, you are,” Himchan says with a rough little giggle. “Thank god.”

Youngjae grins, and Himchan smiles at him, reaches up to catch his hand. “We should go back inside - the others will start to worry.”


	20. Chapter 20

They return to an epic rap battle between Zelo and Yongguk. The mood in the room is bursting with happy energy, and Youngjae quickly closes the door behind them so that none of the magic can escape. For what’s happening right in front of their ears truly is magical - Yongguk’s deep, steady voice an excellent match to Zelo’s quicksilver flow.

Dae looks like he’s about to faint from the perfection of it all.

Youngjae can’t help but smile, listening to them, sinks back onto his spot on the couch, and pours himself a shot without thinking, downs it right away.

Himchan stares as he collapses onto the seat next to him. “Are you kidding me right now?”

Youngjae giggles, caught, and licks his lips. “Sorry!” He puts his glass down and slides closer to Himchan on the couch, thigh against thigh. “I’ll stop for now, promise!”

He crosses his heart and attempts a boy scout sign, and Himchan takes his his hand into his, holds it tight. “You’re lucky I’m so fond of you, otherwise you’d really be in trouble.”

“Heh,” Youngjae makes. “I know.” He grabs Himchan’s arm and gives it an enthusiastic cuddle. “That’s why you’re my favourite.” He catches Jongup looking at them and sticks out his tongue, and Jongup smiles, shakes his head and turns to whisper something into Daehyun’s ear.

Dae looks at them too then, and he starts to grin right away, claps Jongup’s thigh and says something Youngjae can’t hear over the music.

He doesn’t really care. He’s delightfully tipsy, Himchan is right next to him, all warm and steady and caring, and if Dae and Uppie want to talk nonsense about them, they can do so with his blessing.

“I want to sing with you again!” he announces, drags Himchan to his feet as soon as the microphones become available, and forces him into the sappiest love song of all times.

Himchan, at first visibly reluctant, quickly gets into the spirit of things. Halfway through the song he grabs Youngjae’s hand, sinks to his knees, and proceeds to serenade him, all the while looking _deep_ into his eyes. Youngjae stares back, his chest alight with laughter and something else entirely, and he barely registers Daehyun cheering in the background.

God, he’s so happy he’s got Himchan back in his life.

 

Their food arrives roughly twenty minutes later, and it turns out that Yongguk ordered them pretty much every single option on the menu. Unwrapping it all takes forever, and eating it all would be downright impossible if they hadn’t brought Daehyun.

Youngjae stuffs his face until the world stops wobbling around him, and then he sinks back into the couch with a sigh, allows his gaze to wander. Most of the others are focussed on their food, but Yongguk catches his eye and smiles at him, and Youngjae smiles back, bright and grateful.

He just can’t help but _like_ Yongguk; he likes how quiet and shy he is at times, how intense and sharp when in his element at work - how brightly he smiles. Yongguk is a lovely person to be around, and Youngjae is happy that Himchan has found such a good friend. There’s not even any sense in getting jealous - anyone not ready to live and die for Yongguk must be a crazy person.

“Want the rest of the spicy chicken noodles?” Himchan asks at that point, and Youngjae squawks in delight and all but rips the container from his hands.

Himchan giggles and pours himself some beer, sips it as he watches Youngjae eat. “Feeling better?”

Youngjae nods. “I should have waited with the drinking until I had food.”

“Yes,” Himchan drawls. “But will you learn from this? Of course not.”

Youngjae promptly takes his beer from him and downs it in one go.

“Just so you know: I’m not carrying you this time,” Himchan says, sounding amused. “I’ll leave you right where you fall over.”

“Oh please,” Daehyun snorts from his end of the couch. “At least make realistic threats.”

“Please let me admonish my baby bird in peace,” Himchan tells him pointedly. “I don’t tell you how to make cookies, do I?”

“That’s because my cookies are perfect - your methods on the other hand -”

“WILL eventually yield results,” Himchan interrupts him firmly. “Now kindly shut up.”

Dae closes his mouth and grins, and Youngjae smiles in delight, endlessly pleased that everyone is getting along so well.

 

The festivities last well into the night. Thanks to their overabundance of food nobody gets outrageously drunk; even Youngjae manages to remain in the realm of unobjectionable tipsiness. The first one to give up is in fact Zelo - he falls asleep with his head on Yongguk’s thigh, long legs stretched out on the couch, clearly overpowered by his elders’ boundless energy.

They keep going for a while after that, but it becomes apparent that a certain cuddly exhaustion has started to creep in. Youngjae has been all over Himchan for the entire evening anyway, but when they eventually call it a night Dae is sitting on the floor in front of Jongup, his head resting against his knee, while Jongup pets his hair in a preoccupied sort of way. Neither of them looks entirely awake.

“We should end this before Dae starts to snore and the bears come for him,” Youngjae says, standing up with a little groan and stretching his arms over his head.

Himchan looks up at him, amused. “Bears?”

“To execute their revenge on him,” Youngjae explains. “Major deforestation.”

“Fuck you,” Dae says sleepily, and Jongup gently scratches his scalp.

“I’m not sure the sound proof walls will hold up when you really get going.”

Yongguk looks around at them, and then down at Zelo, still blissfully asleep. “Should I wake him then?”

“Well, I’m not carrying him home,” Himchan states, standing up as well. He turns off the karaoke machine and the sudden silence is a little startling, actually manages to wake up Zelo.

He sits up and looks around in confusion, so painfully adorable that Himchan coos at him. His attention induces Zelo to put some effort into it, resulting in a face that the baby animal federation would condemn for being too cute.

“Are we done already?” he asks, like he hasn’t been asleep for the last hour or so, and Yongguk smiles at him, his expression downright fatherly.

“Yes, it is very late.”

So they get up and clean a little, collect their trash and empty bottles, and force Yongguk to take the remaining food home with him.

“And you’re going to eat all of it,” Himchan orders, casting a last glance over the room. “Have a proper weekend meal for once.”

Yongguk looks as if they’ve had this discussion before - the kind of discussion where Himchan talks and Yongguk listens, or at least pretends to - but he accepts the leftovers without demure.

They leave the room then, say goodnight to Lady Proprietress and step out into the street. The night air is crisp and refreshing, the sky overhead inky black with the occasional wispy cloud floating by the myriad of stars, and Youngjae makes a grab for Himchan’s elbow, holds it tight. “Want to walk home?”

“Yeah,” Himchan says, looking up. “That’s a good idea.”

They say goodnight to the others, distribute some hugs and promises to repeat this as soon as possible, and then they’re off down the sidewalk, Youngjae once more in possession of Himchan’s elbow.

“I hope you win all your cases,” he says happily. “I really like celebrating your success.”

His reward is a fond smile. “Yes, this was fun. You sing well.”

“Thank you,” Youngjae says, glowing with pleasure. “You too.”

They walk in silence then, let the night air work its magic on their exhausted, overheated bodies. Once they leave the fun district there are no other humans around for them to encounter, not even by car, allowing the sounds of nature to take over the nocturnal scene.

By the time they reach Himchan’s part of town Youngjae feels almost sober, bone tired and content - ready for a night of blissful sleep in Himchan’s horrible bed. He’s still holding on to Himchan’s arm, enjoys walking beside him like this.

It’s nice to be able to be quiet with someone. They’re both of them loud, occasionally boisterous people, but in moments like these they don’t have to be, are quite content with the other’s company without the need for words.

“God, I’m beat,” Youngjae says when they reach Himchan’s building, earnestly considers to force Himchan to carry him. In the end he doesn’t, because Himchan looks half asleep himself, blesses him with a soft little smile.

“You can have the bathroom first.”

Youngjae very nearly tells him that he loves him in return.

They make their way up to the apartment, and Youngjae heads straight for the bathroom, smiles around his toothbrush when Himchan comes in to deliver a pair of pj’s. He finishes up quickly, gets changed and arranges his worn clothes in a neatish pile on Himchan’s hamper.


	21. Chapter 21

Upon leaving the bathroom Youngjae finds Himchan in the living room on the couch, dozing. His eyes are closed and he’s sitting all spread-out and loose-limbed, arms hanging down his sides with the wrists turned outward, hands resting on the seat cushions beside him.

He looks vulnerable and open like this, rainbow unicorn on his chest and everything, and Youngjae stops in his tracks, can’t stop himself from staring.

Himchan is beautiful.

The realization comes accompanied by a major blip somewhere in Youngjae’s higher brain area. For a few endless seconds all he can do is stare - at the way Himchan’s chest is gently rising and falling, the way his hair is hanging into his face, all messy and inviting - then he starts to move, takes a step forward. He pads towards Himchan on naked feet, doesn’t make a sound. Instead of stopping when he gets close, he carefully slides over Himchan’s lap, legs spread wide to keep his balance. Then he leans in, brings their mouths together.

There’s a split second of shock when Youngjae realizes what he’s done - that his body’s acting on its own. But at the same time he takes note of how it’s feeling - of how soft Himchan’s lips are, how warm; and he lingers, can’t make himself pull back as shivers of pleasure spread and circle out into his blood.

Then Himchan wakes up. He makes a sleepy noise of confusion, muffled by Youngjae’s mouth, and the next thing Youngjae knows is that Himchan is kissing him back, lips parting to release a warm, moist breath of air, almost like a sigh.

A prickling sensation pulses through Youngjae’s whole body, much stronger than before, and he moans, helpless against this sudden, intense heat. He slides deeper into Himchan’s lap, goes weak all over when Himchan lifts his hands and cups his cheeks, gentle and steadying.

It’s too enticing, it’s too _good_ , and Youngjae closes his eyes, gives into the kiss, sinks into it like one does into a warm bath. He presses his mouth to Himchan’s with more intent, lips parted invitingly, his breathing already a little ragged.

He’s so tired, so exhausted, but he can’t stop, feels over-sensitive and needy, desperate for Himchan to touch him.

Himchan, as if he knows, makes another noise, far lower in register than the first, a proper growl. He slips his tongue into Youngjae’s mouth, and Youngjae shudders, can’t deal with the heat, the taste - can’t get enough of it. He kisses Himchan back right away, moans again and makes a grab for Himchan’s shoulders, needs something to hold on to.

It’s a sweet kiss, infinitely careful at first, and Youngjae groans, pushes his hips forward, impatient for more. Himchan hisses and kisses him harder, lets his hands drop from Youngjae’s cheeks to his hips. He reels him in, the contact so sudden and delicious that Youngjae gasps in pleasure.

He shifts his hips again, teases another growl out of Himchan, starts to smile. His whole body is singing with delight, relishing the way Himchan feels underneath him - all sturdy and hot, powerful. He’s far less careful than before, has taken control of the kiss and of Youngjae’s mouth, makes him whimper in arousal.

Youngjae slides his arms around Himchan’s neck and opens his mouth wider, just gives in. It feels too good to resist, too necessary. He’s already half hard in his pajama pants, the silky softness of the fabric only adding to his enjoyment.

Himchan’s hands on his hips start to glide up and down, again and again, and when they dip below his pajama top, Youngjae gets goosebumps all over. He starts to suck on Himchan’s tongue, makes a needy noise and spreads his legs a little wider without even noticing.

It teases an answering moan out of Himchan, and he slides his hands up Youngjae’s torso underneath the fabric of his top. He maps Youngjae’s sensitive skin with both hands, fingers splayed wide, all the way up to Youngjae’s chest. When his thumbs graze Youngjae’s nipples, Youngjae gasps and arches his back, pushes up into the touch greedily.

So Himchan starts to tease him, gently rubs his thumbs back and forth as he continues to kiss him, sweet and addictive. It makes Youngjae rut into him, by now fully hard and leaking profusely, and he can tell that Himchan is hard as well, moves against him with almost desperate urgency.

Outside the night is still and quiet, and there’s no sound in the room apart from the noises of their kissing, their ragged breathing.

Youngjae breaks the kiss and pushes Himchan back against the couch, reaches down and unbuttons his jeans, pulls down the zipper. His fingers are steady despite the way his heart is racing, and he cups Himchan above the fabric of his shorts, gives him a good, thorough squeeze.

His reward is a low groan, and Youngjae stares at Himchan, watches his chest rise and fall under laboured breaths - then Himchan strips him out of his pajama top. Youngjae loses no time to drag Himchan’s t-shirt over his head after that, and then they’re kissing again, breathless, greedy … desperately tender.

Himchan takes hold of Youngjae’s hips and lifts him off his lap, turns and puts him down on his back on the couch, rises to loom above him. It gives Youngjae the range and freedom to shove Himchan’s jeans off his hips, and they take his shorts with them for a few inches - a circumstance which makes Youngjae pause and stare, while his heart attempts to crawl up his chest and into his throat.

He licks his lips, about to reach out, and then Himchan leans in and kisses him again, teases his mouth back open. Youngjae’s eyes fall shut, and he arches into Himchan’s body above his, slings his arms around him and pulls him in.

Having Himchan on top of him like that feels amazing, and Youngjae wraps his legs around his hips to get him even closer, luxuriates in the sensation of Himchan’s naked skin against his. It’s warm and smooth, endlessly touchable, and when Himchan allows himself to really sink down and lets take Youngjae most of his weight, Youngjae’s eyes roll back into his head.

His hands glide all the way up on Himchan’s back and into his nape, and he slides the fingers of his left into Himchan’s hair … moves his right back down and straight into Himchan’s shorts, grabs his ass.

Himchan groans, voice low and rough and wonderful, and Youngjae sucks his tongue deeper into his mouth, utterly pleased with himself. He flexes his fingers and Himchan bucks his hips, keeps moving against him, adopts a slow, torturous rhythm. Youngjae lies underneath him, his body hot and sensitive, grateful for every little bit of friction.

He’s so hard by now, is making an utter mess of his pajama bottoms, and all he wants is for Himchan to get rid of his damn jeans and shorts - to feel him skin to skin. So he starts to push at the offending garment with his right hand, and when that doesn’t get him the desired result he takes his left out of Himchan’s hair, uses both hands to get at what he wants.

All it takes is a little bit of determined shoving, and then Himchan is exposed where it matters - promptly stills in his movements. Youngjae produces an urgent little noise and makes another grab for Himchan’s ass - pulls him back in, frustrated when his pajama bottoms do not magically disappear.

So he pushes his own ass up, shoves his pants off and sinks back down, nearly gets an aneurysm when Himchan whispers his name. He’s leaking precome onto his stomach anyway, and his cock twitches, makes things a little messier than they already are.

Youngjae doesn’t give a damn.

He’s finally naked with Himchan and GOD, it’s amazing. It’s the best thing ever, the most arousing event of Youngjae’s whole life, and he can’t lie still - he _has_ to rub up against him, get as much out of this as he possibly can.

“Touch me,” he whispers - the first time he speaks since this whole thing started - doesn’t recognize his own voice.

Apparently Himchan has no such problem, for he reaches between them, takes them both in hand - makes Youngjae lose the little coherence he had left. Because Himchan’s hand is hot, and so is his cock, and Youngjae has never felt this sensitive.

He stutters Himchan’s name, stares up to his face, searching for reassurance. He’s half out of his mind with desire, and he needs to make sure that it’s okay, that they’re both in this together.

Himchan’s eyes are half-closed, dark and intent, but there’s softness in his gaze, too, an endless well of affection. Youngjae gets lost in it for a moment, licks his lips and sucks in a deep breath, stunned by all the loveliness. Their eyes meet, and Himchan _smiles_ , makes Youngjae’s heart jump in his chest, makes him crane his neck and bring their mouths back together for another kiss.

Himchan keeps moving his hand on them, up and down, again and again, and Youngjae can feel his climax rise up with inevitable fervency. He keeps moaning into Himchan’s mouth, keeps whimpering and gasping, and Himchan keeps kissing him as if he’d starve if he stopped.

Youngjae holds on to him with all the strength he has left, completely lost in his arousal, in Himchan’s warmth - being with him like this. He comes with a cry of pleasure, and Himchan follows him not shortly after, comes all over Youngjae’s abdomen and chest.

Youngjae groans and bites his lip, arches his back. He’s utterly exhausted now, all energy spent, and it feels _good_ , makes him smile in a slightly dopey manner.

Himchan sighs deeply and then tries to sit up, and Youngjae clings to him, mutters a protest, unwilling to let him go. So Himchan slings his arms around him and pulls him up as well - struggles a little with his jeans and shorts, which are still hanging just below his hips. He yanks them up and then maneuvers Youngjae around on the couch until he has him in his lap, cleans them both up as best as he can with Youngjae’s discarded pajama top.

Youngjae brushes a kiss to his cheek in thanks and dips forward, more than ready to sink into sleep. Himchan is warm and comfortable, and he smells really nice, and as far as Youngjae is concerned, there’s no place more perfect than his lap. Himchan makes a content noise and strokes his hands over Youngjae’s naked back, gentle and soothing - pokes his butt. “Get up.”

Youngjae grunts his refusal and doesn’t move. Himchan kisses his temple. “Get up, baby, come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Youngjae grumbles, but he moves, slides off Himchan’s lap and wobbles into a standing position, grateful when Himchan immediately follows him off the couch and slings his arm around him to hold him steady. They make it into the bedroom, where they shed their last pieces of clothing and slide under the covers.

Youngjae crawls into Himchan’s arms right away, presses into him with his whole body - needs to feel him close more than ever. Himchan holds him tight and murmurs something Youngjae doesn’t quite understand, and then he’s asleep, the tip of his nose brushing Himchan’s throat, breathing him in.


	22. Chapter 22

Youngjae wakes up feeling _marvellous_. He’s rested and content, warm. His body has never felt this satisfied; he’s never been so happy in his own skin. Youngjae grunts in comfort, eyes resolutely closed against the morning sun, stretches luxuriously. It feels amazing, because he is naked and so is Himchan, and -

What.

He is naked and so is Himchan.

 _The fuck_.

Youngjae sucks in a deep breath, nearly chokes on air. Oh god, what did he _do_. He hastily brings some distance between himself and Himchan, finally opens his eyes to verify what he already knows.

They’re in bed together, and they’re both naked. OF COURSE THEY ARE. Youngjae remembers, doesn’t he? He remembers everything. Because he wasn’t _drunk_ when it happened, was barely even tipsy anymore. No excuses, apart from the fact that Himchan is beautiful.

Youngjae looks at him, and he feels the echo of that devastating blip from last night that set things in motion. He bites his lip and flushes all over, actually has to fight the impulse to slide right back up against Himchan - to kiss him again.

What the hell is wrong with him - or with Himchan, for that matter? How could he just give in, just go along with everything Youngjae did last night? Not ONCE did he say No, or even request a moment of rational thinking before they went ahead and … did all that.

The kissing. The touching. The orgasms.

Youngjae shudders and closes his eyes, instantly horny. Fuck fuck fuck. He can’t be like this, can’t lust after Himchan of all people just because it felt nice, because his kisses are … HE HAS TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

Youngjae groans and resists the urge to bite down on the comforter, has no idea what to do. Some part of him wants to flee the bed, but that would be a dick move. He has to wait for Himchan to wake up, has to explain himself.

 _Explain himself_. As if there was an actual, logical explanation for this. Youngjae bites his nails and stares at Himchan, willing him to regain consciousness so they can get things over with and return to their status quo.

Because that’s all that Youngjae really wants. Them. Together.

He doesn’t want to lose Himchan again - he can’t lose him again. The main reason why Youngjae was so wary of letting him back in was his fear of being left behind as he was twelve years ago, of experiencing that same horrible sense of abandonment. _And now he did this_.

Maybe Himchan was drunk last night. Maybe he was just too tired to put up a fight. Maybe Youngjae fucked up a perfectly good relationship by allowing his dick to make his decisions FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE.

So far he’s always considered himself a pretty sensible person where sex was concerned. One former partner even went as far as to call him cold. Distanced. It hurt Youngjae when it happened, but at least it explained why he’d never really managed to connect with anyone.

Well. He certainly connected with Himchan last night.

Youngjae groans. Himchan really needs to wake up so they can talk about this.

 

Of course Himchan takes his time, nearly drives Youngjae to distraction by just lying there, looking stunning, all pale and raven-haired like Snow White or some shit.

Eventually he stirs, scrunches up his nose and stretches, just like Youngjae did, is probably still half asleep. Youngjae watches him with wide eyes, almost breathless in anticipation of the horrible moment when Himchan r e m e m b e r s. Part of Youngjae doesn’t want to see it happen, doesn’t want to witness whatever expression Himchan will adopt.

Then Himchan smiles. It’s a small thing at first, all soft and frail, but it quickly grows into something of pure happiness - and Youngjae doesn’t understand, has no time to think about it before Himchan opens his eyes and looks at him, eyes shining with affection. “Hey.”

Youngjae’s confusion must show on his face, for Himchan frowns, tilts his head. “What’s wrong?”

Youngjae struggles with choosing a point from which to start, not only because of the overwhelming sense of mortification, but also because he’s actually mourning the loss of that glorious smile.

Himchan seems to understand anyway, suddenly looks _devastated_. Youngjae wanted anything but THAT.

“I’m sorry,” Himchan whispers, and fuck, Youngjae feels like the biggest bastard on the planet. He watches Himchan sit up, sees him realize his lack of apparel and the consequent expression of pure anguish, and there isn’t a word for what Youngjae feels right then.

Guilt doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Himchan hitches the blanket higher on his chest, careful not to disturb the chunk Youngjae is using right now, and Youngjae can tell that he would like nothing more than to get out of bed and put some clothes on, _only he doesn’t want to force the sight of his naked body on him_. Which is just wrong.

“Please stop,” Youngjae whispers, not quite clear himself what he’s referring to. Probably that whole horrible aura of remorse Himchan has going on.

Himchan shoots him a harrassed glance, and then he slumps, defeated. “I really am sorry. I … thought you wanted it.”

He sounds _stricken_. Youngjae almost starts crying right then and there. What is HAPPENING.

Himchan was so lovely last night, so gentle and sweet, and when Youngjae thinks about it - which he shouldn’t, but too late - there really was not a single second where it seemed as if Himchan was even remotely surprised by Youngjae’s actions.

Like … at all.

Instead he was … welcoming. Enthusiastic. Clearly into it.

 _What_.

Youngjae opens his mouth, squawks. Well. That didn’t work. He clears his throat and tries again, horribly aware that he’s still horny, despite all the emotional upheaval. Which is a strong indication that NOTHING about this is Himchan’s fault, no matter how much he enjoyed it.

Oh god, Himchan really did, didn’t he.

Again Youngjae fails to say something, so Himchan takes it upon himself, hunches up his shoulders, sucks in a deep breath. “Just … tell me what you want me to do, please.”

That’s a lot to ask for right now, so all Youngjae manages for a few, agonizing seconds is to gape at him in overwhelmed silence. Himchan looks back, and then he hangs his head. “Should I … stay away … from now on?”

Which is when Youngjae realizes what a moron he is.

Well, first he panics, because NO - _NO STAYING AWAY_. He’s always so happy with Himchan around, so addicted to his warmth and his cooking, the way he smiles, and his stupid t-shirts, the way he teases him, cares for him. It doesn’t even matter what happened last night, because Youngjae DID want it; it felt right; it was the best fucking feeling -

Oh.

 _Oooh_.

Aw Gawd.

Youngjae makes another squawking sound, and Himchan lifts his head, looks at him again, the very picture of heartbreak. “Was that a yes?”

“No!” Youngjae yells, and then he paddles forward on the mattress, slightly hindered by the stupid sheet. “No, I don’t want you to stay away!”

Himchan looks as if he wants to move out of his path, but he’s not quick enough, ends up with Youngjae hanging from his neck, like the world’s most disgraceful locket pendant. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! You did nothing wrong! You’re sweet and perfect, and I don’t want you to leave EVER.”

Youngjae nearly starts crying at that point, and he takes a gulping breath, completely overwhelmed. For an endless moment Himchan remains utterly still, doesn’t even seem to breathe. Then his arms come up and he holds Youngjae to his chest, quite gently, as if he doesn’t have the strength for any more right now.

Youngjae lost most of the sheet in his haste to get to him, is basically sitting naked in Himchan’s lap, and he blushes, presses his face to Himchan’s neck. “I’m such an idiot.”

Himchan keeps himself utterly still. “Please tell me what this means.”

He sounds tentative to the extreme, and Youngjae gets it, he really does. He _finally_ gets it.

“I wanted it,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t stop to think about it - because, _fuck_ , I never seem to think when I’m with you - _but I wanted it_ ; and it felt good; amazing even. Please don’t be sad anymore.”

He emphasises the last words by hugging Himchan to within an inch of his life; and Himchan finally hugs him back with some semblance of strength, leans his head against Youngjae’s, heaves a deep sigh. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“No, I won’t,” Youngjae says in an apologetic little voice “I promise.”

Himchan seems to relax then, both in body and spirit, and Youngjae strokes his hands over his back, relieved and excited and dumbstruck, all at once.

Apparently he’s in love with Himchan, and has been for some time. Possibly forever. Apparently it’s _mutual_. It’s the most amazing discovery of Youngjae’s whole life - especially since it has been going on right in front of his nose, within his own heart even.

It’s like growing up with Big Foot for a neighbour and continuously marvelling at someone being this freaking big and hairy without drawing the appropriate conclusions. Or any conclusions at all, for that matter. Youngjae can’t help but revisit the last few weeks, his interactions with Himchan, all the things that were said and done. Good god, what an airhead he’s been.

Youngjae presses closer to Himchan, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, glad he’s at least managed to get the crying thing under control. Shit, he’s so turned on. That can’t be normal, can it? Some of his wires must be crossed or something.

He swallows dryly and squirms, wonders if Himchan can tell. There’s a little bit of sheet between them, but not really all that much, and -

“Let me take a shower before we continue to … talk, okay?” Himchan says, strokes his hand over Youngjae’s head. “I never washed up yesterday, and I’m feeling a little icky.”

Youngjae blinks. Oh great. Himchan is omniscient.


	23. Chapter 23

Youngjae lets go of Himchan and slides backwards off his lap, watches Himchan get up - watches him not actually do anything about his modesty, but stare back at him and blush a very pretty shade of pink instead. Oh boy.

Youngjae saw him naked last night, sure, and he also saw him under the shower that one time; but those were just stolen glances while he was distracted or too stupid to realize he was invested in the visual.

_Oh boy_.

Himchan catches himself and quickly steps away from the bed to collect some fresh clothes, and then he’s already out of the room, while Youngjae remains on the bed, sitting in his blanket nest, dazed. Jesus, he feels like he just went three rounds against an emotionally abusive Godzilla. Why does Himchan have to be so HOT.

This is overwhelming enough as it is; Youngjae doesn’t need the additional pressure of Himchan’s physical perfection. He sighs and falls backward, spreads out into a boneless starfish of despair.

Wait. Why is he freaking out? Things have already progressed to a point that proves that Himchan is into him - very much so. There’s no reason to feel inadequate: Himchan totally has the hots for him, too.

Youngjae grins then, takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. Himchan thinks he’s _sexy_.

He starfishes some more, finally comfortable and relaxed if somewhat impatient for Himchan’s return and … yeah. He should get up, shouldn’t he - brush his teeth. It would only be polite.

The thought catapults Youngjae out of bed, and he barely stops to loot Himchan’s closet for a robe. Then he power-walks to the bathroom - pauses for an energetic knock to proclaim his advent before he barges through the door.

Himchan whips his head around and looks at him with raised brows when he comes in, and Youngjae quickly points at the sink. “Want to brush my teeth!”

Himchan’s brows lower into their usual position, and he turns his back to Youngjae, holds his face up into the spray of the shower. So naturally Youngjae stares at his ass in the mirror while he gets his toothbrush ready, at Himchan’s waist and shoulders - the whole glory of his magnificent backside.

How Youngjae doesn’t choke on the toothbrush is a small miracle. But he manages to brush his teeth without killing himself, rinses his mouth and then quickly washes up … and Himchan turns off the shower.

He comes out of the cabin while Youngjae is still in the room, grabs himself a towel and wraps it around his hips, and Youngjae has no idea how something that feels so familiar and comfortable can at the same time feel so charged with possibilities.

Himchan joins him in front of the sink, and when Youngjae turns his head to look at him, Himchan leans in, brushes a kiss to Youngjae’s temple, lingers. His breath is warm and steady against Youngjae’s skin, and Youngjae can still feel the ghost of his lips, feels them move when Himchan speaks. “Hand me my toothbrush, please.”

Youngjae does, feeling tingly as fuck, and then he quickly leaves the room, because he doesn’t trust himself around Himchan’s tiny towel. He pads back to the bedroom, sits down on the yellow monstrosity, still wearing Himchan’s robe, twiddles his thumbs.

Himchan joins him soon enough - wearing boxer-briefs and a t-shirt, and while Youngjae thought that seeing him naked was bad, this is actually worse.

He looks up at Himchan out of wide eyes, then lets them travel down the whole expanse of Himchan’s body - gets stuck at thigh-level. Himchan clears his throat, and Youngjae quickly looks back up at his face, but he doesn’t manage to assemble as much as an ounce of remorse. Juicy thighs are juicy.

Himchan smiles at him, fond and _happy_ , and it kills Youngjae a little to realize how patient he’s been - how kind. “I made you wait so long.”

Himchan tilts his head, a curious expression on his face. “Would have waited longer.”

He sounds as if he’s still struggling with the reality of this development, and Youngjae swallows dryly, lifts his arms, like a child that wants to be held. Himchan promptly joins him on the bed, pulls him against his chest, strokes Youngjae’s back. “You’re sure that you want this?”

Youngjae can’t believe that he’s actually real. “Yes, Himchan. I want it.”

Himchan pulls him a little closer then, gives him a thorough snuggle. “Good.”

Youngjae closes his eyes and sinks into the sensation, just breathes. Himchan is warm and he smells amazing, and after a long moment of floaty enjoyment of their closeness it quite literally goes to Youngjae’s head, makes him _adventurous_. He pushes Himchan on his back and climbs on top, utterly unconcerned with the state of his robe, whether the belt is holding up or not. He puts his hands on Himchan’s chest and looks down on him, can taste his heartbeat in his throat. “What if I hadn’t kissed you first? What would you have done?”

Himchan smiles up at him, puts his hands on Youngjae’s hips, squeezes gently. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Youngjae repeats, his voice going high in disbelief on the second syllable. “But -”

Himchan’s smile brightens, and the dimple underneath his left eye appears, and Youngjae falls forward, kisses him. He can feel Himchan lift up into it, feels him open his mouth for him, and Youngjae groans, instantly aflame.

Himchan’s hands on his hips are the only thing that’s keeping him grounded as he loses himself in the sensation of Himchan’s lips under his, their mingling breath. It’s sweet and addictive, right from the start, and Youngjae moans without realizing, licks into Himchan’s mouth, wants him to take control of the kiss like he did last night.

Himchan hums in pleasure, and he lifts his right hand to clasp Youngjae’s nape and pull him in deeper, moves his hips, aligns them perfectly.

Youngjae shudders and starts to suck on Himchan’s tongue, already helplessly aroused. It teases a growl out of Himchan and he sits up, slings his left arm around Youngjae to hold him steady.

He breaks the kiss and Youngjae whimpers in protest, immediately tries to get his mouth back. It makes Himchan giggle, and he kisses Youngjae’s cheek, hugs him really tight. “Calm down, baby.”

Youngjae sighs and slumps, noses along Himchan’s neck. “What are you doing?”

Himchan brushes his lips to his temple. “You want to go all the way right now?”

Youngjae blinks. Gets half hard. Makes a strangled sound of embarrassment. “I don’t know!”

That’s gets him a soft peck on the lips, and then Himchan strokes both hands over his back, soothing. “Then what?”

Youngjae flutters his arms, sends the robe flopping. “I don’t know! Just -” He bites his lip and stares at Himchan’s mouth, all red and shiny from their kiss, “... don’t stop.”

“Okay,” Himchan says, his voice low, impossibly rough. And then he pulls Youngjae back in, brings their mouths back together, and Youngjae’s eyes close, all by themselves. Himchan teases his mouth open and slips his tongue inside, and Youngjae sighs, shifts his hips forward.

The belt of the robe gives up at that point, unknots and allows the robe to slide open, and Himchan sighs as well, grabs Youngjae’s hips and pulls him deeper into his lap. The skimpy layer of clothing between them does absolutely nothing to disguise either his heat or the shape and feel of his body, and Youngjae moans and arches into him, causing the robe to slide off his shoulders.

He doesn’t care, lets it fall to the ground and is immediately rewarded by the sensation of Himchan’s hands on his bare skin. He didn’t put on a pair of shorts earlier, is sitting naked in Himchan’s lap now, and it’s _perfect_ , could only be improved by Himchan being naked, too.

Himchan’s fingertips caress his back up to his shoulders and then they glide down, slowly, as if they’re searching for something - until Himchan stops kissing him again, lets out a ragged breath. “You’re naked, you outrageous brat, aren’t you?”

There have been a few moments of impish delight in Youngjae’s career, but none of them has ever felt this singularly epic. “I might be.”

Himchan groans and recaptures his mouth - grabs his ass. But instead of squeezing him hard enough to bruise, he strokes his thumbs back and forth on Youngjae’s sensitive skin, just as gentle as before. It’s arousing as fuck, and Youngjae can’t help but buck his hips, no longer only half hard.

Being with Himchan like this is intense, makes him so _horny_ , and if Youngjae was in any condition to think clearly he’d wonder how he could resist the pull between them for so long. But then again he’s always felt drawn to Himchan, always wanted to be close, to be held. He just never thought of taking it this far.

Youngjae puts his arms around Himchan’s neck for some proper leverage, and then he starts to move his hips back and forth, simply cannot keep them still anymore.

Himchan gasps into their kiss and _lets him_ , and Youngjae feels him grow hard against his abdomen, feels his own cock give an enthusiastic twitch in response. Oh god, he’s so very into this, it’s almost ridiculous.

“Take off your shirt,” he gasps, pulling at the hem of the offending garment where it meets Himchan’s neck. “Right now!”

“Bossy,” Himchan mutters; but he obeys - carefully lets go of Youngjae and leans back a little so he can pull the t-shirt over his head without accidentally throwing him off his lap.

Youngjae promptly takes advantage of that position and puts his hands on Himchan’s shoulders - pushes him all the way down on his back. “Stay.”

He’s sounding a little breathy, but Himchan doesn’t comment on it, just looks at Youngjae as he slides off his lap to kneel between his legs beside the bed. “What now, Captain Sugar-Rush?”

The horrible new nickname almost distracts Youngjae from the sight that are Himchan’s thighs in a snug little pair of boxer briefs. Almost. “Now you don’t move.”

Himchan makes a noise that’s half grunt and half giggle and all despair, lets his head drop onto the mattress. “Just be quick, I beg of you.”

Youngjae isn’t listening. He’s staring at Himchan’s thighs. At the boxer briefs. At the bulge. He struggles with the decision what’s most deserving of his attention right now, and then he’s already reaching out, fingers spread as wide as they will go so he can put his hands on Himchan’s thighs and _squeeze_.

Himchan lifts his head, squints at him. “Eh?”

“Shut up,” Youngjae hisses, focussed as fuck. “I’m busy.”

Himchan groans again, and his muscles tense under Youngjae’s fingers, inspire him to lean in and use his mouth in addition to his hands. The first touch of his lips to Himchan’s skin is rewarded with a broken curse, and then Himchan sits up, nearly gives Youngjae an aneurysm with all the wonderful muscle action that move requires.

“You know what - fuck this!” he pants. “You’ve been gleefully teasing me for weeks - I will not tolerate any more of it just because you want to play explorer. Come here!” With that he grabs Youngjae, pulls him off the floor and all but throws him onto the bed - moves to kneel between his legs. “Two can play this game.”

And then he dives in, and his mouth connects to the skin just below Youngjae’s navel, and Youngjae forgets what his lungs are for. At first he was inclined to be indignant that his little expedition was so rudely interrupted, but Himchan’s mouth is so _hot_ , and his lips are so soft, and the way his hands are holding his legs open is straight up sinful.

“I wasn’t teasing!” he stutters, and Himchan looks up at him, looks into his eyes and breathes a hot stream of air right over Youngjae’s cock.

Youngjae shudders, and his hips twitch up, and Himchan grins at him. “Yes,” he says. “You were.”

Youngjae can’t even complain. That would require an actual, working brain.


	24. Chapter 24

Youngjae is lying on his back, squirming for all he’s worth, unable to lie still. Because Himchan keeps using his mouth on him, lips parted, breath all warm and moist; he keeps searching for and finding all of Youngjae’s sensitive spots - and once he’s found them he _lingers_ , a true master of sensual torture. He holds Youngjae down with both hands, doesn’t listen to his urges to move faster.

“You’re killing me here!” Youngjae groans, and Himchan dips his tongue into his navel, then looks up at him, eyes dark and devilish and oh so lovely.

“You deserve it.”

How he can sound so fond and at the same time so very done is nothing short of amazing, and Youngjae moans, buries his hands in the comforter.

“I’m sorry, okay - I didn’t _realize_ -”

Himchan licks over his cock then, one hot stripe of sensory overload, and Youngjae nearly shouts, fights to rock his hips upward while Himchan continues to hold him down.

“If I make you come will you stop with the complaining?”

Youngjae pants, seriously thinking about it for a second. “Probably not, no.”

Himchan snorts and then laughs, comes up to press a kiss to Youngjae’s lips. Youngjae uses the opportunity to sling his arms around Himchan’s neck and pull him down, and Himchan gives in, gently lowers himself onto Youngjae.

It makes him sigh in pleasure, and he wraps his legs around Himchan’s hips, clings to him with his whole body.

“You’re like a koala baby,” Himchan murmurs between kisses, and Youngjae makes a grab for his ass, offended by the fact that ONCE AGAIN Himchan isn’t naked.

“And _you_ grow layers all by yourself,” he mutters, ineffectively shoving at his shorts. “Like some sort of useless underwear mutant.”

Again Himchan laughs, and then he rises up, disengages Youngjae despite his protests, gets rid of the shorts. “You’re surprisingly goal oriented for someone who didn’t even realize there was a game going on.”

Youngjae looks at him, takes in the whole delicious visual, and GOD, Himchan is _splendid_. His body is so familiar to Youngjae - not in the sense that he’s seen him naked before, but almost … spiritually? He grew up with Himchan; Himchan literally held him when he was still a baby, he was always there.

Youngjae has no idea if that’s why this is so easy for him - why he isn’t shy with Himchan. He feels so comfortable around him - without a shield to hide behind, neither physically nor mentally.

“Come back here,” he whispers, and Himchan smiles, returns to Youngjae’s arms without dragging it out, without teasing of any kind. Instead he kisses Youngjae again, realigns their bodies, this time without any clothing between them.

Youngjae hiccups a moan and pushes up his hips, just can’t help himself. There’s no restraint with Himchan, there never has been, and _fuck it all_ , he’s not even embarrassed about it.

Himchan hums in appreciation and puts his thigh between Youngjae’s legs - probably knows what he’s doing there, too. Youngjae makes a greedy noise and starts to ride him upside down, delighting in the sturdy smoothness, the friction, _everything_.

“There you go,” Himchan murmurs, and when it occurs to Youngjae to open his eyes he finds him looking down between them, _watching_. It very nearly makes Youngjae come. He’s making such a mess again, is leaking all over himself, and when Himchan senses him looking he raises his eyes, looks back. “Feeling good?”

“Spectacular,” Youngjae grins, already halfway to blissed out, and he hasn’t even come yet. Himchan gives him a kiss, short and sweet, barely there; then he turns them on their sides, effectively bringing an end to the nice rhythm Youngjae had going on.

“What -?” Youngjae begins, and then Himchan’s hand is around his cock, thumb swiping back and forth over the tip, spreading precome. Whatever Youngjae meant to say next turns into a flow of gibberish, and he pushes up into Himchan’s hand, overwhelmed by the hot slipperiness of it all.

“Too sudden?” Himchan murmurs into his ear, and Youngjae shakes his head, doesn’t want him to stop. He reaches down as well, cups Himchan’s balls and then proceeds to hold them, because Himchan starts to jack him off in earnest, and Youngjae simply has no brain capacity left to do anything sensible with his hand right now … eventually just lets go.

He comes far too soon and far too hard, whimpers Himchan’s name and teases a curse out of him. Afterwards he just lies there, breathless, like a cooked noodle at the bottom of the empty pot, wondering what happened to all the others.

Eventually he realizes that orgasms are supposed to be mutual in this kind of situation and he blinks, tries to get his eyes to focus. Jesus, but that one wrecked him.

“Himchan,” he murmurs, actually manages to slur the word, and Himchan takes his hand into his, gently guides it around his cock.

“Want to help me out?”

Youngjae nods, pleased he’s so smart. “Yeah. Want that.”

Himchan chuckles, all rough and raspy, brushes a kiss to Youngjae’s temple. “There you go again, trying to kill me.”

Youngjae snuggles up to him and watches as Himchan uses his hand to get himself off, is more than happy to be of service in this manner. He keeps staring, mesmerized by the rhythmic up and down of their entwined hands, basking in the afterglow of his release.

When Himchan comes it causes a delicious spike of residual lust in Youngjae, and he licks his lips, not quite ready for a second round, but nevertheless more than willing to try.

“Later,” Himchan whispers into his ear, and then he rolls away, grabs a box of tissues from his nightstand. He cleans them up as well as he can, then lies back down, pulls Youngjae back in against his body. “There. That’s better.”

Youngjae purrs and closes his eyes, relaxes into his embrace. He dozes for a while, at one with himself and the universe, recklessly happy.

 

“We should get properly cleaned up,” Himchan murmurs eventually, his fingertips playing with a strand of Youngjae’s hair. “Have breakfast.”

Youngjae whines in protest, just on the general principle that leaving the bed is a bad idea. Himchan huffs, audibly amused, strokes his hand over Youngjae’s back. “Don’t tell me you’re not hungry.”

Youngjae is starving, actually. Maybe he should let go of his principles, just this once. “Shower together?” he suggests hopefully, and Himchan snorts, slides his hand a little lower and gives Youngjae’s ass a squeeze.

“Yeah, sure. Why not.”

Whereupon he sits up and drags Youngjae with him to the bathroom and into the shower cabin, proceeds to soap him up and rinse him off in the most unsexy manner imaginable. Except it’s still really _nice_ , what with all the touching and stroking and general caring.

He lets Youngjae cling to him once he’s turned off the water, maneuvers them out of the cabin and grabs a large towel from the wall heater, wraps it around him.

Youngjae is content to hold still and be toweled dry, closes his eyes and sighs. “God, this is nice.”

Himchan’s throat produces an amused noise. “Is it? I wouldn’t know.”

Youngjae promptly opens his eyes and takes the towel from him to return the favour - albeit in a slightly less gentle, more thorough fashion that leaves Himchan giggling and squealing when Youngjae touches his more sensitive spots. “You suck at this!”

Still he gives Youngjae a kiss, returns the towel to its original place. “Come on.”

They go back to the bedroom to get dressed, and Himchan gives Youngjae a clean pair of shorts, as well as one of his idiotic t-shirts.

“Why?” Youngjae asks, holding it aloft. It displays a determinedly cute t-rex, desperately grappling for a plate of cookies.

“It’s a visual representation of my struggle,” Himchan informs him. “... Or it was.”

There’s a little too much earnestness in his voice, and Youngjae lifts his nose to deflect it with snark. “I never withheld any cookies from you! I gave you ALL THE COOKIES!”

Himchan’s expression dissolves into a smile, helpless and fond. “True.” He slips on a pair of jeans and pulls his own t-shirt over his head - one with rainbow wings on the back.

He really isn’t subtle regarding his sexuality, Youngjae realizes. He never was. Still Youngjae never even contemplated the possibility of that sexuality actually embracing _him_ , despite all the freaking flirting. Himchan was always just Himchan to him - the oversimplified version of his childhood, stripped of some rather essential details and characteristics.

Youngjae hopes he won’t make that mistake again, will finally learn to see Himchan for who he really is.

He trails him into the kitchen and offers to make tea while Himchan raids the contents of his fridge and puts some frozen rolls into the oven.

“Do you want scrambled eggs?” he asks once that’s done, and Youngjae looks at him over his shoulder, nods.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

So Himchan gets a pan out and puts it on the stove, evidently ready to provide Youngjae with the most extravagant breakfast he can manage.

When they sit down to eat the table looks close to giving up under its burden, and Youngjae doesn’t hesitate to dig in, feels properly famished after all the excitement of last night and this morning.

He eventually realizes that Himchan is looking at him, almost staring even, and Youngjae swallows the bite of raspberry jam laden roll in his mouth, licks his lips. “What? Do I have food on my face?”

Himchan’s gaze turns a little more intense than it already was, but instead of reaching out and wiping raspberry off him, like Youngjae expects him to, he clears his throat. “Can I tell Yongguk?”

Youngjae sits up with a jerk. “Yongguk knows?”

“Baby,” Himchan says, slowly and gently, “everyone knows.”

Youngjae groans. Of fucking course.

“Even your parents?!”

“No. They would have told yours,” Himchan says in a soothing voice. “I meant the boys.”

Youngjae bobs his head in frazzled acceptance, picks up his tea mug and gulps some of the liquid down, vaguely glad that he doesn’t scald his entire mouth in the process.

“Are you okay?” Himchan asks him, a careful quality to his manner, and Youngjae, perceptive for possibly the first time ever, senses a disturbance in the force. “Do you not want me to tell?”

Youngjae takes a deep breath. There’s a lot to gain from Himchan’s question here, from the way he’s looking at him. It suggests that Himchan, the same person who wears t-shirts depicting rainbow wings and dancing unicorns, would be willing to keep their relationship secret if Youngjae wanted him to.

“Tell him,” Youngjae says, glad when his voice comes out sounding normal instead of choked up. “As far as I’m concerned everyone can know.”

His reward is a smile; it’s almost the same one Himchan woke up with this morning, starts of small and fragile, _hopeful_ , and then it grows, blossoms into pure joy.

Youngjae will never get used to how seeing it makes him feel. He clears his throat, desperate to appear casual. “What, did you think I’d keep my brand new boyfriend classified?”

“Ack,” Himchan sighs, placing both hands over his own heart, acting as if he’s about to faint. Then he slides off his chair, drops to his knees next to Youngjae, slings both arms around his waist. He presses his head to Youngjae’s chest, takes a deep, shuddering breath. “That was it - that’s the one that killed me.”

Youngjae goes warm all over and carefully leans sideways so he can give him a hug. “Drama queen.” It’s supposed to come out playful and teasing, but only manages to sound hopelessly devoted. “What did you think we were?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Himchan murmurs, rubs his cheek against Youngjae’s chest. “Have I made any presumptions so far?”

No, he has not. Not even when he probably should have. Youngjae sighs. “Fair enough. Now _please_ , rise up, Sir Boyfriend, and continue your breakfast.” He performs a flourishing movement with his hand to make the knighthood official, and Himchan giggles, stretches up to give him a kiss.

“Mhm, raspberry.”

Youngjae watches him lick his lips as he slides back onto his chair, blushes a little. Having Himchan for a boyfriend is going to be so glorious, so _embarrassing_. Fuck, he’s so happy.


	25. Chapter 25

They spend the day mostly on Himchan’s couch - mostly dressed, too. The TV is running, but they’re not paying all that much attention to it, just use it for background noise. Himchan is sitting sideways on the couch, with his back against the armrest, and Youngjae has made himself comfortable between his legs, slung his arms around his middle and rested his cheek against his chest. He loves the way Himchan keeps playing with his hair, the tips of his fingers brushing his scalp ever so often. It’s the lazy kind of Sunday he enjoys most: warm and relaxed, well fed … close to his favourite person

Youngjae hasn’t spent very many Sundays in this manner, so he cherishes it all the more, does his best not to succumb to his baser instincts every five minutes.

It’s like a floodgate has been opened somewhere inside of him, and the lust just won’t stop … coming. It’s ridiculous, is what it is. For years he’s looked at Himchan from a distance and resented his very existence. Apparently his anger managed to disguise a very real attraction - a rather intense need.

“You are one naughty muffin,” Himchan murmurs, fishing Youngjae’s hand out of his shirt for the third time, pulls it up to his mouth and presses a kiss to his palm. “I wish you’d let me take this more slowly.”

“But you never do anything!” Youngjae whines, slithering closer to him. “You even admitted as much yourself! If I hadn’t kissed you first you would have done _nothing_.”

“Baby, if I let myself go the way you apparently want me to, you’d run for the hills screaming.”

“No,” Youngjae says pointedly. “I would not.” He lifts his head and cranes his neck, brushes a kiss to Himchan’s cheek. “I like the endearment, I really do - but I’m not actually a baby.”

Himchan turns his head, looks at him for a long, intense moment. Then he smiles. “No, you’re really not.” He leans in and gives Youngjae a kiss, soft and sweet. “Nevertheless,” he whispers, holding his face right in front of Youngjae’s, eyes closed, “I need some time to get used to this.”

Youngjae blinks. It didn’t even occur to him that Himchan might be a little overwhelmed as well. Way to go.

“Sorry,” he says, properly chastised, and Himchan opens his eyes, boops their noses together.

“I don’t want to rush things,” he says gently, lifts his hand to cup Youngjae’s cheek. “We have time, don’t we?”

True, they do, but that doesn’t negate the fact that Youngjae wants to lick him ALL OVER. He clears his throat. “Have you told Yongguk yet?”

“No,” Himchan says, promptly tilting towards the couch table to grab his phone and rectify that situation, “I haven’t.”

He settles down to type, and Youngjae turns around in his arms, uses him as a chair, leans his head back against Himchan’s chest and closes his eyes. It’s a very comfortable position, and Youngjae dozes until Himchan receives a reply to his message to Yongguk - one that makes him grin delightedly. “Naw, he’s all excited for us.”

He shows Youngjae the screen of his phone, an explosion of smileys and hearts, and Youngjae instantly melts into a puddle of goo. “Oh god, he’s so sweet.”

Himchan makes an affirmative noise and grabs Youngjae from behind, squeezes him really tight. “He had to listen to my tales of pain and agony a lot.”

Youngjae bites his lip, still staring down at Himchan’s phone and Yongguk’s ongoing outburst of jubilation. “You have to admit that some of that was self-inflicted.”

“Yes,” Himchan agrees. “He was very patient with me.”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, very softly. “But - why didn’t you say something earlier? I mean I was … dumb, basically. You must have known that I would have let you -”

“I didn’t want you to let me,” Himchan interrupts him, his voice sounding a little tight. “I wanted you to want me.”

Youngjae has to close his eyes for a moment then. Take a deep breath. He doesn’t think Himchan is actually realizing what he’s doing to him by saying those things.

Eventually Youngjae manages to get a grip, turns his torso around, looks into Himchan’s eyes. “But what if I -”

“Then it wouldn’t have happened,” Himchan says, possesses the gall to shrug his shoulders. “I was lucky enough that you gave me a second chance as your friend … Everything else is just a bonus.”

“ _Just_ ,” Youngjae mutters. He looks down at where Himchan’s thighs are framing his hips, swallows dryly. “I think you’re downplaying the magnificence of the benefits here.”

“Naw, I’m merely trying to shed appropriate light on the glory of our friendship,” Himchan says happily. “I was truly grateful when you let me back in.” He clears his throat, brings his head forward and next to Youngjae’s, cheek against cheek. “You’re a delight to be with, you know.”

“Oh my god!” Youngjae exclaims, almost drowning in Himchan’s schmaltz. “Shut up!”

Himchan laughs and starts to tickle him, and Youngjae squeals, thrashes around in an effort to evade his merciless fingers. They end up nose to nose, both of them breathless and giggly, look into each other's’ eyes.

It would be impossible not to kiss then, and Youngjae closes his eyes, leans in. Himchan’s mouth is as warm and soft as ever, and he sighs, slides a little higher on Himchan’s body, relaxes into him.

Himchan puts his arms around him and rests his hands low on Youngjae’s back, fingers slightly spread, protective. When Youngjae licks over his lips he parts them immediately, grants him access - grabs the bunched up hem of Youngjae’s t-shirt with both hands.

Youngjae’s remembers how Himchan asked him to take it slow, and his breath stutters - like a brake, applied a little too hard. It takes a conscious effort to calm himself down - to not simply let go and let his instincts take over the way he’s done up till now.

Himchan always takes such good care of him, and Youngjae owes him just the same - owes him patience and consideration, and so much gentleness. Once that decision is made it’s surprisingly easy to keep himself in check … to do nothing more but kiss, to keep his touches light and caressing.

There’s no demand in the way he touches Himchan now, and Youngjae can feel him relax underneath him, is rewarded by a slight change in position that makes matters infinitely more comfortable.

Eventually he breaks the kiss, pulls back a little and looks into Himchan’s eyes. “That was nice.”

“Yes,” Himchan agrees, looking back at him. “Very.”

Youngjae cannot resist some preening then, lifts his nose. “See, I _learn_.”

“Very quickly indeed,” Himchan murmurs, tilting his head. He allows his lids to droop, looking up at Youngjae, and his gaze turns a little sharper. “It seems I underestimated you.”

Youngjae makes a noise of fake outrage and kisses him again, actually glad that he isn’t the only one who still has at least one foot in the past. Because he understands what Himchan meant to say just now: that he still sees the little kid he used to babysit when he looks at Youngjae sometimes. It explains so much, explains why he didn’t do anything about his attraction, why he couldn’t just come out and say something.

When Youngjae thinks about it it’s actually a small miracle they managed to break out of their outdated moulds to get together at all.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all you lovely people. Just letting you know that due to the heatwave from hell (30°C, 90% humidity) there won't be any more updates this week. My brain starts to melt as soon as temperatures rise over 25°C. I have no idea how I'm even writing this.

Thanks to their luxurious breakfast they only need a small snack late in the afternoon.

Himchan whips up something nice from his apparently bottomless pool of impromptu recipes, and then they return to the couch - without direct physical contact for once, but still close enough to be in easy touching distance should they want to.

“I’m spending the night,” Youngjae proclaims, both cheeks stuffed full with tomato mozzarella wrap. “I don’t care what you say - I won’t leave.”

Because there’s taking it slow and then there’s denying yourself the pleasure of cuddling your brand new boyfriend at night in his horrible yellow bed.

“I wouldn’t even try to make you leave, you nonsensical candy cane,” Himchan counters, his enunciation much clearer than Youngjae’s thanks to the lack of food in his mouth. “What am I - crazy?”

“Yes,” Youngjae mumbles. “You are.”

Himchan looks as if he wants to tackle him to the floor for a second, but then he remembers the food in his hands and takes a giant bite of wrap instead. Youngjae watches him chew, suddenly overcome by a wave of pure, undiluted affection. Because this is so _perfect_ , so simple and sweet - is all he ever wanted out of a relationship.

Youngjae doesn’t care for candles and roses, doesn’t need big gestures or expensive gifts. What he wants is a partner, someone he can trust and rely on, someone who likes him for who he really is - no playacting required.

Not only does Himchan fit the bill, he brings so much more to the table, is almost too good to be true, annoying characteristics and all.

Does he get on Youngjae’s nerves sometimes? Sure he does - or at least he did - most of the time completely on purpose. But Youngjae doesn’t _mind_. Because, let’s be honest, he’s an excitable person. His emotions bubble quickly, be they positive or negative.

Himchan knows how to handle that. He _likes_ it. Considering that fact Youngjae can sure deal with some teasing.

… And it’s not like he particularly dislikes the teasing either. It would be weird if Himchan suddenly stopped doing it. Youngjae would miss it.

“You look completely zoned out,” Himchan says at that point. “Do I even want to know what you’re thinking about?”

He has clearly finished eating some time ago, has probably been watching him for a while. Youngjae jerks upright, and some balsamico dressing drops from the wrap in his hands onto Himchan’s sturdy leather couch. “Erm,” he says. “Sorry.”

Himchan sighs the beleaguered sigh of self-inflicted botheration. “You’re lucky that wipes off.” He gets up and gets a rag from the kitchen area, and when he returns he crouches down in front of Youngjae, cleans the dressing off the couch - right between Youngjae’s shorts-clad legs.

Youngjae freezes, waiting for Himchan’s hand to brush against his skin, and when it doesn’t happen he pouts, unaccountably disappointed. Himchan returns the rag to its rightful place, and Youngjae finishes his wrap, licks some dressing off his fingers and then goes to the bathroom to wash his hands. Still pouting.

“Are you making that face because I didn’t molest you while you were eating?” Himchan asks upon his return, and Youngjae lifts his nose as high as he possibly can.

“So what?”

“You’re a brat,” Himchan tells him. “Get into my lap.”

“That almost rhymes,” Youngjae grins, gleefully following the order. He spreads his legs over Himchan’s and slides right up to him, immediately gratified when Himchan grabs his hips.

“Better?” Himchan asks, slowly moving his hands down, stroking over Youngjae’s naked thighs. It’s a gentle touch, with only the lightest sexual undertones, and Youngjae closes his eyes, takes a deep breath.

“Much.”

“You’re very cuddly, aren’t you?” Himchan smiles, shifts his hands all the way to Youngjae’s knees, brushes his thumbs back and forth on his knee-caps.

Youngjae sighs a little more. “Don’t try to convince me that you don’t like it.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m ecstatic,” Himchan says, moving his hands back up Youngjae’s thighs. There’s a little more pressure to his touch now, and Youngjae bites his lip, shifts his hips ever so slightly.

“Already too much?” Himchan asks, and he’s definitely teasing now, deliberately edging Youngjae on.

“You’re one big meanie.”

“Now you’re objectifying me,” Himchan mourns.

Youngjae chortles and falls forward, slings his arms around Himchan’s neck and gives him a kiss. “Yes,” he whispers. “Yes, I am.”

Himchan giggles and kisses him back, keeps stroking his hands over Youngjae’s thighs, warm and gentle. “Wanna go to bed?”

Youngjae looks into his eyes then, tilts his head. “Bed?”

“Just to be close,” Himchan says, his voice a little rough suddenly. “Okay?”

Youngjae smiles at him. “Sounds perfect.”

 

The next morning is sunny, beckons them outside with a blue sky and a balmy breeze, and Youngjae steals another one of Himchan’s t-shirts, manages to find something plain after some determined digging.

Himchan himself has decided to put on a shirt that says Save the Chubby Unicorns below the ungainly shape of a rhinoceros. The shirt is grey and black, and thus comparatively boring, and Youngjae subjects it to a critical stare, grins. “What, no rainbow or glitter?”

Himchan pulls it smooth and squints down at it, nods. “I know - haven’t had the time to glam it up yet.”

Youngjae is beginning to suspect that he’s actually serious about the self-made shirts.

They have breakfast and then set out for work, take the bus. It feels nice to get off at the same stop, and Youngjae pulls Himchan close by his hand, lifts his chin, inviting. “See you later?”

“Of course,” Himchan murmurs, leans in for a quick peck on the lips. “Yongguk and I have a meeting this morning, so I’ll come in after your lunch break.” It feels exciting to be kissed in public, and Youngjae gives Himchan’s hand a squeeze before he lets go, smiles at him before turning away to head for the coffee shop. He’s feeling bubbly and excited, is looking forward to informing Jongup and Daehyun about his changed relationship status a lot more than he probably should.

So he’s beaming when he enters the shop, infinitely pleased that Jongup has already opened up and is busy arranging clean mugs on the shelves. “Good morning!”

Jongup takes one look at Youngjae’s face and stills, carefully lets go of the mug he’s currently holding and turns fully towards him, squints. “Good morning.”

He manages to make the greeting sound skeptical, and LORD, Youngjae loves him a lot. “I have news.”

Jongup opens his eyes very wide at that and then squints worse than ever. “Oh yeah?”

Youngjae has to keep himself from bouncing. “Yeah.”

“Are you going to tell me then, or just drag it out forever - like everything else you do?” Jongup snarks, crosses his arms in front of his chest.

Youngjae launches himself across the room at that point, can’t hold down a squeak and a little celebratory shimmie once he reaches Jongup. “I got myself a boyfriend over the weekend!”

Jongup catches him out of reflex, then holds himself entirely still for a second. Whereupon he _grabs_ Youngjae, just to hold him in the most tender embrace imaginable. “About freaking time!”

It comes out half shout and half laugh, and Youngjae returns the embrace, bubbles of laughter escaping him as well. “I _know_.”

They bounce around in a circle, like a bottle of champagne on a washing machine, and while Youngjae knew that Jongup would be happy for him, he had no idea he’d be _this_ happy.

“What the fuck are you doing?” comes Daehyun’s voice from the door, and they both turn their heads to grin at him.

“Youngjae finally did it,” Jongup says happily, and Youngjae nods along, feeling almost drunk with this outburst of pure and utter bromance. “Himchan’s plight is _over_.”

Dae whoops and hurriedly closes the distance between them, his smile threatening to split his face in two. He joins their hug and ruffles Youngjae’s hair, not quite as gently as Jongup would have done it, but still endlessly nice.

“So happy for you,” he murmurs, and Youngjae closes his eyes, allows himself to go limp and trust his friends to hold him upright. He really did well picking these two.

“Can’t be happier than I am myself.”

“Oh, I’m not sure about that,” Dae quips, nuzzles Youngjae’s cheek. “Our Jonguppie was close to going _mental_ because it took you so fucking long.”

Jongup nods in agreement and pulls a face reminiscent of wild west gunmen impatiently waiting for high noon. “I was about to come up with a reckless and dangerous plan that would’ve eventually got you _killed_.”

“And everyone else as well,” Daehyun adds. “You should’ve listened to him rant, it was frightening.”

Youngjae giggles and hits them both on the back, makes Jongup wince and Daehyun laugh. “You love me.”

“Not as much as Himchan,” Jongup deadpans.

Youngjae blushes. Daehyun promptly slaps his ass. “Come on then - we can celebrate later. For now we have to get the shop open.”

So they do just that. By the time Zelo comes in they have already sold a few coffees to the usual early birds, and Mrs Choi from the little clothes shop at the other end of the street informed Youngjae that he looks positively radiant today. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with that handsome lawyer friend of yours?”

Youngjae has no idea how she even _knows_ about Himchan, but he still nods and blesses her with a triumphant grin. “Everything, actually.”

“About time!”

Thus it doesn’t particularly surprise Youngjae when Zelo, after taking one look at his face, breaks out into a grin both gleeful and adorable. “Did something happen?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, sunny smile at full wattage. “Something _good_.”

Zelo promptly dives down for a hug. “ _Finally_.”

“I thought Yongguk might have told you,” Youngjae says, hugging him back. “But I guess he didn’t want to spoil the surprise.”

“What, did he know _first_?”, comes Dae’s cry of outrage from the kitchen. “This is unacceptable!”

“Himchan texted him yesterday!” Youngjae yells back. “I wanted to tell you guys in person!”

“Good save,” Jongup grunts from somewhere in the vicinity. Youngjae can’t tell precisely where, because Zelo is still hugging him. It seems they’ve neglected to show their baby all the love and care he deserves.

Youngjae pats his back and then gently disengages, because for one he’s beginning to get a crick in his neck, and then he also prefers to perform displays of affection out of sight of the customers.

Zelo slays him with one final smile of sweetness, and then he moves to put on his apron and serve the morning crowd.


	27. Chapter 27

Surprising to precisely no-one, the mood in the shop is particularly good that day. Daehyun either sings or whistles in the kitchen; Jongup is unusually animated and smiles at a few hapless customers who walk out of the shop in a dazed manner, clearly overpowered by all that flawlessness; Zelo is his usual sweet self with an extra layer of powdered sugar on top; and Youngjae … Youngjae feels as if he’s glowing.

When he was a kid his entire world revolved around Himchan, and while that is clearly no longer the case, he still feels that they fit together so very seamlessly that Youngjae gains a whole new universe by being with him.

He always felt complete, was always his own person, so having Himchan in his life results in a whole lot of _extra_. Not surplus, because there could never be too much Himchan, but … yeah. Extra. A big freaking bonus.

That happy awareness carries Youngjae well into his lunch break, which is when he whips out the bento box Himchan made for him. It contains everything from a rainbow of fruit to tiny pancakes, and since Himchan is both generous and wise, he included enough food to satisfy even the endless pit of food appreciation that is Daehyun.

They’re in the kitchen for their lunch-break, as is their wont, and since the oven is perfectly insulated it’s actually a nice and cool room to spend your time in. Not having a huge window front to get heated up by sunlight certainly helps matters, makes it a lot easier for the air-conditioning to do its job.

Still it would be kind of nice to have some chairs to sit on, to actually relax and get off their feet. But that’s a financial problem for another day, and Youngjae will certainly not spend his time being bothered by it when he can instead boast his boyfriend’s awesome kitchen skills.

“Oh god,” Dae moans around a bite of pancake with banana, closes his eyes, “you better take care to keep this one, Jaebaby - he’s perfect.”

Youngjae snorts and attempts to ram his elbow into Daehyun’s middle, who dances out of his way and wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m planning on it, asshole.”

He allows Dae to take another piece of pancake - with blueberry this time, and then makes sure that Zelo gets the piece of fresh pineapple he has been eyeing for the last ten minutes.

But Youngjae’s smile is a little less bright, has lost some of its shine.

He has no idea why, but Dae’s comment stays with him - works itself under his skin like the finest of splinters. It reminds him that he hasn’t had much success with relationships in the past, that he’d kind of given up on that front, because it never worked out, no matter what he did.

No matter how hard Youngjae tried, he was always dumped. Even when he thought things were going well or at least _well enough_. He was always wrong somehow - too loud, or too indifferent, could never connect with his partners the way they wanted him to.

Which was okay, in the end, because Youngjae didn’t even miss it all that much. He never considered himself a romantic anyway, felt somewhat lost when asked to perform feats of sentiment or prove his affection.

But Youngjae knows for a fact that he’d miss Himchan. So. Fucking. Much.

Oh god, how is he going to _do_ this? Already Himchan is so much better at relationships than he is - what with all the cooking and caring and t-shirt bedazzling. (Whatever t-shirts have to do with this, but they’re clearly important.)

Eventually Himchan will get fed up with the imbalance of it all, with Youngjae’s inability to reciprocate. And then he’s going to dump him.

He’s done it before, hasn’t he? There must have been a reason for why he ditched Youngjae twelve years ago. A proper one, apart from He Was Sixteen Years Old.

Youngjae cannot believe that he’d actually managed to forget about that for a while. Now it all comes back: how it felt to only see Himchan from a distance, passing by his parents’ house, hanging out with his new friends.

He can’t go through all that for a second time, he just can’t.

“What?” Dae says, his voice barely penetrating the mist of Youngjae’s dread attack. “What is that face? What’s going on?”

Youngjae jerks back into the present, lifts his eyes and finds that they’re all staring at him - Daehyun, Jongup, and even Zelo. He swallows dryly and then clears his throat, aims for a light tone when he replies. “Nothing. Why?”

“Because you look like shit all of a sudden,” Dae says, not mincing matters. “What are you hatching?”

Youngjae doesn’t want to talk about it, he really _doesn’t_ , but these are his friends. So he takes a deep breath and clears his throat once more. “Remember how Himchan ditched me twelve years ago? What if he does it again?”

For a second stupefied silence encompasses the kitchen, then Jongup airs his emotions with a single, highly emphasized word. “Bullshit.”

“Himchan hyung is crazy about you,” Zelo adds, a lot softer. “He would never.”

“Yeah,” Youngjae says, his throat feeling rather tight, “but see: he already did.”

“Have you ever asked him why?” Daehyun asks carefully, clearly sensing how very close Youngjae is to losing it. Youngjae shakes his head. “Then maybe you should. Talk to him about this. Make him explain himself.”

Youngjae hangs his head, hating the very idea. But Daehyun is right. If he doesn’t find out why, he can’t fix himself. Can’t prevent it from happening again.

Jongup moves closer to him then, puts his arm around his shoulders in a slightly awkward hug, and Youngjae closes his eyes, leans into him. God, that certainly escalated quickly.

“Himchan _loves_ you,” Jongup says softly, and usually Youngjae would scream and flee from this blatant display of support and affection FROM JONGUP, but this time all he can do is cling to him and do his very best not to start crying. “I’m absolutely sure that he does.”

“Thank you,” Youngjae murmurs, and then he does flee - to the bathroom, because he has to wash his face and get a fucking grip.

When he returns lunch break is over and he can throw himself into work. He serves the customers and finds things to clean up, tables to right and chairs to position _just so_. It keeps him busy enough to hold the worrying at bay, but he’s always on edge, doesn’t relax for even a second.

Well, at least Himchan can’t accuse him of not caring enough. Youngjae cares so much he’s feeling nauseous with it.


	28. Chapter 28

Himchan comes into the shop a little before three in the afternoon - just before the second rush of the day. He arrives smiling, radiating happiness. But one look at Youngjae’s face wipes that smile away and replaces it with a frown, and Youngjae bites his lip.

He’d hoped that he’d be able to keep this under wraps for a while, to prepare himself mentally for that undoubtedly painful discussion. He rounds the counter, summoning a tight little grin, but Himchan’s frown only deepens. “What happened?”

He opens his arms for Youngjae, and Youngjae immediately moves close to him, presses into his embrace. He just can’t help himself. “Nothing happened.”

Which isn’t a lie. While the landscape of Youngjae’s mind is a wild and dangerous place, it doesn’t count as a real crime scene of actual incidents. At the end of the day it’s all just in his head.

“Just tell me,” Himchan murmurs, stroking his hand over Youngjae’s hair, _so gentle_. Being in his arms actually helps to calm Youngjae down, to allay the worst of his worries. No wonder he only freaked out after separating from Himchan. Being close to him makes it pretty much impossible to suspect him of even the mildest form of wrongdoing.

“Himchan!” Daehyun yells at that point, clearly not caring about the other customers present. “Come over here for a second! And bring Jaebaby with you!”

Himchan makes a curious noise and pulls Youngjae with him, arm firmly around his shoulders. Youngjae doesn’t have any doubts regarding the reason for Daehyun’s summons, but he can’t even bring himself to get angry.

He feels exhausted suddenly, all tension gone, like a doll with its strings cut.

Daehyun looks at them over his shoulder when they enter the kitchen, and then returns his attention to the cookie dough in front of him. “Hi,” he says. “Now please take the back exit over there and have a talk about why you guys stopped being friends twelve years ago.”

Youngjae feels Himchan freeze next to him, feels the hand on his shoulder press into his skin, and now he can add a mild sense of guilt to the cocktail of melancholy he’s been mixing.

“Because Youngjae is freaking out about it,” Dae continues. “Not that I blame him - but if you actually manage to fuck this up after all the time it took you guys to get together, Jongup is going to go ballistic.” He looks at them again, is actually smiling, sweet and supportive. “So please don’t fuck this up?”

“Will do my very best,” Himchan says in a hoarse little voice. “Come on, baby.” He gently pulls Youngjae with him to the kitchen exit and through the door, is possibly the most gentle he’s ever been with him.

There’s a noticeable change in temperature when they step outside, with the humidity level peaking unpleasantly, and Himchan locates a low spot of crumbling stone wall for Youngjae to sit on, conveniently shadowy. He makes sure that Youngjae’s head is out of the sun, and then he crouches down, right in front of him, looks up into Youngjae’s eyes. “Is that it? Is that why you’re so pale?”

Youngjae shrugs, somewhat desperate to save face and not end up looking like an overly emotional preschooler. He _really_ thought he was over this. “Yeah. Kind of.”

Himchan takes his hands. “Because you’re afraid it might happen again?”

Youngjae nods. He’s going all tight inside now, anticipating Himchan’s reasons, waiting for the impact of All Things Wrong With Him.

But Himchan smiles. “Well, it won’t.”

“But why?” Youngjae grinds out, still feeling like a bow string about to snap. “Why did it happen in the first place? What did I do wrong?”

Himchan squeezes his hands and smiles a little softer. “Nothing whatsoever, honey. It was all me, I promise.”

A little flare of anger lights up Youngjae’s chest at that. “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to kick it out of you?”

Himchan doesn’t even look put out by being hissed at and threatened. He tilts his head, pulls a little face and blushes. “It’s embarrassing.”

Now Youngjae is both angry and confused, two feelings he deems preferable to sadness and fear by far, so … improvement? “Fucking tell me!”

Himchan groans and gets to his feet, gives Youngjae’s hands another little squeeze before he lets go of them. “Remember how I was sixteen at the time?”

“Yes,” Youngjae spits. “It kind of got stuck in my mind.”

Himchan clears his throat. “Yeah, well. Erm. I was … something of a late bloomer? I mean I’d always been fuzzily aware of my attractions being all over the spectrum, but around that time matters became … pressing.”

He looks wildly embarrassed now, and Youngjae blinks at him, not quite grasping his meaning. “What?”

Himchan groans. “You’re actually going to make me say it, aren’t you.”

“Yes!” Youngjae exclaims. “Because I don’t get it!”

Himchan closes his eyes, visibly mortified. Youngjae stares up at his face, waiting for the big reveal, the great Reason Why, and he _still_ manages to get distracted by Himchan’s overall prettiness. Jesus Christ he’s got it bad.

“Okay, then get this,” Himchan says then, his voice deliciously rough and low, adorably awkward. “Mess of hormones - perpetually horny - a warm breeze would give me a boner.”

Now it’s Youngjae’s turn to get embarrassed, if only because Himchan saying it like that _really_ got his imagination going, wonderful mental images, ripe with possibility.

“And then there was you,” Himchan continues. He opens his eyes, looks at Youngjae. “Always all over me. You always wanted to cuddle, to be close, and I -”

“Dude, I was twelve!” Youngjae shrieks.

“I KNOW,” Himchan growls back. “And I wasn’t into you AT ALL, I promise! But the boner thing was turning into a real problem and I … I just needed … space.”

There’s a long pause.

Then Youngjae finds his voice, blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “You could’ve just told me that!” he grunts, butthurt. “I would’ve understood.”

“Yeah, only I was sixteen and kind of mortally embarrassed about the whole thing, AND YOU WERE TWELVE,” Himchan reminds him. “So that wasn’t going to happen, obviously.”

His face is bright red and his voice almost too low to be heard, and Youngjae struggles a bit with recognizing current Himchan in this display of Embarrassments of the Past. The man who found Youngjae at the coffee shop is so very self-confident and without shame that it’s difficult to imagine him ever having been any other way.

 _Especially_ since Himchan was always larger than life to Youngjae, capable of anything. Now he looks impossibly young, endearingly helpless, and, fuck it, Youngjae likes it. Apparently there’s nothing Himchan can do to put even the slightest dent in Youngjae’s attraction to him.

So Youngjae sits on his cool spot of wall, gazing up at Himchan, absorbing his past motives in thoughtful silence, and … yes. It actually makes sense. It’s not perfect, and he certainly wishes it hadn’t happened, but … yeah. Himchan’s only human. Obviously so.

The wind picks up and plays with Youngjae’s hair, gentle and warm, and he relaxes his shoulders, shifts his seat on the stone wall. “But what about later?” he asks, eyes wide with innocent curiosity. “I mean the spontaneous boners can’t have lasted forever, right? You could’ve tried to fix things sooner?”

Himchan sighs and rakes his fingers through his hair, complexion returning to normal now that the truth is out. He clears his throat. “Well. At first I was kind of busy with getting it out of my system.”

Youngjae pulls his mouth into a pouty duckbill of disapproval and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “That must have been nice.”

“I mostly meant masturbation,” Himchan tells him with a naughty little grin, clearly back to his usual self, “but yes, that’s when I started dating, too.”

Youngjae blushes furiously. “God, I hate you.”

Himchan winks at him, then clears his throat, gets serious. “I was too chickenshit to make it up to you for a long time - always thought that you’d expect some sort of explanation I absolutely didn’t want to give. By the time I really, _really_ started missing you, you were sixteen, and I was twenty and it felt … weird.” He looks into Youngjae’s eyes, smiles helplessly. “I thought I’d better keep my distance.”

Youngjae blushes again, but for different reasons this time. “You already liked me back then?”

“You were cute,” Himchan says, as if he needs an excuse. “You were my type. Apart from your age of course. I didn’t … trust myself. Especially if it turned out that you still liked to cuddle.”

He sounds a little tortured, and Youngjae gets to his feet, takes him into his arms. “So it really was all your fault.”

Himchan immediately hugs him close. “Yes baby. You didn’t do anything wrong. So please don’t be afraid of it happening again. It’s pretty much impossible to recreate those circumstances for us as we are right now.”

“Naw, no spontaneous boners anymore?” Youngjae teases gently. “I feel robbed.”

“If you want those all you have to do is parade around in a pair of shorts,” Himchan says, his voice a little husky. He tugs Youngjae a little closer to his body, gives him a gentle squish. “Your legs require a gun permit.”

“Your thighs are far worse,” Youngjae points out, nevertheless endlessly pleased with Himchan’s appreciation. He closes his eyes, leans his head against Himchan’s, finally able to relax. “Thank you for telling me.”

“What, about your legs?” Himchan murmurs, obviously aware of what Youngjae was referring to. “You’re welcome, honey bee.”

Youngjae pulls back a little so he can brush a kiss to his cheek … and to the corner of his mouth … and his lips. Himchan makes a pleased noise and kisses him back, puts his hands on Youngjae’s hips and keeps them there, warm and steadying.

Theoretically Youngjae feels relieved enough to just drop to the ground and be done with it for the day, but kissing Himchan provides him with enough energy to keep himself upright. It’s a nice kiss, not passionate, but tender and reassuring - just what Youngjae needs right now.

He pulls back from it eventually and sighs, snuggles extra close to Himchan. “You have no idea how freaked-out I was about this.”

“I’m sorry, darling,” Himchan murmurs into his ear. “I never thought my adolescent stupidity would cause you so much grief. I always thought you were mostly just angry with me.”

“Oh, I was,” Youngjae grunts, pinching his ass, causing him to squeal and twitch. “But only because I refused to be sad any longer.”

Himchan makes a wounded noise and holds him extra tight, and Youngjae kisses his cheek - blows a bubble against his skin. “Does that make us even where thoughtless torture is concerned? I think that makes us even.”

Himchan gives him another squeeze. “Whatever you say, babycakes.”

Youngjae can tell that he’s feeling really bad about his past behavior, and while it’s nice to finally get an apology from him - not to mention the immense sense of vindication it brought on - it was certainly not Youngjae’s intention to trade his own negative feelings for Himchan’s.

“Stop moping,” he whispers, strokes his hand over Himchan’s head. “I’m fine. My parents kept telling me that what we had back then was turning into an unhealthy codependency anyway, so there. You did well by forcing me to find some new friends. I never would have let Dae and Uppie get close if we’d still been attached at the hip by the time I met them.”

“And that would have been _tragic_ ,” Himchan says, already sounding more chipper. “They are excellent friends to have.”

“Yes, indeed,” Youngjae drawls. “Shall we go in and let them know we made up? I don’t want to be responsible for any crimes Jongup commits in his current unbalanced mental state.”

Himchan grins, leans in for one final kiss. “Yes, we better tell them. Come on.” He takes Youngjae’s hand and leads him back inside, immediately causes Dae to turn around and gaze at them in a wide-eyed, searching manner.

“All cleared up?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, giving Himchan’s hand a squeeze. “All good.”

“Well, thank fuck,” Dae says, with feeling. “What was it then? Can I know?”

Himchan suddenly looks like an embarrassed muppet, and Youngjae grins, shakes his head. “Nope. My boyfriend entrusted me with a secret I intend to take to the grave.”

“Dramatic,” Jongup comments from the service hatch. “Are you about to get your ass out here and do some work now, or what?”

Youngjae promptly steps out of the kitchen to provide Jongup with some loving strangulation. Once that’s done he gracefully accepts another hug from Zelo, gently pats his back. “Want one from Himchan, too?”

“What, are you my pimp now?” Himchan asks, exiting the kitchen with a cookie in hand; but he doesn’t hesitate to open his arms for Zelo - once that cookie has vanished into his mouth.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” Zelo says, hanging on Himchan like some sort of enormous sloth. “Seeing Youngjae hyung so scared was freaky.”

“I know,” Himchan murmurs, “I didn’t like it either.”

How Youngjae manages to do his work within earshot of those two remains a mystery to him.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALIVE.
> 
> Mostly.

Himchan stays in the shop for a while. He sits at his favourite table with his phone and a tablet and does some work, provided with a plate of cookies and a succession of increasingly creative coffee creations Jongup makes for him. Himchan receives them all with a smile bright enough to melt brains, provokes Jongup to smile back at him every single time.

Other people might get jealous at this point, or at least be wary of these blatant displays of favouritism and affection; but Youngjae is increasingly aware that Jongup treats Himchan this way because Himchan makes Youngjae _happy_. For quite similar reasons Himchan reacts to Jongup in such a manner because he knows that Jongup is Youngjae’s friend and has been rooting for them to get together FROM DAY ONE.

Or was it day two? It was day two, wasn’t it.

Which Youngjae realizes only just now. Oh GOD. He blinks, overwhelmed by the realization that Jongup is perfect, and sweet, and really did not deserve to be strangled earlier. Whoopsie.

Youngjae clears his throat, ready to perform some extremely necessary atonement; but then the shop door opens and Yongguk steps inside - smiling as if Father Christmas and Mother Theresa had a baby and named it Sunshine.

While Yongguk always has an aura - a _presence_ , if you like - the happy energy he exudes today could power their little coffee shop for roughly one hundred years.

Youngjae never wanted to hug someone this much IN HIS LIFE. (Apart from Himchan _maybe_.) Thus he’s quite jealous when Himchan gets up from his table and walks over to Yongguk to give him a little squeeze - as if they’re not seeing each other every damn day anyway, and have probably hugged twice today already. The audacity!

But Himchan walks Yongguk over to the counter, arm around his back as if Yongguk was some sort of Biedermeier era maiden, and now they’re both smiling at Youngjae, and Youngjae doesn’t think he’s going to survive this.

“Hello,” Yongguk says, apparently _giddy_ with happiness - smiling with literally every single part of his face, and most of his torso as well. His clavicles are positively _sparkling_. “I trust you’re well?”

Youngjae stares at him like fish in an aquarium might stare at the sea. “Yeah,” he croaks. “Peachy.”

Yongguk chuckles. “Good. I’m really happy for you two.”

That. Is. IT.

“I am going to hug you now,” Youngjae proclaims, already rounding the counter with quick little steps. “Himchan, make sure he doesn’t run.”

But Yongguk makes no attempt to flee, waits in fact quite calmly and cheerfully for Youngjae to reach him.

“We’re a really cuddly bunch,” Himchan observes while Youngjae realizes his ambition and basks in the sensation of having Yongguk hug him back. “I like that.”

Which is a bit of a relief, actually. Youngjae didn’t really stop to think before he went all out and claimed his boyfriend’s best friend for a hug. That might have backfired magnificently - thank goodness Himchan is a sensible man and doesn’t get needlessly jealous either.

Youngjae releases Yongguk from his clutches and takes a step back, clears his throat, suddenly feeling shy. “Thank you.”

Yongguk, still radiating vicarious bliss, WINKS AT HIM. “No, _thank you_. You’re making Himchan very happy.”

Youngjae experiences the urge to grab his own chest and reenact a random dramatic death scene brought on by FEELINGS; but as discovered previously, he simply cannot bring himself to be anything but lovingly respectful with Yongguk. “You’re welcome.”

“You should come for dinner today,” Himchan says to Yongguk, smiles at Youngjae. “Both of you.”

Somewhere in the vicinity a throat is cleared in the most insistent manner imaginable, and Himchan grins. “You guys can come on the weekend. I need to prepare a little more for so many people.”

“Fucking favouritism,” comes Dae’s voice from the kitchen, and Yongguk laughs, smiles and nods at Himchan.

“I would like that.”

Youngjae’s head bobs up and down almost frantically, he’s that eager to convey his approval. “I was planning on sleeping over again today anyway.”

“Naturally,” Himchan says, sounding nothing but pleased - then Zelo pops up next to him, like a spontaneous palm tree.

“Hyung, do you want coffee?”

“Yes,” Yongguk says, directs the full force of his smile at Zelo and nearly makes him swoon, not to mention the innocent bystanders. “Thank you. Do you have time to sit with us for a moment? I have news regarding your internship with us.”

Zelo looks instantly excited, and he walks with Yongguk to Himchan’s table, leaves it to either Youngjae or Jongup to provide Yongguk’s coffee.

“I think we’ve been too indulgent with him,” Youngjae comments with an arched brow, but Jongup shakes his head, his expression the very picture of earnestness.

“No. We really haven’t.”

Himchan snorts and moves to the side of the counter - close enough to be in earshot, but not blocking theoretical customers. “You have to forgive him, he’s very excited about interning with us.”

Youngjae nods knowingly. Zelo is studying to become a lawyer, and Yongguk is not only his friend but something of a personal hero, too. Of course he’d be ecstatic to intern under his guidance. It must be a real step up from making coffee for cranky addicts in the mornings.

Youngjae blinks, pauses in his coffee preparations. “Wait, will he still be able to work here during his internship?”

Himchan pulls a thoughtful face, then shakes his head. “I don’t think so, no.”

Jongup groans. “You thieves! This is a betrayal of the highest order! And that after everything I did for you.”

“Hey, he started working here thanks to me in the first place,” Himchan points out, amusement thick in his voice.

Jongup clearly refuses to be swayed by that argument. “That only makes it worse. You can’t gift us with a treasure of this magnitude just to take it away whenever you like.”

“I’m going to tell him that you said that,” Himchan says, his voice all warm and fond. “How about you ask him to put up a notice at his uni?”

Jongup sighs from the depths of his soul. “Yeah yeah. Will do.” He puts a big mug of latte on the counter, slides it in Himchan’s direction. “Here, take this to Yongguk.”

Himchan grins at him and does as he’s told, and Youngjae directs a hard stare at Jongup. “You’re certainly very comfortable with ordering my boyfriend around.”

“Of course I am,” Jongup replies lazily. “First of: he’s a peach. Second: after everything you put me through I deserve this.”

For a second Youngjae neither moves nor breathes, then he reaches out and yanks Jongup close by his wrist, holds him tight. “You really care, don’t you?”

“Can you not do shit like this where the customers can see us?” Jongup hisses into his ear, but he hugs Youngjae back, once more infinitely gentle. “Of course I care, you idiot.”

Youngjae giggles and then sighs, feels the earlier emotional upheaval catch up with him. “God, I’m tired.”

“I’m not surprised,” Jongup says, gently patting his back before ruffling Youngjae’s hair. “Want me to make you some coffee, too?”

Youngjae releases him from his arms. “Naw, that wouldn’t help, but thank you.” He smiles at his friend, and Jongup smiles back - then there’s the sudden sound of Dae’s insistent voice from the kitchen.

“I want a hug, too! Somebody come and hug me _right the fuck now_.”

Jongup heaves a beleaguered sigh and obediently lurches into the kitchen, and Youngjae grins to himself, serves a cluster of giggly high school girls who will probably remain their loyal customers for LIFE thanks to the wonderful skit they just got to witness.

 

“Do we have everything? Does Yongguk drink wine? Should we get a few bottles?”

Himchan, the shopping cart firmly in hand, casts Youngjae a pointy-eyebrowed glance. “You’re overly invested in this, don’t you think? Have you ever obsessed this much about what I want to drink?”

“Of course not,” Youngjae replies distractedly, checking the wine options for possible candidates to take home although he doesn’t have a clue about wine in the first place. “With you I know what you want.”

“Do you?” Himchan murmurs, and when Youngjae looks at him he’s smiling a little, almost secretive.

“What?” Youngjae says, blushing. “Can you stop looking at me like that? And what about the wine? Can I get an answer, please?”

“No wine,” Himchan says firmly. “He doesn’t like to drink when he has to go to work the next morning.”

“Okay,” Youngjae says, turning to check the shopping cart for its contents. “Do we have everything then?”

“Yes, darling,” Himchan says, patience leaking from his eyes. “As I’ve been assuring you for the past ten minutes.”

Youngjae sticks out his tongue at him. “This is your best friend we’re talking about - I want to make sure that he feels comfortable with us.”

Himchan beams at him. “Naw, sugarbun, there’s no doubt about that. First of, he’s been to my place so often that it’s basically a home away from home for him anyway, and then he approves of you so very much that it’s actually a small wonder he didn’t interfere with my courting strategies at all.” Himchan pauses, looks thoughtful for a second. “Well, maybe not such a small wonder. He’s not one to meddle.”

“You’re forgetting that he’s the one who made us go to karaoke that night,” Youngjae points out, pulling the shopping cart around and setting them off towards the checkout. “How do you know that wasn’t an elaborate plan to get us together?”

Himchan snorts. “Elaborate? He knew how you get when you’re drunk. No, no, my darling ducky face, he was merely giving me an opportunity to be with you.”

Youngjae briefly considers running Himchan over with the shopping cart for the Darling Ducky Face endearment, but decides against it in favour of poking his butt instead. “Can you please not call me that kind of name in public?”

“What kind of name?” Himchan asks, trying to look innocent but only succeeding in looking ridiculously cute instead. Youngjae stares at him, aware of a very real desire to kiss him, and bites his lip to keep himself in check.

He manages to wait for Himchan to pay for their shoppings and walk out of the supermarket, but then he pounces immediately - causes Himchan to swerve under his sudden weight and nearly drop the shopping bag. “Careful!”

Youngjae steadies him, just to press an insistent kiss to his lips. “You. Drive. Me. Bonkers.”

“Me? What did I do?” Himchan asks, flushed and slightly out of breath, and Youngjae realizes that he didn’t even tempt him on purpose. This is preposterous.

“Let’s just go home,” he grunts, embarrassed. He releases Himchan from his arms and marches off - basically abandoning Himchan to do with the shopping whatever he wants.

He feels flustered and a little embarrassed, and GOD, why does Himchan have to be so fucking charming? He’s asked Youngjae for time, asked him to take things slow, and that would be perfectly fine and quite alright if he wasn’t so outrageously _pretty_.

“Why are you running away from me?” Himchan asks, breathlessly catching up with him, and Youngjae groans, refuses to look at his face.

“Because!”

There’s a bout of silence, and then Himchan transfers the shopping bag from his right to his left hand so he can hold on to Youngjae’s elbow, slow him down a little. “You’re not worrying again, are you? If so, please tell me right away.”

The very real concern in his voice makes Youngjae feel all mushy inside, and he sighs, takes Himchan’s hand, gives it a squeeze. “I’m not.” He looks at Himchan from the corner of his eye, finds him gazing at him with wide-eyed attention, blushes. “Can you please stop acting as if you don’t _know_ that I’m ridiculously into you?”

Himchan blinks, and then he grins, immediately and infinitely pleased. “Ah. Okay. Sorry.”

Youngjae can’t with him. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to invite Yongguk and give him first row seats to the Yoo Youngjae Sexual Frustration Show.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya!
> 
> *heatwaving*

Yongguk shows up perfectly on time that evening. He receives his welcoming hugs from both Himchan and Youngjae, smile once more far too bright and happy, and Youngae can’t seem to get over the fact that Himchan and him have so many splendid people in their lives.

Just _one_ person being this happy that they got together would have been enough, but they have FOUR. Four whole people! That’s almost enough for a boyband.

Youngjae walks Yongguk over to the dining area, where the table is already set and waiting, goes so far as to pull him out a chair. “I hope you’re hungry. We’ve made a lot.”

“I came prepared,” Yongguk says, smile morphing into a grin. He doesn’t sit down right away, but turns his head instead, aims that grin at Himchan. “Did he help you cook again?”

“Yes,” Himchan says, grinning back. “He’s getting good at it, too.”

Youngjae didn’t really need confirmation that they talk about him when he’s not around, but it’s nonetheless very satisfying and slightly frightening to get it.

“He told you about that?” he asks, can’t help but let his thirst for details colour his voice.

“I’m pretty sure I told him _everything_ ,” Himchan says dryly, gets some glasses out of the cupboard and a bottle of water out of the fridge. “Every sad little triviality.”

“Oh, they weren’t all sad,” Yongguk argues, sitting down on the chair Youngjae pulled out for him. “Far from it.” He smiles at Youngjae. “Were you aware how much of an effect you had on him when he stumbled upon you in the coffee shop for the first time? He came back to the office so very agitated that I first thought he’d been in an accident.”

Youngjae turns his head to stare at Himchan, utterly bewildered. “But you flirted with me! You were IMPOSSIBLE!”

Himchan blushes. He honest to god _blushes_ , hangs his head, and stares at the ground. “Yes, well.”

Youngjae swivels his head around, stares at Yongguk instead. “What the fuck!”

Yongguk chuckles. “He was _desolate_ , thinking you didn’t like him anymore. That’s why I accompanied him on the next day - he was clearly in need of moral support.”

Himchan clears his throat. “Can you stop? I wouldn’t have invited you if I’d known about this sudden betrayal.”

“Very uncharacteristic, I know,” Yongguk smiles. “Jongup asked me to. He said it isn’t fair all the treachery thus far has been completely one-sided.”

The statement makes Himchan first stare in disbelief and then throw back his head and laugh until his knees start to shake. “Oh god, I love that boy.”

“Hey!” Youngjae snaps. “You’re not allowed to love Jongup! Jongup is MINE to love!”

“Too late,” Himchan shrugs, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “He’s simply too much.”

“You’re too much,” Youngjae mutters, finds that Yongguk is looking at him with what can only be called paternal approval, blushes a little. “Thank you for telling me.”

“You only have to ask,” Yongguk offers, horribly tempting. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

“Just to be clear,” Himchan says with some force. “So would I.”

Yongguk nods, readily admitting the truth of that statement. “There is that of course.”

“Naw, but I LIKE you spilling Himchan’s secrets,” Youngjae says, finally filling the glasses Himchan took out of the cupboard with water. “Did he ever talk about me before he ran into me at the shop?”

“Oh yes, several times,” Yongguk says, to Youngjae’s surprise and delight. “One of our first clients was a young family with a little boy who reminded him of you.”

Himchan, busy getting a huge casserole dish out of the oven, makes a tortured noise. “Oh god, that kid was so CUTE.”

“Himchan was very good with him,” Yongguk continues, leans out of the way so Himchan can put the casserole on the table. “So when I commented on that, he started to tell me about you, showed me some pictures.”

“Pictures?” Youngjae squeaks, by now fairly overwhelmed. “What pictures?”

Yongguk turns his head to look at Himchan, fond smile firmly in place. “He’s not aware that you carry his picture in your wallet?”

“Well, he is now,” Himchan grumbles. “You couldn’t wait for, I don’t know - A WEEK OR SOMETHING - before letting him in on all that?”

“But we do not see each other that often,” Yongguk points out sensibly. “You should have waited with inviting me over then.”

“No no, this is brilliant!” Youngjae says, sitting down at Yongguk’s left, smiling almost maniacally. “Do you know why he ditched me back then, too?”

Himchan makes a helpless squawking noise and collapses onto his own chair. “Youngjae!”

Yongguk chuckles again. “Yes. He told me.”

Youngjae is impressed, and a little bit miffed. “Oh, so you could tell _him_ , could you.”

“He was drunk at the time,” Yongguk contributes. “If that helps.”

It does, actually.

“How drunk?” Youngjae wants to know.

“Very,” Yongguk says, tilting his head and squinting in an effort of memory. “I think it was the one and only time I had to help him home.”

Youngjae automatically imagines such an incident and finds it endlessly titillating. Good god, he’s easy. “What, did you have to take him to bed and everything?”

“Yes,” Yongguk says calmly. “He was quite clingy. You would have liked it.”

Himchan groans and drops his head on the table. “Please stop now.”

They do not.

 

“Just so you know,” Himchan says later that evening when Youngjae enters the bedroom, fresh from a shower, “if I’m not allowed to love Jongup, you’re not allowed to love Yongguk either.”

He’s sitting in bed, reading glasses perched low on his nose - isn’t even looking at Youngjae. No, he keeps reading his book with the most neutral expression imaginable, and Youngjae never wanted anyone this much in his life.

All evening he got to watch Himchan be cute with Yongguk, all giggly and blushy when Yongguk just wouldn’t stop telling Youngjae all about how smitten Himchan really is with him.

Now Himchan is sitting above the covers, wearing a dusky pink pair of pajamas, short-sleeved _and_ short-legged; his old-fashioned glasses make him look ridiculously distinguished, while the way his shower-damp hair curls ever so slightly adds a certain softness to the overall image. It’s _devastating_.

Youngjae can’t even tell what he likes better - which of Himchan’s many facettes he finds the most appealing. He likes him in a suit and sunglasses, in his ridiculous t-shirts, a hoodie … it doesn’t matter. He likes it when Himchan flirts with him, when his eyes go dark and a little dangerous, he likes him when he’s cute, when he takes care of him.

Maybe it doesn’t depend on clothes or behavior at all; maybe it’s just a matter of time until Youngjae inevitably snaps. Like he’s dangerously close to doing right now.

He can feel the longing build up inside of him as he stands and stares at Himchan, just can’t bring himself to avert his eyes. “Okay,” he croaks, keeping himself very still, as if reality might splinter should he dare to move. “You’re allowed to love Jongup as much as you want then. You just have to promise to love Dae just as much so he doesn’t start to sulk.”

God, is he proud of himself for getting that out in one go without stumbling over his own tongue.

“Oh that’s easy,” Himchan murmurs. “He gives me cookies.” He looks up to smile at Youngjae, sweet and fucking _innocent_ \- then looks right back down at his book. “Aren’t you coming to bed?”

Youngjae takes a deep breath, licks his lips. “Yeah. Ok.”

He can do this. He can absolutely fucking do this. Thus he approaches the bed, slow and steady, not able to take his eyes off Himchan’s thighs for even a second. Youngjae gets why Himchan’s sitting above the covers - what with the heat of the day still lingering - but that doesn’t make this any easier.

“I really liked having Yongguk over,” he gets out as he climbs onto the mattress. “We should do that more often.”

“Why, so you two can bond over roasting me some more?” Himchan asks, sounding a little absent-minded. “I’m not sure I want to do that to myself.”

He turns a page in his book, and Youngjae takes a deep breath, sits down with his back against the headboard with a good solid foot between them. Which isn’t enough, because he can still smell Himchan, all fresh and clean and tempting. “We weren’t roasting you,” he clarifies hoarsely. “You know we weren’t.”

Himchan smiles. “Yeah, ok - I do.”

He keeps reading, and Youngjae keeps staring at his profile in the light of the bedside lamp, takes him in from head to toe. He knows that he promised Himchan some time, and he wants to keep his promise, he truly does, but he never really got to build up a defence against this desire.

It’s like puberty has hit him all over again, as if he’s experiencing it for the very first time. _God_ , he wants to touch Himchan - wants Himchan to touch him, too. Maybe a little bit of cuddling would help. They don’t have to go all the way after all, and Himchan clearly isn’t averse to physical contact. Thank goodness.

So Youngjae inches a little closer to Himchan, all slow and steady and stealthily, as if Himchan’s some sort of prey he’d kill himself for letting get away.

Eventually Youngjae’s close enough to feel Himchan’s body heat, and he takes a deep breath, holds it as he settles down on the mattress. Himchan’s still reading, his eyes focussed on the book in his lap, but he smiles when Youngjae makes contact, presses back against him.

It’s really not fair of him to be so fucking sweet.

Youngjae bites his lip and tries to ignore the tingling sensation spreading out into his blood. He’s never felt this aware of his own body, never knew that the mere touch of limb against limb could hold so much potential.

He turns a little to better press his thigh against Himchan’s, and GOD, he wishes he was wearing a shorty, too. The mere idea makes him go a little hot, and he reaches out, puts his hand on Himchan’s thigh before he can stop himself.

The skin under his palm is smooth and warm, ridiculously pale and milky, and Youngjae wants to _lick it_. Instead he strokes it, quite gently and carefully, slides his hand a little higher on Himchan’s thigh, and then back down, praying to all that’s holy that Himchan won’t -

“You really weren’t kidding about my thighs earlier, were you.”

Himchan is _still_ looking down at his book, but the right corner of his mouth has pulled up about an inch, is constituting a major tease all by itself.

Youngjae glares at it. “Did you do this on purpose?”

“Do you mean Did I put on a pair of short pj’s as to not sweat to death in this heat?” Himchan asks, sounding insufferably smug. “Yes, I did. Are you telling me you don’t like it?”

He turns his head and looks into Youngjae’s eyes, and Youngjae swallows dryly, completely forgetting to feel even the slightest hint of indignation.

“Kiss me,” he whispers, can’t help the way his voice is sounding like honey over gravel. “Please.”

“Oh sweet baby jesus,” Himchan replies, and then he pulls off his glasses, leans in to bring their mouths together.


	31. Chapter 31

Youngjae’s throat produces a helpless noise of need, and he closes his eyes when their lips touch, grabs Himchan’s thigh a little harder without meaning to.

Himchan’s hand comes up to cup Youngjae’s right cheek and hold him steady, and Youngjae loves the feeling of his palm against his skin, warm and a little rough.

Himchan kisses him softly, sweet and soothing, and his thumb strokes over Youngjae’s cheek when he pulls back and looks into Youngjae’s eyes. “Was that alright?”

Youngjae stares back at him, his breathing already elevated, and for a long moment he has no idea what to say. Because the kiss was brilliant, soft and addictive, but it wasn’t _enough_.

“I know you said you don’t want to rush things,” he hears himself say. “But can’t we rush it at least a little?”

Because what the fuck are they even waiting for?

Himchan looks back at Youngjae with dark, intense eyes, and Youngjae watches him swallow, feels a little lost when Himchan pulls his hand away and turns his back on him to put his glasses and book on the bedside table.

But then Himchan turns back around to face him, and he looks different suddenly, so much more focused that it gives Youngjae goosebumps. “Do you want in my lap?”

Youngjae can’t even answer him. All he can do is _move_ , slide into Himchan’s lap and do his best not to squirm back and forth right away.

Himchan puts one hand to Youngjae’s cheek, just like before, gently brushes his thumb over Youngjae’s heated skin. “Part of me is feeling like an old pervert right now.”

Youngjae leans into his touch, closes his eyes. “You’re my boyfriend. You’re supposed to turn me on.”

And god, is he doing a great job of it.

Youngjae can feel Himchan move beneath him, senses him lean forward and takes a hasty breath in anticipation of another kiss. Again Himchan kisses him gently, so utterly soft that it tugs at Youngjae’s heartstrings - makes him put both arms around Himchan’s neck to hold him close.

Himchan tastes like toothpaste and he smells like lemongrass, and Youngjae moans, slides a little deeper into his lap. He wants so much more than this, wants _everything_ , can’t even bring himself to be scared of the intensity of his desire.

He’s safe with Himchan. He always has been.

Youngjae’s lips are tingling, despite the comparative tameness of the kiss, and he moans again, can’t keep his hips from twitching. Apparently it was rather naive of him to think that a bit of cuddling would do the trick and help him to calm down.

He breaks the kiss, presses his face to Himchan’s neck, not quite ashamed, not even really sorry. Instead he’s feeling _raw_ \- exposed, like an open nerve. “Himchan.”

Himchan makes a soothing noise and holds him tight, brushes a kiss to his temple. “Want me to jerk you off?”

What Youngjae wants is for Himchan to take him apart and put him back together, to _use_ him in all the best ways; but he has no idea how to ask for it, if it would even be okay to ask.

So he clings to Himchan, takes a deep, gulping breath in an effort to restore at least part of his rationality.

“No?” Himchan murmurs next to his ear, voice wonderfully rough and low. “What then? Suck you off?”

Youngjae thinks this must be what an aneurysm feels like. He lifts his head and presses his mouth back to Himchan’s, licks over the seam of his lips, almost frantically. Himchan growls and opens up for him, grabs Youngjae’s hips with both hands.

It’s finally how Youngjae wants to be kissed: greedy and possessively, with so much passion that it makes his head spin. He whimpers in relief, already losing himself in the sensation - sinking into it gratefully.

Himchan bucks his hips underneath him and makes him gasp, makes him dizzy with arousal. His hands roam over Youngjae’s back, at first above his pajama top and then underneath it, just to abandon that area altogether to dip into Youngjae’s pants instead - to grab his ass.

It turns Youngjae on beyond belief, and he starts to feel liquid with lust, without any particle of him offering as much as a hint of resistance.

He opens his mouth a little wider for Himchan and sucks on his tongue while his hips establish a slow, needy rhythm. He’s hard and leaking in his shorts, and when Himchan’s thumbs brush over the seam of his buttocks his cock gives an enthusiastic twitch.

Some tiny rational part of him is aware of how far gone he is for Himchan, how helpless. Himchan could do with him whatever he wants right now, and Youngjae would welcome it all.

He could never bring himself to trust anyone else half as much.

He keeps his eyes closed, completely focussed on his sense of touch, on the sensation of Himchan’s hands on him - his taste. Himchan’s a little less frantic now than just a moment ago, is touching Youngjae more carefully once again, but it’s still forceful enough to make Youngjae shiver with desire.

So he groans in protest when Himchan pulls back from the kiss, utterly frustrated. “Don’t stop,” he whispers, can’t help the way his voice is so much lower and rougher than usual. “Just keep going.”

Himchan lets out a hot breath of air that brushes over Youngjae’s cheek, gives his ass a gentle squeeze. “My offer to suck you off still stands.”

His voice sounds even worse than Youngjae’s, and Youngjae licks his lips, opens his eyes. “You’re sure?”

Himchan huffs, leans in to brush his lips to Youngjae’s cheek. “Baby, the problem isn’t that I don’t want you - it’s that I want you far too much.”

Youngjae leans his forehead against Himchan’s. “I don’t see how that’s a problem.”

He pushes his hips forward again, lets Himchan feel just what’s going on with him, how much he wants him back.

It makes Himchan moan and close his eyes, and Youngjae stares at his face, at the exquisite expression somewhere between anguish and desire Himchan is presenting him with.

“I trust you,” he whispers, can’t seem to keep the words contained.

Himchan’s features flicker with an emotion Youngjae doesn’t quite recognize, and then he takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment.

“Okay,” he says eventually, leans forward to brush a kiss to Youngjae’s lips, his eyes still closed. “Off with your pants then, eh?”

Youngjae all but scrambles off his lap.

He doesn’t hesitate to strip, and Himchan starts to grin, and his eyes start to gleam appreciatively. “Someone’s very impatient.”

“You’ve been torturing me all day!” Youngjae snaps, throws his pants at Himchan’s head, who catches them in midair and laughs.

“Got a taste of your own medicine, hm? At least I didn’t rub up against you and complimented you on your sturdiness - now THAT would have been mean.”

Youngjae flushes horribly. “I was drunk when I did that!”

“Yes, you were,” Himchan agrees comfortably, moves off his butt and closer to Youngjae across the mattress. “You were drunk, and sweet, and a horrible little tease. All I did today was exist.”

“Well, you have to find a way to stop doing that,” Youngjae says, a little breathlessly. “It’s too distracting.”

“Poor baby,” Himchan murmurs, his eyes quite dark and dangerous. “Let me kiss it better.” He pulls Youngjae’s pajama top off him as well, then proceeds to push him on his back and crawl over him.

It makes Youngjae’s breath lock in his throat, and he begins to understand why Himchan insisted on holding back and taking things slow. This is … quite intense.

Which is precisely what Youngjae wants.

He bites his lip and arches his back, slings his arms around Himchan’s neck and pulls him in for a kiss. Himchan makes a pleased noise and gives in, licks into Youngjae’s mouth, makes his head spin.

Apparently there’s a notable difference in stimulation between Himchan in conscientious mode and when he’s going all out. Youngjae might just come untouched if Himchan keeps this up.

He doesn’t get to notify Himchan to that possibility, for Himchan breaks the kiss and moves his mouth to Youngjae’s cheek, and then his neck, drags his teeth over his pulse.

Youngjae gasps and presses his eyes shut, claws both hands into the bedding. Himchan grabs his hips. “You look delicious like this.”

“I’m not an appetizer,” Youngjae gets out, feeling a whole-body blush coming on.

“Still gonna eat you up,” Himchan states, making the blush so much worse. He proceeds to move his mouth over Youngjae’s chest and down towards his belly, keeps holding on to Youngjae’s hips.

It’s when he licks the precome off Youngjae’s skin that Youngjae lets out an overwhelmed moan - if only because he can’t stop staring and Himchan makes it look impossibly naughty.

The helpless noise makes Himchan look up at him and _wink_ , and Youngjae cannot for the life of him understand what made him fall in love with this man.

Well, okay, that’s a lie. He’s _quite_ aware.

“Will you just -” he starts, and then Himchan closes his hand around Youngjae’s cock and licks the tip like a lollipop, and the sounds that come out of Youngjae’s mouth do no longer classify as words. Or even human.

Himchan chuckles and swallows him down, which is pretty amazing as far as stimulation goes, and Youngjae groans, nearly suffocates on air.

Himchan appears to notice, for he moves his left hand from Youngjae’s hip and onto his belly, strokes it soothingly. It’s so unexpectedly sweet that Youngjae is thrown for a loop, caught somewhere between mind-bending lust and helpless adoration.

Himchan keeps looking up at him as he sucks him off, eyes wide and dark and searching, as if he wants to make sure that Youngjae’s enjoying himself, that he’s okay.

It breaks Youngjae a little.

Himchan’s mouth is so hot, and his tongue is so clever; the sheets under his back feel so soft, and Youngjae is all sensation suddenly, feels everything _so much_. Not just in the physical sense, but _emotionally_.

It’s a little wonder he’s not bursting into tears. The whole being horny enough to scream might possibly be a factor there. Nevertheless, some of that emotion needs a release.

“I … you -” Youngjae whispers, hips twitching with the effort to keep them still. A declaration of love is fluttering in his throat, just below his Adam’s apple, and it wants out, wants Himchan to know.

But to tell him NOW of all times would be a bit weird, so Youngjae keeps it inside - nearly dies of bliss when Himchan winks at him again, when his eyes smile up at Youngjae, warm and tender and oh so fatal.

They’re still looking at each other when Youngjae comes, and the intensity of it all makes him shudder, makes him shout out in overwhelmed fervor.

Himchan’s hands are on his hips again, steadying this time, and he doesn’t let up, doesn’t come up for air until Youngjae is spent.

Has the audacity to lick his lips afterwards.

Youngjae lifts a noodly arm and whacks him over the head. At least that’s his intention. It somehow translates to him petting Himchan’s hair, and Himchan smiles up at him, utterly sweet, obliterates what was left of Youngjae’s sanity.

He comes up to lie down beside Youngjae and pull him into his arms, and Youngjae loathes that he isn’t naked, cannot accept that this keeps happening.

“Why are you like this,” he grumbles, pulling at Himchan’s dusky pink pajama pants, pokes his butt. “Take that _off_.”

Himchan giggles and wriggles out of his clothes, pulls Youngjae back in and flush against his body. He’s aroused, and Youngjae is extremely sensitive after his orgasm, which results in a full-body shudder and a delicious flush. “Oh god.”

“Just following orders,” Himchan murmurs - gasps when Youngjae grabs his ass. “Stop that!”

“No~o, I want you to get off with me,” Youngjae pouts, gives Himchan’s ass an enthusiastic squeeze. “I want you to come, too.”

“Urgh, be quiet,” Himchan groans, rolls Youngjae onto his side, facing away from him. “Are you actively trying to kill me now?”

Youngjae is rather close to complaining about being treated this way, and then Himchan lubes up his thighs and puts his cock between them. Whereupon rational speech is no longer part of Youngjae’s repertoire, especially when Himchan starts to move his hips, _slams_ them against his ass.

He should have led with this, he REALLY should have.

 

Ten minutes later Youngjae has come for the second time, and his brain does no longer inhibit his head. That’s certainly what it feels like.

“That was awesome,” he slurs, positively drunk with ecstasy. “We should definitely do that again.”

He’s still lying on his side, facing away from Himchan, and when he hears Himchan groan he does his very best to turn around, flops on the sheets like a newborn calf for a bit.

The brain-less situation only gets worse when his eyes alight on Himchan, who is flushed and sweaty and _stunning_ , and Youngjae glomps onto him and whines. “You’re no fair.”

Himchan makes a confused noise and hugs him close, all warm and caring, and Youngjae squeezes him with all the force his tired body can muster.

Which really isn’t a lot.

“Why do you have to look like that all the time.”

There’s a pause, and then Himchan sighs, rubs his hand over Youngjae’s back. “You sure like to complain a lot.”

“Because you’re _impossible_ ,” Youngjae insists. “I’d never even think about doing these things to you.”

Himchan snorts and kisses his cheek, nuzzles Youngjae’s temple. “That’s the biggest lie ever.”

Youngjae grumbles but doesn’t argue, because knowing Himchan he can probably back that statement up, and Youngjae doesn’t feel up to a fundamental discussion right now. He cuddles up to Himchan instead, eyes closed and feeling as if he’s about to enter Nirvana. His body’s still humming with pleasure, but _softly_ , makes him feel all floaty and relaxed, utterly satisfied.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, rubs his nose over Himchan’s skin, squeezes him again. “That felt really nice.”

Himchan makes a choking sound and squeezes him back, rather more forcefully. “Stop saying these things, _please_.”

Youngjae is asleep before he can ask him why.


	32. Chapter 32

Himchan is already up and about when Youngjae wakes up the next morning. He left the bedroom door open, and Youngjae can hear him puttering around in the kitchen. The aroma of oven-warmed rolls is in the air, mingles with the scent of freshly-brewed coffee. Youngjae takes a deep breath and hums to himself, wriggles a little on the mattress, deeply appreciative of the relaxed state of his limbs.

He peeks his eyes open and starfishes, looks up at the swirls of morning light on the ceiling. Himchan only ever closes the blinds halfway, allowing the sun to come in whenever it wants to, and Youngjae sighs, stretches under their thin summer blanket.

Waking up like this sure is lovely.

Still he would’ve preferred to wake up with Himchan next to him - to his warmth and his smell and the way he slings his arms around Youngjae when they sleep.

So Youngjae wriggles his way out of bed and steals Himchan’s robe from the wardrobe again, makes his way into the kitchen.

Apparently Himchan has already taken a shower - his hair is wet, and he’s wearing jeans. That’s it. No socks, no shirt, not even a modesty towel around his neck. The fact that a thin sliver of outrageously pink shorts is visible above the hem of his jeans only serves to make matters so much worse, and Youngjae takes a deep breath, and stares.

Eventually Himchan lifts his head from where he’s cutting fruit on the cooking isle, _smiles_. “Good morning, cupcake.”

“Unacceptable,” Youngjae says, and takes off for the bathroom.

When he joins Himchan in the kitchen once more ten minutes later Himchan isn’t any more dressed than he was before, so Youngjae doesn’t feel even a hint of remorse about the fact that he himself is wearing shorts and an oversized t-shirt that exposes his collar bones in a rather attractive fashion.

Himchan blinks a few times when he sees, and then he literally focusses and zooms in - makes a bee-line for Youngjae and leans forward, traces Youngjae’s right collarbone with his lips.

Youngjae is feeling extremely accomplished right then and there. “You like that, eh?”

“Keep talking and I’ll continue on your legs,” Himchan murmurs, gives him a phenomenal case of goosebumps.

“You do know that we have to go to work today, yes?”

“So don’t keep talking,” Himchan advises gently - straightens. “Did you sleep well?”

Youngjae cannot physically stop himself from raising his hand and brushing his fingers through Himchan’s damp hair. “Very, thank you.”

He receives a kiss, soft and innocent, and then Himchan gently guides him towards the breakfast table. “Come on, sit down, I got everything ready for us.”

“You need to let me help more,” Youngjae says as he sinks onto his chair. “Make me work a little.”

Himchan clears his throat and sits down as well. “Sure. Will do.”

Youngjae doesn’t believe him for one second.

 

It bugs Youngjae a little.

Not just that Himchan seems to believe that he has to care for him as if he was still his babysitter, but … there’s something else as well. Something Youngjae can’t quite put his finger on.

He’s happy, and so is Himchan, and they’re clearly physically compatible - SO VERY COMPATIBLE - which is awesome. Yet part of Youngjae feels uneasy. Just the tiniest little bit. Other people would probably not even notice the feeling, would be swept away by their own happiness, the romance, the sheer elation of having found someone who is so very right for them.

Youngjae doesn’t want to be swept away.

He wants to make sure that he doesn’t fuck this up. Because while he doesn’t fear to be abandoned as he was in the past anymore, he’s still painfully aware of his track-record. He _knows_ that he isn’t very good at romantic relationships, that his partners tend to get frustrated with him for various reasons, that he needs to take care to be considerate.

Part of that is taking it slow with Himchan, like he was asked to. If Youngjae’s perfectly honest he hasn’t been doing a very good job with that so far. Instead he’s been kind of pushy, has come on to Himchan at every turn.

Still, he doesn’t quite understand what Himchan meant last night, why he doesn’t want Youngjae to thank him for a most wonderful sexual encounter.

Or was Youngjae being a tease again? He was, wasn’t he.

Damn.

 

Youngjae has made it to work by the time his mind has meandered through most of these concerns. The exercise has left him a little lacklustre, which must be obvious to everyone who knows him, but he still does his best to appear carefree.

Daehyun and Jongup do not need to participate in every up and down of his relationship. They’re his friends, not his therapists.

So of course they notice immediately.

“What is it this time?” Daehyun asks the very moment he sees Youngjae’s face.

One would think he’d ask such a question with a frown of annoyance, but no, he appears to be quite cheerful - fond even. Youngjae doesn’t deserve him.

“I’m not quite sure yet,” he replies softly, avoiding eye-contact. “I may be overthinking this.”

“Well, tell us,” Jongup says, coming up to stand next to him behind the counter and put the clean mugs up in the shelf Youngjae just finished dusting. “We can figure it out together.”

So Youngjae tells them. Not about his _concerns_ , obviously. Those are still far too insubstantial. Instead he recounts yesterday’s events, in a voice so dry it could drain an entire swamp.

Both Daehyun and Jongup listen carefully, at first out in the café, and then, when Dae points out that he needs to assemble his cookie ingredients, back in the kitchen.

They look at each other quite a lot during Youngjae’s recital, and when he’s come to the end, Jongup is literally face-palming.

“I know,” Youngjae says with a little sigh. “Do you think he’s angry with me?”

“What?” Daehyun says, obviously flabbergasted, while Jongup appears to crumble where he stands. “Where are you getting that from?”

“Buy a pair of hot-pants!” Jongup explodes. “Eat a fucking popsicle in front of him!”

Youngjae is blushing anyway, but Zelo chooses this moment to enter the kitchen, proceeds to look scandalized. “What has Himchan hyung ever done to you?”

“Nothing!” Jongup states passionately, just to drop his agitation and finish quite calmly, sporting an absolutely angelic smile. “I just want to see him react to the popsicle.”

Youngjae feels like he should glare at him, yet can’t bring himself to do so.  
“Can we please cut to one of you answering me?”

Daehyun snorts out a laugh, but then he clears his throat, comes close enough so he can clasp Youngjae’s shoulder, grabs it firmly, and puts on an air of grandfatherly patience. “Being around him really turns you stupid, does it.”

Youngjae boxes him in the ribs.

Dae wheezes but keeps holding on to Youngjae, clears his throat. “The man is into you, my friend. Very much so.”

“Yes,” Youngjae snaps. “I’m aware. It’s mutual. How does that help right now?”

“Uhm,” Zelo says. “I’m really sorry to interrupt, but, strictly speaking, we have opened two minutes ago. There are customers outside.”

Youngjae curses and hastens to his spot behind the counter. Jongup joins him half a second later, still straightening the little apron with their shop’s name on it. (Youngjae can never be bothered with the thing, but it sure looks nice on Jongup.) The customers flood towards the counter as soon as they see them, which makes further discussion of Youngjae’s love and sex life a little difficult. But he keeps thinking about it while he processes coffee orders and shark-smiles at the occasional asshole.

Because he just can’t help himself, he’d really like to experience Himchan losing his calm around him - would dearly love to see him lose control. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate Himchan’s gentleness, it’s just -

Yeah.

Youngjae keeps thinking back to the way Himchan looked at him that night at karaoke - to the way his eyes went dark and dangerous. He wants Himchan to act on that look, to behave … not quite out of character, but certainly less controlled.

The only problem is that that’s pretty much the opposite of what Himchan asked him for, and Youngjae doesn’t want to be the asshole who just goes ahead and ignores his partner’s wishes. Again and again and again.

Popsicles are therefore out of the question, at least for now.

What a tragedy.


	33. Chapter 33

When Himchan enters the shop around the usual time, Jongup is the one to greet him. Youngjae is in the kitchen, getting a pitcher of coffee out of the fridge, witnesses the whole event through the service hatch.

He doesn’t see Himchan come in, is only alerted to his arrival when Jongup says his name. Naturally Youngjae turns his head when he hears, and he sees them hug, all soft and gentle. It’s a picture-perfect moment, has its own aura, a sort of halo even, and it occurs to Youngjae that Jongup might actually be enjoying these encounters quite independently of the relationships that tie their group together.

Because it cannot be stressed often enough that Himchan gives awesome hugs. Youngjae certainly doesn’t mind Jongup getting some of them. But then Jongup turns his head and looks around, as if he wants to check for possible witnesses, and Youngjae imagines that he can see a slight flicker in Jongup’s expression when their eyes meet.

Which is weird. Or maybe Youngjae is just in a weird mood this morning, he can’t really tell.

“Where’s my baby bird?” Himchan asks, at which point Youngjae steps out of the kitchen and makes straight for his boyfriend - abandoning the coffee pitcher on the counter and leaving it to Zelo to make the iced coffee one of the customers asked for.

Himchan immediately opens his arms for him and hugs him really tight, and Youngjae closes his eyes, melts against him with a little sigh. Who knew that having a boyfriend could be this _relaxing_.

Himchan makes a pleased noise and brushes his lips to Youngjae’s temple. “Did you make it on time this morning?”

“Oh yes, he was perfectly punctual,” Jongup says. Apparently he’s still standing right next to them.

Youngjae fights a silent battle with himself, then begrudgingly retreats from Himchan’s arms. Because there’s Jongup, and then there’s the customers. Being a professional at work can be such a hassle.

“I missed you,” Himchan tells him in a soft voice, bordering on besotted, and Youngjae feels a blush coming up all the way from his bellybutton.

“Shut up!”

Jongup laughs.

“Ah, it’s been so long since you said that to me,” Himchan sighs, placing both hands over his heart. “I missed that, too.”

He’s smiling at Youngjae, eyes sparkling with amusement, and GOD, Youngjae is so weak for him in that moment, it’s not even funny.

“Stop it,” he mutters, staring at the ground, scraping the toe of his sneaker across the wood finish floor.

“Ack, cute,” Himchan says. “I need a caramel macchiato to fortify myself.”

Youngjae basically runs away to make him one. When it occurs to him to check, Jongup is still standing with Himchan, saying something Youngjae can’t make out over the gargling dragon noises of the milk foamer.

Now, Youngjae is neither a jealous nor a suspicious person, and Jongup is one of his favourite persons in the whole wide world, but his behaviour this morning is maybe a _little_ bit fishy.

Himchan seems to agree, because his eyes go very round for a moment, and he blinks at Jongup in obvious bewilderment - then he grins. Wide and pleased and so full of affection that it ties Youngjae’s whole stomach in knots.

“Hyung,” Zelo says next to Youngjae, “are you okay?”

Youngjae stops abusing the coffee maker appliance and sets the caramel macchiato on the counter, takes a deep breath. “I’m _fine_.”

Zelo doesn’t look convinced. “They’re just talking.”

Tall AND perceptive. He should become a spy.

“I know,” Youngjae grumbles. He slumps his shoulders. Waves at Zelo to lean in and get into whispering range. “Do you think Jongup likes Himchan?”

“Sure he does,” Zelo says immediately. “He liked him right away. That’s why he was so frustrated with you for dragging things out for so long.”

“That,” Youngjae says pointedly, “was not what I meant.”

Zelo looks back at him, the innocence of youth leaking out of his eyes. Then he snaps upright, gasping. “Do you mean -!”

“Yes!” Youngjae hisses, yanking him back in, quite possibly giving Zelo whiplash in the process. “I mean look at them! All that hugging and smiling all the time!”

Zelo makes an offended noise and slings his arms around Youngjae, hugs him tight. Says nothing.

“What are you doing?” Youngjae asks after a few seconds of growing perplexity.

“Hugging you while smiling,” Zelo says.

That’s of course when Jongup and Himchan come up to the counter, just for Himchan to ruffle both of their hair and stroke a gentle hand over Youngjae’s back. “I took a picture, just so you know.”

“Of course you did,” Youngjae sighs in a defeated voice.

“You okay?” Jongup asks, taking up position beside him, and Zelo finally lets go of Youngjae, vanishes into the kitchen.

Youngjae clears his throat. “Peachy.”

Himchan narrows his eyes at him. “What are you hatching?”

“Nothing,” Youngjae says archly. “What are _you_ hatching?” He points at Jongup, then at Himchan. “Because I totally saw that just now.”

“You did?” Jongup murmurs. “Good.” He clears his throat. “I prepared him for the popsicle.”

“What?” Youngjae squawks. Because that is mortifying.

“What?” Himchan echoes, sounding mystified. Apparently Jongup is a rotten liar who lies.

Jongup sighs. “ _I mean_ ,” he clarifies, “that I asked Himchan to stop trying so very hard and just be himself around you, instead of babying you all the time, because that does neither of you any good.” He’s blushing at the end of that little speech, eyes fixed to a spot on the ground, and still he manages to sound proud.

Which is adorable enough to prevent Youngjae from instantly killing him.

“WHAT.”

Jongup looks up to grin at him, all lopsided and fond. “You can thank me later.”

“Thank you?” Youngjae foams. “I’m going to strangle -”

At which point Himchan takes the mug with the caramel macchiato off the counter and sips it, all the while looking fixedly at Youngjae.

Youngjae clears his throat.

“You guys need to communicate better,” Jongup says softly. There’s a notable pout in his voice now, and Youngjae can only stare at him in slack-jawed stupefaction. “I just want you to be happy.”

Himchan takes another sip of his coffee, and Youngjae can feel his stare bore a hole into his cheek. “You know,” he hears him say, “I’m really glad that I already have your permission to love him.”

“What!” comes Daehyun’s voice from the kitchen, and Himchan turns his head, leans down so he can see through the service hatch.

“No worries - I love you, too.”

“Damn right,” Dae says, audibly mollified.

A customer once wrote in an online review that coming into their shop is like getting free street theatre with your coffee sometimes, and right now Youngjae really knows what they meant.

 

Himchan takes his coffee off to sit at one of the tables, and Youngjae makes an attempt to collect his thoughts and process what just happened. But Himchan is still in the same room with him, and it has been proven that his proximity renders Youngjae stupid.

“How did you _know_?” he asks Jongup eventually, because he’s right there and the question is close to eating Youngjae alive.

Even when it’s a mighty imprecise question that leaves a lot of room for speculation and interpretation. He wouldn’t wonder at it if Jongup fobbed him off with a nice and neat 42 and left it at that.

“Because I’ve been watching the two of you for weeks,” Jongup says instead. He glances at Youngjae, wipes a spot off the counter. “You’re both kind of obvious.”

BUT YOU’RE AS GOOD AS BLIND, is something Youngjae doesn’t say.

“What’s obvious?” he asks instead. Because he still doesn’t know. He only knows what Himchan told him, how Himchan treats him - what he himself wants. And that just doesn’t add up. Or does it?

Jongup carefully clears his throat. Then he sidles up to Youngjae, leans in. “Do you remember how he asked you if you’ve ever been with a man?”

Youngjae’s eyes go wide, and he blushes, and Jongup nods. “Yeah, that was your reaction back then, too. Only, you know, MORE. I’m not surprised that he started to be really careful around you after that.”

He looks into Youngjae’s eyes, all earnest and concerned. “I mean I don’t know about him, obviously. I’ve only ever seen how he acts around you. But I think he got told that he’s too pushy, before. By people who don’t like that as much as you do, I mean.”

Youngjae’s eyes automatically stray to where Himchan is sitting, busy working on his tablet, and he swallows dryly. It’s easy to forget that Himchan has had other people in his life before him - that he has his own experiences and maybe even a few scars.

“So yeah,” Jongup says, straightening. “Talk to him, please. Clear this shit up. I don’t want you guys to get frustrated with each other over this kind of misunderstanding. Because it’s stupid as fuck, and entirely unnecessary.”

The last part comes out as a long-suffering growl, and Youngjae can’t help but giggle in overwhelmed relief.

He’s been such an idiot for suspecting Jongup of harbouring feelings for Himchan, even if just for a few seconds. If Jongup’s harbouring anything it’s an overabundance of insight and empathy.

“He’s not the only one who loves you, you know,” he whispers in a conspiratorial tone, and Jongup shoots him a disgusted look.

“Don’t think I won’t hurt you.”

Youngjae giggles. “Yeah right. As if.” With that he turns away and takes a succession of coffee orders, pleasantly aware of the warm and floaty sensation in his belly.

Awesome friends are awesome.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I give up.  
> If you're expecting a streamlined and concise continuation and ending to this fic, GIVE UP ALL HOPE, because that's not going to happen. I don't know why I'm even frustrated by this - because the gods know I'm not _surprised_. This shit always happens to me, ALWAYS, and I'm not going to try and stop it anymore. I know what I want to put in before I wrap this up, I even have a vague idea how to get there, and if the boys decide to take the scenic route and meander around the countryside like a gaggle of drunk geese, I shall lean back and watch them do it.
> 
> Because it's certainly entertaining (and occasionally hilarious).
> 
> So. You've been warned.

The warm and floaty sensation doesn’t last all that long. Because at the end of the day Youngjae will still have to talk to Himchan about his _feelings_ , about their relationship, about his … desires.

Lord help them.

He should probably ease into that by rearranging their usual dynamic into a rather more balanced act of equality. So when it’s time for Himchan to head back to his office, Youngjae tells him that they should meet up at the bus stop later. It’s not that he doesn’t like it when Himchan comes to the coffee shop to collect him after work - he loves it, actually - but he doesn’t think it’s quite fair. Thus the change.

And what do you know, it feels weird.

The issue isn’t that Youngjae doesn’t get his hug when he arrives at the bus stop, because Himchan gives him one - lingers even. But the whole atmosphere is different, lacks the element of … romance? No that’s not it.

Youngjae fails to grasp the precise nature of the problem, and then Himchan is already letting go of him, clears his throat. “Did you have a nice afternoon after I left?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, because he did, and this is certainly not the time or place to allude to their impending discussion - which definitely needs to happen today, because Jongup made him _promise_. Youngjae is really quite amazed by the passionate nature of his investment in their relationship. “You too?”

“Humanity makes me despair sometimes,” Himchan says dryly. “But your squishy little face makes it all okay.”

Youngjae makes a squishy little face of annoyance at Himchan in reaction to that statement, and Himchan grins, winks at him. “What do you want to have for dinner?”

The plan is to go shopping and then cook together, as they always do, and since Youngjae figures he’s on a roll, he pushes forward with his agenda of becoming a better, more considerate boyfriend. “You decide.”

Himchan frowns, just a little. “Okay.”

Youngjae can’t even begin to emphasize how much he does not like that frown. The bus arrives then, and Youngjae pays for them both, makes his way to a free bench and sits down, nervously smiles at Himchan when he joins him. Fuck, but he’s tense now.

WHY.

They ride the bus in silence, which doesn’t help with the tension at all. Once in the supermarket Himchan continues to be silent as he pushes the shopping cart through the aisles, picking out ingredients for what appears to be salad with various meat options to go with it.

Youngjae trails behind him, feeling tongue-tied for the first time in the history of them sharing the same space. What the hell is happening.

He reaches out on impulse, grabs the back of Himchan’s t-shirt. (It has an enormous bumblebee with a sparkly stinger on it, says POLLINATOR underneath in equally sparkly letters.) When Himchan turns his head to check what’s going on, Youngjae gives the shirt a pull, bunches the fabric between his fingers. “Just. Let me.”

“Okay,” Himchan says softly, scans Youngjae’s face across his shoulder. “You’re not feeling sick, are you, sweetness? You’re a bit pale.”

“Apart from the ventilation system freezing me half to death I’m fine,” Youngjae hears himself say. His brain on autopilot has always been great at smalltalk.

Himchan chuckles, thus making him feel infinitely better. “Yeah. Going back outside will feel like descending into hell.”

Youngjae pulls a disgusted face and shudders dramatically. “I hate summer.”

Himchan makes a soothing noise. “It’ll be autumn soon enough.” He smiles at Youngjae, gives him a little wink. “Then we can get all cozy, bust out the hot chocolate.”

Oh god, Youngjae can’t wait. Autumn snuggles with Himchan must be infinitely superior, too.

 

The rest of the shopping trip is a bit more relaxed after that pleasant interlude, but Youngjae is still painfully aware just how different everything feels today. It’s not that he blames Jongup, per se, but his intervention certainly threw them off their groove.

They make it to Himchan’s place and schlepp everything up to his apartment, start dinner preparations right away. It’s when Himchan is rinsing the vegetables in the kitchen sink that he suddenly turns his head and looks at Youngjae who’s waiting beside him with a kitchen towel, ready to seize and secure whatever Himchan may throw at him.

Himchan takes a deep breath, visibly braces himself, but he sounds quite calm and collected when he asks his question. “So. I’ve overdone it with the attentiveness, have I? You don’t like it?”

Which is … so wrong. But Youngjae absolutely understands how he arrived at that conclusion. Jesus, he’s really great at giving Himchan the wrong impression, isn’t he.

“No,” he says immediately. He’s infinitely glad that he can clear this up right away, that he knows precisely what he’s feeling for once. “I love it when you take care of me. What I don’t like is you doing all the work to the point that you get tired of it - and me.”

He says that last part very softly, and Himchan stares at him for a long moment. Then he lets out a deep sigh, lets go of the tomato he’d been rinsing under the tab, turns off the water, and turns around to drag Youngjae into his arms. “I _won’t_.”

Youngjae hugs him back, doesn’t even mind the damp sensation where the water from Himchan’s hands is seeping through his shirt. “How do you know?”

“Because I love taking care of you,” Himchan murmurs, sounds a bit husky all of a sudden. “Cooking relaxes me. You liking my food makes me proud. Collecting you from work makes me feel _nice_. ”

“But you work so hard at your job,” Youngjae points out carefully. “I don’t want to add to that.”

“My job exhausts my brain, not my body,” Himchan replies. “You’re the one who’s on his feet all day.” He strokes his hand over Youngjae’s back, kisses his cheek. “So let me spoil you once in a while.”

Youngjae wants to point out that Himchan’s _always_ spoiling him, but then Himchan frowns. “What the fuck was Jonguppie going on about then earlier? I thought you’d talked to him about this and -”

At which point Youngjae flushes magnificently.

Himchan clears his throat. “What precisely did you say to him?”

“Nothing!” Youngjae squeaks. Which is true enough.

Oh god, he’ll have to say it out loud now, won’t he. And why is that even so difficult? Talking to Himchan is generally quite easy, and the actual physical closeness has never been an issue either; no THAT aspect comes as natural as breathing to Youngjae. Being with Himchan is _great_ , always. Talking to him about this should be a breeze. Still, saying to someone that you want them to go all caveman on you is kind of embarrassing.

But Himchan is looking at him, patient and expectant and maybe a little bit nervous, so Youngjae takes a deep breath, figures he better get it over with. “See, it’s like this,” he starts, more or less smoothly, just to be amazed and horrified by the way the words come out like stringy treacle after that. “Sometimes … I, uhm … experience … ah, a certain … frustration? Yeah. With the fact that, errr … that you -” Here Youngjae picks a spot high up on one of the kitchen cupboard doors and STARES, because BOY, this is taking forever and he needs a break.

He doesn’t mean for his silence to turn into an Uncomfortable Pause, but it does, so Himchan, lovely as always, attempts to help him out.

“That I what?” he asks him quietly. “Just tell me, baby.”

“Well,” Youngjae says, swallows convulsively - closes his eyes and just lets it out. “To me it feels as if you’re - I mean _when_ you’re holding back - in the bedroom - it feels like you’re not doing that for yourself, but for me … and you shouldn’t.”

For a second or two the utter silence of space sucks every last drop of air out of the room.

“Which Jongup figured out all by himself!” Youngjae adds quickly, opening his eyes to shoot a nervous glance at Himchan before he fixes his gaze to the cupboard door once more. “Because he’s really good at people watching or whatever. So that’s what he meant with you not having to try so hard and babying me and -”

Himchan makes a curious noise at that point and Youngjae’s mouth snaps shut. He glances at Himchan again, expecting him to talk, and bites his lip when he doesn’t, clears his throat. “I mean if I’m wrong and you really need more time and don’t want to do anything … more … with me, that’s great, obviously. Jongup just made me promise that we talk about this.”

Himchan doesn’t say anything at all in reaction to Youngjae’s little speech for a really long time, and eventually Youngjae can’t stand the suspense anymore, finally takes a proper look at him. The expression he’s met with is far from what he expected and he takes a step back for a better viewpoint, holds on to Himchan’s shoulders with both hands. “What’s going on?” he asks, confusion soaking the words.

Because Himchan doesn’t look angry. He doesn’t even look grumpy. No, he looks _anxious_ , as if that little bit of nervousness Youngjae spotted earlier caught fire and spread all over his face.

And then Himchan takes a deep breath, and his expression goes smooth and cold, impenetrable. “You’re not wrong,” he says softly. “But I still don’t think I want you to see me let go.”

What the fuck. Jongup was _right_ , wasn’t he. About EVERYTHING.

Youngjae bites his lip, unsure how to approach this. He’s never seen Himchan this distant, this closed off. Or at least not recently. But even twelve years ago he didn’t look this … haunted. “Himchan -”

“No, _listen_ ,” Himchan says urgently. “I know you’ve been with other people, but I -” he pauses, swallows dryly, stares at the floor. “I’ve been called an animal before - a mindless beast even - and I don’t want - you shouldn’t have to -” he stops and fumbles for the right words, and Youngjae has trouble seeing through the red haze of fury suddenly obscuring his vision.

“Who?” he growls. “Who called you that?! What kind of asshole -”

Himchan looks up at him, _surprised_ , and Youngjae gasps for breath. He closes the distance between them by yanking Himchan in and against his chest, and the impact makes them both let out a little _oof_.

Once more silence wraps them up, but this time it’s in a nice little cocoon of warmth.

“What are you doing?” Himchan asks eventually, almost softly enough to classify it as a whisper. “I’m fine. It’s not a big deal.”

“Uhm - yeah, it IS!” Youngjae insists. “I don’t care how intense you are in the bedroom, that’s a shitty thing to say to someone you’re supposed to be in love with.”

Because this is still HIMCHAN they’re talking about. Himchan is a marshmallow. An incredibly sexy, sometimes downright devious, horribly tempting MARSHMALLOW. Not a beast. And _mindless_ is the last thing he’ll ever be.

Himchan takes a choking breath and holds him really tight, and Youngjae hugs him back, with gusto. “Just for the record: You’re the best boyfriend EVER, and I really like it when you get intense. I know I complain a lot about you being too much, but I think I can handle you. I WANT to handle you.”

Himchan slumps, presses his face to Youngjae’s neck. “But you -”

“I may be inexperienced, compared to you,” Youngjae interrupts him firmly. “But I’m not an idiot. I already told you that I trust you, dummy. So please trust me, too.”

At that point Himchan makes a helpless little snorkeling noise and all but dissolves in Youngjae’s embrace. “I’m sorry.”

Youngjae has never felt this curious mix of protectiveness and utter devotion before. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, holds Himchan very tight. “It makes us even with the excessive mindfulness, doesn’t it?”

Himchan huffs and presses a little closer. “It’s not a competition, you know.” He lifts his head and looks at Youngjae, all soft around the edges, touchingly vulnerable. “You’re really sure you want me to -”

“God yes,” Youngjae says firmly. “So much. You have no idea.”

And then Himchan smiles, like the first touch of morning sun on a cluster of spring flowers, and Youngjae _can’t breathe_ \- partly because he’s clearly gone bonkers now. “Okay.”

“I’m _this_ close to putting a paper bag over your head, you beautiful bastard!” Youngjae blurts. “Do you _have_ to be so pretty? Can’t you just look normal for five minutes or so, without giving me an aneurysm?”

Himchan’s smile widens and he puts his hands to Youngjae’s cheeks, rubs his thumbs back and forth. “You’re cute.”

“Nnnghrrrrll!” Youngjae sputters, and then he’s leaning in, presses his mouth to Himchan’s, gives him a nice substantial smack of a kiss. “Shut up!”

To which Himchan reacts by giggling and hugging Youngjae really tight, swaying them from side to side. “You know, we’re kind of awesome at this.”

“Having Jongup around certainly helps,” Youngjae snarks, stroking his hands over Himchan’s back. “We can be grateful he’s using his powers for good.”

“I definitely have to invite him for dinner this weekend,” Himchan muses. “Plus Daehyun and Zelo of course.”

“Agreed,” Youngjae says. “But first we have to take care of today’s dinner, because I’m kind of starving right now.”

So they finally let go of each other and proceed with the vegetable rinsing, some splashing of water, an impromptu and somewhat breathless make-out session, and eventually they even get around to eating.

After which they go straight to bed, because BOY, did they have an emotionally exhausting day.


	35. Chapter 35

“So,” Jongup asks the next morning. “How did it go?”

He’s sitting on the counter with his back to the room, dangling his feet, which is something he likes to do when there are no customers around to call him adorable.

So of course Youngjae steps between his legs, puts his arms around him, and gives him an enthusiastic snuggle. “Quite well.”

Jongup doesn’t even struggle. He never does. Instead he goes quite still, hunches his shoulders, and waits for Youngjae to stop. Which he doesn’t.

“You were amazingly accurate,” Youngjae says. “I have no idea how you do it, but thank you.” Whereupon he gives Jongup a kiss on the cheek, very softly.

Daehyun promptly screeches through the service hatch; until Zelo grabs him from behind and drapes himself over Dae like a horrifying but ultimately fetching furless coat, even going so far as to rub his cheek against Daehyun’s.

Not that Youngjae can see all this. No, Jongup is narrating it to him, his voice a nice blend between amused and completely done.

Eventually Youngjae lets go of him, does a little pirouette to avoid the kick Jongup aims at his hip, and shoots him a grin. “Himchan wants you to come for dinner to thank you.”

Daehyun starts up another screech, so Youngjae screeches right back, extending the invitation to him and Zelo.

“God, you’re needy,” he huffs when Daehyun comes to claim his kiss on the cheek, too. “So demanding!”

Dae shrugs, looks utterly pleased with himself. “Do we get any details regarding yesterday’s talk?”

Youngjae takes a deep breath. “Meh.”

“Meh?” Jongup echoes. “I thought it went well?”

“It DID,” Youngjae insists. “I just remembered about the TWAT who called him a Mindless Animal.”

“WHAT?” Daehyun says, while Jongup looks stunned, in an entirely unamused manner, dangerously teetering on the edge of vindictive.

“Who?”

“Don’t know,” Youngjae growls. “I would’ve already sent them something nasty through the mail if I knew, believe you me.”

Zelo clears his throat at that point, looking just a little bit embarrassed, but also angry, which is an interesting mixture. “You know, Yongguk hyung told me the other day that he’s really happy for Himchan hyung because he hadn’t dated for a while and was getting kind of lonely.”

Youngjae has to fight the sudden urge to make a run for Himchan’s office and hug him to within an inch of his life. He does a quick mental shake and wonders if this is how Himchan is feeling about him all the time - this almost ridiculous need to shield him from, well, everything.

That must be _exhausting_.

 

With the most perfect timing imaginable, Himchan makes a heroic dash to his place of work unnecessary by showing up at Youngjae’s place of work instead. He brings Yongguk with him, and they come strutting in through the open doors like a pair of models, perfectly in sync. It’s not the first time that Youngjae takes note of how very good they look together, and his brain excuses itself for a second, conjures up a vision of them in the courtroom, all dashing and delectable in a pair of suits.

Youngjae groans, not only because of his vision, but mostly because Himchan is grinning at him all the way up to the counter. “Just so you know,” he says, once Himchan is standing in front of him, still grinning happily. “I have a whole _collection_ of paper bags down here.”

Himchan giggles. “Get over here and give me a snuggle, you little imp.”

Youngjae heaves a beleaguered sigh, makes his way around the counter and faceplants into his chest. “I hate you.”

Himchan hugs him tight, gives him a generous squeeze. “Yes, I know, I’m horrible.”

“So horrible,” Youngjae murmurs against his warm skin, feeling at one with the universe.

Next to them Yongguk grins all over his perfect little face, then clears his throat. “We’d like two latte, please, and a plate of today’s cookie selection.”

“Yes, hyung,” Zelo says, achieving a careful balance between respect and plain old giddiness. Youngjae is kind of distracted by the way Himchan is stroking his neck, but he still finds the time to take note of Zelo’s cuteness.

God, he’s going to miss him once he starts his internship with Yongguk and Himchan.

“You know what, if the two of you keep this up, I’ll start demanding my own share of hugs,” Daehyun comments from within the kitchen.

“You already do,” Jongup points out. “Kisses even.”

Himchan makes an amused noise and lets go of Youngjae, turns his head to grin at Jongup. “He made you kiss him?”

“Not me,” Jongup says dryly. “Youngjae was very generous with his affections this morning.”

“Is that right?” Himchan drawls, and Youngjae starts to squirm.

“Jongup was being cute!” he defends himself. “I had to.”

Himchan doesn’t even question the logic of that statement. “Okay, fine by me,” he shrugs. “But if you go around kissing people, I demand -”

“Let me stop you right there,” Jongup says, sidling up next to him, eyes glinting. “I’ve wanted to do this for AGES.” And then he grabs Himchan’s face with both hands and _plants_ one on him, right on the lips; and Youngjae dies.

Because it’s so perfect.

Himchan is looking ridiculously surprised, eyes all wide and round, while Jongup is ninety percent determination, ten percent pleasure. Himchan actually staggers a step backward when Jongup lets go of him, and Yongguk laughs, puts a hand on his shoulder. “Steady.”

Himchan’s head swivels around and he stares at Youngjae, obviously overwhelmed, and Youngjae smirks at him, lifts his nose. “That’s what you get for going around being all lovable and shit.”

Yongguk laughs again and squeezes Himchan’s shoulder. “Yes, how dare you.”

It’s then that Himchan catches himself. Youngjae can actually see it happen. The bewilderment in his eyes is replaced by a kind of naughty delight, and he advances on Jongup, making grabby hands. “Come here, you.”

Jongup makes a noise like a startled deer and flees into the kitchen, where Daehyun is currently busy laughing his ass off. Youngjae can’t help but giggle as well, catches Himchan when he makes an attempt to stalk his prey, takes Himchan’s hands into his own. “Stop it.”

“Okay,” Himchan relents. “I’ll get him some other time.”

“Your latte is ready,” Zelo announces at that point. It’ll be horrible to lose him, really. He’s the only one among them who ever does any work. Himchan thanks him with a warm smile and Zelo smiles back, visibly pleased, makes his way around the counter to hug him.

Youngjae clears his throat. “Are you all free this weekend?”

“Yes!” Daehyun says immediately. “All weekend. Nothing at all to do. Where does Himchan live?”

Himchan snorts out a laugh, ruffles Zelo’s hair before he lets go of him. “I’m not sure I want you to know.”

“But how else could I serenade you underneath your bedroom window at midnight?” Dae teases.

“He lives on the top floor,” Youngjae points out.

“I shall hijack a fire truck,” Daehyun says primly.

Youngjae wouldn’t put it past him.


	36. Chapter 36

Saturday night dinner is a great success.

Himchan spends hours in the kitchen to prepare everything, starts as early as Friday afternoon. Youngjae is sent out TWICE to get some stuff he forgot to buy, which is … unexpected. Himchan is usually more organized than this.

“Are you _nervous_?” Youngjae therefore inquires when he returns from his second trip on Saturday, hands Himchan the requested package of cream cheese. He can’t even get annoyed. Himchan is putting so much freaking effort into this.

The reward for his question is a harrassed muppet face. “They’re your best friends!”

“Who _adore_ you,” Youngjae reminds him, finding it rather difficult to contain his glee and/or the impulse to coo at him. “Jongup kissed you! He never kisses anyone!”

Himchan calms down a bit after that, which doesn’t mean he doesn’t go completely overboard with the food. Yongguk arrives an hour early with the intention to help and looks thunderstruck when he beholds the dining table, all but sagging under the weight.

“I am not taking any leftovers home,” he announces, almost sounding afraid.

“Yes,” Himchan replies immediately. “You will.”

“Stop trying to feed everyone,” Youngjae says primly. “Yongguk looks great. He clearly knows how to take care of himself.”

“No,” Himchan says flatly. “He does not.”

Youngjae looks at Yongguk, expecting to detect hints of exasperation on him, but Yongguk shrugs, more amused than anything else. “I really don’t.”

“At least as far as food is concerned,” Himchan specifies. “Or proper sleeping hours.”

Yongguk clears his throat. “So. I take it I’m too late to help with anything?”

“Pretty much,” Youngjae agrees. “But you can try to prevent him from making mini-cheeseburgers for Jongup.”

“He’s our most passionate supporter,” Himchan says. “I have to honour that.”

Youngjae throws up his hands. “How about honouring _me_ , hm? How about that?”

“I’m pretty sure this whole production is meant to do that,” Yongguk points out carefully.

Himchan makes triumphant noises, and Youngjae blushes. “Yeah, I know.”

“Mini-cheeseburgers are really too much, though,” Yongguk says. “You can make those some other time, bring them in during their lunch hour.”

“That’s a great idea!” Youngjae decrees. “Let’s do that.”

Himchan pouts. “But I already bought the meat and everything.”

“That’s what freezers are for,” Youngjae states. “Now sit down, _please_ , and have a glass of wine or whatever, and _relax_.” He proceeds to physically push Himchan down onto a chair, keeps his hands on his shoulders, gives them a squeeze. “You’ve done enough, trust me. The guys are going to love it.” He leans in and gives Himchan a peck on the lips, is immensely gratified when he feels him go soft under his touch.

When he straightens Yongguk has opened a bottle of wine and is taking a glass out of one of the kitchen cupboards. Youngjae watches him pour the wine and hand the glass to Himchan, and he experiences an immense sensation of camaraderie with Yongguk right then and there.

Himchan lifts the glass to his lips and takes a sip, sighs from the depths of his soul. “Somebody explain to me why this is stressing me out so much?”

“Because you already know his parents,” Yongguk grins.

Youngjae squawks. “This is not an ersatz engagement dinner with the family!”

Himchan grins up at him, a little lopsided, catches him with one arm and pulls him down into his lap. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t spring that kind of thing on you unannounced.”

“Thank you ever so much,” Youngjae says dryly.

Yongguk laughs, and Youngjae can’t get over how … good it all feels. He’s so _at home_ in this situation - doesn’t just feel safe with Himchan and Yongguk but _happy_. He loves that Yongguk doesn’t mind their PDAs, that he lets himself be part of their bliss and only increases it by doing so.

“Come on,” Youngjae says, getting off Himchan’s lap and taking his wine glass from him. “Couch.” 

Once there Himchan immediately starts to rearrange the couch cushions for the ump-teenth time, and Youngjae groans, puts the wine glass on the couch table and then moves to sit on him again, grabs his wrists. “Stop that!”

Himchan obediently stops moving, looks up at Youngjae out of dark, glittering eyes. “You can be glad Yongguk’s here right now.”

“Oh god, please no sexy talk,” Yongguk says, doesn’t quite manage to actually sound forbidding.

Youngjae peeks at him from the corner of his eye, finds him grinning all over his face. So of course Youngjae grins too, leans forward to boop his nose against Himchan’s. “You hear that? He’s telling you to be quiet.”

“He just forbade me the sexy talk,” Himchan points out, happily giving Youngjae eskimo kisses.

“All your talk is sexy talk,” Youngjae murmurs, lids drooping dangerously.

“You’re just as bad as him,” Yongguk chuckles.

Youngjae gasps, outraged, lets his head swivel around so he can attempt to glare at him. “You take that back immediately!”

Yongguk calmly looks back at him, both brows raised. “No.”

One could say that Himchan is disproportionally delighted by that exchange.

 

They don’t have to wait very long for the others to arrive - Himchan doesn’t even get to finish his wine. Everyone is perfectly on time, even Jongup, which constitutes a small miracle in and of itself.

Himchan promptly squeezes his butt as a reward, thereby proving that he’s perfectly fine and his nervousness only lasted until the ringing of the doorbell.

Youngjae can’t decide if he should be pleased or annoyed, but he definitely cannot be _surprised_ that Himchan chose this manner of retaliation for Jongup’s kiss attack.

Jongup has a fabulous ass.

“I have a feeling he’s going to do that A LOT from now on,” Youngjae says a little later at the dining table - after the impromptu flat viewing Daehyun demanded. (Zelo is the only one who actually likes Himchan’s horrible bed.) “Which you brought entirely on yourself, just saying.”

He takes a sip of wine, and Jongup shrugs. “I don’t mind. He’s gentle.”

Youngjae nearly spits his wine over the table.

Jongup smirks.

“Oh, is that why you were on time for once,” Youngjae snarks, and Jongup sniffs, squints at the meat platter to his left, takes EVERYTHING.

“I’m not ALWAYS late. Not when it’s important.”

“So my last birthday party wasn’t important,” Youngjae drawls. “Noted.”

“Well, you didn’t have nearly this much awesome food,” Jongup shoots back. “So there.”

Youngjae kicks him under the table.

“The chicken is really good,” Daehyun says opposite from them, proceeds to stuff his face and makes Himchan smile. Youngjae has never really thought about this before, but he likes that about Himchan - how much he enjoys providing for others, how proud it makes him when his efforts are met with as much as a sliver of appreciation.

It’s probably part of why he enjoys caring for Youngjae so much, and Youngjae figures that as long as he doesn’t start to take it all for granted, they should be golden. Stellar even.

Youngjae sighs and pours himself some more wine, takes a careful sip. He doesn’t want to get drunk, because he can’t shake the feeling that his drunken shenanigans constitute a major attack on Himchan’s self-control, and he doesn’t want to do that to him. Not tonight.

So he’s careful about his alcohol intake, is equally careful to try and taste every single dish Himchan has prepared for them. Not that that’s a hardship. Fuck, but Himchan’s a great cook.

 

“You know, I’ve said before that you’re really very lucky, but _boy_ ,” Daehyun says after dinner. “He’s kind of special.”

Youngjae is not surprised by this assessment. Not only has Dae been generously wined and dined, he’s also been extravagantly desserted. It would make the strongest man go a little weak in the knees, and Dae is notoriously susceptible when it comes to food.

They’re standing in front of the picture collection next to the TV. The rest of the gang is making use of Himchan’s immensely comfortable leather furnishings: Zelo has his head in Jongup’s lap while his legs are dangling over the armrest of the couch, is groaning about his poor overstuffed stomach; Himchan is petting his hair from where he’s sitting next to Jongup, and Yongguk looks on in fond amusement from the armchair on the other side of the couch table.

Youngjae absorbs that picture for a moment, kind of amazed how well Jongup fits into it. He can be an awkward little muffin sometimes, but both Zelo and Himchan appear to have taken his heart by storm.

Youngjae likes that, he really does.

In the meantime Dae has clearly noticed the childhood picture of Youngjae asleep in Himchan’s lap that Himchan has put up among the family pictures, keeps staring at it in rapt fascination. “That’s you, isn’t it,” he says, reclaiming Youngjae’s attention.

“Yes,” Youngjae says after a little pause. “I was five.”

Daehyun clears his throat, sidles a little closer to him. He bumps shoulders with Youngjae and points his chin at the picture, conspiratorial. “So. How long precisely have you had a crush on him?”

Youngjae goes a little warm. “Forever, I think.”

It would explain so much, wouldn’t it. It would explain everything.

Daehyun sighs and puts his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders. “That means I have to kill him if he fucks this up, doesn’t it?”

Youngjae very nearly shivers. “I don’t think he will.”

“I’m not expecting him to, either,” Dae says softly. “I’m just saying that, erm, as much as I love his cooking, I’m still prepared to kick his ass for you.”

That statement leaves Youngjae too overwhelmed for a suitable reaction. So instead of declaring his undying love and devotion for Daehyun right then and there, Youngjae slaps his hip. “Urgh, shut up!”

Dae grins at him. “As you wish.”

Youngjae should’ve never made him watch The Princess Bride.

 

Youngjae is the one who takes over the kitchen around midnight, prepares some coffee. Because he’s overwhelmingly aware of the cheesecake in the fridge, figures Himchan wants to bust it out as a kind of goodnight snack.

Just in case anyone’s escaped a food coma so far.

Zelo quietly joins him in front of the coffee maker when he notices what Youngjae’s doing, asks if he should froth some milk.

“No, thank you,” Youngjae says, will probably never ever get over how sweet and well-mannered this overgrown boy is. “This is meant to go with cheesecake, so I want it plain and strong.”

He doesn’t mention that Himchan doesn’t even _own_ a milk-frother. The heathen.

Zelo makes a tortured noise. “Cheesecake? Now?”

“Oh yes,” Youngjae grins. “Get it out of the fridge, please.”

Zelo groans but obeys, cuts the cake into generous slices while he’s at it. “Did Himchan hyung make this, too?”

“Yes,” Youngjae sighs. “He did.”

Zelo grins at him. “He really likes you an awful lot.”

“Yes,” Youngjae says softly, just as aware as Zelo that, in Himchan’s eyes, cooking is caring. “I know.”

Zelo is looking at him in a somewhat piercing manner now, and Youngjae looks back, tilts his head. “What?”

Zelo presses his lips together, apparently a little embarrassed, but he answers anyway. “You’re really good together. You’re … you’re how I’d want my own relationship to be.”

Youngjae can’t even begin to describe how touched he is by those words. “Thank you.”

Zelo blushes and smiles at him, and Youngjae follows his first impulse, gives him a hug. “I’m really going to miss you when you start your internship.” He doesn’t quite expect Zelo to snuggle up to him, but is extremely gratified when he does.

“I’m going to miss you, too,” Zelo says softly. “Working with you guys is fun.”

Youngjae doesn’t have time to be touched by this second attack on his sensibilities.

“Group hug!” Daehyun shouts from across the room, and half a second later he’s right there, glomps himself to Youngjae’s side like a kraken from the deep. “Why are we hugging?”

“Because we’re going to miss him,” Youngjae says, aiming for a snobby kind of aloofness and hitting mushy soulfulness instead. “A lot.”

“Urgh, don’t remind me,” Daehyun says. “Jongup! Get over here!”

Jongup follows his orders, if only out of curiosity. “What is this?” he asks, squawks when Daehyun grabs him and pulls him into the cuddle pile. “Will you stop doing this!”

“Shut up, it’s for Zelo,” Daehyun says, and Jongup promptly stops complaining, and gets with the program. Zelo has probably never been snuggled this thoroughly before, and if he HAS, Youngjae wants to know when and where and by whom.

When they emerge from the experience Himchan and Yongguk are looking at them from where they’re sitting together on the couch, evidently pleasantly entertained - and the coffee is ready.

Youngjae clears his throat. “So. Who wants cheesecake?”

Everyone, that’s who.


	37. Chapter 37

Youngjae doesn’t really feel like working when Monday rolls around. For one he’s still food-hungover from the weekend - didn’t move an inch from Himchan’s couch for the whole of Sunday.

They’ll be eating leftovers for at least three days - despite the fact that EVERYONE took a care package home, lovingly assembled by Himchan at two in the morning. (Which was when Youngjae decided that he’d had enough of his friends claiming their time and attention and kicked them out.)

But it’s not just the lingering food coma that’s bogging Youngjae down. Their fabulously sunny and hot spring has seamlessly turned into a relentlessly blazing summer, which is another reason why he doesn’t feel like working. Wearing shorts has ceased to be an extraordinary clothing choice for him; he hasn’t worn anything with long sleeves in WEEKS.

He’s had enough. He wants it to be autumn right NOW. He wants rain, and clouds, and WIND.

Due to his astounding lack of motivation and the overheated condition of his body, Youngjae is hanging slumped over the counter after the morning rush, can barely rouse himself for the occasional customer trickling in.

Jongup, realizing the level of his discomfort, gets the pitcher of iced espresso out of the fridge, pours some into a glass, and presses that glass to Youngjae’s neck.

His reward is a squeal that quickly turns into a moan, and then Youngjae sighs, wriggles his butt. “God, that feels good.”

Jongup clears his throat. “I feel like Himchan just missed something beautiful.”

“I had cheesecake for breakfast,” Daehyun says apropos of nothing. “I want to do something nice for him.”

“Me too!” Zelo says immediately, putting a cold moist towel around Youngjae’s neck when Jongup takes the glass of espresso away - just to turn it into frappuccino and put that in front of Youngjae’s nose. “Does he need anything?”

“How about giving him more time with his favourite person?” Daehyun says.

Youngjae has gotten used to hearing his disembodied voice from the kitchen and knowing _precisely_ what kind of expression goes with it.   
This time the naughty eyebrow-wriggle basically burns itself into the back of his lids. “What, you’ll let me skip work to repay him for one measly dinner?”

“Measly?” Daehyun echoes. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

“You could go on a proper date with him!” Zelo says, ignoring that interlude. “I think he’d like that.”

Youngjae, still draped over the counter, turns his head to squint up at him. “What kind of proper date?”

Zelo pulls a thoughtful little face of contemplation. “I don’t know? A picknick in the park?”

“Lovely idea, but too hot,” Youngjae rules. “Plus I can’t really compete with his food-making skills.”

“He wouldn’t mind that,” Jongup says quietly.

“Probably true,” Youngjae concedes. “But still - too hot.”

“Then come up with something else,” Daehyun grunts. “The point is to make him happy.”

“I distinctly remember you offering to kick his ass for me,” Youngjae drawls, finally assuming an upright position so he can drink his frappuccino. “Where is this suddenly coming from?”

“That was a purely hypothetical offer,” Daehyun says, thereby dissolving the expression of stunned disbelief that had descended on Zelo’s face. “So far Himchan has been nothing but a total sweetheart. Don’t act like you didn’t understand precisely what I meant!”

Youngjae grins and turns, leans his butt against the counter, closes his lips around the sparkly pink straw Jongup put in his drink. The first thing he should probably do is contact Yongguk to find out about Himchan’s schedule.

If he’s doing this, he’s doing it properly.

 

Thanks to Yongguk’s enthusiastic assistance, Youngjae decides on Wednesday for his surprise date with Himchan. Himchan’s supposed to do paperwork in the office instead of meeting with clients or sailing forth to do some investigative work that day, and Yongguk has assured Youngjae that he’s more than willing to relieve Himchan of his pesky task - in fact all he wants in return is coffee and cookies.

Easy.

Which is why Youngjae goes into work at the usual time on Wednesday morning, just to prepare three latte macchiato, steal every single cookie in the shop, and set forth again to abduct his boyfriend from the office.

He’s been to the building a few times by now, and Himchan’s coworkers greet him with smiles of delight - especially Mrs Park who mans the reception desk and was apparently forewarned by Yongguk. She winks at Youngjae in a decidedly naughty manner when he passes her. “Have fun.”

Youngjae blushes like a maiden on her wedding day. “Thank you. I’ll try.”

She snorts but doesn’t say anything else, and Youngjae flees into the main office, rushes past a number of cubicles - stops next to Himchan’s chair and waves at Yongguk who’s manning the opposite desk. “Hi.”

Himchan, previously bent over a document in deep concentration, snaps upward, swivels around. “Snuggles! What are you doing here?”

“I brought coffee,” Youngjae says, handing one of his three lattes to Yongguk, as well as a giant paper bag of cookies.

“Thank you,” Yongguk says, smiling as wide as humanly possible. “You may take him away now.”

“What?” Himchan says, utterly befuddled, but still willing enough when Youngjae pulls him from his chair. “Where are we going?”

“Just come,” Youngjae says, pulling him through the office and past Mrs Park by his hand. “This has all been sanctioned, I promise.”

“Sanctioned,” Himchan echoes. “Have you been scheming? What precisely are you up to?”

“First, we’re going to have some coffee by the fountain down in the square,” Youngjae says, leading Himchan out into the morning sun. “Because you keep staring at that thing whenever we pass it, and I figure it’s still early enough so we won’t perish from sitting out in the open for a bit.”

“Okay,” Himchan says, grinning at him. “And then what?”

“Then,” Youngjae says grandly, “we go shopping.”

 

This early in the day the fountain is nice and deserted, so Youngjae makes Himchan sit on its rim, and hands him his giant paper cup of latte. He puts his own cup down on the ground and remains standing, closes his eyes for a moment and breathes in the smell of water in the warm air.

Due to the rather lax regulations of his law firm Himchan is wearing a pair of nice jeans with a white button down shirt today, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Youngjae is pleased by the realization that they match nicely, what with him wearing jeans shorts and a white t-shirt.

His choice of attire pleases him even more when Himchan reaches out to place his fingers in the crook of his right knee, strokes his kneecap with his thumb. “Are you going to tell me why you’re doing this at some point?”

Youngjae smiles down at him. “What, I’m not allowed to spend some quality time with my boyfriend?”

Himchan grins. “That doesn’t answer my question.” He keeps stroking Youngjae’s skin, all gentle and soft, and Youngjae enjoys the simple touch a lot more than he probably should.

“I’m doing it because I want to,” he murmurs. “Why else?”

Himchan tilts his head, eyes alight with happiness, and Youngjae groans, stares up at the sky. Sometimes looking directly at the sun is a lot easier than looking directly at Himchan. “Also, the guys were so impressed by your cooking orgy on Saturday that they wanted to do something nice for you.”

“So what, you’re my present?” Himchan asks, and just as Youngjae is able to infer Daehyun’s expression from the tone of his voice, he is able to do so with Himchan.

“Stop it with the lewd grin, please. We’re out in public.”

Himchan giggles and pulls him closer by his knee, slides his hand up into Youngjae’s shorts - just an inch or so. “How about this? Am I allowed to do this?”

“No,” Youngjae says, looking back down at him, voice going traitorously rough. “You’re not.”

Himchan is smiling again, not lewd but loving, pulls his hand back down and tickles the back of Youngjae’s knee instead.

Youngjae has no idea how he manages to slide into his lap as smoothly as he does; by rights he should fumble and fall into the fountain, given the wobbly state of his limbs. “I know I’ve been teasing you for an awfully long time,” he murmurs, bringing his mouth close enough to Himchan’s for an almost kiss. “And I know that you deserve all the revenge you could possibly want to take, but please -” and here he kisses Himchan, infinitely softly, “wait until we’re alone together.”

Himchan sets his cup of coffee down next to him on the fountain rim and puts his hands on Youngjae’s hips, gives them a squeeze. “You putting on shorts doesn’t count as teasing?”

Youngjae bites his lip. “It does? Still?”

“Always,” Himchan murmurs. He kisses Youngjae again, hands holding firm to Youngjae’s hips, and Youngjae closes his eyes, is dangerously close to forgetting where they are.

Some days are easier than others when it comes to resisting the pull between them, and today it seems to be downright impossible. Youngjae sighs and reluctantly breaks the kiss, licks his lips. “Sorry about the shorts.”

“Oh please, I love them,” Himchan says. “Come here, drink your coffee.” He pulls Youngjae off his lap and makes him sit beside him, collects his coffee from the ground and hands it to him.

“Thank you,” Youngjae says, glances at him, clears his throat. “You make it look very easy … holding back.”

Himchan chuckles and slides closer until they’re plastered together at the hip. “It’s the practice that does it, my darling delight.”

Youngjae puts his head on Himchan’s shoulder, listens to the fountain happily bubbling away at their backs. “I really like it when you tease me, actually,” he says softly. “I’m just afraid that I won’t be able to keep myself in check like you do.”

“I see,” Himchan says, his voice just as soft as Youngjae’s. “I’ll take care to only do it in private from now on, okay?”

“Please,” Youngjae murmurs. He opens his eyes and lifts his coffee cup to his lips, takes a sip of the concoction.

Himchan gives him a kiss on the cheek and then proceeds to drink his own coffee, careful to keep his shoulder still for Youngjae to lean on. It’s comfortable and nice, and Youngjae almost forgets that he has a whole plan of appreciation left to execute. Almost.


	38. Chapter 38

“Okay,” Himchan says immediately upon emptying his coffee cup. “You said something about shopping?”

He sounds both enthusiastic and intrigued, and Youngjae can’t help but be pleased with his own brain for a bit. Because Himchan’s going to LOVE this.

“Indeed I did!” he grins, springs up from his seat on the fountain rim, drags Himchan to his feet by his elbow. “I hope you’re wearing comfortable shoes.”

“I usually do,” Himchan says, sounding decidedly fond. “So let’s go.”

Youngjae nods and takes his hand, determinedly tugs him into the right direction - which is towards the trash can. Once he has disposed of their empty paper cups he turns and struts off, makes Himchan laugh by leaning into it like a puppy into his leash, dragging him along.

It’s still early and thus comparatively cool, and Youngjae likes that they have the sidewalk almost to themselves, that he gets to enjoy their time together without the stress that comes with crowds.

High above them the sky is a pale shade of blue, steadily getting more saturated. At first there’s the occasional whispy bit of cloud floating by, but the hotter it gets, the more it clears up.

Youngjae keeps holding Himchan’s hand, laces their fingers and strokes his thumb over the back of Himchan’s hand, can’t help but smile when Himchan gives his palm a gentle squeeze in return.

“I have no idea what you have planned,” Himchan says softly, “but I like this already.”

Youngjae can barely stop himself from dragging him into the next best alley. He has no very _clear_ idea what for, but the fuzzy ones his imagination provides him with are already bad enough. So distracting.

Youngjae tries to focus on his mission instead, lifts his nose and starts walking a little faster. Himchan easily keeps up with him, but eventually he gives Youngjae’s arm a gentle pull. “Are you trying to run away from me?”

Youngjae promptly slows his steps, is suddenly intensely aware of the tingling sensation low in his gut. Christ, when did he become so _easy_. Other people never had this effect on him, not even the ones he was in love with. This can’t be normal.

Luckily for Youngjae’s peace of mind his intended destination comes into sight then, and he sighs in relief. A few steps later he lets go of Himchan’s hand to put his arm around his shoulders instead. “Here we are.”

He stops and swivels Himchan around so they’re facing the entrance door of the biggest crafts shop in town, and Himchan’s eyes widen - then he snorts. “Are you serious?”

“Oh yes,” Youngjae says, barely managing not to preen. “We’re getting you all the glitter and glue you could possibly sniff!”

Himchan laughs, all scrunchy and happy, and _this_ tingling sensation has nothing to do with the one from before, makes Youngjae go rather breathless. “Do you like it?”

“Yes, kitten,” Himchan says softly, a hint of laughter still in his eyes as he pulls Youngjae closer. “I like it a lot.” He gives Youngjae a kiss, utterly sweet, and Youngjae closes his eyes.

It wouldn’t take an awful lot to make him drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes just now. He thinks as much as a glimpse at Himchan’s naked thighs might do it. The tiniest peek even.

Youngjae swallows dryly and then very slowly pulls away, opens his eyes to smile at Himchan. “Want to go in?”

“Hell yes,” Himchan says, all but drags Youngjae in and through the door of the old building.

Since it’s not normally something he’d pay attention to, Youngjae had to do a bit of research to find this place. The internet informed him that it’s a family business, founded three generations ago, and that it underwent quite a few changes and expansions on the way to its current layout and inventory.

The light inside is dim, possibly to protect the fabrics and yarns that dominate the first floor, and the furnishings are made of dark wood, which has a wonderfully old-fashioned and soothing effect.

Himchan says hi to the elderly lady behind the counter, who chastises him for staying away for so long. “We’ve added quite a few colours to our threads selection. You should go up and have a look.”

Youngjae isn’t particularly surprised by this exchange. He’d figured that Himchan would know the store. His t-shirt bedazzling supplies wouldn’t have fallen from the sky. He watches Himchan grab one of the baskets from the stack by the door, and then follows him upstairs to the Accessories and Beautification section. “Can I help? What do you need?”

“Everything,” Himchan says greedily.

Apparently his stash was in dire need of replenishing, and Youngjae couldn’t have picked a better time for this surprise shopping trip. He trails behind Himchan through the isles as he assembles sequins in a variety of different colours, countless tubs of glitter, fabric glue and embroidery thread, as well as a few other bips and bops … can’t help but be fascinated.

The Himchan of his youth certainly enjoyed a bit of crafting now and again, but that was mostly paper-mache related. Youngjae can’t remember ever seeing him with needle and thread … But then again this is definitely a hobby a guy mostly has to develop for himself.

Youngjae promptly wonders if Himchan’s previous partners ever gave him shit for it, and then has to stop himself from tackle-hugging Himchan in the middle of the embroidery isle. God, that whole Mindless Animal thing still has him all in a twist.

Instead of outright attacking Himchan, Youngjae carefully slithers closer to him from behind, peeks over his shoulder. “That looks really pretty.” And it does. It’s some sort of metallic thread, shimmering in different rainbow colours, depending on how the light hits it. “It would look great on your chubby unicorn shirt.”

Himchan makes a soft noise and turns his head, plants a fat kiss on Youngjae’s cheek. “Yes.”

Youngjae blinks at him. “Does such a comment warrant a kiss?”

“All the kisses,” Himchan murmurs, gives him another one.

Youngjae sighs. “I want to take you t-shirt shopping next.”

Himchan pulls back just the littlest bit, proceeds to breathe against Youngjae’s skin. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” Youngae says, looking back at him through his lashes. “I want couple shirts.”

“Augh,” Himchan says. Then he turns around, puts down his little basket of crafting treasures, and pulls Youngjae into his arms. “Just for the record: You are a splendid boyfriend. This is the best surprise ever.”

Youngjae feels himself go warm inside, closes his eyes and clings to him. “I’m glad you like it.”

“So much,” Himchan whispers, gives him a delicious squeeze. “Thank you, love.”

Youngjae goes all shivery thanks to that particular endearment, and he presses his face to Himchan’s neck, breathes him in.

“I think I’ve got everything now,” Himchan tells him. “Or at least as much as I can fit into my box at home.”

Youngjae doesn’t really want to let go, but he does so anyway, picks up the treasure basket for Himchan and carries it downstairs. The little old lady welcomes him with a huge smile, then winks at Himchan. “Very handsome, I approve.”

Youngjae had no idea one could blush happily, but he still proceeds to do so.

Himchan grins. “Thank you. I’m rather pleased myself.”

Youngjae elbows him in the ribs. “This is hardly your accomplishment!”

“Who’s feeding you?” Himchan drawls.

Youngjae splutters. “That has about five percent to do with it! What about genetics?”

“Ah, okay, your parents get _some_ credit for assembling the ingredients, but I was definitely the one who raised the dough.”

“Raised the dough,” Youngjae repeats in horrified accents. “What am I, a yeast cake?”

“Very versatile, those,” the old lady chuckles. “I can tell that the two of you deal famously together.”

Youngjae clears his throat and stares down at counter while she rings up their purchases, then tries to pay for everything.

“Are you insane?” Himchan asks, basically elbowing him out of the way. “I won’t let you pay for my hobby - this shit is expensive.”

“But it was my idea!” Youngjae points out.

“Which is gift enough,” Himchan says firmly. “I’ll let you pay for the t-shirts you want. But not this.”

That verdict leaves Youngjae a little grumpy, but only until he sees the total. It seems that putting dancing gay unicorns on t-shirts is quite the extravagant past time.

“See, told you,” Himchan whispers into his ear when they walk out the shop, and Youngjae promptly elbows him in the side.

“I would have paid!”

“I know you would’ve,” Himchan says in a soothing voice, slides the linen bag with his purchases up on his wrist. “You’ve always been a generous little muffin.”

“Yeast muffin,” Youngjae mutters.

Himchan giggles and takes his hand, lets the linen bag dangle between them.


	39. Chapter 39

The shop where Youngjae wants to get t-shirts is one he found a couple of years ago while he was out with Jongup. It’s where Jongup gets all of his more shredded jeans and the tank tops with arm openings down to his hips, and Youngjae has distinctive memories of a few wonderful prints among all the holeyness.

He’s especially tickled when it turns out that Himchan has never been to the place before and is immediately in love with everything. Youngjae watches him drift from rack to rack with a sense of accomplishment that is probably not quite warranted.

It must be the smile of delight Himchan’s sporting. There’s just no resisting his enthusiasm. Eventually he stops his browsing to hold aloft a soft pink hoodie depicting a bunny wearing a crown, grinning wide enough to pop the dimple beneath his left eye. “Best day ever.”

He’s only spared a delayed tackle-hug because it is then that Youngjae spots the perfect set of couple shirts from the corner of his eye. He has no idea if that’s even what they’re supposed to be, because they’re not hanging on the same rack, but _GLORIA_ , they work.

The first one says TAKEN in a beam of light coming from a flying saucer high up on the chest, and the second one has a chubby little alien on the front, brandishing what may very well be a probing tool.

Youngjae pounces immediately, rips them both off their racks and runs up to Himchan, holds them up next to each other, basically panting. “THESE.”

He doesn’t think Himchan has ever looked this proud of him - not even back when Youngjae tried blaming the neighbours’ dog for the mess he’d made of his parents’ front yard in his attempt to create his own mini-golf course.

“I’m extremely attracted to you right now,” Himchan says, makes Youngjae giggle in helpless delight. “If you want to I’d absolutely let you be the alien.”

It takes Youngjae three days until the double-meaning of that statement hits him.

“No, that’s definitely you,” he says brightly, pushing the shirt at Himchan. “Look how _cute_ he is. I want to squish him.”

Himchan chuckles and nods. “Whatever you say, my birb.” Youngjae beams at him, and Himchan leans in, gives him a kiss. “Do you mind if I look around some more?”

“Of course not,” Youngjae says. “This is your day.”

Which is why Himchan makes it his mission to find the perfect pair of jeans. Youngjae holds on to his bunny hoodie and the t-shirts while he forages through the options with the enthusiastic assistance of a male shop employee, who just will not stop glancing at Himchan’s thighs.

Youngjae briefly considers putting the TAKEN shirt on Himchan, just to make a point. But then again Himchan keeps making that point for him, what with all the smiling and asking for his opinion, not even trying to hold back with the ridiculous endearments.

So that employee has to be extremely aware of their relationship and chooses to glance anyway. Not that Youngjae can blame him.

Eventually Himchan makes his way to the changing cubicles with an array of possibilities. The first pair of jeans is a little bit too tight around the thighs, which is a tragedy, because they make his butt look amazing. The second one are a little too wide.

But the third one. Oh Lord.

They’re classic blue jeans, as far as the colouring goes, with a simple, mostly straight cut. The only detail of interest they really have to offer is a strategically placed cut on the right thigh. A cut large enough to fit a slender hand inside, if one was so inclined.

Youngjae can barely keep his fingers from twitching. “Looks good,” he hears himself say.

Himchan shoots him an extremely knowing look. “I like them, too.”

The helpful employee merely nods in breathless agreement. Then he races off to find a better version of the first option. He returns triumphant just when Himchan comes out of the cubicle wearing the fourth pair of jeans, which are _fine_. So fine.

Youngjae was never this aware of the power of dark blue jeans in combination with a white button down shirt. God.

Himchan accepts the new and improved first option from the employee and changes one last time, actually teases a moan out of Youngjae when he comes back out of the cubicle. Amazing butt.

“Magic, really,” Himchan says, admiring his behind in the mirror. “Makes it look like I actually have an ass.”

Youngjae can’t help but laugh. “We can’t all be Jongup.”

“Sad but true,” Himchan agrees, turns to the employee. “This’ll be all then. Thank you for your help.”

“Anytime,” the man says.

Youngjae didn’t need _quite_ this much conviction from him. Still. Can’t blame him.

They carry their treasures to the till, and Youngjae makes extra sure that he’s the one who pays for their couple shirts, demands his own little bag to carry.

 

It’s after midday when they step back out onto the sidewalk, and Youngjae immediately wheezes in protest when the heat of the day hits him square in the face.

Himchan makes a sympathetic noise, checks his phone for the time. “Want to go somewhere nice for lunch? Or get some ice cream?”

“There’s a Thai place I want to check out if you don’t mind?” Youngjae asks. “I looked their menu up online, and it got really good reviews.”

“Sounds good to me,” Himchan smiles, restores his phone to the pocket of his jeans. “Lead the way!”

So Youngjae checks his own phone for the address to make sure he didn’t remember it wrong, and sets forth. After a few steps he makes a grab for Himchan’s hand, even though it’s really far too hot for any kind of skinship by now. Youngjae doesn’t care. It’s not just his own desire to keep constant contact, he can also tell that it makes Himchan really freaking happy.

Youngjae never knew that being open about your relationship could give you such a rush. He can’t even regret the fact that they have to walk for a bit and then take the bus to get to their destination. He’ll never come to enjoy any kind of hot weather, but being with Himchan simply trumps everything.

“Almost there now,” he says, getting off the bus, and Himchan smiles at him again, gives his hand a squeeze.

“It’s really nice, having you in the captain’s chair. We should definitely do this more often.”

The simple compliment gives Youngjae a sense of pride and validation so strong that it nearly lifts him off his feet. So of course he plays it cool. “I think Yongguk will start complaining eventually if I keep abducting you from work.”

“There is that of course,” Himchan agrees mournfully.

Youngjae peeks at him from the corner of his eye. “You just want me to buy you more t-shirts.”

“No, I want to show my awesome boyfriend off around town,” Himchan corrects him with a wide, satisfied grin. “I enjoy making other people jealous.”

Youngjae blushes, clears his throat. “Shut up.”

“Always so quick on the trigger,” Himchan teases - so very gently that Youngjae can’t even bring himself to slap his shoulder. No-one should sound this freaking fond while making fun of their significant other.

The Thai restaurant comes into sight then, and Youngjae drags Himchan across the street, eager for both sustenance and air conditioning. Himchan follows him readily, is a quiet, warm presence at Youngjae’s shoulder while he tells the person responsible for seating them that he made a reservation.

The restaurant is comparatively busy, which doesn’t surprise Youngjae after all the glowing praise he read online. He’s just glad that he planned ahead. He follows the seater through the room and to a window-table, shielded from the outside sun with a canopy.

“If the smell hanging in the air is anything to go by, I’m loving this place already,” Himchan says, sitting down opposite from him. “Well done, snuggle-bun.”

Youngjae beams at him. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Not to mention the balming effect of the air conditioning,” Himchan teases. “We can only hope that your legs won’t get cold.”

“You can warm me up later if that happens,” Youngjae replies breezily. Then realizes what he just said.

Himchan lifts his brows at him, immediately and aggravatingly flirty. “Yes. I can.”

Youngjae clears his throat - is saved by a waitress delivering them their menus. So of course Himchan stretches his legs under the table, presses his calf against Youngjae’s.

Youngjae blushes and bites his lip, focusses hard enough on the menu in his hands to burn a hole into its plastic cover. “Do you want to try the Krachae?”

“Sure,” Himchan says, sounding decidedly amused. “But only if we order some water to go with it.”

“I wasn’t planning on getting drunk,” Youngjae pouts. “I just want to know what it tastes like.”

Himchan makes soothing noises at him. “I know, sugar plum. I’m just thirsty.”

He sounds equal parts earnest and lewd, and Youngjae goes a little hot under the collar. “Stop teasing me!”

“You explicitly _asked_ me to warm you up!” Himchan reminds him.

“LATER,” Youngjae hisses, kicks him under the table.

The waitress chooses this moment to return to their table, and Himchan places their drinks order, smiling up at her in the most innocent manner imaginable as he continues to play footsie with Youngjae. They also order Khao Soi with chicken for Youngjae, while Himchan takes the Som Tam with crabs, and then the waitress takes herself off again, grinning ominously.

Youngjae checks the table for projectiles he can throw at Himchan without actually hurting him. “You’re impossible! I can’t take you anywhere!”

His outrage only serves to make Himchan giggle - and then he tilts his head, smiles at Youngjae, instantly radiating nothing but pure, undiluted happiness. “And yet you did.”

“Yes,” Youngjae admits, trying to keep up a grumpy front. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Can’t help you there,” Himchan says, smoothly switching back to teasing.

Youngjae briefly debates launching himself across the table to strangle him. But Himchan still looks so happy, and Youngjae is so very weak for him, so there’s neither launching nor strangling.

Just a lot of helpless blushing.


	40. Chapter 40

The moment they return to the outside world, Youngjae starts to slap-attack Himchan’s shoulder. They had Khao Niao Mamuang for dessert, and Youngjae has never seen anyone lick a spoon in such an indecent manner.

“That was disgusting!” he pants, dragging Himchan away from the door and possible witnesses to the murder he’s contemplating. “The old couple at the next table nearly went blind!”

Himchan cackles and wraps his arm around Youngjae, walks him back the way they came earlier. “Liked it a lot, did you?”

It was the sustained eye-contact that did it, Youngjae is _quite_ aware. “You promised me to only do that kind of shit in private!”

“Oh, I thought you only meant the touching and the kissing,” Himchan says. He’s not cackling anymore, he isn’t even smiling - looks guilty instead.

So of course Youngjae flips around like a fish desperate to get back into the water. “I did! I totally did! I was being theatrical just now!”

Himchan’s smile returns instantly, and he strokes his hand over Youngjae’s back, visibly grateful - relieved. “That’s good then.”

Youngjae nearly explodes with the need to snuggle him.

“So what now?” Himchan asks him, his voice unbearably soft. “Any other grand plans, honey bun?”

“Home,” Youngjae says, unable to banish a certain kind of urgency from his voice. “If you don’t mind.”

Himchan appears to hold his breath for a second, and then his eyes flick down to Youngjae’s mouth. It’s such a simple thing, but to Youngjae it feels as if a switch was flipped, or a button pushed - definitely something that requires physical touch. He swallows dryly and then licks his lips, watches Himchan’s eyes go dark.

“Sure,” Himchan says, and he sounds a little hoarse to Youngjae’s ears. “Home sounds good.”

It’s almost enough to overset Youngjae’s self-control. He feels jittery all the way back to the bus-stop, the way he does when he has too many cookies with his coffee. His eyes keep straying in Himchan’s direction instead of watching where the fuck he’s going, and this time Himchan is the one who insists on holding hands, possibly to prevent Youngjae from walking into a lamp post.

Once the bus arrives Youngjae squeezes into a bench with Himchan, far too close, and when Himchan decides to put his hand on his shaking leg and give his thigh a little squeeze, Youngjae has to close his eyes, takes a deep breath.

“Calm down,” Himchan whispers into his ear. “I’m right here. There’s absolutely no need to be this excited. We’re just going home.”

“Yeah,” Youngjae breathes. “Sorry.”

“Teaches me to look at your mouth, doesn’t it,” Himchan chuckles.

Youngjae slumps in his seat, sighs. “You’re far too powerful.”

Himchan snorts. “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Youngjae is dangerously close to just taking his hand and putting it in between his legs - is dangerously close to _showing_ him. Instead he grabs Himchan’s arm and burrows into him, lets Himchan’s warmth work its inevitable magic.

As much as Himchan excites him at times, he’ll also always be the one to calm Youngjae right the fuck down. It’s just how Youngjae is wired; it’s something that was ingrained in him when he was a child, and he never quite managed to get rid of it.

“Better?” Himchan asks after a few minutes of silence, and Youngjae nods his head, gets his hair petted in reward.

“Yeah. Sorry for overreacting.”

“No worries, babycakes. I like it when you, ah, get all hot and bothered.”

Youngjae boxes him in the ribs. “You’re a menace.”

Himchan wheezes and catches his hand. “Sorry pumpkin.” He lifts Youngjae’s hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles, and Youngjae’s stomach does a neat little flip, perfect landing and everything. Twelve points.

“Don’t do that,” he whispers.

Himchan blinks at him. “Why not?”

Because they do this all the time. They touch, and they kiss, and they cuddle. It’s _normal_. Except Himchan has never kissed Youngjae’s hand in this manner, and Youngjae has no idea if it’s the novelty, or if he has a weird hand-kissing kink, but he could feel that kiss all the way down to the tips of his toes.

“Just don’t,” he says, again in a soft little whisper, looks at Himchan out of wide eyes. “Feels too good.”

“Christ,” Himchan says. Then the bus stops, and they scramble to get off, end up gasping on the sidewalk.

“Was that even our stop?” Youngjae asks, bent over with his hands on his knees.

“I know how to get home, thank you very much,” Himchan grunts. Youngjae turns his head to look at him, is rewarded with the sight of Himchan putting his face up to the sun, eyes closed. Endlessly pretty.

He remains like that for a long moment, and Youngjae takes him in from head to toe, can’t ignore the way his neck curves, or how the pose makes his chest stand out. “Are you okay?”

“Apart from some mild heart palpitations I’m perfectly fine,” Himchan groans. “Come on, my bewitching bombshell, let’s get going.” He opens his eyes and grabs Youngjae’s hand, and this time he’s the one who drags Youngjae along, wonderfully forceful and goal-oriented.

He doesn’t have to drag him for very long. Youngjae is just as eager as Himchan to get home, and therefore quickly catches up with him. He keeps peeking at Himchan’s profile as they walk, doesn’t quite know what to do with Himchan’s expression.

He’s set his jaw, and his eyes look a little stormy, yet his mouth looks soft - inviting. Youngjae can’t figure out how such a contrast is possible, and doesn’t really care. It’s attractive, that’s all that matters.

Luckily for the both of them the bus-stop is as conveniently close to Himchan’s flat as always, and they don’t have to walk for very long. Only the elevator ride up to the top floor is even more awkward than elevator rides generally are - mostly because this one has a security camera, and they can’t make out.

But then it stops and its doors slide open, and Youngjae rushes out of the cabin and towards Himchan’s apartment, vibrates in place while Himchan pulls out his key and manoeuvers it into the lock.


	41. Chapter 41

Youngjae is the first one through the door, loses no time to kick off his shoes. He looks up just in time to perceive a gloriously determined expression on Himchan’s face, and then Himchan is already crowding him against the wall, presses into him with his whole body.

The force of it teases a little _oof_ out of Youngjae, and he bites his lip and closes his eyes to deal with the aftershocks tingling through his system. God, it feels good.

Himchan is warm, and he smells so good, and Youngjae could never get enough of having him so close.

As if he knows Himchan moves even closer, leans into him, just a little. He uses his weight to pin Youngjae to the wall, and Youngjae sighs in approval, opens his eyes just in time to see Himchan tilt his head for a kiss. It’s pure instinct to meet him halfway, and Himchan makes a soft little noise when their lips touch. He opens his mouth and presses into Youngjae a bit harder than before - just to pull away from the kiss and make Youngjae grumble in frustration.

Youngjae opens his eyes and sees Himchan smile, pleased and maybe even a little relieved. “You want this, right?” he murmurs, rubbing up against Youngjae, tantalizingly slow. “I haven’t been reading you wrong?”

Youngjae can tell that he is half-hard inside his jeans, and his mouth goes dry as his body strives to follow Himchan’s example. “Want this,” is all he gets out, albeit without a second of hesitation. “Want you.”

Himchan lets out a harsh breath and kisses him again, licks into his mouth - keeps moving his hips. Youngjae promptly spreads his legs as much as possible in this position, lets the wall take his weight. He’s not quite losing control yet, is fully aware of the situation and its stimulations - which is nothing but awesome.

A little bit of effort frees Youngjae’s arms from where Himchan had them trapped next to his body against the wall, and then he buries his hands in Himchan’s hair - grips it gently.

Himchan grunts and kisses him harder, lets his hips snap forward, and Youngjae rolls his eyes behind closed lids, gasps into their kiss. His hands fall down to Himchan’s hips and grab them, make him establish a slow, delicious rhythm.

They make out like that for a while, and Youngjae enjoys it thoroughly, delights in the heat, the friction, their increasingly sloppy kisses.

Until Himchan takes his mouth away and makes him grumble again.

“We should go to bed,” Himchan whispers, his voice rough enough to cause some serious abrasions, and Youngjae promptly stops his grumbling, gets goosebumps instead.

“Fabulous idea.”

He feels a little wobbly when Himchan peels him off the wall, but he makes it to the bedroom without stumbling. He’s so proud of himself for that feat of elegance and poise that he pushes Himchan onto the mattress, crawls on top of him and starts to unbutton Himchan’s shirt, fingers shaky with excitement.

Himchan lets him, is looking up at his face when Youngjae pauses to finally confirm that this is okay. What he encounters is an expression of pure devotion, and he swallows dryly, licks his lips, suddenly feeling inexplicably shy. “Hi.”

Himchan chuckles and cranes his neck, brushes a kiss to Youngjae’s mouth. “Hi.” He lingers for a moment and then lies back down … relaxes into the sheets, smiles up at Youngjae. “Go ahead.”

Youngjae takes a fortifying breath and continues to unbutton his shirt, is delighted by every inch of skin he lays bare. Himchan is pale, and his skin looks milky and soft, horribly inviting.

Youngjae lays both hands flat on his chest to brush the shirt out of the way, slowly strokes his hands down to Himchan’s stomach afterwards. He really enjoys the sensation of feeling Himchan breathe under his touch, enjoys how warm he is, how utterly touchable.

He likes the quiet intimacy of it all - likes how still Himchan keeps himself for him, how safe and _comfortable_ it all feels.

And then Himchan sits up and grabs the hem of Youngjae’s t-shirt, resolutely pulls it over his head. “Better,” he murmurs, strokes his hands over Youngjae’s back as he leans in for another kiss.

Youngjae closes his eyes and kisses him back, holds on to Himchan’s shoulders. It once more becomes extremely apparent that Himchan is hard inside his jeans, and a rough little moan escapes Youngjae’s throat, equally delighted as it is helpless. He starts to move his hips back and forth, high on his own arousal, wants to feel more of it, more of Himchan.

As if he can tell Himchan makes a growly noise deep in his throat and grabs Youngjae’s hips, squeezes them hard enough to bruise. It teases a greedy whimper out of Youngjae, and he sucks Himchan’s tongue into his mouth, spreads his legs wider.

He’s too turned on to be surprised when Himchan lets go of his hips and cups his ass instead, can only groan in approval and press into the touch. He’s outright rutting into Himchan now, fast on his way to making a mess of his shorts.

Youngjae doesn’t care. He keeps kissing Himchan, unrefined and sloppy, unashamedly wanton. The longer it goes on, the more he gets lost in it - no longer hears the faint noises of traffic from the street down below, or even the clamouring of a flock of sparrows on the opposite roof, when all his senses are devoted to Himchan and what he’s doing to him.

When Himchan eventually abandons the delicious squeezing of Youngjae’s ass to unbutton and unzip his jeans, Youngjae whimpers in relief - doesn’t have the wherewithal to convey his full-hearted support in a more explicit manner.

But then a spark of brain power brings self-awareness, and Youngjae blinks his eyes open, breaks their kiss and pants. “Jesus Christ.”

“What?” Himchan asks him, equally short of breath. “Too fast?”

“No,” Youngjae says quickly - and means it, too. He clears his throat, tries and fails to make his voice sound less rough and tumble. “Good speed - _very good_ , just -” He clears his throat again, just to give up and slump forward, face pressed to Himchan’s neck. “I’m so _into_ you.”

He feels Himchan take a deep, steadying breath, and then he’s being hugged, and his cheek is being kissed, very softly. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Youngjae murmurs, lifts his head a little to nose along Himchan’s neck and upwards to his ear. “I’m just not used to it. I’ve never … I’ve never been carried away like this.”

“Is it too much?” Himchan asks, carding his fingers through Youngjae’s hair. “Do you need me to be more careful?”

Youngjae shivers with pure, unfiltered appreciation. He had no idea consideration could be this much of a turn-on. “You’re being plenty careful,” he whispers, breathless. “Now please take your pants off.”

Himchan chortles at that, audibly delighted. He catches Youngjae’s mouth with his own and kisses him, quick and efficient - just to wrestle-throw Youngjae off his lap and make him bounce on the mattress.

Youngjae is extremely inclined to complain - loudly - only then Himchan slithers out of bed, stands, and unbuttons his jeans. It’s such a simple sequence of events, yet it leaves Youngjae completely captivated.

He’s staring at Himchan’s hands, is so utterly focussed on the downward movement of the damn zipper that it feels as if hours pass until the thing is finally open. And then Himchan pushes his jeans down and reveals a pink pair of shorts with an ice cream cone print, and _Youngjae loves him so much_. SO MUCH. He can’t even speak.

“Just so you know,“ Himchan murmurs, smoothly crawling back into bed like the world’s sexiest dork, “You’re giving me a very hard time, too.” He pushes Youngjae on his back and pulls his jeans-shorts off him, throws them on the floor. Contrary to Himchan, Youngjae is wearing quite unremarkable black boxer-briefs, which allows Himchan to creep higher up the bed and above him without getting an aneurysm.

At least that’s what Youngjae takes away from the situation.

He’s lying quite still, doing his damn best to keep his breathing nice and regular - pokes his right index finger into Himchan’s left pec … drags it down towards the hem of Himchan’s shorts. “At least we’re suffering together.”

“Yes,” Himchan murmurs, lowers his head and cranes his neck for another quick kiss. “Very important.”

“So important,” Youngjae agrees, closes his eyes. He grabs Himchan’s hips and pulls him down, luxuriates in the sensation of Himchan’s weight on top of him. Himchan lets him have it for a bit, but then he rolls them over and onto their sides, grabs Youngjae’s ass again.

Youngjae counters by straight up shoving his hands into Himchan’s shorts and squeezing his naked butt, and Himchan rewards him with a yelp and rocks his hips forward.

It’s _wonderful_.

“Was this part of your plan for today as well?” Himchan asks, gently kneading Youngjae’s ass. “Because I feel like everything we did today was part of an elaborate plan to get me into bed.”

“And here I thought all I needed to do was to put on a pair of shorts,” Youngjae murmurs, dragging his lips over the soft skin of Himchan’s right cheek. “Silly me.”

Himchan chokes out a husky laugh and catches Youngjae’s mouth again, gives him a proper kiss. Under different circumstances it might be enough to distract Youngjae from the act of Himchan pulling his shorts off his ass and down to his thighs, but then again Youngjae is so hard and sensitive by now that it would take a whole lot more to distract him.

Matters being what they are, Youngjae fails suppress a groan at the sudden removal of a layer between them, and he starts to yank at Himchan’s shorts, a bit frantically, wants to feel him skin to skin.

“Something you wanna tell me?” Himchan teases - lifts up his hips to give Youngjae the range and freedom to rid him of this extremely offensive piece of garment. In Youngjae’s opinion it would be far more sensible of Himchan to just go commando from now on.

Himchan giggles when Youngjae informs him of this, and does nothing to muffle Youngjae’s moan when he lies back down. Instead he holds him as close as possible, starts to nibble on Youngjae’s earlobe. “I’ll think about it. Satisfied?”

“Lube,” is Youngjae’s emphatic reply.

He can feel Himchan go rather still, thinks he may even be holding his breath. “Lube?”

“Get it out,” Youngjae grunts, immensely proud of himself for his clear enunciation. “ _Use it_.”

Because he’s going to come any moment now anyway, and he wants to be prepared for the second round - wants to make absolutely sure there is one. Still he can’t be surprised when Himchan brings a little space between them to look at his face. “I’m sure,” he tells him, does his best to throw some tenderness into the mix and not sound like the world’s most desperate bottom.

Desperate or not, the effect of his words is everything Youngjae could wish for. Himchan’s pupils blow up to the point that he looks drunk with need - and he nods, quick and affirmative. Apparently Youngjae’s request to be trusted fell on fertile ground. He watches Himchan roll away from him to get at his bedside drawer - watches him stretch out his arm and close his fingers around the bottle … tries not to be distracted by the pose, the lines and curves.

It occurs to Youngjae at this point that he should maybe be a little bit more reserved, or shy, or even nervous. But he’s not. _He cannot fucking wait._

Himchan, bottle of lube in hand, rolls back around to face him, and the first thing Youngjae does is sit up and get his underwear off all the way. He lets it join his jeans on the floor, and then he pushes Himchan on his back and takes his ice cream cone shorts off for him, too. “There. So much better. We should implement Naked Sundays or something.”

Himchan looks up at him out of glittering eyes, and then he smiles, all soft and happy. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says firmly, lies down on top of him and makes him wheeze. “I don’t care if we never get out of bed. Now do what you must, please.” He spreads his legs and makes himself comfortable, and Himchan sucks in a deep breath, kisses his cheek.

“Whatever you want, babycakes.”

Youngjae hears him snap open the bottle of lube, and after a few seconds there’s the sensation of a warm finger covered in slightly less warm liquid pressing against his hole.


	42. Chapter 42

Youngjae gasps for air and slowly lets it out again, and then Himchan’s finger is inside of him, feels so much hotter than it did before. Fuck. It has never been this easy.

“You really want it, eh?” Himchan murmurs into his ear, and Youngjae groans, pushes his ass up before he can stop himself.

“Shut up!”

Himchan laughs, his voice deliciously hoarse and rough, and then he kisses Youngjae, licks into his mouth and pushes his finger deeper into him, careful but insistent.

Youngjae makes a noise that doesn’t sound quite human, and he twitches as an electric current runs all the way through his body, renders him exquisitely helpless. God, but Himchan knows what he’s doing.

He kisses Youngjae a little softer than before as he starts to rotate his finger, going deeper all the while. His touch feels certain and sure, without a hint of hesitation, and Youngjae couldn’t resist it even if he wanted to.

He spreads his legs wider, can’t stop his hips from shaking - eventually finds a slow, needy rhythm that matches the circling motion of Himchan’s finger inside of him. He keeps kissing Himchan, as if he’d fall apart should they stop, is leaking so much precome that the back and forth of his hips starts to feel all smooth and slick.

It doesn’t take long until Himchan adds a second finger to gently scissor him open, and Youngjae sobs into their kiss, gasps for air in overwhelmed pleasure.

“Does it feel good?” Himchan asks, not smug but genuinely concerned, and Youngjae nods and presses closer to him, shivery with arousal.

“Gonna come.”

His confession makes Himchan’s breath hitch, and he freezes in all movements, then presses his lips to Youngjae’s temple. “Can I suck you off?”

What kind of question even _is that_.

“Do your worst,” Youngjae grits out - doesn’t quite expect Himchan to pull out right away, to roll them over and carefully spread Youngjae out on the sheets.

Youngjae whimpers Himchan’s name and attempts to pull him in between his legs, doesn’t think he’s ever seen Himchan so _focussed_. Youngjae stares at him as he moves to kneel between his thighs, as he leans over him for a quick, soothing kiss - and then Himchan has already slid lower on the bed, doesn’t give Youngjae time to prepare himself before he swallows him down.

It’s overwhelming in its suddenness - all hot and wet and tight - and Youngjae comes almost immediately, can do nothing but bury his hands in Himchan’s hair and ride the high of his release as Himchan swallows around him.

Himchan licks his lips afterwards, and Youngjae follows the movement of his tongue with his eyes while his chest is heaving with deep, laboured breaths. “Don’t stop.”

“I’m not planning to,” Himchan murmurs. His voice is even rougher than usual, and Youngjae succumbs to a full body shiver, manages to get up on his elbows - just for Himchan to lean in again and brush his lips to the inside of Youngjae’s right thigh, all hot and soft.

It feels incredible right after his climax, and Youngjae makes a hungry noise, grabs the sheets with both hands so as not to fall flat on his back. He’s starting to feel a little weird now: all lubed up and ready, but empty … unfinished, in a way.

He clenches and bites his lip, but he can’t bring himself to tell Himchan to stop; because Himchan’s mouth feels amazing, and Youngjae’s brain is somewhat scrambled at the moment anyway.

So he keeps still and stares instead of complaining, can’t quite believe that this is happening - and happening to _him_ of all people. Himchan is so handsome, so ridiculously pretty, and right now he looks as if he’s genuinely enjoying himself, as if there was no greater bliss for him than to caress Youngjae’s thighs with his lips.

And then his tongue.

Youngjae yelps and falls flat on his back after all, and Himchan chuckles, lifts his head to grin at him. “That was a good noise.”

“You better fill me back up soon,” Youngjae says. It’s half calculated revenge, and half honest to god need, and Himchan slithers above him, looks into his eyes.

“Where the hell did you learn to talk like that.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Youngjae murmurs, looks at him from underneath his lashes. He mobilizes what little energy is left to him and wraps his legs around Himchan’s hips, pulls him in. “Maybe I’ll tell you afterwards.”

“After what?” Himchan asks softly, rubs up against Youngjae in the most tantalizing manner imaginable. “Are we about to do something?”

“Yes,” Youngjae insists. He closes his eyes and bares his neck to Himchan, too sensitive and too turned on to care about what he’s saying. “You’re about to fuck me silly.”

Himchan growls and bites his neck, starts to suck a mark onto it before he drags Youngjae on his side so he can get his fingers back inside of him. He’s not quite as gentle and careful as he was before, continues his assault on Youngjae’s neck, and Youngjae _relishes_ it. He pushes back against Himchan’s fingers with all the force he can muster, clings to Himchan with both hands, needs to be as close as possible.

He’s hot and almost dizzy with want, whimpers when his cock twitches in an attempt to give credit where credit is due. Himchan doesn’t waste any time in adding a third finger, and the stretch is delicious, actually gets Youngjae hard again.

Himchan pulls his mouth off Youngjae’s neck when he notices, breathes a hot, moist gust of air against Youngjae’s sensitive skin. “You’re amazing,” he pants, licks a hot stipe over the mark he’s left. “Utterly amazing.”

Youngjae whines and attempts to kiss him, and Himchan indulges him for a moment, then he pulls out his fingers, rolls him on his back. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae says - blinks his eyes open. He looks down at himself, the whole flushed, sweaty mess, then aims a sweet grin at Himchan. “Ready.”

“Urgh,” Himchan says. He grabs a pillow and shoves it under Youngjae’s ass, moves to kneel between his legs. “Knees to your chest, please.”

Youngjae does as instructed, and Himchan makes a grab for the lube again, squeezes a bit onto his fingers and lets it warm before he presses those fingers to Youngjae’s opening and slicks him up a bit more.

It feels really fucking nice, and Youngjae bites his tongue, tries to keep his thighs from shaking. Himchan makes a soothing noise and then he slicks himself up, which is a visual Youngjae wasn’t quite ready for.

He stares with his mouth half open, and Himchan smirks when he catches on, actually has the audacity to wink at him. “See something you like?”

“Yes,” Youngjae mutters, snapping out of it. “A dick.”

Himchan cackles and moves in to line himself up, is so utterly gentle in the way he lifts Youngjae’s hips and holds him open that it makes Youngjae go almost liquid with affection. “Here I go,” Himchan murmurs, and then he pushes inside, slow and steady, all the way in.

Youngjae feels breathless once he stops moving, clenches down to feel every single inch of him.

It makes Himchan moan and cling to his hips, makes him press his face to Youngjae’s neck and gasp for air. Youngjae feels him twitch inside of him and shivers all over, wraps his legs around him and hooks his feet behind Himchan’s back - holds him inside.

They remain in that position for a moment, each getting used to his particular predicament, and eventually Himchan turns his head, nuzzles the hickey he left on Youngjae’s neck. “You okay?”

“Stellar,” Youngjae whispers, brushes a kiss to his cheek.

Himchan hums in satisfaction, and then he starts to move, just a little - makes them both wheeze.

“So tight,” Himchan grits out, and Youngjae kisses his cheek again, cards his fingers through Himchan’s hair.

“I’m fine. Get going.”

Again Himchan twitches inside of him, but he also does as he’s told, starts moving properly.

Youngjae lies on his back and takes it, eagerly; he keeps looking at Himchan’s face, at his eyes, at the way his mouth has gone slack in pleasure, and Youngjae thinks he’s never seen anything quite so _reassuring_.

“You’re pretty like this,” he hears himself say, and then Himchan is smiling, just a little. His eyes are still dark and greedy, and it looks more like a smirk than a proper smile, but there’s also tenderness hidden somewhere in the lines of his face, affection.

All in all it’s hotter than the sun - almost enough to make Youngjae come. “Harder,” he groans, and once more Himchan loses no time to obey. The sound of skin slapping on skin becomes steadily louder, as does the indecently wet noise of his thrusts.

The smirk melts off Himchan’s face, and Youngjae can tell that he’s starting to lose himself a little, that he’s letting go and just feeling it. He loves that he’s allowed to experience this, that Himchan trusts him enough. He can’t stop staring up at him, is almost as greedy for his expression as he is for the pulsating heat inside of him.

Apart from the sound of his laboured breathing Himchan is mostly quiet, only lets the occasional moan slip. Youngjae on the other hand can’t seem to stop making noise. He’s feeling sensitive all over, is still riding the high of his first climax - at the same time pleasurably exhausted and helplessly turned on.

He’s glad that he’s on his back for this, because he doesn’t think he could hold himself up - especially when Himchan suddenly unbends and grabs his hips, takes him so much harder than before.

Youngjae gasps and his legs fall open, allowing Himchan to push in deeper, to make sparks of pleasure bloom in front of his vision. At this point Youngjae doesn’t even try to meet his thrusts. He just lies there, arms limp next to his head on the pillow, luxuriates in the sensation of being loved so thoroughly.

Himchan comes just when Youngjae can’t take it anymore, when he’s once more hard enough to make him see stars behind closed lids. Still the heat of Himchan’s release inside of him is not quite enough to make Youngjae come - it takes a gentle touch to his cock, a few lazy pulls Himchan is kind enough to provide.

Himchan is still inside of him when Youngjae comes, and it feels amazing, being this full, this satisfied, so utterly, deliciously exhausted.

So of course Youngjae whines when he pulls out.

Himchan all but collapses onto the mattress next to him, pulls him into his arms and kisses his forehead. “Stop making that noise, cupcake.”

Youngjae turns towards him and presses his face to Himchan’s neck, basically gluing them together from head to toe. “That was awesome.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Himchan says quietly.

He sounds a little tired, and Youngjae peeks up at him, feeling impish. “That wasn’t your best though, was it? I have very high expectations.”

“Of course you do,” Himchan murmurs, apparently on the brink of sleep. “Give me half an hour.”

He takes Youngjae’s hand and lifts it up to his lips, kisses his wrist. If Youngjae was feeling noodly before, now he’s just plain old mush.

“Stop that,” he says, and then suddenly Himchan is looking at him out of half-lidded eyes, glittering and _perceptive_.

“Feels too good?”

“Far too good,” Youngjae whispers.

Himchan hums in understanding and lets go of his hand, hugs him to his chest instead. “Let me sleep a bit, okay?”

“‘Kay,” Youngjae says, suddenly overcome by the tender intimacy of the situation. He had no idea he could feel this comfortable with his partner after sex, what with all the naked bits flopping around and the general post-coital nastiness.

With Himchan it just feels natural. Sticky, yes - but _nice_.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday tomorrow, so I thought I'd give you guys a little early present.

Youngjae is dozing comfortably when Himchan stirs awake. He has no idea how much time has passed, if it was the full half-hour Himchan requested or not. His body is warm through and through, is still buzzing with a pleasant kind of satisfaction, utterly relaxed.

He smiles when Himchan pulls him closer immediately upon waking up, when he nuzzles his cheek and takes a deep, appreciative breath. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mh-hm,” Himchan hums, brushes a kiss to Youngjae’s neck. “You ready for the second round?” He rocks his hips forward, and Youngjae shivers upon discovering that he’s hard and ready to go.

“Just don’t ask me to do anything adventurous,” he murmurs, grabs Himchan’s ass and drags him in between his legs. “I’m feeling kind of worn out already.”

“Oh?” Himchan replies, nibs on Youngjae’s earlobe and makes him squeal. “I thought your vigorous youth was more resilient than that.”

“I’m not the one who had to nap in between rounds.” Youngjae teases.

“You’re not the one who does all the work,” Himchan points out. “I should make you ride me, that would teach you.”

“Next time,” Youngjae says lazily.

Himchan lifts up his head, stares at him. “Really?”

“Really,” Youngjae confirms. “I kind of enjoy having sex with you, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Himchan’s face does something magical at that point, mixes dawning delight with lewd ravenousness, and Youngjae reaches up, puts both hands to his cheeks, brushes his thumbs over his cheekbones. “Stop being so cute, you devil.”

Himchan makes a hungry noise and dives in, licks into Youngjae’s mouth and kisses him senseless. He brings some distance between them, reaches down and gently tests if Youngjae is still loose enough. Two fingers slip in easily, and Himchan promptly uses the opportunity to find and massage Youngjae’s sweet spot.

When he breaks the kiss Youngjae is panting and flushed, and his cock his hard and curving up to his belly, ridiculously sensitive. “So good,” he slurs, and Himchan moans, pulls his fingers out, makes a hasty grab for the lube.

He’s a little frantic with it this time, the gel almost cold when he smears it to Youngjae’s hole, and Youngjae yelps and clenches - then drags himself around and gets up on all fours. “Come on.”

Himchan makes a hissing noise behind him, and then he moves in between Youngjae’s legs, pushes inside. He took the time to lube himself up as well, and it’s so smooth this time, so easy and fluid that it makes Youngjae go weak all over.

It’s difficult to keep himself from face-planting into the pillow, and Youngjae has to grab the sheets with both hands, can’t stop his mouth from falling open.

“You okay, baby?” Himchan says behind him, and Youngjae shivers, gets goosebumps all the way down his back.

“Stellar.”

Himchan kisses his nape. “How do you want it?”

Youngjae’s elbows nearly give out, and he has no idea if it’s the question, or the sensation of Himchan’s lips brushing over his skin, all the way down to the spot between his shoulder blades.

“I want you to do me,” he hears himself say, “precisely the way you want to.”

There’s a hungry noise, and then Himchan starts moving, and Youngjae’s elbows really do give out. Not because it’s particularly hard and punishing, no - the opposite is true. Himchan takes him slowly, thoroughly, _gently_.

It’s intense and almost fierce, the way he moves his hips, how he makes sure to go as deep as possible with every thrust, to give Youngjae as much pleasure as he can.

It makes Youngjae understand why his previous partner called him an animal, why they were overwhelmed by the raw determination of it all. Himchan is relentless and skilled, and he knows precisely what to do to make Youngjae feel completely, comprehensively loved.

It’s not easy to deal with.

Youngjae sobs into the pillow and clenches, makes a weak attempt to meet Himchan’s next thrust. His reward is a soothing noise and a kiss to his shoulder, and then Himchan changes the angle of his assault, starts to move a little faster.

It makes Youngjae’s head spin, and he moans without restraint, grabs the sheets so hard that his knuckles turn white. His lids have fallen shut and his mouth is half open, spilling sounds of pleasure. It feels like his skin is glowing with arousal, every inch of it sensitive and prickling with delight.

Himchan grabs his hips, just when Youngjae is close to dissolving into sea foam, or maybe pink clouds of bliss, grounds him with a particularly sharp thrust that makes Youngjae cry out another sob.

And then Himchan is _fucking_ him, hard and fast and punishing, and Youngjae moans himself hoarse, rocks back and forth under the force of Himchan’s thrusts. He was already exhausted when they started, but now he feels like a rag doll, powerless and pliant. He never thought he’d love it as much as he does; he’s hard and leaking, so turned on that it scares him a little.

But the fear is a fleeting emotion, is soon replaced by mindless lust, the desperate need to reach his climax. Youngjae has no idea if he’s begging out loud or if it’s all in his head, and he comes all over the sheets as soon as Himchan closes his fingers around him.

Himchan follows him right over the edge, and Youngjae can’t stop clenching around him, milks him dry, panting and shivering. He whimpers when Himchan pulls out, crumples into a heap of exhausted satisfaction.

Still he manages to roll over and burrow into Himchan’s body, clings to him with everything he has left. Youngjae’s never felt so helpless after sex, so _exposed_ ; he’s in fact so very overwhelmed that it almost makes him cry.

Himchan opens his arms for him and holds him tight, brushes a kiss to Youngjae’s forehead, soothes him with his sheer presence. “Was that okay?”

Youngjae sniffs and nods, pushes his face to the crook of Himchan’s neck. “That was perfect.”

Himchan gives him an emphatic squeeze and then proceeds to rub his hands over Youngjae’s back, as if he wants to make sure that he’s still all there. “We should really clean up.”

“Only if you carry me to the bathroom,” Youngjae murmurs. “I don’t think I can walk.”

They therefore doze for a bit before setting foot on solid ground again, and Himchan still has to steady Youngjae, carefully walks him to the bathroom.

Once inside the shower cabin, Himchan solidifies his position as Best Boyfriend Ever by briefly rinsing them both off before he takes more thorough measures with Youngjae. He soaps him up all over, shampoos his hair and makes Youngjae go limp with contentment. Of course he also takes care to rid Youngjae of all traces of their encounter - meticulous as always - and Youngjae’s really glad that he never felt any shame with him to begin with.

Otherwise it would be really fucking embarrassing.

Once they’re both clean and fresh - and Himchan has given Youngjae a gentle once over with his ridiculously expensive body lotion - he stuffs Youngjae in a fresh pair of pyjamas and leaves him on the couch in the living room while he goes to burn the bed.

At least that’s Youngjae’s suggestion. Himchan might just be putting clean sheets on the yellow abomination, he doesn’t know.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took me so long. I've had this chapter ready since September, but then stuff happened and ... yeah. Sorry.

When Youngjae wakes up, he’s still nestled into the right corner of the couch. He has assumed his favourite sleeping position: legs at a right angle with the knees pulled towards his chest and a cushion in between that’s long enough to hold on to, all curled up and comfy. It takes him a moment to realize how late it is, that darkness has started to creep into the flat via the windows.

He turns his head and blinks, squints at the brightness coming from the lamp standing beside the left armrest of the couch. Eventually he realizes that the ominous, shapeless blob sitting by his feet is in fact Himchan, clad in a new pair of boxers (this time in a fetching shade of blue, once more adorned with ice cream cones) and his trusted robe, open at the front.

Apparently he is working on beautifying this morning’s spoils. He’s put the TAKEN shirt on an embroidery hoop to keep the fabric taut where it needs to be, is currently busy with stitching his brand new rainbow thread around the letter E.

Youngjae, still half asleep, stares - first at the shirt, which now has gold glitter illuminating the ray of light coming down from the little ufo … and then up at Himchan’s face. He’s wearing his pair of thick-rimmed glasses and is frowning in concentration, has a smudge of gold glitter high up on his right cheek.

Youngjae blinks furiously and then haplessly resumes his staring. His heart keeps swelling as he looks - one, two, at least three sizes, until his chest starts to hurt with it. He knows that he’s lost now, that this is it - has never been so sure about anything. “I love you,” he says, soft and a little breathless; yet there’s certainty in his tone, unwavering earnestness.

He sees Himchan freeze and then slowly turn his head, eyes wide in surprise.

“A whole damn lot,” Youngjae adds, voice firm and steady this time.

Himchan’s eyes go a little wider still, and then he … lets go of the shirt, and the needle. Puts them on the table in front of them. Flexes his fingers.

Youngjae thinks he might have broken him. He sits up and pushes the cushion to the floor, proceeds to crawl into Himchan’s lap. Once in position he takes Himchan’s hands into his, lifts them to his mouth and kisses Himchan’s knuckles.

“I love you,” he says again, slides as deep into Himchan’s lap as he can, wraps them both in Himchan’s robe as best he can.

He feels Himchan shudder, and then he’s hugging him, gentle and almost tentative. Youngjae’s eyes go a little wet when Himchan takes off his glasses to bury his face in his neck, when he clings to him and breathes him in with deep, greedy lungfuls of air.

He cards his fingers through Himchan’s hair, soothing and affectionate, allows Himchan to hide himself in their embrace for as long as he needs to - tries to ignore the way Himchan keeps nuzzling the hickey he left on him earlier.

When he eventually emerges Himchan is a little flushed, and his eyes look a little red, but they also positively shine with happiness. “That was totally unfair.”

Youngjae smiles and brushes a kiss to his lips. “What, I’m not allowed to say it first?”

“You could’ve prepared me before you strike,” Himchan whispers, obviously still shaken. “Write a note. Send a text. Commission a painting.”

Youngjae giggles, and Himchan looks up at him, eyes bright with devotion. “I love you.”

“I know,” Youngjae says; and he does. Nevertheless he feels the whole weight of those words in his gut, feels them anchor him to Himchan, firm and steady.

“I made you a snack,” Himchan says, leaning in again to rub his cheek against Youngjae’s. “In case you’re hungry.”

Youngjae goes a little wild with the cuddling then, shimmies against Himchan and makes him giggle. “Ravenous, eh?”

“You put me through a lot, earlier,” Youngjae reminds him.

The giggling abruptly dies off, and Youngjae pulls back and looks at Himchan’s face, finds him a little tense. “You’re going to tell me who the asshole was who made you this afraid of being too much,” he says viciously, “and I’m going to kill them.”

Himchan blinks at him in stupefaction, the embodiment of astonishment - then a smile dawns, enchanted. “You’re adorable.”

“I’m serious!” Youngjae growls, hamming it up. “No one is allowed to give my boyfriend issues - least of all when they’re so ridiculously unfounded.” He grabs Himchan’s face, squishes his cheeks, looks deep into his eyes. “You hear me? _Ridiculously unfounded_.”

Himchan manages to smile through the pressure Youngjae exerts on his face, then puckers his lips, looks like a blow-fish about to explode.

Youngjae nearly declares his love again; he can feel it scratch at the bottom of his throat, desperate to be yelled out loud. Instead of voicing it he gives Himchan a hug, does his best to press all that affection into his skin.

Himchan hugs him back, makes snuffling noises as he noses through Youngjae’s freshly washed hair. “Want that snack now?”

“Yes,” Youngjae says, letting go of him. “Bring it to me!” Himchan huffs and pushes Youngjae off his lap, makes him giggle. “Hey!”

“That’s what you get for being an insufferable brat,” Himchan informs him, heaving himself off the couch. “Do you want tea?”

“Just juice please,” Youngjae grins, rescuing Himchan’s glasses and putting them on the table before he stretches out over the whole length of the couch. “With a straw.”

He cranes his neck to gauge Himchan’s reaction and receives a glare, giggles again, utterly unrepentant. Himchan opens the fridge and takes a bottle of orange juice out, a glass out of the cupboard above the sink … a straw out of one of the drawers.

Youngjae follows him with his eyes as he pours the juice into the glass and adds the straw - as he puts it onto a tray with a platter of cheese and crackers and what looks like a bowl of garlic dip, as well as a little bowl of grapes.

Himchan carries the tray to the couch and sets it down on a free spot on the table, pops a grape into his mouth and waits for Youngjae to remove his feet before he sits.

“You’re awesome,” Youngjae decrees, snapping into an upright position. He grabs the whole tray off the table and puts his feet into Himchan’s lap, takes the tray in his own lap with a cushion in between for comfort.

Himchan pinches his right big toe, makes him squeak. “You’re welcome.”

Youngjae loses no time to stuff his face, wriggles his feet in delight as he eats. Once the worst of his hunger is taken care of he looks up, finds Himchan looking back at him with the most besotted expression imaginable.

“What?” Youngjae asks, cheeks so stuffed full with crackers that it sounds like _whaff_. It’s actually a small miracle that he isn’t spraying crumbs all over himself.

“You look like a chipmunk,” Himchan says, enraptured.

Youngjae throws a grape at his head. Himchan catches it and pops it into his mouth, makes satisfied smacking noises with his lips. “Thank you.” He leans forward to take his glasses off the table and the needlework back into his lap, and Youngjae is careful to keep his feet still, doesn’t want to spoil his efforts … or get poked with the needle.

He resumes eating, watches Himchan’s progress with interest, the measured, precise way he places his stitches. He’s amazed that Himchan can be this quiet and controlled while he works, that he can look so utterly, endlessly beautiful while embroidering a t-shirt.

Because Himchan’s resting face is amazing. He looks regal like this, almost intimidating. It’s only when he smiles that he reveals the dork within, the playfulness, his bottomless well of cordiality and warmth.

How anyone can look at him and not appreciate the living fuck out of Kim Himchan is beyond Youngjae. Shit. Now he’s thinking about the nameless asshat again.

Youngjae bites his lip, and then his thumb, nibbles it thoughtfully before he speaks. “Are you … okay with talking about that ex of yours?”

Himchan blinks and looks at him, lifts his left brow. “Why?”

“Because the whole Mindless Beast thing clearly still bothers you, and I want you to be comfortable with … being yourself, basically,” Youngjae says carefully. “Was he the last person you dated? Was he even a he?”

“Yes,” Himchan says, smiling helplessly. “He was a he.”

Youngjae promptly gets rid of the tray and then he manoeuvers himself closer to Himchan. He slides his legs further into his lap and underneath the embroidery work until his butt brushes against Himchan’s right thigh (and doesn’t that feel like Christmas come early). “Did you like him a lot?”

He does his best not to sound jealous, but Himchan still eyes him suspiciously. “I prefer sex with feelings, yes.”

Youngjae lifts his nose, determined to be mature about this. “Good. I like that. Except when you waste your emotions on complete coathangers of course.”

Himchan snorts in amusement. “He wasn’t that bad.”

“Well, he was clearly BAD TO YOU, and, frankly, that’s all I care about,” Youngjae grumbles. “I mean, _yes_ , you are intense in bed, and _yes_ it got really fucking overwhelming for a bit there, BUT -” here Youngjae leans forward, looks at Himchan really hard. “You’re not selfish. You’re considerate. You ask, and you make sure that I’m alright. So ... what was his issue, basically?”

Himchan sighs and sinks against the backrest of the couch, closes his eyes, tilts his face up at the ceiling. “I think he was afraid of telling me no, actually.”

Youngjae frowns. “You mean he lied to you when you asked if he was okay?”

“That’s the only explanation I really have,” Himchan murmurs. “It … wasn’t him who called me an Animal either - that was his best friend. She … erm, repeatedly dropped _lighthearted_ remarks that made me feel … not nice. But when I asked him he always claimed that she was joking. Yongguk nearly yelled at her, once.”

Youngjae stares at him in wide-eyed amazement. “Wow. What a b-”

“Don’t call her that,” Himchan interrupts him gently. “She came up to me and said she was sorry after he and I broke up - that he’d asked her not to interfere in our relationship, and she didn’t know what else to do.”

Youngjae frowns a little harder than before. “So he really did have issues?”

“I guess so,” Himchan sighs. He opens his eyes and lowers his head, looks at Youngjae. “You don’t, eh?”

“None,” Youngjae says emphatically. “Apart from feeling forever inadequate next to your superior boyfriend skills.”

“They were born from labour and pain,” Himchan says dramatically. “Your envy is entirely misguided.” Youngjae pulls an unimpressed face, and Himchan leans to the side and towards him, bumps their noses together. “Apart from that you have blessed me with the perfect date today, so there.”

Youngjae goes warm, both from his earnest tone and the physical proximity, and he closes his eyes. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“I loved it,” Himchan insists, nuzzling his cheek. “Every single part of it.” He follows the statement up with a kiss, and then he straightens, resumes his needlework.

Youngjae opens his eyes to watch, and he remains in his position, puts his head on Himchan’s shoulder, wants to be close.

“Aren’t you uncomfortable?” Himchan asks after a while, glancing at him. “Can you even breathe?”

“I’m breathing just fine,” Youngjae murmurs, rubs his cheek over Himchan’s shoulder. “Am I hindering you?”

Himchan kisses his temple. “No, it’s all good.” He finishes the last letter and secures the thread on the back of the fabric, removes the embroidery hoop, then holds his work up for Youngjae to see. “What do you think?”

“It looks great,” Youngjae says honestly. He can’t wait to wear it to the shop and flaunt his boyfriend’s amazing talent in front of his friends and the customers. “Do you want to start with yours right away?”

“No,” Himchan says. “I want to go back to bed, and cuddle.”

Youngjae pushes his lips out into a tiny bud of a pout. “I’m really okay like this.” Himchan blinks, and Youngjae pouts a little harder. “I like watching you work.”

Himchan giggles, and it sounds a little startled, as if he thought Youngjae was merely humouring him. “Really?”

“Really,” Youngjae says firmly. “So please keep going. I want you to put pink sequins on the alien’s belly.”

“Oh, do you?” Himchan teases. “Those are a bitch to work with.” Youngjae lets him have his worst puppy-face yet, and Himchan groans. He pushes Youngjae off his shoulder with sufficient force to make him fall all the way down on his back, and the leather of the couch welcomes him with a very satisfying SMACK. “Stop doing that with your face!”

Youngjae whines and kicks his feet, throws a mini-tantrum across Himchan’s lap. “I want sequins on your belly!”

Himchan laughs, scrunches up his face until all his dimples pop out. He pulls Youngjae back up, pets his head and smiles at him. “Okay, okay, calm yourself. Pink sequins it is.”

Youngjae, instantly smug, lifts his nose a little higher. “It’ll look great, you’ll see.”

“Oh there’s no doubt about that,” Himchan huffs, reaches out to pinch that lifted nose.

Youngjae pulls out of his grasp and settles back down on his shoulder, snuggles as close as possible. He likes Himchan’s post-shower smell, likes how warm and cozy this is, how effortlessly intimate. With most of his previous partners he felt awkward after sex, overly self-conscious.

This feels normal. It’s domestic and fabulous at the same time.

“Can I help with anything?” Youngjae murmurs, snuffles into Himchan’s robe and rubs his cheek over the soft fabric.

“Just keep still,” Himchan tells him, then gingerly opens the plastic box containing the pink sequins.

Youngjae promptly has to suppress the impulse to slap Himchan’s hand from below and make it rain.

“Don’t even think about it,” Himchan tells him in a measured voice.

“Mind-reader,” Youngjae accuses him in horrified accents.

“Experienced babysitter,” Himchan replies matter-of-factly.

Youngjae snorts. “What are you talking about, I was a darling.”

“ _Was_ being the operative word here, you little devil.”

“Don’t make me slap that box after all!”

“Don’t think I’ll put any pink sequins on my belly if you do.”

“That’s blackmail!”

“All’s fair in love and war.”

Youngjae giggles and watches with rapt attention as Himchan stitches the first glittering sequin to the t-shirt. As far as post-coital bliss goes, he thinks, this is pretty high up there.


	45. The Cherry On Top

Summer is still raging without check or mercy the next day. Youngjae leaves the house after an extended breakfast with Himchan, is a little late due to an impromptu snuggle session at the bus stop. When he meets Daehyun in front of the shop he can’t help but look both a little sweaty and horribly self-satisfied.

Dae takes one look at his face and grunts in disgust. “I see your date was a full success.”

He can’t quite hide that he’s actually dying for details, so Youngjae merely smirks in reply, doesn’t even blush all that much. Himchan held him very tight before he let him go at the bus stop, whispered a love declaration into Youngjae’s ear. Dae doesn’t need to know about that though. At least not right now. It’s a tidbit of information that can wait until their lunch break.

They go in together and greet Jongup, who’s already busy getting the place ready for customers. Just like Daehyun, Jongup takes one single look at Youngjae’s complacent complexion and immediately knows what’s what. Except he doesn’t feign disgust at it. Nono. He smiles. Adorably.

So naturally Youngjae succumbs to a full body blush and moves to help him, cannot for the life of him understand why he’s this overwhelmed by Jongup’s open approval of his sexual breakthroughs. Apparently he thrives under opposition? Dae’s fake disgust was certainly easier to handle.

Youngjae clears his throat and takes a careful look at Jongup’s profile, just to be startled by the sudden appearance of Zelo in front of the counter. “I’ve brought Yongguk.”

And indeed he has, although Youngjae doesn’t have a single clue as to why. Yongguk’s standing right beside Zelo, a vision in a white shirt and distressed jeans, closed buttons optional.

Youngjae blinks at him. “No client contact today?”

“I have taken the day off,” Yongguk tells him, voice deep and earnest and harbouring secrets.

Because Jongup doesn’t look surprised to see him, and Daehyun comes out of the kitchen with an aura of happy anticipation. “Would you like a latte?”

“Yes,” Yongguk says, whereupon Zelo moves to make him one, and Dae needlessly wipes his hands on the apron around his hips.

“So? What did you want to discuss?”

Youngjae looks from one to the other, mystified, until Jongup leans in to whisper into his ear. “He called yesterday.”

“Ah,” Youngjae makes, then tilts his head and squints at Yongguk in sudden unfounded suspicion. “What’s going on? Is this an intervention? Because I’m not giving up Himchan, and Himchan is not giving up his daily visits to our shop either.” He lifts his nose, prims his lips. “He loves me.”

Yongguk regards him much like a benevolent ruler might regard a naughty street urchin for a second or two, then he grins. “I know. I’m actually trying to make his daily visits a lot easier.”

“ _Why_ would he stage an intervention?” Jongup cuts in before Youngjae can react to this statement. “He has been nothing but supportive of the way you’ve made Himchan suffer up till now.”

Fact. But still.

“I did not make him suffer!” Youngjae lies brazenly.

Zelo pauses in his latte preparations and leans in from behind to whisper into Youngjae’s ear. “Himchan hyung said that he loves you?”

“Yes,” Youngjae preens. “I said it first, though.” That earns him a first-bump with Dae and cheek-against-cheek smushing from Zelo while Jongup does his adorable little smile again.

Yongguk grins, watching them and does not say a single word.

Daehyun clears his throat at that point, apparently eager to get to the reason of Yongguk’s visit before they’re swamped by customers. “So? What’s up?”

“I want to rent the space upstairs for an outsourced office of our law firm,” Yongguk reveals. “If you guys don’t mind, that is.”

They stare at him in silent amazement while Zelo returns to his latte preparations.

“I’ve had this idea for a while,” Yongguk continues quietly. “But I wanted to wait until I could be reasonably sure that Himchan would be happy to work under this roof, and not …” He trails off, apparently hesitant to say out loud what everyone is thinking.

“Tormented,” Jongup supplies, obviously not labouring under any such constraint.

“Yes,” Yongguk agrees, looks Youngjae right in the eyes. “But I believe we need not fear that anymore.”

“No,” Youngjae agrees gleefully. “We don’t.”

At this point Zelo puts down a latte in front of Yongguk and then proceeds to attach himself to Youngjae’s side. “Please say yes.”

Youngjae’s arms reflexively come up to hold him. “Erm. I don’t think I’m the one you have to convince.”

BECAUSE IT WOULD BE PERFECT.

“Well, I don’t mind,” Daehyun shrugs. “Expanding upstairs would’ve been more of a hassle than anything else, and just renting the space for the break room would be kind of stupid.”

“You would always be welcome to use our kitchen area for your breaks, of course,” Yongguk says. “I think there should be enough room for a sensibly sized kitchenette and lunch table.”

SO PERFECT.

They’re all looking at Jongup now, who squints back at them, and then frowns. “As if I’d say no.”

Youngjae’s throat releases a squeal then, and he grabs Zelo, starts to jump around in a circle with him, the both of them hollering in delight - until Daehyun yells “Customers!” and flees into the kitchen.

 

Yongguk is still loitering around in the coffee shop when Himchan turns up at his usual time. He has made a call to the building’s owner, has met with her upstairs and inspected the state of the property, and is now eating an enormous muffin Daehyun has crafted explicitly for him. What with all the cookie bags Dae has unsolicitedly assembled for the man he is either developing a crush on Yongguk or has caught a bad case of hero-worship from Zelo. Time will probably tell. At least Youngjae hope it will.

He’d sure like some-one else’s love life to become the shop’s main concern in the future.

For now Himchan appears to be surprised by his friend’s presence, which confirms Youngjae’s suspicion about Yongguk being a secretive little Christmas elf.

Of course he didn’t tell Himchan anything before asking and confirming with them. It would’ve just gotten his hopes up and potentially ended in tears. So many tears.

So Youngjae grins at Himchan when he approaches the counter, dances around it to get his hug and a snuggle, and then firmly walks him over to Yongguk’s table. “Tell him!”

“Tell me what?” Himchan asks, immediately curious, and gives Yongguk a one-armed hug when he gets up from his chair, apparently unwilling to detach from Youngjae. “What are you doing here?”

“I had business to discuss,” Yongguk says. “Remember how Attorney Park asked us to look around for likely office space to expand?”

Himchan blankly stares at him for a moment. Then understanding settles in his gaze, and Youngjae smiles, pleased that he picked such a smart cookie of a boyfriend.

Himchan turns his head to stare at him, swallows dryly. “Upstairs?”

“Oh yes,” Youngjae says giddily. “It’s gonna be great!”

“Yes,” Himchan agrees, a little breathlessly. “It will be.”


End file.
